Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Happy Friday!  Yes, it’s THAT time of the week again.  And, as usual, it’s come around waaay too quickly.

It’s been a ‘difficult’ week this week.  I was of the impression during the Easter weekend, that I had been turned into Super Woman …. and consequently did a little more than my body is currently designed for.  Me body went on strike!  How very dare it!  It’s partially still on strike, but I’m hoping that me pretending to be fine and groovy will kick it into action again and we’ll be rocking and rolling as per usual very soon.

Well, as well as learning that I’m not Super Woman – which was a great .. no … HUGE disappointment to me,  I’ve also learned one or two other things, and I’m here to share them with you, so that you can be as educationamalised as what I is.  As what I am.  As what I woz?  As what I’m now?  As what…  erm….  As what you should be?

As you will be after reading this post.  (phew … that was touch and go there for a minute!) lol  😊

Ok .. let’s get going, shall we?

I learned this week, after watching a TV special, that there is rather a swish hotel in Marrakech which I’d really LOVE to visit.  It’s the most beautiful, (if not the best) hotel in the whole world.  It’s called:  The Royal Mansour,  and I know that I couldn’t do it anywhere near justice in describing it here, but boy oh boy I wish I could share the programme with you.

It was commissioned by King Mohammed VI, who often hosts his guests in its 53 private riads, which are situated in almost four hectares of fragrant Moorish gardens.

It has 53 two-storey villas which are set in beautiful, manicured gardens which have lily ponds and fountains dotted around them.  Privacy is at a premium there and even staff scurry between salon, pool and private patio via a network of subterranean passages, silently and almost unnoticed.  Each of the staff is so well-trained, and follow the ‘rules’ and guidelines of the hotel to the letter.  Service is impeccable and hyper-discreet.

Above ground, opulence is the name of the game.  Rooms are strewn with suede and silk carpets, velvet brocade sofas and crystal do-dads and chandeliers from Lalique, Baccarat and Venice.  breathtakingly beautiful, and if there, you’d have to throw yourself into its opulence or you’d feel out-of-place and possibly even alienated.

When there, the Villa you’ll rent is assigned 10 staff, to serve you with everything you could possibly need.  Silver Service meal?  You got it.    One, two and three bedroom villas are available, all with roof terraces shaded by a Bedouin tent and private patio plunge pools.  In addition to lavishly decorated bedrooms finished in the most exquisite detail, each villa has a salon with an open fireplace and a dining room.  You wouldn’t need to leave the hotel … in fact, you probably won’t want to.  They have everything you need right there.  Even a large library!

I’ve worked out that from where I live, I could take a flight to Marrakech and be there in just under four hours, and I’d pay roughly £190 for flight for a two day break.  Ok ..  this seems do-able … so far.    From my research, I’ve learned that the best time to visit is between March and May when the roses are in bloom and the days fresh and sunny.  So, right now would be a great time!  Things are looking hopeful!

I’ve been on the website ... and ‘pretended’ to book just a two night stay, from Sunday (23rd April) to Tuesday (25th April) and …. THEY HAVE A VILLA AVAILABLE!!!   Ohhhh this is looking so hopeful now!  (I just have to talk Mr. Cobs around to this idea … but I could ‘sell’ it to him because our 36th Wedding Anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks ….  ok … now I’ll go and check out how much this would cost (I have to protect the moths in his wallet from shock!)…  ok… it’s telling me that it will cost 27,198.00 but that’s in Moroccan Dirham, so now I have to work out what that means in British Pounds … hang on right there while I get that sorted out.

Now see, here’s the problem.  Cobs the Bogeyman doesn’t like anything costing over the amount of loose change he has in his pockets, so talking him into a two night stay at this lovely place, with just breakfast included (the man LOVES his stomach so breakfast alone won’t keep him going), is going to send his blood pressure up the scale and probably burst the blood pressure machine  …  for this will cost £2,119.45 for just two nights, plus the travel costs.  And what’s more … that’s the cheapest quote.  If I go for the luxury package for two … it would cost:  £10,920.55 for a two night stay, again with only breakfast included in that price.  In US dollars, that equates to: $13982.67.

I don’t think that two night stay is ever going to happen!

It’s a truly magnificent place.  If you’d like to check it out, I give you the link to their website.  Have a good look around and check out all of the various different Riads.  There are five of them altogether.  The Royal Mansour Hotel

I also have a link to the programme … but I don’t think it will work for those of you outside the UK, as it’s a BBC programme … but you could give it a try and see, just in case!  http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08n8xhb

I also learned this week more about Pandora’s Box than I knew before.

Pandora’s box is an origin myth – which basically means the attempt to explain the beginning of something.

People have always wanted to know why things happen in the world the way they do. Before there was ‘science’, they didn’t have much understanding of how the world works, but they still wanted to know,  just as much as we do.  Human curiosity always asks why .. and then human creativity finds ways of giving an answer.

The story of Pandora and her box comes from Ancient Greece and is very old. Because of this, there are several versions of the myth.

Pandoras Box
Pandora trying to close the lid on the box that she had opened out of curiosity. On the left are the evils of the world who are taunting her as they escape. The engraving is based on a painting by F. S. Church

In Greek mythology, Pandora (meaning ‘all-giving’) was the first woman on earth.  Before humans there were the immortals (the Gods and Titans). The brothers, Prometheus and Epimetheus were Titans (Giant people) who had fought on the Gods’ side in a war. Some say they were cousins of Zeus, King of the Gods; he asked Prometheus to create man out of clay and water (in many versions Hephaestus helps in this).  Epimetheus had to create the animals and give them their gifts of courage, swiftness etc.  He gave out all the gifts and had none left for Man.  So Prometheus decides to make man stand upright, like the gods, and give them fire (which Zeus did not want them to have – some say he had removed it as a punishment).  So Prometheus stole fire – some say from Zeus’ lightning, others from the sun and yet others from Hephaestus’ forge.

In classical Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on Earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create her.  So he did, using water and earth.  The gods endowed her with many gifts: Athena clothed her,  Aphrodite gave her beauty,  Apollo gave her musical ability, and Hermes gave her speech.

According to Hesiod, when Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Prometheus’ brother Epimetheus.  Pandora opens the box containing death and many other evils,  which were then released into the world.  She hastens to close the container, but the whole contents had escaped except for one thing that lay at the bottom – Elpis  (translated as ‘Hope’,  though it could also mean ‘Expectation’).

In the original Greek stories it was a jar and did not become a box until the Sixteenth century AD.

A scholar called Erasmus, who lived in Rotterdam in Holland, translated a story of Pandora from Hesiod’s work. Hesiod was a Greek poet who lived about 700BC. Erasmus was translating the Greek into Latin (which scholars did all their writing in, in those days) and translated the Greek word ‘pithos’ meaning jar into the Latin word ‘pyxis’ meaning box. And a box it has stayed to this day!

Waterhouse's, Pandora, 1896)
Pandora, 1896, by John William Waterhouse

The myth arose as a way of explaining why dreadful things happened, such as people getting sick and dying.

As in many origin myths,  man had lived in a world without worry – until this jar/box was opened, which contained ills for mankind.  Zeus knew that Pandora’s curiosity would mean that she could not stop herself from opening it, especially when he had told her that she must not do so!

You can read more herehttps://www.greekmyths-greekmythology.com/pandoras-box-myth/

I also learned this week:  that the iconic ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ posters were never used in wartime.

And ….  That Gorillas can be put on the pill.  (But why would they want to be?)

That the longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary is ‘tattarrattat’.  James Joyce used it in Ulysses: ‘I knew his tattarrattat at the door.’

The second man to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel, Bobby Leach, survived the fall but later died as a result of slipping on a piece, of orange peel.  (forgive me … but I did have a little chuckle at the irony . . .  until I gave myself a stern talking to.)

I also learned ….  that at the end of August this year, it will be 20 years since the death of Princess Diana.  This shocked the heck out of me, for it really doesn’t seem like 20 years ago.

So … has your brain exploded with all this new information?  I certainly hope not.  The only reason mine is still going is because I learnt all this over a period of 7 days … where-as you are learning it over a coffee, and that’s a lot of new information to deal with all at once.

Well  … you’re here not only for the edumacation … I know you’re also here for a handful of jokes … so pin back your lugholes … we’re going in!!

The Jokes!

How do you throw a party in outer space?  . . . . You planet

Why is the letters  ‘P’  a pirates’ favourite letter of the alphabet?  . . . .  Because without it they are irate.

Two peanuts are walking down a dark street.  One of them is assaulted.

What did the bra say to the hat? . . .   You go on ahead. I’ll give these two a lift.

Q: Did you hear about the Mexican magician who told the audience he was going to disappear on the count of three?  . . .  A: He said, “Uno…dos…” then vanished without a tres.

Q: You know why you shouldn’t go to the bathroom next to a Pokemon? . . .  A: Because he might Pikachu.

Q: If you’re American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?  . . .  A: European.

and finally …  a little helping of Grandad jokes, for you to share with your Grandad, or, if you’re a Grandad yourself … to make you smile.  (or… if you’re a Grandma – pass them on!)…

Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost.  “£3.50 for a cup of tea!”,  “£1.50 for two custard cream biscuits!” ….  so I told him:  “Look Grandad, you just popped round.  I didn’t invite you!”

(give that one chance to sink in before you move on). lol

Grandad was remembering the days when “everyone could leave their back doors open …  which is probably why his submarine sank.

Grandad died, and we didn’t get chance to say goodbye Which was all the more poignant because he drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.

Tell your friends!  I’m here all week.  😀  [drums heard in the distance]  badabum!!

All that’s left for me to do now is wish you a fabulous Friday, and a truly wonderful weekend.

May the weather be mild and may each hour of each day bring you something to be thankful for.

Have a blessed day my friends.  Be good to each other.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Hap Pee Fry Day!  (say it out loud if it didn’t make sense just reading it) 🙂

My education has grown in height and in width this week –   and funnily enough, my figure has grown in width too –  there’s a strange thing!  Wouldn’t know why it’s happened.  It’s not like I’ve eaten chocolate every da……  ah.  no.  Ahem ….  Actually, I might know why that’s happened.  (suck it in Cobs.  Suck it in).  😀

So anyhoo … You’re waiting to find out what lessons Life has taught me this week, aren’t you?  So  I guess I’d better dive in and drag you under with me.  Put your Snorkel on Madge, and buckle down your Scuba diving equipment Albert …  we’re going in!

My Edumacationamilisation began last Saturday morning whilst in the shower.  DON’T WALK OUT!  OY!!!  This is not a mucky story, so sit back down and pin back your lug ‘oles!

I’d done all the body shower bit, and washed my hair,  and was doing a final rinse of my face.  I cupped my hands under the water as it rained down, and getting a little handful, I raised my hands to SPLASH the water all over my face when the accident happened.

I misjudged the distance to my face and in doing so, I scrapped my thumb nail up my chin.  Ooooo!  That stung.  “Cooo”, I thought, “I bet that will leave a red mark!”  I said to myself (and yes, I admit there was a bit of swear word in there somewhere … ‘dash’ and darn’.  That sort of thing because it did rather hurt).  After all the splashing I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror on the door of the bathroom cabinet.

Hells Bells Woman!  You’ve done a grand job there!”  I said, looking at the red mark on my chin.  I stepped closer to the mirror.  “Ohh heck!“.  I looked in the mirror and could see that this wasn’t just a mark.  This was several layers of skin which I’d taken off, and it was bleeding  –  rather a lot.

Summing up … the outing I’d planned for that Saturday had to go ‘by the bye’ –  because Life taught me to: Be More Careful When Washing  my face, because my hands (and finger nails) are the most magnificent weapons of destruction.

A week later and I’m still sporting a nasty wound to my face.  It’s healing – but not as fast as I’d like.

I learned this week:-   that Florida has more bear hunters than it has bears.  Which led me to wondering why there were ANY bears in Florida at all in that case!   Just that.  Nothing moreBut I thought it was an interesting thought.

I also learned this week …  that  Nostalgia was classified as a disease by the Royal College of Physicians until 1899.  Yes, seriously.  It was considered to be a ‘Crippling Mental Illness’.

Emigrants and soldiers would often fall victim to nostalgia, and it was thought that if it wasn’t stopped fairly quickly, it would end in victims wasting away and losing their ability to adjust and cope with daily life.

However,  more recently, studies have been conducted on nostalgia and have discovered that there are actually some benefits to it—a far cry from the ideas that contracting nostalgia would make a person give up on life and simply waste away. Researchers at the University of Southampton have found that indulging in a bit of nostalgic reminiscing might make a person sad for a short period, but in the long run, it serves as a comfort.

I also learned that . . .  When you blush so does the lining of your stomach Yes, I thought it was an early April Fools Joke too, so I went in search of more details to make sure that I wasn’t believing in the ‘Money Tree’  . . . .   and this is what I found…

Blushing is a response that is the result of the sympathetic nervous system causing increased blood flow throughout the body. During periods of embarrassment, the body releases adrenaline, a hormone that prepares the body for stressful situations. Adrenaline also makes the blood vessels dilate in order to improve blood flow and oxygen delivery in case the body has to suddenly flee a dangerous situation. The veins in the face, as well as in the stomach lining and throughout the rest of the body, then have more blood than normal flowing through them, and they appear red.

Now this next bit of edumacationamilisation totally floored me.  BUT …. Before I share it with you I need to tell you about a place called Cornwall.  Cornwall is a fabulous holiday destination here in the UK. For those of you who have seen and watched the programme  Doc Martin – Cornwall is where Doc Martin is filmed.  It’s a truly lovely place and I have fond childhood memories of holidaying there.  It’s in the South of England.

A map to help you visualise where Cornwall is….

Map showing Cornwall

Cornwall is down in the south, at the far point on the left.  Next to it is Devon, another beautiful place, where, if you meet a local who’s been there for all their life, they’ll pronounce it:  Debun  (but it actually comes out as: Debn).  Next to Devon, along the coast line,  is Dorset – or ‘Darsit’, if you’ve lived there all your life.  Dorset is where you’ll find  Mr.Cobs and myself, and Little Cobs (and his Mummy and Daddy).  Mr.Cobs and I are generally trying to find as much fun and as many giggles as possible, all without the aid of alcohol.  (mostly)

But back to the plot:-

The world’s only Cornish pasty museum is in Mexico.  Those of you from the United Kingdom will perhaps now have eyes as wide as saucers and you’ll be scoffing at me saying this.  Yup … that’s how I felt when I learned about this.  So… me being me … I double checked …  and guess what … it’s  t.r.u.e. 

The world’s first museum dedicated to the “delicacy” is in the mining municipality of Real del Monte,  more than 4,500 miles away from Cornwall,  in Mexico.

The pasty has been in Mexico for generations,  having been taken to the country  along with football  and technology by Cornish miners in 1824,  as they helped build up the local mining industry.

For those who might not know what a Cornish Pasty looks like…..

 

Genuine Cornish Pasty
A Genuine Cornish Pasty.

Genuine Cornish Pasties have their crimping around the side, as you see in the above photo.  However … when I make my own Cornish Pasties, I always put my crimping over the top, like the ones in the picture below.

top crimped cornish pasty
Top Crimped Cornish Pasties, being made.

You can imagine how both funny and weird I found it when I learned that here is Cornwall, nestled in the UK.  A place of beauty  and wonder, Cornish Pixies, incredible people, great places to visit, AND … famous for it’s fabulous Pasties … and yet …  the only Cornish Pasty Museum is four and a half thousand miles away in Mexico!  There is something very strange about this.  Something has gone badly wrong.  The World has surely gone mad!!!

Nope .. still can’t make head nor tail of that one.

I also learned this week …

  • That a group of Unicorns is called a blessing.
  • A group of Shrews is called  A Whisker
  • A group of Ladybirds is called A Loveliness
  • A group of Snails is called an Escargatoire
  • A group of Hippopotamuses is called A Bloat
  • A group of Ponies is called A String
  • A group of Hyenas is called A Cackle
  • A group of Pekingese is called A Pomp
  • A group of Owls is called A Parliament
  • A group of Ravens is called A Storytelling  – or – An Unkindness
  • A group of Husbands is called A Couch or A Bench
  • A group of Wives is called …. A Nag  (the cheek of it!)
  • A group of Guinea Pigs is called A Muddle
  • A group of Caterpillars is called An Army
  • A group of Parrots is called A Pandemonium.
  • A group of Porcupines is called A Prickle.

I also learned this week …..

That even the wonderful Twillweld, that most brilliant of wire netting used on Aviaries, chicken runs, guinea pig and rabbit hutches,  is no match for a bloody minded mouse with food on its mind!

Rabbit Hutch
Not ‘our’ rabbit hutch, but ours is similar in design.  Ours has two doors and a central non-opening section, downstairs, and a larger bedding section on the upstairs section.

You can see in the photo above how tiny the holes are in the Twillweld wire on the hutch.  We’ve had the hutch since my rabbit was born and never had a problem with it.  However … read on dear reader,  read on!

We found a mouse had managed to get into my rabbits cage, and had set up home in there, happily munching away on all the lovely rabbit food my bunny has, and made itself very snuggly in all the hay she has to eat, and straw she has for her bedding.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! (and some swear words thrown in there because I’m so cross).

THEN … when Mr. Cobs had found the little blighter  –  it ran out of the hutch and passed Mr.C at a gazillion miles an hour, so that it couldn’t be caught. Now how this happened is a total mystery to Mr.C and myself … because not only was Mr.C on the case, wanting to catch said mouse and take it far away, into the woods, to leave it there – as per my instructions.   But our two cats were on guard duty – one at the rear of the hutch, one at the side, waiting, waiting, waitingone of which was Alf Capone (Used Furniture Dealer) – who IS a killer of mice (and pigeons, garden birds, – and also a thief, as I’ve previously discussed), AND ALSO, bringing up the rear and checking for any escapees, was Madam Jack Russell, (aka: my little fat bitch – because she is.  Fat, and a bitch)  who finds mice and rats and the killing of, a pastime.  So how that cheeky mouse got past my army, I have absolutely no idea!  I know it went under the hutch, because I saw it go…  and so did my cats (Alf Capone was at this stage going crazy to get it.  He knew it was under the hutch) – but when Mr.C came back from his trip to his shed, bringing with him a long piece of wood which he ‘swept’ under the hutch, back and forth – absolutely nothing came out.  We had no idea where it went.  Nor did the cats.

So Miss fluffy bunny rabbit was totally cleaned out and everything was either thrown away or washed and put back into the rabbit hutch.

Two days later . . .  Mr.C found that mouse b*gger had only got back in there again and been busy stashing food into a corner behind the rabbits litter tray for itself.  Mr.C found it because he saw the mouse droppings around the insides of the hutch.  But upon searching, there was no mouse to be found.  So another clean up followed and some changes were made.

Dearest Mr.C has sealed off the lower floor of the hutch from the upper floor,  and he’s taken away the ladder, as my rabbit is quite old now and no longer used the upstairs part of her hutch as she didn’t find it easy to clamber up it any longer.  So by doing what he’s done he’s made sure that the blasted thing can’t get to my rabbit again,

So … she’s moved upstairs and only she is there.  Mr.C has then paid some attention to the lower part of the hutch and sealed off the Twillweld  (metal wire netting) in the lower part of the hutch so that mouse will have to go and look elsewhere for his meals.

Let all mice be warned … I’ve given Alf Capone complete control over the matter, and if there happens to be a mouse wandering through our garden, anywhere near that hutch, he’s been given permission to do with them what-ever he sees fit.  Bl**dy mice!

Ok…  we’ve finally reach that point which we’ve all been hanging around the back of the class room, waiting patiently for….  THE JOKES!

Ready?  Let’s dive in to a pool of chuckles …

The Jokes

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.  Laughed more than I thought.

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?    Ba-na-na-na.

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.

When my husband told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?  Because they were two deer.

If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club,  but I’d never met herbivore.

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?  They had a weigh in a manger.

I hate perforated lines, they’re tearable.

❤  ~  and finally …  ~  ❤

How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?   A buccaneer!  😀

Aaaaand,  those are the jokes folks!

Happy Friday, wherever you are,  and wherever you are, make it a good one.

You have two choices … you can either decide to have a good day … or you can decide to have a bad one.  Then you have two more choices …  fix to your memory one of your favourite jokes from the ones above, and then share it with someone today and make them smile.  Or, you can keep the jokes to yourself and not share the smiles around.

Each day is filled, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, of a series of two choices.  This or That.  Yes or No.  Stay or Go.  Here or There.  This outfit or That one.  Bath or Shower. Smile or Grizzle.  All the time, two choices.  Look out for them today and become aware of them as the choices appear.  Make sure you make the right choice.  Then once you’ve made your choice, don’t complain when you don’t like what you chose.

Have a truly fabulous Friday.  May the day be kind.  May all the people you come across today be even kinder.  May you not have too many choices to make where you don’t like either choice.  But … where you do make your choice, may you be able to find the joy.

Have a truly blessed day my friend.  I’ll be thinking about you.  Be safe and …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve learned this Week

Act 1, scene 1:  Setting the scene:-

[The door is flung open.  She’s arrived, but not under her own steam.  She was blown through the door with the great force of a wind which took no prisoners.  And she arrived with as much grace as a cow in a china shop and making about the same amount of noise too!].

windy-day

WHOOO!!!  Flipping heck, its windy out there!  I don’t know about the weather where you are, but here in the UK (in various places dotted around Great Britain), Storm Doris has blown in and she’s making sure that her presence is felt.  Folks here have christened today (Thursday evening, as I’m writing this),  Doris Day.  HA!  Love it.  (actually giggle to myself every time I say it.  Doris Day.  Love that soooo much!).

The odd thing about the weather this week is that I went out two days before Doris Day wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a lightweight jacket.  I ended up taking the jacket off and leaving it in the car because it was SO hot!

sunny-day

We have a saying here: …  ‘Come to the UK and experience Snow;   Wind;  Rain;  Hail;  Sleet;  Sunshine;  Warmth;  Heat;  and Hotter than hot.  In fact all of the weathers,   all in one day!’

This week has been a mixed week.  I seem to have done much but only have a little bit to show for it.  I made a card for a blogging friends mum, who had broken her ankle.  I have photos, and now that the card has been received the other end, I can share the piccies with you.  I’ll blog the pictures in the next couple of days.  After making the card, I decided it was about time I cleaned my craft room and moved a few things around which were now in the wrong place.  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  Nightmare In the Craft Room time!    I got about half way through and really wished I hadn’t started this task.

I’m still finishing off.  And I’ll be so glad when everything is put in its rightful place, and all the papers and trimmings have all been put back where they belong.  phew!

Anyhoo...  you haven’t come here to listen to my ramblings about cleaning up.  You’ve come to get some edumacation.  (Yes I know it’s ‘education’  … but I prefer my word. lol)

So …  shall we dive in and get educationamalised?  Strap yourself in.  Ready?  And we’re OFF!  . . .

This week …  I learned to leave a fresh from the oven pizza all alone for at least five minutes  and NOT to take a bite of a slice until 5 minutes have passed.  How did I learn this?  ….  picture the scene dear reader …

The smells from the oven were over-whelming.  A gorgeous, tummy rumbling, nose twitchy sensation, hunger pangs sort of way.  The whole house smelled of the fabulous roasted vegetables which topped the pizza, along with the two different cheeses, and the little circles of garlic butter (the size of a penny) which dotted the top of the pizza.  And the Garlic bread which was cooking at the same time.

The timer dinged, sounding out its permission to remove that pizza from the oven.  Pizza and garlic bread were removed, and salad was waiting for the finished dishes.  The pizza was cut, popped onto the plates and served up.  The smell was way too much.  I couldn’t wait …  I lifted that slice up to my lips and took a bite of that fabulous triangular bit which came from the centre of the pizza.

What happened next was something that should have been reported on the news! (Unfortunately the POTUS pushed me off the top spot so I never even got a mention!).

What I didn’t know about that Pizza was that the toppings and the cheese came from the depths of the core of a VolcanoSo hot.  SO SO SO  –  H.O.T.!!!  Not spicy hot.  Hot as in ‘let me put an iron straight out of the blacksmith’s fire into your mouth and you bite down on it for a moment or two’.  Yeah, that sort of HOT.

I burnt the roof of my mouth behind my two front teeth.  Not just a little burn.  No.  I don’t do things by halves.  When I do things I go full-out and do ’em good.  Ohhhh… the roof of my mouth was sore for days.  The ‘problem’ lasted 4/5 days before I could brush my teeth in the normal way.  In the:   “I’m thinking about sunshine and flowers.  What am I wearing today?.  Why do I have the entire cast of the four-legged members of this household all in this tiny bathroom with me, looking up at me, waiting for me to what?  Tickle them all maybe?” … way.

I had to concentrate very, v. e. r. y.  carefully as I brushed the backs of those two teeth.  None of that brushing the gums as well motion.  Noooooooo.  I had to be sure that I brushed the teeth and only the teeth.  I had experienced the pain which occurred when I brushed the normal way I do, and I didn’t want to experience that again.  Care needed to be taken.

So I learned that I shouldn’t be a pig with Pizza.  Wait ….  wait….  and wait some more  … until the pizza was cool enough before you take a bite.  Good lesson to learn.

I’ve also learned this week: That the Cadbury’s factory make 600,000 Creme eggs every 12 hours, and all those eggs, if weighed, weigh THREE TIMES HEAVIER than an elephantThe moral of this tale is …  don’t eat more than one Cadbury Creme egg a week – unless you want to become an elephant.

I also learned that the Cadbury Brothers released the first filled eggs in 1923, but the Creme Eggs we all know today were introduced to stores only in 1963.  They were initially named Fry’s Creme Eggs. But in 1971, they were rebranded as Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.

Each Creme Egg consists of 180 calories.

According to a survey done by Cadbury, there are different ways of eating the Creme Egg:  53 percent of people bite off the top, lick out the cream, then eat the chocolate;  20 percent just bite straight through; whereas six percent use their finger to scoop out the cream.

Which group do you fit into?

I also learned this week that I miss some of the funny people from our films and TV screens who have either parted company with us, or chosen to sit back and enjoy life, or just aren’t getting the jobs offered to them anymore.  People such as  Steve Martin.  Bill Murray.  John Candy.  Robin Williams (I will never stop missing him).  Leslie Nielson.  Chevy Chase.  Danny DeVito.  Peter Sellers.  Vince Vaughn.  Jane Lynch.  Dan Aykroyd.

We need to laugh more.  I’m starting a movement for more funny stuff on TV.  Lobby your TV stations and tell them that in these difficult times in which we live, we need more funny stuff on TV!

I learned this week or should that be realised?  No, we’ll stick to learned.  I learned this week that I’m totally dumbfounded at how my attitudes towards certain things have changed as I’ve got older.

Things which were, in my opinion, ‘set in stone’ when I was in my twenties are now just not important at all.  Stuff which was so crucial in my thirties, really aren’t anything I bother about now.  Things which were of great significance are now …  meh.  They can all just slide on by me now.

What is important to me now is knowing that I am loved, and that the people I love KNOW I love them.  Can see that I love them.

Our (Mr.Cobs and I) two children, who had their trying times and their ‘I’m going to pour her down the drain‘ moments …  I now look back and see that in actual fact all that worry about them when they were in their teens,  was just me being an over protective mum.  I could see where ‘the dangers’ were and so would try to head them off before daughters 1 and 2 got to them.  But … I shouldn’t have.  They needed to learn, just like we all did.  Only by learning the lesson ‘the hard way’, would they actually learn what the needed to – that being … how to deal with the problem!

So … young mums reading ... allow your children to learn about the things they’re going to need to know about in adulthood.  Even if it’s how to get the lid off the Tupperware container …  or how to sort their dirty clothes into piles of whites, darks and mixed colours!  And WHY they need to learn that.  It’s a valuable lesson – knowing not to put all the washing in the machine without sorting it out and only washing the right things with each other …. as we’ve all learned!   😀

But …  enough of my ramblings!    … I know what you’re waiting for …  the JOKES!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
A: The Telephone.

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the bank teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”   The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’”   The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

and last but not least …. this little thing which I saw this week and it tickled the heck out of me  . . .

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Well that’s us done and dusted and all caught up for another Friday!  And not just any Friday either!  Today is the last Friday in this month.  Next Friday it will already be March.  We’re really racing through these months, aren’t we. Phew.  I can barely keep up.

I hope your Friday is a lovely one.  A day which passes without any problems, and no gremlins getting into the hours.

May your weekend be the weekend you’re hoping for.  May you sleep well and wake up feeling wonderful.

Sending you squidges, and hoping that life treats you well,  till we meet next time. 

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What I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello, and a very happy Friday to you.  This week … or is it this month in general?,  seems to be positively whizzing past!   There are only 9 days left (as of today 17/2/2017) of this month!   Y’know .. considering that February only has two or three days short of the other months, it seems (to me at least) to go twice as quick!

I’ve learned this week … that Little Cobs (my Grandson aged 5) still (apparently) believes that I can do ‘stuff’ with Lego.  I can’t.  To be honest, I’m unsure whether it’s misplaced faith, or out-and-out humour which keeps him asking.

He hands the big red storage box of Lego over to me (for that read: shoves the box into my hands) with the instruction:- “Build me something Grammy!”, he has this smile on his face teamed with a twinkle in his eye which tells me that this little chap is holding in hysterical laughter as he enjoys watching me squirm and groan as I roll my eyes and experience the pain of being a non-starter in the game of Lego Builder of the Year!  (at which I lose BIG TIME!).  But he allows me to struggle as he watches me take out a brick, peer at it through my glasses and just when I think it might ‘fit’ … he takes it off me with the words:  “Give it to me Grammy” … and he sighs a tired sigh which says:  ‘Give it to me and Grandad.  We know what we’re doing.’

This week I also learned:  That I LOVE those blow torches which you see professional chefs using!

They’re called a ‘Cooks Blow Torch’  –  and I’ve had mine for . . . .  (wait for this) . . .  about 6 years.  (I know, I know!)  It was bought as a gift for me, from daughter No.2,  and should have been taken from the packaging AND USED when I first received it.

To be honest:  I looked at it when I received it and was fully up for using it….  however … I read the instructions and they scared the living snot out of me.  Everything went back in the packaging and it’s stayed in there since.

But … I found a recipe for some cupcakes in a Sunday Supplement Magazine and SOOO wanted to make the cakes.  The recipe gave an option of putting the cupcakes under the grill, or using a Cooks Blow Torch to brown off the topping.  So … since Mr. Cobs was there, I told him to hang around the kitchen while I tried this new (old now! sheesh!) toy out as I was scared silly of burning the house down … or me!  But …  OH.  MY.  GOODNESS!!!  I have found out that I LOVE Cooks Blow Torches!  Aw my stars, these things are magical!  Although mind…  please, if you go out and buy one, do be careful with them because they can be dangerous – they are a blow torch after all,  … but ohhhh I LOVE mine!

(…And daughter No.2 is really very pleased that I’m now using it!  LOL)

Now this next ‘thing I learned’ is probably not news to folks from the USA, but cor, was it an eye opener to me!

I learned this week that …  In the U.S. you can buy bras with in-built gun holsters!  Now see, this both tickled me, and at the same time, my brain said:  “Well that would be totally useless to you kiddo!”.  You see …  I have a little too much .. erm … no.  Hang on.  Let me put this another way.  I, uhm  …  .  No. No.  Wait.  I’m sure I can get this worked out.   I’m afraid that there would be a problem with me having an in-built gun holster in my bra beeeecauuuuse ...  I don’t have enough spare room to begin with.  There.  That sorts that out.

I tuck my cell (mobile) phone down my bra, because one really can’t look lady-like and carry a cell phone – but I can only tuck it down the right side of my bra, for if I tuck it down the left side, I found out that it makes my heart race.  Yes.  Seriously.  I’m not joking.  I can feel my heart begin to quicken and pound hard in my chest after a short while of having my cell phone stored on the left. So I stopped carrying it around on that side of my body pretty darn quick once I realised that it only happened when my cell phone was on the same side as my heart.

Now a cell phone is very much slimmer than a gun – so I don’t think I would be able to hide one adequately.  I guess I could just hang one on a chain around my neck …. although trying to pull it up could cause an accident if it caught on the bra.  Mmm.. I think I’d better think it out again! (as the song from ‘Oliver’ goes)

Now I know that I’ve learned an awful lot of other things this week, but for the life of me I can’t remember what they are.  Had I been a sensible Cobs, I would have made a note of them like I normally try to do, as I learn things, so that I can share them with you.  However, apparently this week, sensible wasn’t managable.  Not even for a numbskull like me!  tsk tsk.

So  … shall we go straight into the jokes, because I know that’s all you’re here for?

Ok. …  get ready … here they come:

Q…  What is invisible and smells like carrots?    …. A:-Rabbit Farts.

Q…What do you do when you see a spaceman?  …A:-Park Your Car, Man

Q…What do you call a Bee who’s having a bad hair day?  …A:-Frisbee

Q…What do you call a pig that does karate?   A:-Pork Chop

Q…What’s the best way to carve wood?  …A:-Whittle by whittle

Q…How does a lion like his meat?   …A:-Roar

Q…What kind of horses go out after dark?  …A:-Nightmares

Q…How does the man in the moon cut his hair?  …A:-Eclipse it.

and I bring to you  . . .   a beautiful poem . . . .

My eyes are full of tears, 

and they can no longer see. 

I wish that you were here, 

to chop these onions for me.

Finally ….

For those of you who might be wondering what the Cup Cakes were which I made this week and used my Blow Torch on …. here’s the recipe, along with a photo of the finished cakes.

I’d invited Little Cobs round to Afternoon Tea, and told him to bring his Mummy of course!  His school was on its half term break this week so I thought it might break the week up for him, and give his mummy some brain chill time by inviting them both round to afternoon tea.

There were little sandwiches, tiny sausage rolls (cocktail sized), and cocktail sausages because he loves them, and one or two other things which I know can tempt him – which probably aren’t on the Queens Afternoon Tea list of fun food, but they’re firmly on Little Cobs list.  I wanted to make him some cakes.  I made Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes …  the recipe for which I’d found in the Sunday Supplement magazine which came with one of the weekend newspapers.  He LOVED them.  So much so that he asked if he could have another one.  So did his mummy!  (I have to admit … they are rather more’ish’.  You have been warned!)

lemonmeringue-and-strawberry-cupcakes

Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes

makes 12 cupcakes

cook time 20 minutes, plus cooling.

FOR THE SPONGES

  • 100g (4oz) baking spread (such as Flora)
  • 150g (5oz) self-raising flour
  • 150g (5oz) castor sugar
  • 3 tbsp milk
  • 2 eggs
  • finely grated zest of 1 lemon
  • 7g (¼ oz) freeze-dried strawberries.  If they don’t have the really tiny chopped up dried strawberry pieces, then do what I did,  —  using the back of a wide bladed knife, press and crush a little at a time of the dried strawberry pieces until they’re tiny enough.
  • ½ jar homemade or shop-bought lemon curd

FOR THE MERINGUE TOPPING

  • 2 egg whites
  • 100g (4oz) castor sugar
  1. You will need a 12-hole muffin tin lined with paper cases and a piping bag fitted with a plain 1cm (½ in) nozzle (optional). Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4.
  2. First make the sponges. Measure the baking spread, flour, sugar, milk and eggs into a large bowl and add the lemon zest. Use an electric hand whisk to beat until light and fluffy, then fold in three-quarters of the strawberries. Spoon the mixture into the paper cases (see tip), dividing it evenly among them. Bake in the oven for 18-20 minutes or until golden, risen and springy to the touch. Set aside to cool on a wire rack.
  3. When the cupcakes are cold, use a small sharp knife to cut a circle (about the diameter of a £2 coin) in the centre of each cake and scoop out a walnut-sized piece of sponge to leave a hole. Spoon 1 teaspoon of lemon curd into each hole, making sure the curd is level with the top of the cake.  (You can buy a little gizmo which will remove a ‘plug’ of cake in just the right size.  I found mine quite some time ago, on a cooks website.  But there must be lots of places you can get one, – if you think you’ll get use out of it).
  4. To make the meringue, whisk the egg whites until stiff in a large, spotlessly clean bowl using an electric hand whisk. Gradually add the sugar a little at a time and continue whisking on full speed until you have a stiff glossy mixture.
  5. Use a small palette knife to spread some of the meringue mixture on the top of each cupcake, or pipe the mixture on if using a piping bag, and place back in the moulds of the muffin tin. Use a blowtorch or heat briefly under a hot grill to lightly brown the tops of the cupcakes – watching carefully as it only takes a minute – and sprinkle over the remaining dried strawberries to serve. Allow to cool and enjoy!

If you don’t use the measurements shown above, but instead use ‘cups’ or something else – then Google will be your friend for the conversions.

If you use a different system of cooking heat, again, ask Google and it will give you the conversion to what you use in your country.

Close ups so that you can see them better ….  although I’m sorry about the blurry images … they were the best I had.

Well that’s another week done and dusted.  Have you learned anything this week?  Do share, as I’m sure I must bore the arms and legs off the proverbial donkey with my ramblings, and I’d love to do some of your learnings!

Have a fabulous Friday….  and a truly wonderful weekend.  Try not to get in a twist over stuff – and that includes Politics.  There are enough people to do that, give yourself the weekend off.

May your days be peaceful, may any visitors you have come bringing warm smiles and happy hearts, and may the Fairy of Fun sprinkle you with happy dust.

Sending weekend squidges and soft little kisses to your head!  Stay safe, stay warm, stay happy, be good to each other and … be good to yourself.  You’re worth it.

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What I’ve Learned this Week

Hello  🙂   Happy Friday!

Well what a lovely week it’s been.  I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it.  But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about.  Enjoying it.

The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold.  I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’.  Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig.  I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.

So …. What have I learned this week?  Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it ….  check this little list out:-

I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is:   “Good for you!”

I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

I also learned about  Honest Brand Slogans  and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:

Hallmark:   “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

Gillette:  “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”  (ain’t THAT one the truth!)

Hot Pockets:   “Every bite is a different temperature.”

I was reminded that I learned many years ago  when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old  that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:-  “
I told you so”.

I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about.    It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside.  Ha!

I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles,  when someone knocks on the door.  She get’s SO excited, and yet  . . .  it’s hardly ever for her!

I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was.  . . .   I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is popty ping.   So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true.  The very first result which came up said it was true.  So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun.  Popty Ping.  Say it out loud.  It’s kind of ticklish!

HOWEVER . . .  I didn’t quite trust the first answer  so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that  ‘popty ping’  is a made up word.  The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon(And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol).  Shame … I rather liked popty ping.  It was such a perfect description!

And finally …  I learned:  Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men.  Would you believe it?  When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle.  From this I deduce that we should cry more often.  Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!

Well, I know why some of you are here.  You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday.  Ok … gird your loinshere are the Jokes:-

Q.  What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  ….A.  Polaroids

Q.  Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?  …  A.  Because it’s a little meteor.

Q.  What did the ghost say to the bee?  …  A. BOO-BEE

Q.  Why didn’t the melons get married?  …  A.   Because they cantaloupe!

and finally ….

Q.  What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?  …  A.  DINO-MITE!

Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries.  Have you learned anything this week?  Been somewhere exciting?  Done something amazing?  Do share your story.  I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!

Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend.  May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.

Have a blessed weekend my beautiful friend,  ~

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Things I’ve learned this week

Hello!  Happy, happy Friday!  I can’t believe that we’re here again already.  It seems like I only took a nap since last week, and here we are, seven days later!

Shall I presume that since you’re here, you’ve already donned your crash helmet;   are wearing your galoshes;  and have slipped into your Flame Retardant Clothing?  Yes?  Good.  Jump into your seat, put on your seatbelt (do ask if you need an extension belt) and hold hands with the person next to you.  Let’s have no screaming now ….   OFF WE GO…

I learned this week that I’d forgotten exactly how much I loved Mary Tyler Moore, the wonderful, deeply funny but never mucky, American actress.  I grew up watching her on TV, and as I grew my enjoyment grew with me.  I appreciated her more and more as I became an adult.

She represented a time which I wanted to stay living in.  I could already see, as a young adult, that comedy was changing and how comics/comedians/actors and actresses were slowly breaking down or jumping over boundaries and barriers.  I didn’t want this new ‘thing’ which dipped its toes in bad taste.  I wanted what Mary offered, and women like her – on both sides of the pond.  Valerie Harper and her Rhoda Morgenstern

From the UK:  a wonderful programme called Are You Being Served? – all of the actors and actresses who were a part of the whole fabric of this wonderful comedy.  Felicity Kendal and Richard Briers in the fabulous ‘The Good Life’.  I could go on, but I’d bore you to tears.  But it is these types of programmes which had a magical quality which comedy shows just don’t seem to have today.

I learned/realised this week that I hadn’t really appreciated Mary Tyler Moore ENOUGH when I had the chance, and I so wish I had.  Ms.Tyler-Moore left us, two days ago, on the 25th of January.   When I heard the news on TV, I felt a lump come to my throat and a tiny piece of my heart broke.  I shall never forget her.  Thank you for the great joy and happiness you brought to my life Mary.  x

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

I learned this week that …. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ‘NORMAL’ PERSON.  Yes, you read that right.  No one is ‘normal’.  Each and every one of us is made up of a multitude of individual characteristics.  If you take an average of each of them (height, shoe size, length of fingers etc),  you won’t find any individual who is average in all respects. 

This is known as the ‘Jaggedness Principle’.

During the 1940s the Jaggedness Principle forced the US Air Force to re-fit fighter airplanes with adjustable seats and other ‘adjustable to fit’  fixtures.   You see: the cockpits were originally designed around the average range of just 10 body measurements taken from a population of 4,063 pilots.  But because no single pilot met all of those criteria, they ended up with a seat which actually didn’t fit anybody.

And if you need further proof:   In 2011 the Australian Bureau of Statistics used their national census to find the ‘average Australian’.  They announced that she is:  a 37-year-old woman with a son and a daughter aged six and nine. She is 162 cm (5’4”) tall, and weighs 71.1 kgs (11st). She lives in a three-bedroom house, has about $200,000 still to pay on her mortgage and her family originally came from the UK. However, when they checked this description against their census data they couldn’t find even a single person in the whole of the country who fitted that description!

See?  No such thing as a ‘normal person’.  So …   that must mean that we’re ALL abnormal!?!   LOL!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I also learned this week ….  that the Pope is paid no salary what-so-ever.  He is paid nothing and owns nothing.   A Vatican spokesman Joaquín Navarro-Valls ended speculation about the Pope’s personal wealth in 2001 by saying ‘The Pope does not and has never received a salary.’

As head of the Catholic Church and head of state of the Vatican, all the Pope’s worldly needs are looked after.  A recent estimate of the Vatican’s wealth by Time magazine put it at between $10 and $15 billion. In full, the Pope’s job titles are: Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City and Servant of Servants of God.

Before officially taking on the role, the Pope-elect’s private property is donated to the Church, transferred to another relative, used to endow a foundation or placed in trust. He can also choose to retain controlling ownership and use his Will to specify what should happen to everything when he dies.

When John Paul II died in 2005 he left no possessions and asked for his personal papers to be burned.  Three bags containing gold, silver and bronze coins were placed beside the body.  Each bag contained one coin for each year of his reign, the only monetary compensation he received for his service,  adding up to about £80.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

And now … that thing you’ve been waiting for … THE JOKES!

Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.
Q: Did you hear about the  Italian  chef  that died?
A: He pasta way.
Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu,  you need tweetment.  If you have swine flu,  you need oink-ment.
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One!  After that it’s not empty!
Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
A: A barbercue

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
A: He got stuck in Orbit.
Q: What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
A: Shakespeare
Q: What does it mean if  life gives you melons?
A:  It means your dyslexic

and finally . . .
Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud
~  ~  ~
Well, that’s another weekly round-up of things I’ve learned this week, done and dusted.  Not only am I cleverer* than I was a week ago, but now you are too!  ~Aaaand …  I’m slowly turning your skeleton into funny bones.  I reckon I’m about up to your knees around this time … so we’re doing well!
*I know it’s not a proper word, but I likes it.  🙂

  ~ 

May today leave you filled with peace and with a smile in your heart, and may your weekend be restful, joyful and with a smattering of love surrounding the days.  And … if you don’t have someone who can share their love with you this weekend ….  then have some of mine. . .   ❤    ❤    ❤ 
~

Sending  buckets  of  love  ~  from me here in my corner, to you there in yours.  

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Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello, and a very happy Friday to you!  I trust your week has been good and that no gremlins have got into your days.

Let’s, for a few minutes, move away from what’s happened, and happening, in the world today and lose ourselves in a bit of blogging fun for a little while.  Shall I begin?  Ok . . .   you know the drill: seatbelts on; allow your oxygen masks to drop from their over-head storage facility;   place your tin foil hats on your heads and hold hands with the person next to you  . . . .  let’s GO!

I learned this week that . . .

  • When the game  ‘Twister’  was introduced in 1966, it was denounced by critics as “sex in a box.”
  • There are more lifeforms living on your skin than there are people on the planet.  (yes that freaked me out a little bit too).
  • A human will eat on average 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders while sleeping. (ok… now that REALLY freaked me out!)
  • Fifteen percent of the air you breathe in a metro station is human skin.  (ewww!)
  • A group of Pugs (dogs)  is called ‘a grumble’.  (isn’t that the cutest thing!  lol)
  • Coca-Cola would be green if colouring wasn’t added to it.  (I wonder if that would affect sales?)
  • The United States, Burma, and Liberia are the only countries in the world that have not officially adopted the metric system as the standard of measurement. (This really surprised me.  I would have guessed that most of the world outside Europe still used good old feet and inches).
  • Blue Whale fart bubbles are large enough to enclose a horse. (ok, this tickled me enough to make me laugh)
  • Since 1945 all British Tanks come with tea making equipment.  (Yes, it’s true. I double checked).   Technically the device is called a Boiling Vessel ( BV ), or ‘bivvy’ in the troops’ parlance, which also then gets used to mean a hot drink in general.  Hence “necking a bivvy” means “drinking a cup of tea” ( or coffee ) in UK army slang.  You can read a little more on Wiki:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_vessel

Did you know that Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order?

I learned this week  . . .  The BIGGER the navel on an Orange, the sweeter the Orange will be.  “Hmmm,”  I thought, “could that be true, or just a load of rubbish”  . . .  So …  me, being me,  I had to check this out using the Oranges in the fruit bowl in the fridge.  I chose carefully, one on Wednesday and one Orange on Thursday . . .   It’s TRUE!  However, if I get an Orange with a large navel which is sour, I’ll let you know!

I also learned this week . . .  That the last name of the creator of the Simpsons, Matt Groening, is pronounced “Graining”, not “Growning”.

Something else I found out this week is that a TITTLE isn’t something naughty or rude, it’s actually the dot above a letter  ‘i’.  It’s called a Tittle.

Ohhh…  and this bit of new knowledge tickled the heck out of me this week ….    Calvin Klein’s  “Obsession for Men” is often used by photographers to attract ‘big cats’ – jaguars, leopards, tigers, lion, etc.  According to the Wildlife Conservation Society, the cats go crazy for it!  One zoo (Brookfield Zoo) even uses it to keep their big cats in very visible areas of their cages during business hours.

I’m rather glad that my cats don’t have such expensive tastes.  Cat-nip works perfectly for them.  lol

But anyhoo . . .   I know that the main reason you’re here isn’t to find out about things which I’ve come across and learned this week,  but you’re really here just for my [rubbish] jokes….  so here goes.  Brace Yourself!

Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
~  ❤  ~
Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.  (think about it for a moment and the penny will drop)
~  ❤  ~
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: It was framed.
~  ❤  ~
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
~  ❤  ~
Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet!
~  ❤  ~
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!  ( . . . .  wait for the penny to drop)
~  ❤  ~
Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

and finally . . .
Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!  
(I love this joke, it’s up there with my favourites!)
~  ❤  ~
Well, that’s it for this Fridays lessons in life as we know it.  I hope that I’ve taken your mind off any troubles you have, made you wonder, made you smile and, if I’ve done my job properly …  I hope I made you laugh, even just a teeny tiny bit.

May your weekend be restful.  May smiles creep into your day and love show up in places too –  even if it’s your love for something that you love doing.

Think good wishes for the very next person you see on the street.  You might not know them, and, who knows, they too might read this blog post just like you do….  and if they do, they’ll be wishing good wishes for you – and you won’t ever know they did it.  But it might just make a difference, to you, and or to them themselves.  It doesn’t have to be something big or world-changing.  You could just wish that they have a great day.  That they find something to smile about today.  Wish them luck, love, peace, joy, contentment.  Anything.  Just make it a good wish.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference this small thing makes to you yourself too.

I wish you a truly blessed day.  HAPPY FRIDAY-ING!

Sending love,  from me here in my corner to you there in yours.

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Things I’ve learned this Week.

Hello ….  I’m baa-aaaack!

My apologies for being M.I.A (missing in action) – my body is still being bombarded by bugs, but I’m trying to fight ’em.  My bed is winning at the moment.  I seem to get up in the morning;  have a shower, and before you know it, I’m back in bed again.

platform-9-and-three-quarters

Off to see my GP in a couple of days, and he if doesn’t have a magic wand to wave and put things right, – then I’m making plans for a ticket to platform 9 and three-quarters to be purchased, and I’ll be off to Hogwarts to see if they can mix up an elixir which might sort me out once and for all!

ticket-to-hogwarts

Anyhooo .…  let’s dip into the world of lessons, as learned by one Cobwebs of The Cobweborium Emporium and find out what life has taught me this week….

I’ve learned (not for the first time) that if I stay away from my craft room for too long, then my mojo wanders off and it’s really not easy to get the little divil back again and in working order.  This is such a great BIG GRRRRRR!  to me.

mojo-theft

I’ve learned that I’d got SO into making Christmas cards and thinking ‘Christmas’, that it’s been an absolute pain in the rear end to try and get myself out of that Christmas frame of mind.

And while on the subject of Christmas ….  With the help of Mr. Cobs, I’ve packed away all the Christmassy Craft things into my special Christmas Box (a red box labelled  “Christmas”), and have learned this week that I won’t need to buy even so much as a rubber stamp or even an extra die … or indeed any Christmas papers …  for at least two or three years, because I have SO much stuff that I haven’t used, and yet I keep adding to the pile!   tut tut.

cobweborium-christmas-box

I’ve also learned …  that because of being pretty much confined to the house, I’ve discovered the attraction of dipping into the sales on-line at this time of year and have …  (this one will surprise you) … done some shopping for Christmas gifts for NEXT CHRISTMAS!  Me!  Yes!!!  My mother wouldn’t have believed me if I’d have told her that.

There are (or have been) some really fabulous bargains to be found on the interwebby thing.  Particularly some really beautiful pieces of jewellery.  Although … the downside of this shopping is that I’ve found rather a lot of things which I want myself.  [sigh].  I admit to buying myself a (late) Christmas present of an Electric Blue Swiss Topaz ring and also a pair of silver earrings – both of which I bought for a bargain price and both of which have become my favourites in the jewellery box.  – However …  they haven’t had chance to make it to the jewellery box.  They’re both living on a little ring saucer on my dressing table, and I keep putting them on, and wearing them for a few minutes, just so that I can look at them and love them for a while.  Just to make my heart smile.

I’ve also learned …  that, in this country (Great Britain – land of my heart and home) – the TV programme schedulers (planners) obviously go totally brain-dead once they’ve planned the Television programmes for the Christmas week, because the offerings they’ve given us here in the UK as choices to watch on TV are TOTAL RUBBISH!

Seriously … I could have done better given three hours, some coffee and a laptop!

So here’s the plan:  British people reading this blog …  I think we should get our brain cells working and make a list of the things we’d like to be watching in the TV programmes schedule for after Christmas this year.  Each of us can then email that list to the good old BBC,  ITV  and Channels 4 & 5.  If we all do this, then maybe they might get the hint that they’re not doing their job properly, should buck up their ideas, and maybe follow our suggestions and play the programmes we suggest.

Now I don’t ‘do’ Facebook, but I know some of you do, so please feel free to quote this idea to your friends and let’s get this thing going.  We’ll beat ’em into submission!  We have to pay a licence fee (we have no option), so let’s make them work for what they charge us.

I also learned some really great stuff this week.  Give your mind a work out with these:

Giraffes have the same number of teeth as humans.

Leonardo Da Vinci was a vegetarian and was known to buy caged birds simply to let them free.  He was also questioning man’s superiority over animals and his right to raise them for slaughter – this attitude was unheard of in his time.

Your lips don’t touch when you say the word ‘touch’ but they do touch when you say the word ‘separate’.

When you cut a hole in your fishing net, it has fewer holes.  (Think about that one for a moment)

Japan now has a new class of citizens – the cyber homeless. They live in cyber cafes because it is cheaper than an apartment. The cafes oblige with free showers and even sell underwear.  (This one really surprised me, until I thought about it for a moment, and then I realised that actually … nothing that happens in Japan which fulfills one of their needs or requirements, surprises me any more.  They seem to have a simple solution of solving any problem).

AND FINALLY . . . . .

 . . .  the bit I know you’ve been waiting for.  The Jokes!

Q: “What’s the difference between a guitar and a fish?”
A: “You can’t tuna fish.”
 ❤
Q: Did you hear about the hungry clock?
A: It went back four seconds
Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!
Q: What do you call a fat psychic?
A: A four chin teller.
Q: What is it called when a cat wins a dog show?
A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!
Q: What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary?
A: a thesaurus.
Q: What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
A: “Where’s Popcorn?”
Q: What do you call sad coffee?”
A: Despresso.
Q: What do you call a man with no body and just a nose?
A: Nobody nose.
Q: What is brown and has a head and a tail but no legs?
A: A penny.
Q: What has one head, one foot and four legs?
A: A Bed
and finally . . .
Q: What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A:  a USB
I hope your chuckle muscles got a workout.
Let’s get this Friday the 13th off to a great start shall we?  Remember …  there’s nothing especially unlucky about it being Friday the 13th and the only scary thing about it is attempting to say this: paraskavedekatriaphobia,  – which is the name given for people who fear Friday the 13th.  Bad things, carelessness, something breaking, car accidents, falling over, breaking your toe, losing your phone … these and many more things, can, and do,  happen on any given day.  So please don’t worry over it.  But … if it makes you feel better to spend the day in bed and not go out of the house, then do whatever makes you happy.
Have a really great day.  Share your smile with someone.  You never know … your smile could be the very thing that changes someone’s day around and makes it a good one.

Sending you oodles of love and squidges ~

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What I learned in 2016


Instead of a ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ post (which I normally share on a Friday),   I felt it would be appropriate to make a post about some of the things I’ve learned this last year which we’ve just said goodbye to.

Some of the things life taught me during 2016 are fabulous, and some aren’t.

I’m a believer in a particular ‘thing’, which life taught me when I was in my early teens, which I call:  If something happens,  it happens For A Reason.

It might be a truly wonderful, amazing, biggest wish and want of your heart and soul.  Or it could be something not so wanted or desired.  However, what ever this ‘thing’ is, it will have been placed on your pathway for a reason, and you are meant to learn something from it.

So let’s begin the journey of discovery about what I Learned during 2016, shall we?  Are you strapped in securely?  Do you have your crash helmet secured?  Clean underwear on?  Okey Dokey, hold on tightly to the person sat next to you, because that way it’s less likely that you’ll fly off half way round the ride!

I learned last year ….  that when I finally find some moccasin slippers which fit beautifully, with good soles, and are lined with cotton inside them (because of my stupidly sensitive feet) …  I should buy two or even three pairs, because when the pair I originally chose, and have been wearing till they fell apart, I won’t be able to find any more, anywhere near as comfortable or lovely as them, and the place I bought them from changed the design and put non-cotton linings in their new design.  I’ve been looking since February of 2016 for a new pair, and so far I’ve found nothing which comes anywhere near.  I’ve bought new slippersin fact I’ve bought four pairs of different slippers since then, but none of them are anywhere near as comfortable and, to be truthful, I hate them all.

The older I’ve got, the more I’ve grown to appreciate bits of my body, in particular my feet.  Look after your feet people, because they have to last you for the rest of your life.  Buy shoes which fit.  Don’t wear heels every day – swap things around – to give your feet chance to work properly.  And don’t wear anything which is tight around the toes. It’s not brain surgery, and it’s simple to understand.  Look after your feet.

I also learned that I need to Plan Ahead.  Not for the emergency things, like a power cut and we had no electricity – because I plan for all emergencies like that.

(In fact, I plan so ‘beautifully’ (?) for that sort of emergency that if there were an actual power cut here where we live, I could give every neighbour candles and still have enough for us).

I need to stop waiting till the last moment to do some of the regular things – like make an appointment for the doctor (I wait until I’m ready to be admitted to hospital before I’ll give in and make an appointment),  – and instead of putting things off,  I need to do things there and then(!) so that they’re already done and ready for when they need to be ready.  Case in point:  This Post!

I knew I was going to do this post and I knew when I needed it done for.  And yet, here I am, on the last day of 2016, tapping away on my keyboard knowing that this post HAS to be ready to ‘go live’ in the early hours of 2017.  Why on earth didn’t I begin building this post when I sat having a rest or a coffee, or even last week?!  The answer is:  Because I’m a dimwit!  That’s why!

PLAN AHEAD WOMAN ... and stop leaving ‘it’ till the final moment!

Next!:

I learned during 2016  that Crafting is an obsession to me.  And not only is crafting itself the obsession, but crafty shopping is also an obsession.  I will go to a store with a list of (say) three or four items that I need.  However, when I hit that shop with all those lovely crafty goodies, I go batship crazy and am like a child who’s on a sugar high and been given permission to have as many things as they can stuff into a trolley within two hours.  Yes seriously.  I will sometimes catch the bored stiff eyes of ‘Cobs The Bogeyman’ (aka Mr.Cobs) as he wanders around after me (following me like a little lost puppy) asking …  “can we go now?”. 

The man should be awarded a Knighthood in the New Year Honours List (which we have here in the UK), for Services to Retail;  Excelling in the Art of Husbandry; and generally being Mr. Wonderful.  (although that last one can sometimes come into question).

“Arise Sir Cobs.” she says. [as the Queen finishes dobbing him on each shoulder with her trusty sword].

NEXT!

I’ve learned this year that …  New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
As a crafter this is the saddest bit of stuff I’ve ever learned in my whole life.  I’m always twinkling with glitter, even if I haven’t used any for a week.  A spell in my craft room seems to cover me in glitter, which I leave trails of behind me, wherever I roam, or go.  (Including into the loo – which tickles Mr.C – but I won’t tell you what he says about it.  Suffice to say it has something to do with storage of the twinkly stuff and my knickers)

NEXT!:

I won’t make up stories about my parents being the most amazing parents in the world.  My parents weren’t the best parents in the world,  but they were the best ‘THEY‘ could be.  They taught me many lessons.  Life Lessons about:

  • appreciating every thing I had.  From the toys that were given to me as a child, to the teachers I had at school and the lessons I learned from them.
  • How to make friends and be a friend.  ( I still have problems making friends because I’m SO painfully shy).
  • Ensuring that I knew the importance of keeping Sunday as a family day and Christmas and Easter,  and Birthdays, as special days and honour the family by spending time with them – all of them – from my parents to my Grandma & Grandad, Uncles, Aunties, Cousins etc.
  • To look at both sides of any choices which were placed in front of me.  Good-v-Bad.  To make sure that I had looked at things from every angle in order to make sure I made the right choice for me.
  • To have an opinion.  Aw heckaroonie,  I could count on my Mom to have an opinion, and to feel free to voice it –  even if I or anyone else disagreed with her, she had her opinion and would stick to it too.
  • To be willing to help.  From the age of around 12, I used to do the family weekly shopping all by myself.  My mother would be working and my father wasn’t the shopping sort of chap, so I was left a list next the kitchen sink, every Saturday morning, along with money, and I had to go all by myself to the local shopping centre, and visit the big Supermarket;  greengrocer;  butchers;  newsagent;  and possibly the pharmacy too, in order to get all the things on the list, within the money that I’d been left to buy it with.  Then bring all those groceries home – walking all the way home carrying four bags full of groceries.  This taught me a huge lesson as a child:  How to be an important part of the family.  How to manage money;  How to Budget;  How to Shop for a whole family with all their various likes and dislikes;  and …  Spend money on the right things when that was the only option open.  As an adult, when I married, I was so grateful for those shopping and money management lessons.

I learned many more lessons from my parents and I’m grateful for them.  However, a lesson they never got the chance to teach me (and I so wish they had)  was how to deal with someone, a family member in this case, who not just wounded me but broke my heart with their words,  all within about 90 seconds,  and without me getting chance to ask why?  What?  How?  When?  Who?  Why?  WHY??

My parents aren’t around now for me to talk to and ask advice from on how to deal with what happened and to share with them how it’s affected me, and over the last year I’ve wished daily that I had someone older and wiser to advise me, and to just listen.  Before now, I’ve had my mother in law to chat with, and she’s been brilliant.  But she’s getting on in age and is showing some signs of a dementia type of illness so of course I simply won’t give her a problem like this for her to listen to.

So it’s been left to me to ‘grow up’ and get to a place where I have come to a decision about what I have to do.

This whole thing happened because I’d offered this particular family member help to clean their house.  I’d offered before and they seemed to welcome the idea of this help –  things were getting on top of them and all sorts of stuff had become very difficult for them as they were suffering with depression.

Offering to help with the cleaning was the only thing I knew how to do which I thought might help in some way.  But I’d been waiting for them to tell me when they’d like me to come over – for it’s how we’d left it.  I offered, they brightened up and said yes, and said they’d let me know when.  I’d waited weeks and weeks, and wondered if perhaps they didn’t like to ask, so I offered again, and it tipped this person over the edge of reason and they simply exploded.  They shouted an awful lot of hurtful things at me, and told me that they didn’t love me, or like me, and that they didn’t want anything more to do with me. It was such a total shock because we’d always got on really well.

So … I finally learned in the last week of 2016,  that for my own sake, I have to leave this deep wound alone and move on.  Mr.Cobs has helped me see that after 15 months, if nothing has put things right after this length of time, then I HAVE to let it go and move on from it.  For the sake of my heart, and my health, I have to leave this behind me and allow my heart time to heal.

It’s difficult because I hate to see how depression is keeping this person fixed, almost like a prisoner, in one place and no longer enjoying life.  But, as Mr.Cobs has said over and over – I have to let it go.  I cannot continue to fret over this.

I’ve learned that I’m grateful for my parents being the best parents they could be, teaching me, showing me and making me aware of the things that are important.  And … I think they would have told me I realised,  probably about eight months ago,  that I HAD to just let go of this ‘thing’,  stop turning it over and over inside my heart and mind,  and instead move on.

So that’s what I’m doing.   I’m moving on Mom. ❤

Y’know …  I felt as if I just heard her say, over my left shoulder,  ‘Good girl.’

*I tell you none of this for sympathy …  and I want none.   I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned last year, and this was a really BIG learn for me.

OK… moving on:  NEXT!

I learned, during 2016, that it takes me two months to learn to write the new year numbers down on anything that I need to write it down on.  So I’m going to try harder with 2017!

NEXT!

I learned all over again in 2016, how much I enjoy writing posts for this blog.  I’ve ‘met’ so many wonderful people via the blog and I cannot begin to tell you how enriching it is to know you all.  YOU reading this now.  YOU enrich my life by being in it.  So I take this opportunity to thank you for being who you are.  You’re truly amazing.  (And boy oh boy, you’re such a blessing!)

NEXT:

I’ve learned how much I adore the simple jokes in life.  Complicated jokes are great … but sometimes they can be a bit too clever and they make my brain hurt trying to keep up with them.  But the simple, almost childlike jokes … aw, they are the jaw achers which I adore.  I shall attempt to remember to add a small handful at the end of this ‘ream of internet paper’.

NEXT!

I’ve learned the importance of an afternoon snack. 4pm (ish) seems to be the point at which my sugar levels drop to a low and I will either fall asleep in my chair or take myself off to bed for a nap.  However … if I have something snackwise, at around 4pm, then I’m good to go for the rest of the day.  Have a snack!

And finally….

I’ve learned the importance of not hitting your knee on a substantial coffee table, made of 2″thick pine and made in such a way that a family of four could live in it in an emergency.  Actually … I learnt this lesson on the closing moments of 2016 … so only just, and the swear words are still bouncing off the walls of my brain!  Grrrrr!  Gosh, that knee hurts now, and it’s really, really hot to touch and swollen too!

OK…  I know you’ve been waiting for this part ….  here come the jokes:

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. Because,  as the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
~~~~~~~
What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’?
 . . . . . .  One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
~~~~~~~
Two Clowns divorce.  A Custardy battle follows.
~~~~~~~
Question for you …  Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from earth?
~~~~~~~

An annoying person told me “People have 2 Ears and 1 mouth, so they should listen more than they speak.”

I replied “People also have 1 mouth and 2 legs, so maybe you should shut up and go away.”

~~~~~~~

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. After that, everything else was ‘Made in China’.

~~~~~~~

WomenA species that loathes you for asking their age,but will torture you forever if you forget their birthday.

What is red and bad for your teeth?  . . .   A brick!

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Love means nothing to a tennis player.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
What are you? An owl?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Smell map
Smell map who?
If you’re not giggling by now,  say it out loud.  If you’re still not giggling after that then click and hold the click over this —>“Smell map who?”  sounds like  ‘Smell my poo’ when said out loud<—

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
Bless you and cover your mouth next time.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Spell.
Spell who?
OK, W. H. O.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
I eat map.
I eat map who?
Oh yuk!   That’s disgusting!  (you might have to say it out loud if you haven’t got it yet).

And finally …..

Wife texts husband: Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?

Husband texts back: Love, do you remember the jewellery shop on Regent Street where you saw a diamond necklace and fell in love with it and I couldn’t afford it then, but I said ‘I will get it one day for you’?

Wife replies (all excited): Yes I do, I do.

Husband texts back to her: I am in the pub just next door to that.

fnar fnar!

Well I guess that there’s only one thing left for me to do now and that’s this (It’s only 34 seconds long):-

 

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.
I personally have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have.
May love, peace and harmony be yours in 2017, and my greatest wish for you is for contentment to be yours.  For when you have contentment, you then have everything you could possibly want.  Happy New Year to you!

With love ~

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday! 

Well we here and that means we made it through another week despite all the doom sayers and awful news on the TV and reports in the papers.  I guess, that when you think of all the things which could have happened to us,  and didn’t  . . .  we truly are blessed and in a great position to have an equally good weekend!

So anyhoo … we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week and for me to educationamalise you with all my new-found intellamagence.  So please put on your water wings.  Batten down the hatches.  Fix your safety belt in place.  Press buttons 1 and 2 and . . . .   We’re Off! . . .

I’ve learned this week that:-  Man has advanced technologically in such a way that we can get signals back from a probe orbiting a great big gas giant a billion gazillion miles away, BUT  my mobile phone can’t work if there are one or two big trees near where I’m trying to use it.

I recall my daughter and son-in-law going on a fishing trip a couple of years or so ago, and she told me that she tried to call me from the boat, out in the ocean, but she couldn’t get a signal.  WHAT THE HECK?  Why can’t a cell phone find a signal, out in the middle of the ocean, on a fishing boat, with no trees, no bad weather, no buildings…. nothing at all around them to block the signals …. and yet, the message came up saying no signal.

Why is that?  Why can we fly a man to the moon, and back, and see him on TV jumping around his spaceship while he’s in space, and yet …  these boffins can’t get mobile phones to work adequately.  Nor can they get cable TV to work without a problem.  Nor Satellite TV to work brilliantly if there’s a big rain or snow storm.  COME ON YOU BOFFINS,  SORT IT OUT!

I think we should start a movement to tell our governments that we, the people, refuse to allow them to spend even so much as a penny more on space exploration until they’ve sorted out modern life for us here on planet Earth!

planet-earth

I learned this week that A Spanish company has created a hi-tech mattress intended to tell the buyer whether their partner is being unfaithful in the conjugal bed when left alone at home.

The “Smarttress” apparently looks like any other mattress, but the manufacturer says that its concealed sensors detect suspicious movements in the bed.  If the pressure matches algorithms based on research carried out on sexual motions, the worried partner will receive a warning on his or her mobile phone.

If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be” – is the slogan being used by the bed maker Durmet.

Now several things strike me about this and I simply have to share them with you:

  1. I’d be a bit taken aback if Mr. Cobs suddenly had our mattress changed for no apparent reason.  The man (bless him) has a short arm and a long pocket, so for him to pay rather a pretty price (and they are rather pricey) for a new mattress is totally out of his ‘comfort zone’,  and I’m kind of guessing that other husbands/partners/wifes would be the same.  People don’t buy something big like a mattress for a surprise gift, like they would buy a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates.  So I’d already be a bit eyebrow knitted and questioning why he’d done it.
  2. Durmet (the makers) say:  “the technology is so advanced that the jealous app user will be able to see in real-time what parts of the bed are seeing the most activity, giving him or her a mental picture of exactly what their partner is up to”.  Hmm, well they’re already talking themselves out of sales because if someone is found to be having an affair on that mattress, then, personally, I wouldn’t want to sleep on the mattress ever again, so it would be thrown out.  What a waste of money!
  3. It doesn’t tell you if your partner is having a wild love life on the stairs;  in the garden shed;  on the kitchen floor;  in the car;  in a Hotel; or at the home of their ‘lover’.  So it’s not that brilliant as an idea.
  4. And finally . . . . .  I doubt very much that at my age and decrepit state of health,  I’d get the moves required to send the signal, to any device other than my Doctors telling them I’d broken a hip whilst trying to do the ‘dance of lurve’ on a new mattress!

I’ve learned this week (from a television light entertainment programme)  that devices such as the one you’re reading this blog post on right at this moment, give off something called Blue Light.  Now this ‘blue light’ actually has a bad affect upon a person,  particularly so if you’re exposed to it for 2 to 3 hours before going to bed. 

blue-light

I quote from the report:

Until the advent of artificial lighting, the sun was the major source of lighting, and people spent their evenings in (relative) darkness.  Now, in much of the world, evenings are illuminated, and we take our easy access to all those lumens pretty much for granted.

But we may be paying a price for basking in all that light.  At night, light throws the body’s biological clock—the circadian rhythm—out of whack.  Sleep suffers.  Worse, research shows that it may contribute to the causation of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity.

Blue wavelengths—which are beneficial during daylight hours because they boost attention, reaction times, and mood—seem to be the most disruptive at night.

Researchers have linked short sleep to increased risk for depression, as well as diabetes and cardiovascular problems.

So … if you find yourself suffering with problems sleeping, or even find yourself over-eating,  here are some things you could do to try to cut out that blue light which just might be the thing which is causing your problem(s) . . .

  • Use dim red lights for night lights. Red light has the least power to shift circadian rhythm and suppress melatonin.
  • Avoid looking at bright screens beginning two to three hours before bed.
  • If you work a night shift or use a lot of electronic devices at night, consider wearing blue-blocking glasses or installing an app that filters the blue/green wavelength at night.
  • Expose yourself to lots of bright light during the day, which will boost your ability to sleep at night, as well as your mood and alertness during daylight.

I’ve also learned a lesson about myself this week

I’ve learned that the older I’ve become, the more respect I need to be shown.  This would come as a surprise to some of the folks who know me in real life (when they realise that this change has taken place).  I’ve found that I don’t like this apparently newish’ idea of medical folks calling me by my Christian name.  I expect and require them to treat me respectfully and call me by my title:  Mrs. Cobs.  I’m not their ‘friend’ and they’re not they mine – so Mrs. Cobs will do perfectly well, thank you.

Neither am I willing to allow people to be rude to me and then expect me to simply forget how badly they’ve behaved, without them even thinking that they owe me an apology, and/or and explanation.

This new ‘thing’ has surprised me, because I’ve always been someone who puts myself last.  I’ve always been a stickler for making sure that (for example) Mr. Cobs is given the full respect he deserves, but have never pushed for that same respect to be shown to me.  So finding myself this week facing a situation where this sudden realisation became clear to me, it’s kind of surprised me, and I’m still trying to get used to the feeling that, actuallyI’m important, and the way I’m treated is important.  And …  that I’m not willing to ignore the things I would have always ignored before, because I believed that I wasn’t that important so *it* didn’t matter.  *It*  DOES matter . . .   and so do I.

It’s an odd feeling … and I’m still getting used to it – but it seems to ‘fit’.

Well … you know what it’s time for now, don’t you?

You can take off your tin helmets.  Remove your safety belts.  Kick off your shoes.  Take a deep breath, and … r.e.l.a.x.

These are the Jokes, Folks!

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. A: She was known as the deep C diva.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? …….Bison.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?  A small medium at large

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?   –  right-click, hold the click and roll cursor over here for the answer:—->A carrot<—-

Two cows are standing in a field and one cow says to the other: “What do you think about that mad cow disease?”, the other cow responds: “What do I care “I’m a helicopter”

What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
Beatrix Potter

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?
He was looking for pooh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy bear

What animal drops from the sky?
A rain deer

What did one volcano say to other?
I lava you

Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?   A:   Feyoncé!!

And finally ….  I learned this week …. That the shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me.  I love this weekly thing we have going on.  May today be easy.  May you give and get smiles.  And may you end the day with a smile, knowing that when you think of all the things that could have gone wrong today, today turned out to be not so bad a day after all.

be-my-friend

Have a truly blessed day my friends.

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