What I Learned This Week

HAPPY Friday!  Don’t you just love Fridays?  They have such a happy sound about them.  Say it…  FRIDAY!   When I say it, it sounds like it’s a bottle of fizzy bubbles, which will make a BIG POP sound when it’s opened.

Y’know … I think Friday ought to be re-named – FunDay. 

[stands on footstool and takes up her trusty sword in one hand, and puts the other on her hip] …  “Let it be known by all those who hear my voice,  that from this moment on,  Friday will no longer be called Friday, but instead it will be called FunDay.  It is now proclaimed,  and will be written into history,  that on this day, of 9th of March in the year 2017,  FunDay  began!“.

There.  It’s done.  Spread the word …  from now on, the day after Thursday, but before Saturday is, from this day, to be called —> FUNDAY!

So anyhoo …  you and I know why you’re here – it’s to find out all the things I’ve learned this week.  So shall we crack on and I’ll educationamalise you in the same way I’ve been educationamalised?  Got your coffee?  Let’s go then!   …..  (this first one I apologise to the boys who probably will roll their eyes …  but,  I’m a girl.  What can I say? [smiles and shrugs])…

I learned this week …. That I absolutely ADORE the new cosmetic brushes which the cosmetic world introduced us to,  ‘fairly’ recently(ish).  I’ve been seeing these new style cosmetic brushes – thicker, more lush and way more soft,  than I’m used to using for a time now, but they seemed like a bit of a ‘new box of tricks’ which I really didn’t need, so I didn’t fall into the trap of buying.  Besides … some of them are quite a price too!  However, I went into a store near where I live about two weeks ago and they had a special offer section of items which they had left overs of,  and, since new stock was about to come in, they’d reduced the old stock items.  Amongst everything there was one cosmetic brush.  All boxed up and looking like a cloud made out of the softest ‘hair’ known to man.  (It’s not ‘real’ hair or fur … but can’t remember what the box said it was).  I looked at it, picked it up, put it down, then .. picked it up again.  They’d reduced the thing to £2 – an absolute bargain.  I uhmed and ahhed, and told myself I was being daft.  I didn’t need a brush to apply foundation.  (I use cosmetic sponges for goodness sake!).  So I did no more  … I put it in my basket and bought it.  (sigh … a girl can’t resist a great bargain!).

I got home and put it on my dressing table.  Every now and again I would pick it up and stroke it over my hand just to feel the softness.  It took me ten days before I used it.  Oh  My  Goodness!  WHAT A SURPRISE I GOT!!  Girls … if you use foundation cream when you put on your cosmetics and don’t currently own one of these brushes, you HAVE to buy yourself a brush to apply your foundation cream.  There are no stripes, no streaks, and … it doesn’t dry out half way during application – so no dragging of your skin!  The brush gives the perfect look to your ‘finish’.  Instead of a flat, solid-looking colour, you get an ‘airbrushed’ finish.  Everything is smoother, no signs of over-applying in any area, and no finish lines around your jaw or down your neck.

Not ‘my’ brush, but a piccie of one as near to it as I could find on the interwebby. My brush has a pink handle and the brushy part is slightly fuller.

The brush I bought (I should have taken a photo of it. tsk tsk.  sorry!) is a short brush with a short handle, and a huge cloud of soft fluffy fur.  You apply a (roughly) penny sized blob of foundation to the back of your hand, and then you softly swirl your brush around and around picking up the foundation on all of the bristles, then using the same swirling motion, apply the foundation cream to your face – taking it over your eyes, around and over your nose and all over your face, up to your hairline and down your neck.  Then, take a mirror over to the window and have a really good look at your face.  You’ll be surprised at how airbrushed you look.  But … you don’t look like you have foundation cream on.  You just look a more perfect version of yourself.

I’m so thrilled with this new brush  – so much so that I thought I’d tell you about it,  just incase you might fancy a try of one of these new brushes too!

Ok… now I’ve bored the boys to pieces and they’re all snoring … (sorry boys) …

I’ve also learned this week …  That Samsung (yes, the makers of that unfortunately exploding Galaxy note 7, which people burned their fingers with  last year) do things other than phones,  computers  and TV’s.  Would you believe …  Samsung is currently making  …   the Worlds BIGGEST Container Ship … which will have a quarter of a mile carrying space.  A QUARTER OF A MILE LONG!   That’s four football fields long!  It will carry 20,150 shipping containers, – so unloading that little lot isn’t going to be a rushed process!

The Container Ship is going to cost $609 million dollars – (just in case you’re interested in buying one) – and it will be ready, they say, to move loads of freight sometime this year, 2017.   However … the huge vessel will be staying in the Pacific,  because, at 193 feet wide, it’s too big to fit through the Panama Canal.

Poor thing.  It’s not yet even had it’s christening and it’s already suffering exclusion because of its size!

But, Samsung aren’t stopping there … they’ve got a ‘transparent’  truck with TV screens on all sides too.

I can’t help but wonder how many accidents it will cause because people will be watching the TV screen of what’s happening ahead of the truck, and not notice that the truck itself has put its brakes on.   Eeeek!  :/

I also learned, via a visit to the doctor’s surgery where I picked up a bit of reading matter, a few things about Mother’s Day ….

I know that countries around the world celebrate their Mother’s Day on different days to ourd, so I might be talking ‘out of season’ for you in your corner of the world, but … Mother’s Day here in the UK, will be celebrated on the 26th of March (this month).  It always happens on the fourth Sunday of Lent, and originally it had religious traditions attached to it.

I learned, courtesy of that brochure I picked up at the doctors,   that back in the sixteenth century, it was a celebration of the ‘mother church’ and people would return to the church in which they were baptised, or where they attended as a child.  Thus families would be reunited.  This was known as going  ‘a mothering’  or Mothering Sunday.  It was commonplace for the Lent fast, which prohibited sweet, rich foods and meat, to be lifted a little and for a Simnel cake to be shared.

Years later, youngsters working as servants were given an annual day off to visit their mothers and would take gifts.  This was called ‘Mother’s Day’.

The first official Mother’s Day was organised by Ann Jarvis in 1908, in West Virginia, as a memorial to her mum.  By the 1920’s however, Ann had become disillusioned by the commercialism of the day and especially the common use of printed greet cards.  Celebrating the day became less popular.  It wasn’t until the second World War when soldiers wanted to acknowledge their distant mothers, that the day grew in popularity once more.

So … if you’re in the UK, you have no excuse for forgetting Mother’s Day this year – it’s on the 26th of March!

And finally, in your educationamalisation ….

I learned this week about a fabulous sounding App called Duolingo.    It’s an excellent language app which teaches you languages using mini-games,  and they recently added the ability to learn with a friend.  Très bien!

So I checked it out!  It’s a lovely website, very bright and exceptionally friendly looking.  You aren’t made to sit there for hours while you get frustrated because you can’t keep up with the lesson.

You can choose from many languages – Spanish, French, German, Italian, Portuguese, Irish, Dutch, Danish, Swedish, oh – and English!  (I think there may be more languages, but those are the main ones I remembered).  And you can choose how much time each day you feel you can commit to learning – starting from just 5 minutes!  34 hours of Duolingo are equivalent to a half-year (semester) of university-level education.  And …  it’s totally FREE!

LINK for Duolingo is HERE—> https://www.duolingo.com/   –  it will open in another window for you.

OK… enough  learning You’re here for the jokes so let’s get our chuckle muscles ready ….  On your marks.  Get set.   GO!….

How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?  —  Put it in the oven until it’s Bill Withers

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.  —  A strong currant pulled him in.

What’s pink and fluffy?   —  Pink fluff.

What’s blue and fluffy?  —  Pink fluff holding it’s breath.

I used to have a problem where I couldn’t stop naming classic American sitcoms,   but I’m over it now.   Ahh, Happy Days.

I was walking the dogs when all of a sudden they vanished into thin air.  Not sure where they went, but I’ve got some leads.

Bought a litre of Tipp-Ex yesterday.  Huge mistake.

What did the buffalo say to his son as he left for college?  Bison.

Why didn’t the melons run off to get married?  Because they cantaloupe.

My friend asked me if I could please stop singing  ‘Wonderwall’.    I said maybe. 

I’ve started a business building yachts in my attic.   Sails are going through the roof.

AND finally . . .

Did you know that owls can’t breed in the rain?   It’s too wet to woo.

I hope you’ve got a grin out of one or more of those.  I love funnies.  I think I may have the best worked out chuckle muscle ever!  The rest of my body is totally rubbish, but my chuckle muscle … ah… that’s one to be proud of.  😀

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee with me.  I’ve so enjoyed your company and really appreciate you coming.

My apologies to regular readers  for being quiet this week.  I had to take my elderly cat on her final trip to the vet.  She was 22 years old and the most wonderful squeaky voiced little thing.  I loved her dearly.  It was a terrible few days and I spent them feeling miserable, shedding a few tears and missing her. The oddest thing is that I keep ‘hearing’ her.  I was in the craft room and swear I heard her just outside the door.  I heard her in the house too.  Mr. Cobs said it was one of our other cats, (we have two other cats) but it really did sound like her.

I had a play in my craft room mid week, and made a few things – but none of them were finished or at a point where I could photograph them, so I’ll share them with you next week.  Oh … and I realised today that we haven’t had a Give-Away for aaages.  So perhaps next week we could do one of those again!  (In case anyone is interested!)

May you have a truly lovely weekend.  May peace reside over your home, love find its way to your heart and a smile be ever ready to show itself upon your face.

Sending you oodles of the squishy stuff, with a squidge or two hidden in there as well.

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Things I’ve learned this Week

Act 1, scene 1:  Setting the scene:-

[The door is flung open.  She’s arrived, but not under her own steam.  She was blown through the door with the great force of a wind which took no prisoners.  And she arrived with as much grace as a cow in a china shop and making about the same amount of noise too!].

windy-day

WHOOO!!!  Flipping heck, its windy out there!  I don’t know about the weather where you are, but here in the UK (in various places dotted around Great Britain), Storm Doris has blown in and she’s making sure that her presence is felt.  Folks here have christened today (Thursday evening, as I’m writing this),  Doris Day.  HA!  Love it.  (actually giggle to myself every time I say it.  Doris Day.  Love that soooo much!).

The odd thing about the weather this week is that I went out two days before Doris Day wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a lightweight jacket.  I ended up taking the jacket off and leaving it in the car because it was SO hot!

sunny-day

We have a saying here: …  ‘Come to the UK and experience Snow;   Wind;  Rain;  Hail;  Sleet;  Sunshine;  Warmth;  Heat;  and Hotter than hot.  In fact all of the weathers,   all in one day!’

This week has been a mixed week.  I seem to have done much but only have a little bit to show for it.  I made a card for a blogging friends mum, who had broken her ankle.  I have photos, and now that the card has been received the other end, I can share the piccies with you.  I’ll blog the pictures in the next couple of days.  After making the card, I decided it was about time I cleaned my craft room and moved a few things around which were now in the wrong place.  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  Nightmare In the Craft Room time!    I got about half way through and really wished I hadn’t started this task.

I’m still finishing off.  And I’ll be so glad when everything is put in its rightful place, and all the papers and trimmings have all been put back where they belong.  phew!

Anyhoo...  you haven’t come here to listen to my ramblings about cleaning up.  You’ve come to get some edumacation.  (Yes I know it’s ‘education’  … but I prefer my word. lol)

So …  shall we dive in and get educationamalised?  Strap yourself in.  Ready?  And we’re OFF!  . . .

This week …  I learned to leave a fresh from the oven pizza all alone for at least five minutes  and NOT to take a bite of a slice until 5 minutes have passed.  How did I learn this?  ….  picture the scene dear reader …

The smells from the oven were over-whelming.  A gorgeous, tummy rumbling, nose twitchy sensation, hunger pangs sort of way.  The whole house smelled of the fabulous roasted vegetables which topped the pizza, along with the two different cheeses, and the little circles of garlic butter (the size of a penny) which dotted the top of the pizza.  And the Garlic bread which was cooking at the same time.

The timer dinged, sounding out its permission to remove that pizza from the oven.  Pizza and garlic bread were removed, and salad was waiting for the finished dishes.  The pizza was cut, popped onto the plates and served up.  The smell was way too much.  I couldn’t wait …  I lifted that slice up to my lips and took a bite of that fabulous triangular bit which came from the centre of the pizza.

What happened next was something that should have been reported on the news! (Unfortunately the POTUS pushed me off the top spot so I never even got a mention!).

What I didn’t know about that Pizza was that the toppings and the cheese came from the depths of the core of a VolcanoSo hot.  SO SO SO  –  H.O.T.!!!  Not spicy hot.  Hot as in ‘let me put an iron straight out of the blacksmith’s fire into your mouth and you bite down on it for a moment or two’.  Yeah, that sort of HOT.

I burnt the roof of my mouth behind my two front teeth.  Not just a little burn.  No.  I don’t do things by halves.  When I do things I go full-out and do ’em good.  Ohhhh… the roof of my mouth was sore for days.  The ‘problem’ lasted 4/5 days before I could brush my teeth in the normal way.  In the:   “I’m thinking about sunshine and flowers.  What am I wearing today?.  Why do I have the entire cast of the four-legged members of this household all in this tiny bathroom with me, looking up at me, waiting for me to what?  Tickle them all maybe?” … way.

I had to concentrate very, v. e. r. y.  carefully as I brushed the backs of those two teeth.  None of that brushing the gums as well motion.  Noooooooo.  I had to be sure that I brushed the teeth and only the teeth.  I had experienced the pain which occurred when I brushed the normal way I do, and I didn’t want to experience that again.  Care needed to be taken.

So I learned that I shouldn’t be a pig with Pizza.  Wait ….  wait….  and wait some more  … until the pizza was cool enough before you take a bite.  Good lesson to learn.

I’ve also learned this week: That the Cadbury’s factory make 600,000 Creme eggs every 12 hours, and all those eggs, if weighed, weigh THREE TIMES HEAVIER than an elephantThe moral of this tale is …  don’t eat more than one Cadbury Creme egg a week – unless you want to become an elephant.

I also learned that the Cadbury Brothers released the first filled eggs in 1923, but the Creme Eggs we all know today were introduced to stores only in 1963.  They were initially named Fry’s Creme Eggs. But in 1971, they were rebranded as Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.

Each Creme Egg consists of 180 calories.

According to a survey done by Cadbury, there are different ways of eating the Creme Egg:  53 percent of people bite off the top, lick out the cream, then eat the chocolate;  20 percent just bite straight through; whereas six percent use their finger to scoop out the cream.

Which group do you fit into?

I also learned this week that I miss some of the funny people from our films and TV screens who have either parted company with us, or chosen to sit back and enjoy life, or just aren’t getting the jobs offered to them anymore.  People such as  Steve Martin.  Bill Murray.  John Candy.  Robin Williams (I will never stop missing him).  Leslie Nielson.  Chevy Chase.  Danny DeVito.  Peter Sellers.  Vince Vaughn.  Jane Lynch.  Dan Aykroyd.

We need to laugh more.  I’m starting a movement for more funny stuff on TV.  Lobby your TV stations and tell them that in these difficult times in which we live, we need more funny stuff on TV!

I learned this week or should that be realised?  No, we’ll stick to learned.  I learned this week that I’m totally dumbfounded at how my attitudes towards certain things have changed as I’ve got older.

Things which were, in my opinion, ‘set in stone’ when I was in my twenties are now just not important at all.  Stuff which was so crucial in my thirties, really aren’t anything I bother about now.  Things which were of great significance are now …  meh.  They can all just slide on by me now.

What is important to me now is knowing that I am loved, and that the people I love KNOW I love them.  Can see that I love them.

Our (Mr.Cobs and I) two children, who had their trying times and their ‘I’m going to pour her down the drain‘ moments …  I now look back and see that in actual fact all that worry about them when they were in their teens,  was just me being an over protective mum.  I could see where ‘the dangers’ were and so would try to head them off before daughters 1 and 2 got to them.  But … I shouldn’t have.  They needed to learn, just like we all did.  Only by learning the lesson ‘the hard way’, would they actually learn what the needed to – that being … how to deal with the problem!

So … young mums reading ... allow your children to learn about the things they’re going to need to know about in adulthood.  Even if it’s how to get the lid off the Tupperware container …  or how to sort their dirty clothes into piles of whites, darks and mixed colours!  And WHY they need to learn that.  It’s a valuable lesson – knowing not to put all the washing in the machine without sorting it out and only washing the right things with each other …. as we’ve all learned!   😀

But …  enough of my ramblings!    … I know what you’re waiting for …  the JOKES!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
A: The Telephone.

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the bank teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”   The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’”   The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

and last but not least …. this little thing which I saw this week and it tickled the heck out of me  . . .

fakebook-copy

Well that’s us done and dusted and all caught up for another Friday!  And not just any Friday either!  Today is the last Friday in this month.  Next Friday it will already be March.  We’re really racing through these months, aren’t we. Phew.  I can barely keep up.

I hope your Friday is a lovely one.  A day which passes without any problems, and no gremlins getting into the hours.

May your weekend be the weekend you’re hoping for.  May you sleep well and wake up feeling wonderful.

Sending you squidges, and hoping that life treats you well,  till we meet next time. 

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Craft Living with Anne and Malcolm – 2

We first met Anne and Malcolm a few weeks ago (if you missed the first post you can find it HERE), and now they’re back again for another visit, to share with us all their unique observations on Life living with a Crafter via the use of photographs.

For those who haven’t ‘met’  Anne and Malcolm,  then  . . .  Crafters, Ladies and Gentlemen … May I introduce you to Malcolm and Anne. A glimpse into the exciting world of Crafters and their spouses.   

(Anne and Malcolm exist solely inside my imagination and for the purpose of…) . . . .

THE  COBWEB  CATALOGUE

of a Living  (in my imaginationCrafter & Spouse

voodoo-dolly-1

Malcolm loved that Anne was so happy in the craft room he’d ‘built’ for her, but one thing didn’t go down well with him at all.  The Voodoo Dolly strapped to the big star.  He wished with all his heart that she’d part company with that, because it gave him the heebie-jeebies and he didn’t like to go into the craftroom to get any of his cooking spices which Anne insisted should be in her craft room.  It made him wonder exactly what sort of ‘craft’ Anne was practising!

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the-sewing-room-2

Anne had dropped (very) heavy hints to Malcolm, and even left brochures around the house  in the hope he’d get the idea about what she dearly wanted as a Birthday gift this year.  But on her Birthday, all he’d bought her was a wall mounted thingy-ma-jiggy-me-bob on which to store all her cotton reels,  and he still hadn’t noticed the lack of a sewing machine in her Sewing Room!

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naughty-basket-and-glass-jar-jails-3

Anne was far happier now that she’d finally got
a ‘Naughty Basket’ for the fabrics which were
misbehaving,  and two Glass Jail Jars for those really
BAD fabrics who were the real trouble makers in
the bunch!  She was determined to teach them
a lesson!

~~~~~~

hastily-packed-suitcases-4

Back from their shopping trip, Malcolm took Anne’s new blue basket, filled with all the ribbons she’d bought that morning, down to her basement craft room.  That’s when he noticed the hastily packed suitcases under her fabric cutting desk.   The neighbours could hear that trouble was brewing in  ‘Chez Malcanne’,   as Malcolm climbed the stairs from the basement, two at a time, shouting:  “Anne!  ANNE!!”    with a rather cross tone to his voice.

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clean-up-5

While Anne was away visiting her mother for a couple of days, Malcolm had planned to clean up her crafting room as a surprise for her upon her return.  He thought she’d love how clean and tidy it was now, and also thought she’d adore all the storage boxes with all their little drawers which he’d sorted her things into, and then spent four hours writing little sticky labels out for each drawer.  Sadly, we crafters among us know exactly what was going to happen the minute she stepped inside that door.  She would look around that room with horror mounting and registering on her face.  It was going to take her years to find all her lovely things – which despite what he might have thought,   were all in their correct places (for her) and she prided herself on knowing that she could put her hand on ANYTHING she required because she’d known exactly where it all was!  But not any longer!    Malcolm was going to be TOAST!

~~~~~~~~~

not-so-much-a-craft-room-as-a-breeding-programme-6

One corner of Anne’s Stitch, Knit and Sew Crafting Room was dedicated to what Anne affectionately called her ‘woolly life‘.  However,  Malcolm suspected that this corner had nothing to do with crafting, and instead believed it was a secret Breeding Programme.  The mound seemed to increase weekly, and yet Anne always laughed and denied it when he suggested to her that she’d been out buying more wool again.

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Well,  we’ve turned over few more pages of the ‘COBWEB CATALOGUE of life with a Crafter  & Spouse’,  for a bit of Wednesday afternoon fun.  I hope they’ve raised a few smiles, a smattering of gentle laughs,  or even modicum of cheer.

Have a truly blessed rest of your day.

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The photos chosen for this post are randomly chosen and found on the internet, so publicly available.   I sadly don’t know who the photos belong to, so if you are the owner of any of them, please drop me a comment detailing which photo is yours, and giving me a link to the original posting of it, and  I’ll be thrilled to credit you to the photo.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday!  . . .  Apparently it’s now officially winter – as far as ‘weather reports’ are concerned.  I don’t know why this happens or the reasons for this.  I only heard it on the weather report this morning but I was so busy taking in this information and trying to work out if I’d heard it correctly that I didn’t hear the reasoning behind it.  But there you have it.  It’s winter.

They are reporting that the UK set for the heaviest snowfall for years, and the Long-range forecast warns that the Winter of 2016 is going to be THE BIG FREEZE!   Saying that Britain is facing the heaviest snowfalls in years this winter, as the country’s first icy blast arrives soon, and it will unleash (apparently)  four months –  (FOUR MONTHS!?) –  of heavy snow and sub-zero temperatures.  I read that forecasters have announced this,  and they added:  “expect a very ‘exciting’ December with the possibility of a White Christmas this year“.  OK….  so  NOW I’M GETTING EXCITED! 

The last white Christmas I remember was in the 1980’s …  so this would be such a huge event and I’m already feeling the excitement of it.  In fact … so much so that I’ve even bought a woolly bobble hat!   (If you read one of my posts a few weeks ago, you’ll already know that I look like an extraordinarily comical, female, over-sized unwanted 8th Dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves  when wearing ANY hat.  So this new bobble hat is a BIG thing for me to have bought!).

It’s a chilly, cold wind which is already blowing around outside.  This morning, here where we live in the South of Great Britain,  it was minus 6.  Mr. Cobs informed me of this when he came back in the house from letting the chickens out to play.  I believed entirely that it was minus 6, for I could feel that minus 6 blow right through our little cottage when he opened the door to come back in!  It made me want to hibernate!  Brrrr!

Oh anyhoo…  we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week so let’s get on with it, shall we?

This weeks Lessons in the Key of Life seem to have been (in a lot of circumstances)  about things which start with the letter H!  I have no idea why, but I thought I’d go with it and share this Letter H stuff with you.  Hats on?  Had your shots?  Here we go …

Henge Stonehenge to be precise.  I learned that Stonehenge was in private ownership until 1916, when it was bought,  on the spur of the moment by Sir Cecil Chubb, who was the owner of a local lunatic asylum,  as a present for his wife. Three years later she gave the site to the nation. 

Now this posed a question for me.  Why would a chap buy his wife some big stones which weren’t of the diamond variety?  Did he think this would earn him brownie points?  Well … the fact that she gave this gift away just three years later, must surely have told him something.

So, in the interests of happy Christmas days to come, may I make a suggestion to all the fabulous chaps who read this Friday post (and I know there are a few of you because I have the class register with your names clearly shown on it) ….  Here’s my tip for Christmas Gifts for the fabulous women in your life.   If you’re struggling to find something she’ll be happy to receive,  I truthfully think that if you go by this one rule, you’ll probably strike the right chord:  Buy:-  Something with a Hallmark on it.

You can thank me later.

Hypnotism.  Did you know that:  English writer – Charles Dickens’ marriage broke down partly because of his obsession with Hypnotism Now this surprised me, because if you read a little bit of information about Mr. Dickens you’d find a whole lot more stuff which would and could have broken down his marriage way before this obsession!

I learned this week that:  Apparently Chickens can be hypnotised.   From what I learned:  The record period for a chicken remaining in a hypnotic state is 3 hours 47 minutes.  

Holidays.  Let’s start with a Holiday inspired joke, just to lighten the mood, shall we?

The girl at the Ryanair check-in desk said,   –   “Window or aisle?”
I replied,  –  “Window or you’ll what?”

fnar fnar!

 I have to explain –  here in Great Britain (at least), a ‘Holiday’ is what people of the USA call a ‘Vacation’.  Where-as Christmas is NOT a holiday to the folk of the UK. Christmas is exactly as it says.  It’s CHRISTMAS – and we don’t call it anything but that.

So now we know that  ….

I learned this week that popular Holiday island Hawaii was discovered by Captain Cook in 1778 and named the Sandwich Islands in memory of his patron, the Earl of Sandwich. On landing, he and every man on his crew became completely constipated: one man suffered for 44 days in a row. The men became the first Westerners to witness the traditional Hawaiian sport of surfing.  Cook was murdered in Hawaii in 1779.

The Hawaiian State flag is the only US flag to feature a Union Jack.  It also has eight red white and blue stripes representing the eight main Hawaiian islands.

The ‘wiki’ in Wikipedia is Hawaiian for ‘fast’.

Here’s a question for you: 

I want those of you who have had Haemorrhoids to put your hand up.  Go on.  No one is going to see you, you’re all alone!

Those of you who didn’t put your hands up . . .  are fibbers!

Haemorrhoids : everyone has them!  I learned this week, from watching a TV programme at about 2am in the morning, (sleep escaped me), that EVERYONE has haemorrhoids (UK spelling).  They’re apparently like little cushions in the walls of your B.T.M. and live there quite happily.  However … something happens to upset them, and that’s when they become a problem.  It could be childbirth, carrying a little extra weight, ‘straining’, or even, apparently, a sneeze can cause them to inflame.  However – that old wives tale that sitting on a radiator gives you piles or haemorrhoids, is exactly that.  An old wives tale.  There’s nothing to prove that this causes the problem.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the final H of our ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ list…..  Happiness.  Or Happiness in the form of Jokes, to be precise.  Are you ready for a chuckle?

Q)  What’s green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? 

A)  A pool table.

Q)  What did the Pirate say when he turned 80?

A)  Aye Matey.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.    Mist.

Q)  Why does a Chicken Coop have two doors?   A)  If it had four, it’d be a chicken sedan.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”. . . . 
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”  . . . . .
Doctor: “Nine.”

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

A male friend met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. He rang her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie into it.

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?  To the baaa baaa shop!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?  Because it has a silent pee.

And finally ….  I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee with me.  I love seeing you here.
Have a wonderful day, doing whatever it is that you’ll be doing.  Remember … you have a choice of what sort of day you have.  Choose a Good one!
Oh …   and have a fabulous weekend.  May you find peace and rest, and maybe a few smiles along the way.

Sending squidges to you in your corner,  from me in mine.  ~

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Things I’ve Learned This Week!

Happy Friday all. We’ve survived another week!

But .. I seemed to wake on Monday morning and by the time I’d showered, got dressed and done my hair, it was Friday!  Someone is stealing time and I’m going on a mission to find the beastly boy who’s doing this!  (It’s a boy.  I know it’s a boy.  Don’t ask me how, I just feel it,  and I know it’s a boy).

Shall we dive into my diary and find out what I’ve learned and am wiser because of, this week?  Seat belts on, I’m unlocking the fancy lock on the cover of my diary ...ready?  …. in we go   . . .

I learned this week  . . .  that I have too many clothes and I don’t wear half of them. Now just stop and think about what I’ve just said.  Chaps … this is a gal talking and she’s just said she’s got too many clothes.  Yup, you read it rightGirls …  I’ve just told all your men that a girl can have too many clothes.  When your man points this out to you remember to say:  “Yes but that’s Cobs, and her husband is a millionaire.”  I’m only giving you that ‘get out clause’  so that you don’t hate me for telling the chaps that I have too many clothes.  (N.B.  Mr.Cobs isn’t a millionaire.  I have access to his wallet, his pockets, our bank account is joint,  and … I’ve had up every floorboard in this place and found nothing.  Definitely NOT a millionaire.)

I’ve learned this week  that there is only one particular Christmas Advertising Video this year which makes me cry.

Here in the UK  (from mid November’ish’)  various different (big) companies release their Christmas videos and it’s become a bit of a thing to try to out-do the other companies for the best video.  Normally, it’s John Lewis who win hands down.  They make some really magical Christmas videos which melt my (and an awful lot of others) hearts.  However this year, their video just makes me howl with laughter and joy.

BUT …  there is one video which seems to (at the moment) have passed by unnoticed by some folks here, but for me, it’s the one which turns me into a big girly wreck, crying, sniffing, dabbing with a tissue and wanting to watch it again – even though I know it will make me cry all over again.  (I’ve so far watched it six times, and after each one, I’ve cried like a baby).  I have to share this one with you.  Guys might not ‘get it’ … but I’m pretty certain that most ladies will….  –   it’s only just over a minute long  (and totally child safe in case you have one of those in the room with you) 

So…  are you crying?  Did it make you cry? ….  Almost cry?  …  Not cry at all???

I’ve also learned this week .…  that some Craft Companies expect their customer to be clairvoyant when they don’t send you an item which is clearly shown on a delivery note, which they’ve enclosed in the parcel along with all the other items you ordered at the same time.

Customers are apparently expected to automatically know  that because these companies haven’t included *that* item in the parcel,  it’s not that they’ve forgotten to pack it in with the rest of the order,  but that they’re waiting for it to come back into stock.  And when you phone them up to tell them who you are, what the order number was, and which item it is which is missing,  their attitude is as if you should have known in the first place and you’re wasting their time by phoning.

This forces me to ask …  EXACTLY  HOW  DIFFICULT  IS  IT –  to simply write on the delivery note:  “To Follow” or words to that effect?

CRAFT COMPANIES  take note:  …  I’m going to begin naming and praising very soon, the companies which I’ve shopped at, or with,  which have given me good or excellent service.

BUT   I’m also going to begin naming and shaming  those companies who need to pull their socks up;  buck up their act;  or generally  GET WITH THE PROGRAMME!

Give good service, get more custom.  Give poor service, customers will shop elsewhere. It’s as simple as that.

Crafters chat to other crafters,  face to face, social media or on their Blogs,  and they share their experiences with and of particular companies.  Don’t lose out on free advertising by giving crafters bad service.

I’ve also learned this week …  That a crafter shouldn’t ever think that they’re great at something just because they’ve been doing it for a while. Even crafters who have been crafting for longer than they care to admit to being alive,  can still be the complete opposite of a genius  and burn her fingers on the bally heat gun;  cover herself in ink which won’t wash off and makes her hands and nails look like she’s a potato farmer with no shovel;   and moves things around in her craft room to make it easier for herself,  then can’t find the blasted things she’s moved when she needs them a day after she moved the blasted things in the first &£%*>^  place!!!

And that same Crafter can suddenly remember at 10pm one night that she needs a particular type of card for the following day,  then frantically goes through everything she has in her craft room trying to find inspiration and at 11.20pm finally gives up, telling herself she’ll look in the morning,   knowing all the time that she may as well just go to the shop and buy whatever they have  because she’s obviously a simpleton with a noodle for a brain and she’ll never be able to make anything ever again so she might as well sell all her equipment in her craft room right now damn it and be done with it!

…… clunk.  screeeeeech.  clunk.  [sound soapbox being put away]

I’ve also learned  that people are some of the nicest things God invented.

When you give people a reason to be lovely, they will (more often than not), be lovely.  When you give them a reason to care, they will (more often than not) care.  When you show them a need which you have to get them involved in praying for someone they maybe have never met before, don’t know and haven’t even heard of that particular persons blog before …  These people will see that their own prayer or ‘wish’ or hope,  could be the one that makes the difference and will pray, or wish, or hope and push that feeling out into the ether.  And they’ll show their support by leaving a few words for that person to read so that they see that they’re not alone.  People care.  People care enough to make an effort for a person they don’t even know.  People care enough to try.  People are hoping. Wishing.  Praying,  for a positive outcome.

I hope it’s ok for me to let you know, and I don’t think that she’ll mind me sharing with you   ….  I had a very short email chat with Michelle today and she said: …  “the outpouring of love and support meant so much, and came at perhaps my lowest point”.

Thank you to those wonderful people who left her a message of support,  who prayed,  who wished,  and/or hoped.  Each and every one of you made a difference.  Sometimes, just knowing that people are rooting for you, praying for you, wishing you well … or are just on your side, is all it takes to give someone the strength to keep on keeping on.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and doing what you did.  (If you left a message for her on her blog and it hasn’t appeared yet, it isn’t that you’ve been forgotten, things are getting done as and when they can be, as you would expect).  

But from me,   many, many thanks xxx  Bless you all. How brilliant you are.  I love you. 

And … finally…

Since I always try to leave you with something funny to smile about …. 

I mentioned a few paragraphs ago about the John Lewis Christmas Video for this year which makes me laugh ….  I share it with you here  (don’t fret, it’s only a little over two minutes long – and again, totally child safe)

 

…..  and in case that wasn’t quite enough . . .

nobell-prize

And a few silly but funnies …  ….

Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will . . . Let it go.  Let it go.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?

A: Spoiled milk.

Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A complete waist of time

Well, that’s me done and dusted.  I’ve fessed up, taught you what life and taught me, and given you some jokes to make you smile.  Yes, the oldies are the besties.
Have a truly wonderful Friday, whatever you’re doing.  May the wind blow a little softly, if it has to blow at all.  May the rain be gentle, if it has to rain.  And may your day be filled with happiness and smiles, dotted throughout the hours.   Be kind to someone today.  Say something nice.  Admire their shoes.  Like their hair.  Tell them they’ve lost weight (even if they haven’t – insist that you think they have, just a little).  Let’s do it to them before they do it to us.  (be kind that is).

See you next time.  In the meantime,  I’m sending squidges,  to you there in your corner,  from me here in mine.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Aaaaand   ….  it’s Friday again.  They roll around as regular as clockwork, don’t they?!  They turn up, uninvited and then stick around for a whole 24 hours!  Crumbs, if that was someone who was being a pest and kept coming round to see you, you’d soon begin to hide behind the sofa when they knocked on the door!  But Friday is always welcome.  Maybe it’s because it’s a gift.  What do you think? 

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Anyhoo …  we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week, so put on your full armour. With your breastplate in place.  Take up your shield, and, wearing your helmet, your sword at your side,  gird your loins  . . .   and  . . .   we shall begin with  . . .

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Doris Day.

I’ve been in the mood for a lovely Doris Day film (or films) for weeks.  Every week, when Mr. Cobs comes home from the newsagents on a Saturday morning with the coming weeks TV schedule magazine, I’ve looked through it in the hope of finding a Doris Day film, but none was to be found.

I checked out the scheduling on the TV – and even done a ‘search’ on the TV Menu bit, to see if her name threw anything up.  It did. YAY!!  FINALLY!  However it gave me two movies that I’d have to pay for to watch.

Now a Doris Day movie or two are normally there somewhere so what the heck’s going on?  We have twenty million channels  (ok.  that might be a bit of an exaggeration) … we have enough channels to sink a ship (no, possibly not, but you get what I’m saying here), so why can I only find two Doris Day films, on Netflix, (which we’re not members of) where I’d have to pay to watch those two films?  I mean to say..  it’s DORIS DAY for goodness sake!!  They (the TV folks) put Ms.D. Day films on (normally) all the time.  They fill spaces with them.  So why can’t they fill some spaces for me dogam it?!!   Grrrrrrrr!!!

Well just to spite ’em, I’m going out tomorrow and going to buy as many Doris Day DVD’s as I can and I’ll watch them all day, every day if I want to.  pffft!  Stuff the TV channels.  pffft.

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I learned this week . . . .  That Al Capone’s Business Card said that he was a Used Furniture Dealer.   This new-found knowledge has led me to think that I should get my cat (he’s called Alf Capone – in case you didn’t know) an extra collar tag with that engraved on it. [giggling like mad at the thought]  . . .    Imagine it ….   A cat with an engraved metal tag  . . . .  saying that the cat’s   a ‘Used Furniture Dealer’!    [still giggling myself silly]

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Alf Capone (in hiding).   Used Furniture Dealer

I also learned   . . . .  That a Dragonfly has a lifespan of approximately 6 months.  That’s, of course, presuming that other cat here at The Cobweborium (Princess Tippitoes Maisie Dotes) doesn’t catch it first.

She’s an ever so teeny tiny cat, but she’s a Dragonfly Slayer.  I don’t think she actually means to kill them,  and in fact I don’t think SHE herself, does.  But she does bring them home,  . .  they’re so quick-moving,  and they make an attractive noise to her,  and they are a little sparkly in sunshine,  – so as far as she’s concerned, they were made just for HER.

However, when she brings them home, her brother, Alf Capone – Used Furniture Dealer, then steals them from her  (if I don’t get there first)  and sadly . . .  he does ‘the deed’.

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Princess Maisie Dotes,  on Fairy Watching Duty.

I’ve found out this week (and so ‘learned this week’)  that a snail can sleep for 3 years.  Now if this is true … WHY DON’T THE BALLY SNAILS IN MY GARDEN SLEEP FOR 3 YEARS AND LEAVE MY PLANTS AND FLOWERS ALONE???!  (I shall be talking to God about this when I chat with him later, and, I can confide in you, that I’m a bit grumpy about this matter.  A very bit grumpy indeed!).

I learned a very important Life Lesson this week too:  ….   –  after a long break from using my BIG BEASTY sewing/embroidery machine  I got the (bloomin’ heavy) machine out (well actually no, that’s a lie.  It’s too heavy so Mr. Cobs has to get the machine out,  and put it up onto the table for me), I set it up, take half an hour to remember how to thread the machine so that it self threads the needle … then remember how to select all the settings;  then get the right presser foot;  double-check that I’ve got the right colour in my bobbin . . . and FINALLY set to in the sewing   . . .  AND THEN . . .  just two flowers into the stitching and feeling a warm happy feeling thinking that I’d ‘still got it’ . . . just at that point where the glow of happiness was surrounding me like a golden, heavenly halo and I could almost hear the Angels singing,   . . . . .  S.N.A.P.!

The ‘rasser frazzer grisser bazzer’ needle breaks and I find I don’t have any spare ones left.

[great  BIG  s.i.g.h].  It’s now 7.45pm and the shops where I could get a box of needles from are all now closed for the night.   I had to un-thread the needle, and put away the cotton back in the cottons box.  Then sadly put away of all the bits and pieces of my machine, and hope that I can get some spare needles in the right size in a couple of days time, so that I can do it all over again.  [double sighs and thinks  of as many great BIG swear words as possible… just doesn’t say them].  The moral to this tale is:  To always go and buy new needles for your sewing machine the moment you use the LAST BUT ONE needle.  Don’t wait.  Don’t think that you have one needle left and that you have loads of time to buy a new pack.  Go straight away and buy new needles, because if you don’t, the minute you put that very last needle into you machine  . . .   S.N.A.P.!  Then where will you be?

 And finally …

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I’ve learnt this week that Tesco own brand of ‘Easy Seal Ice Cube Bags’ – those bags which you fill with water, put into the freezer and they turn that water into individual ice cubes, ‘those’ bags.   Well I found out this week that they’re suitable for use in the freezer!  That’s a bit of luck, isn’t it?!!

I’ve learnt quite a lot this week….  can you tell I’m more cleverer than I actwally woz last week?  🙂

Oh .. Oh … I nearly forgot …  I learned that you should always leave folks laughing .. so with that in mind I thought I’d do my best cheesy jokes … get ready ’cause these are my bestest ever:-

There was an explosion in the Cheese Factory! . . .  There was de Brie everywhere!

What did the Queen say when a man threw cheese at her?   . . .   “How dairy!”

Why didn’t the cheese want to get sliced?   . . .   Because he had grater plans.

How do you handle dangerous cheese?   . . .  Caerphilly.

Which Cheese is made backwards?  . . .   think about that one and I’ll tell you in a minute.

What kind of cheese would you use to try to disguise a small horse?   . . .  Mascarpone.

Which cheese would you use if you wanted to coax a bear down from a tree?  . . .  Camembert.

How did Mr. Cheese paint his wife?   . . .  He Double Gloucester.  (for those outside of the UK,  you say Gloucester like this:  Glosster.  now say the answer to the joke again and you’ll get it then).  Link: Gloucester Cheeses

And finally ..  back to Which Cheese is made backwards?  . . .  the answer is …  Edam.  Get it?

Have a truly fabulous Friday I hope that today leaves you feeling happy, tired, and ready for a nice weekend doing something you enjoy.  Remember to make a memory along the way.

Look after each other.  Be kind.  Try to make someone happy.  And … whatever you’re doing  and  where ever you go,  may your God go with you. 

Blessings, my friends ~

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Save

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Craft Living with Anne and Malcolm

Some of you may be familiar with a website which has some great photographs taken from catalogues, to which they put their own spin on what you’re looking at and end up with  the funniest things which make me hoot with laughter.

Well, I have a confession …  when I look at pictures craft rooms, on the inter webby, I have that same thing go on inside my head.  I will fall in love with craft rooms, and gaze at them longingly – wishing that my craft room was *that* big, or *that* colour or *that* clean – but I know it’s never going to happen.  However .. after I’ve fallen in lurve with the craft room … I will then spot a little something which begins to tickle me.  From that tickle comes a bubbling feeling, like fizzing champagne bubbles going crazy around my solar plexus, and from that point on, all heck breaks loose and the laughter pops out.  Not normal laughing … noooo.. the type of laughing which has tears running down my face laughing.

So, since it’s Monday, and Monday can be …  very  ‘Mondayish’ … I thought we’d get the week off to a slightly better start than  ‘Mondayish’.   So team …  Get your chuckle muscles ready . . .   (I’ll start you off gently with just five pictures,  . . .  so that none of you break your chuckle muscle) …

  Crafters, Ladies and Gentlemen … May I introduce you to Malcolm and Anne.  (who exist solely inside my imagination and for the purpose of…) . . . .

THE COBWEB CATALOGUE  ~  of a Living  (in my imagination)  Crafter

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    ❤

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  ❤

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  ❤

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  ❤

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  ❤

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Happy Monday!  I hope that your chuckle muscle is in good repair, and that you’ve just given it a little work out.  Hopefully there will be more to smile about in your coming week.

Have a truly beautiful day my friends.  Let’s do it to them before they do it to us. (be kind that is).

Sending much love to you there in your corner, from me in mine. 

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