1865 – In the market square of Springfield, Missouri, Wild Bill Hickok shoots Dave Tutt dead in what is regarded as the first true western showdown.
Wild Bill Hickok, was a legendary figure in the American Old West. His skills as a gunfighter and scout, along with his reputation as a lawman, provided the basis for his fame, although some of his exploits are fictionalized. Hickok’s horse was called Black Nell, and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers.
Hickok arrived in the West as a stagecoach driver, then became a lawman in the frontier territories of Kansas and Nebraska. He fought in the Union Army during the American Civil War, and gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, and professional gambler. Between his law-enforcement duties and gambling, which easily overlapped, Hickok was involved in several notable shootouts, and was ultimately killed while playing poker in a Dakota Territory saloon.
1897 – London’s Tate Gallery, built on the site of the Millbank Prison, was opened, with 67 paintings
1925 – Scopes Trial: In Dayton, Tennessee, high school biology teacher John T. Scopes is found guilty of teaching evolution in class and fined $100.
1960 – English yachtsman Francis Chichester docked in New York in his boat Gypsy Moth II – setting a new record of 40 days for a solo crossing of the Atlantic.
1962 – British group The Rolling Stones made their first public appearance at the Marquee Club in London.
1969 – Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.
1972 – Bloody Friday bombing by the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PIRA) around Belfast, Northern Ireland – 22 bomb explosions, 9 people killed and 130 people seriously injured.
Bloody Friday is the name given to the bombings by the Provisional Irish Republican Army’s (IRA) Belfast Brigade in and around Belfast, Northern Ireland on July 21, 1972, which killed nine people including two soldiers, and injured 130 civilians.
The bombings were part of a concerted bombing campaign carried out by the IRA against economic, military and political targets in Northern Ireland. The group carried out a total of 1,300 bombings in 1972. Following the failure of secret talks in London between the British government and the IRA in 1972, Gerry Adams allegedly played a central role in planning the Bloody Friday bomb blitz
1974 – The Police National Computer (PNC) began operating, in the UK.
1983 – The world’s lowest temperature is recorded at Vostok Station, Antarctica at −89.2°C (−129°F).
1994 – Tony Blair is declared the winner of the leadership election of the British Labour Party, paving the way to him becoming Prime Minister in 1997.
1997 – The fully restored USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”) celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.
USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”)
USS Constitution, known as “Old Ironsides,” is a wooden-hulled, three-masted heavy frigate of the United States Navy. Named after the United States Constitution, she is the oldest commissioned ship afloat in the world. The Constitution was one of the six original frigates authorized for construction by the Naval Act of 1794 and was launched in 1797. Joshua Humphreys designed them to be the Navy’s capital ships and so Constitution and her sisters were larger and more heavily armed than the standard frigates of the period.
The modern-day role of “Old Ironsides” is that of “ship of state”. The crew of 55 sailors participates in ceremonies, educational programs and special events (including sail drill) while keeping the ship open to visitors year-round and providing free tours. The crew are all active-duty sailors in the Navy and the assignment is considered a special duty. Traditionally, the duty of captain of the vessel is assigned to an active duty Navy commander.
2004 – The United Kingdom government publishes Delivering Security in a Changing World, a paper detailing wide-ranging reform of the country’s armed forces. The 2003 Defence White Paper, entitled Delivering Security in a Changing World sets out the future of the British military, and builds on the 1998 Strategic Defence Review (SDR) and the 2002 SDR New Chapter which responded to the challenges raised by the War on Terror.
Born on this Day 1899 – Ernest Hemingway, American writer, Nobel laureate (d. 1961) 1946 – Barry Whitwam, British musician (Herman’s Hermits) 1948 – Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, English singer 1951 – Robin Williams, American comedian/actor
And now …. for something completely different: (as Monty Python would say) . . .
“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” or “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.” A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.
below … are a selection from Lexophiles, some of which should cause you to smile:
…. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
…. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
…. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles UCLA.
…. The batteries were given out free of charge.
…. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
…. A will is a dead giveaway.
… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
…. A boiled egg is hard to beat.
…. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.
…. Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
…. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.
…. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.
…. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
…. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
…. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
…. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
And the cream of the wretched crop:
…. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
Well … that’s me done and dusted. 🙂
I hope you found something to smile about here, and maybe something to share in order to spread the smiles around.
Wishing you a truly fabulous Friday, and a truly great Weekend.
Have some fun. Smile a little. Enjoy life. For that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do. Enjoylife.
Sending buckets of love and bowls filled with squidges ~
Well what a lovely week it’s been. I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it. But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about. Enjoying it.
The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold. I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’. Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig. I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.
So …. What have I learned this week? Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it …. check this little list out:-
I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is: “Good for you!”
I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”
I also learned aboutHonest Brand Slogans and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:
Hallmark:“When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by a corporation.”
Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”
Gillette:“We’re just going to keep adding blades.”
ChapStick: “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.” (ain’t THAT one the truth!)
Hot Pockets:“Every bite is a different temperature.”
I was reminded that I learned many years ago when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:- “ I told you so”.
I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about. It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside. Ha!
I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles, when someone knocks on the door. She get’s SO excited, and yet . . . it’s hardly ever for her!
I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was. . . . I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is ‘popty ping‘. So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true. The very first result which came up said it was true. So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun. Popty Ping. Say it out loud. It’s kind of ticklish!
HOWEVER . . . I didn’t quite trust the first answer so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that ‘popty ping’ is a made up word. The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon. (And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol). Shame … I rather liked popty ping. It was such a perfect description!
And finally … I learned: Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men. Would you believe it? When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle. From this I deduce that we should cry more often. Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!
Well, I know why some of you are here. You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday. Ok … gird your loins … here are the Jokes:-
Q. What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long? ….A.Polaroids
Q. Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? … A.Because it’s a little meteor.
Q. What did the ghost say to the bee? … A.BOO-BEE
Q. Why didn’t the melons get married? … A. Because they cantaloupe!
and finally ….
Q. What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks? … A.DINO-MITE!
Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries. Have you learned anything this week? Been somewhere exciting? Done something amazing? Do share your story. I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!
Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend. May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.
It’s February. The month of ❤ Lurve. ❤ (imagine I’m saying that with a French accent … it will sound so much better.)
Did you know: That February is the third month of winter? In the Southern Hemisphere February is a summer month the equivalent of August … so G’day down there. Hows your summer?
Also … In Old English, February was called Solmonath (Mud month) or Kale-monath (Kale or cabbage month). So Kale and Cabbage is on the menu for the rest of the month!
Americans (I’m informed) have trouble with the word February – last year, a press release from the White House consistently spelt it as Feburary.
‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is the only Shakespeare play that mentions February.
The birthstone for February is amethyst.
The ancient Greeks believed that amethyst protected the wearer from drunkenness.
So … what have I learned this week?
Well … I’ve learned that what I thought were just ‘quirks’, aren’t. I really do seem to have some sort of OCD problems going on. I’ve always thought I was just weird – or ‘pernickety‘, as my Grandma used to say.
Silly things can make me feel uncomfortable. Sort of ‘wriggly’. A picture hanging at an angle. I’d have to straighten it up. HAVE TO. There is no choice about it. If I walked out of a room and left it … within about 3 minutes you’d find me back in that room straightening that picture. (even if it wasn’t even my house!) But I just put that down to me being a tidy person. Nothing wrong with that, eh?
If venetian blinds aren’t quite level … eventually they’d drive me nuts and I have to stand up and go over to sort them out.
Couldn’t bear it in my old doctors surgery when I saw that the bead chain thing on the bottom of the vertical blinds had come ‘un-hooked’ from one of the slats. I waited until the seat by the blinds had become free, then moved over and fixed it. (Daughter No. 1 wasn’t overly impressed mind).
But … this week there was an article which Mr.Cobs found in an on-line newspaper which he was reading and he told me about it, showing me some of the pictures. Of course, I had to go to the website and have a better look! Worst thing I did. I should have closed my eyes. Gone off and done something to take my attention away. But I didn’t. I looked!
The pictures I share with you here, are a selection from that article. Let’s see how you get along with these.
I’ll start you off with a gentle one …
1) Does that ‘corner‘ upset you at all … or is it just a clever bit of design?
2) You’ve sharpened your pencils. You look at what a great job you did, … only… you didn’t. Is this going to upset you? Do you feel like you want to reach into the computer screen and grab them so that you can do a better job?
3) Can you see the problem here? Look at the bottom of the post, and where it finishes on the corner of the step. Hmmm. Could you live with that? Or would it … DRIVE YOU NUTS EVERY SINGLE DAY?
4) Now I know that hole in the dashboard isn’t for your cups of coffee. You probably know that hole isn’t for cups of coffee. So – let’s pretend … You climb into the car. How long could you live with that cup of coffee (or maybe it’s coke) living in that hole? I’d last about 9 seconds. Yes seriously.
Ok … let’s move the goal posts and take this one step further into madness ….
5) Look at this photograph. Don’t look away. LOOK AT IT. How long could you live with those handles not being level and those doors not fitting or level?
Are you starting to feel your level of comfort shifting at all?
6) Imagine that you have to walk past this door every day, twice a day. Once on going out, and once on coming home. How fast would you have to walk past this door, with your face set to ‘stone’ and your eyes staring hard at the pavement, in an effort not to be drawn to even glancing in the direction of the door?
Are you beginning to get a sort of itchy feeling going on? Feeling restless?
7) You use the restroom, and this is what you face when you go to wash your hands. There are THREE sinks. Why are there FIVE towel dispensers? And why, if they felt the need to put FIVE paper towel dispensers over those three sinks, did they have to put them so … ‘creatively’ on the wall?? OH … AND DO THEY KNOW THAT THE DARN BIN NEEDS EMPTYING??? [sigh. grrrrrrrr!]
8) It was ‘right’ at some point. When they first did the laying of the cobbles and the pavers, that manhole cover was done so that the pavers and the cobbles all matched. However …. at some point, someone lifted that manhole cover to tend to something. But when they put that cover back, they didn’t put it back correctly. THIS would SERIOUSLY hiss me off SOOooo much that I’d be begging Mr. Cobs to lift it and put it right. What about you?
Have we found your level of ‘un-acceptable’ yet? What number of photograph got to you?
9) You had a new staircase put in… but after the guys finished and left, you had an uncomfortable feeling about this first flight of stairs. What the devil was wrong with it? Something was wrong …. Shall I give you a clue? Ok … CLUE: 5 down. Look at 5 down.
And finally … I’ve left this photograph until last because … well, for me at least, this is the one which is probably THE most serious one of all. This is the one which would get me using the word: DIVORCE! Either from himself or from either daughter. Brace yourself …
WHY??? Why would any sane person do this? This isn’t normal behaviour. Not for me. Whoever did this …. I would have to have them committed. It’s not the behaviour of a person whose brain is functioning on any normal levels. If they didn’t want the ‘crust’, then just cut a slice in a normal fashion, then cut off the crust and dispose of it into the bin – or put it on the bird table for the birds!
These photographs, although featured in an on-line Newspaper article, can be found on a website called Bored Panda … but Bored Panda doesn’t just have these sorts of photos. They have sections for practically everything. Check out the Little Polish Village – where everything is covered in colourful flower paintings! Oh … and while you’re there, do take a peep at the Two Disabled Rescue Cats – which is not in the least bit sad. Watch the video and you’ll smile for the rest of the day!
❤
Anyhooo ... Although I’ve learned a few things this week … I wanted to share this OCD thing with you so that you could have a bit of fun with it too.
❤
So I guess that the only thing left is …. The Jokes! Brace yourself ….
❤
Bob left work one Friday evening. But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.
When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”
Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.
Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.
But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
❤
Q.What has a bottom at its top? — A.A leg.
❤
Q. What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee? – – – A. A bah-humbug
❤
Q. How do you fix a broken Tuba? — A.With a Tuba Glue!
❤
Q. What game would you play with a Wombat? — A. Wom.
❤
Q. How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? — A.He felt his presents.
Q. What do Cats eat for Breakfast? — A.Mice Krispies
❤
And those are the jokes folks!
❤
I hope your week has been a good one, and that no gremlins got in there and spoilt anything. However … if they did – you have to just remind yourself that sometimes we need a gremlin or two just to make our brains work out the way to deal with those little divils. And .. we learn by them.
❤
I hope your weekend is relaxed and happy. With a little love sprinkled around the place, and a few smiles to warm your heart. Remember to share your own smile with someone else. YOU might just change someone elses day, or even life. We could all do with as many smiles as we can get. So share yours!
❤
Sending loving thoughts, happy wishes and loads of squidges ~
Instead of a ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ post (which I normally share on a Friday), I felt it would be appropriate to make a post about some of the things I’ve learned this last year which we’ve just said goodbye to.
Some of the things life taught me during 2016 are fabulous, and some aren’t.
I’m a believer in a particular ‘thing’, which life taught me when I was in my early teens, which I call: If something happens, it happens For A Reason.
It might be a truly wonderful, amazing, biggest wish and want of your heart and soul. Or it could be something not so wanted or desired. However, what ever this ‘thing’ is, it will have been placed on your pathway for a reason, and you are meant to learn something from it.
So let’s begin the journey of discovery about what I Learned during 2016, shall we? Are you strapped in securely? Do you have your crash helmet secured? Clean underwear on? Okey Dokey, hold on tightly to the person sat next to you, because that way it’s less likely that you’ll fly off half way round the ride!
I learned last year …. that when I finally find some moccasin slippers which fit beautifully, with good soles, and are lined with cotton inside them (because of my stupidly sensitive feet) … I should buy two or even three pairs, because when the pair I originally chose, and have been wearing till they fell apart, I won’t be able to find any more, anywhere near as comfortable or lovely as them, and the place I bought them from changed the design and put non-cotton linings in their new design. I’ve been looking since February of 2016 for a new pair, and so far I’ve found nothing which comes anywhere near. I’ve bought new slippers – in fact I’ve bought four pairs of different slippers since then, but none of them are anywhere near as comfortable and, to be truthful, I hate them all.
The older I’ve got, the more I’ve grown to appreciate bits of my body, in particular my feet. Look after your feet people, because they have to last you for the rest of your life. Buy shoes which fit. Don’t wear heels every day – swap things around – to give your feet chance to work properly. And don’t wear anything which is tight around the toes. It’s not brain surgery, and it’s simple to understand. Look after your feet.
I also learned that I need to Plan Ahead. Not for the emergency things, like a power cut and we had no electricity – because I plan for all emergencies like that.
(In fact, I plan so ‘beautifully’ (?) for that sort of emergency that if there were an actual power cut here where we live, I could give every neighbour candles and still have enough for us).
I need to stop waiting till the last moment to do some of the regular things – like make an appointment for the doctor (I wait until I’m ready to be admitted to hospital before I’ll give in and make an appointment), – and instead of putting things off, I need to do things there and then(!) so that they’re already done and ready for when they need to be ready. Case in point: This Post!
I knew I was going to do this post and I knew when I needed it done for. And yet, here I am, on the last day of 2016, tapping away on my keyboard knowing that this post HAS to be ready to ‘go live’ in the early hours of 2017. Why on earth didn’t I begin building this post when I sat having a rest or a coffee, or even last week?! The answer is: Because I’m a dimwit! That’s why!
PLAN AHEAD WOMAN ... and stop leaving ‘it’ till the final moment!
Next!:
I learned during 2016 that Crafting is an obsession to me. And not only is crafting itself the obsession, but crafty shopping is also an obsession. I will go to a store with a list of (say) three or four items that I need. However, when I hit that shop with all those lovely crafty goodies, I go batship crazy and am like a child who’s on a sugar high and been given permission to have as many things as they can stuff into a trolley within two hours. Yes seriously. I will sometimes catch the bored stiff eyes of ‘Cobs The Bogeyman’ (aka Mr.Cobs) as he wanders around after me (following me like a little lost puppy) asking … “can we go now?”.
The man should be awarded a Knighthood in the New Year Honours List (which we have here in the UK), for Services to Retail; Excelling in the Art of Husbandry; and generally being Mr. Wonderful. (although that last one can sometimes come into question).
“Arise Sir Cobs.” she says. [as the Queen finishes dobbing him on each shoulder with her trusty sword].
NEXT!
I’ve learned this year that … New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
As a crafter this is the saddest bit of stuff I’ve ever learned in my whole life. I’m always twinkling with glitter, even if I haven’t used any for a week. A spell in my craft room seems to cover me in glitter, which I leave trails of behind me, wherever I roam, or go. (Including into the loo – which tickles Mr.C – but I won’t tell you what he says about it. Suffice to say it has something to do with storage of the twinkly stuff and my knickers)
NEXT!:
I won’t make up stories about my parents being the most amazing parents in the world.My parents weren’t the best parents in the world, but they were the best ‘THEY‘ could be. They taught me many lessons. Life Lessons about:
appreciatingevery thing I had. From the toys that were given to me as a child, to the teachers I had at school and the lessons I learned from them.
How to make friends and be a friend. ( I still have problems making friends because I’m SO painfully shy).
Ensuring that I knew the importance of keeping Sunday as a family day and Christmas and Easter, and Birthdays, as special days and honour the family by spending time with them – all of them – from my parents to my Grandma & Grandad, Uncles, Aunties, Cousins etc.
To look at both sides of any choices which were placed in front of me. Good-v-Bad. To make sure that I had looked at things from every angle in order to make sure I made the right choice for me.
To have an opinion. Aw heckaroonie, I could count on my Mom to have an opinion, and to feel free to voice it – even if I or anyone else disagreed with her, she had her opinion and would stick to it too.
To be willing to help. From the age of around 12, I used to do the family weekly shopping all by myself. My mother would be working and my father wasn’t the shopping sort of chap, so I was left a list next the kitchen sink, every Saturday morning, along with money, and I had to go all by myself to the local shopping centre, and visit the big Supermarket; greengrocer; butchers; newsagent; and possibly the pharmacy too, in order to get all the things on the list, within the money that I’d been left to buy it with. Then bring all those groceries home – walking all the way home carrying four bags full of groceries. This taught me a huge lesson as a child: How to be an important part of the family. How to manage money; How to Budget; How to Shop for a whole family with all their various likes and dislikes; and … Spend money on the right things when that was the only option open. As an adult, when I married, I was so grateful for those shopping and money management lessons.
I learned many more lessons from my parents and I’m grateful for them. However, a lesson they never got the chance to teach me (and I so wish they had) was how to deal with someone, a family member in this case, who not just wounded me but broke my heart with their words, all within about 90 seconds, and without me getting chance to ask why? What? How? When? Who? Why? WHY??
My parents aren’t around now for me to talk to and ask advice from on how to deal with what happened and to share with them how it’s affected me, and over the last year I’ve wished daily that I had someone older and wiser to advise me, and to just listen. Before now, I’ve had my mother in law to chat with, and she’s been brilliant. But she’s getting on in age and is showing some signs of a dementia type of illness so of course I simply won’t give her a problem like this for her to listen to.
So it’s been left to me to ‘grow up’ and get to a place where I have come to a decision about what I have to do.
This whole thing happened because I’d offered this particular family member help to clean their house. I’d offered before and they seemed to welcome the idea of this help – things were getting on top of them and all sorts of stuff had become very difficult for them as they were suffering with depression.
Offering to help with the cleaning was the only thing I knew how to do which I thought might help in some way. But I’d been waiting for them to tell me when they’d like me to come over – for it’s how we’d left it. I offered, they brightened up and said yes, and said they’d let me know when. I’d waited weeks and weeks, and wondered if perhaps they didn’t like to ask, so I offered again, and it tipped this person over the edge of reason and they simply exploded. They shouted an awful lot of hurtful things at me, and told me that they didn’t love me, or like me, and that they didn’t want anything more to do with me. It was such a total shock because we’d always got on really well.
So … I finally learned in the last week of 2016, that for my own sake, I have to leave this deep wound alone and move on. Mr.Cobs has helped me see that after 15 months, if nothing has put things right after this length of time, then I HAVE to let it go and move on from it. For the sake of my heart, and my health, I have to leave this behind me and allow my heart time to heal.
It’s difficult because I hate to see how depression is keeping this person fixed, almost like a prisoner, in one place and no longer enjoying life. But, as Mr.Cobs has said over and over – I have to let it go. I cannot continue to fret over this.
I’ve learned that I’m grateful for my parents being the best parents they could be, teaching me, showing me and making me aware of the things that are important. And … I think they would have told me I realised, probably about eight months ago, that I HAD to just let go of this ‘thing’, stop turning it over and over inside my heart and mind, and instead move on.
So that’s what I’m doing. I’m moving on Mom. ❤
Y’know … I felt as if I just heard her say, over my left shoulder, ‘Good girl.’
*I tell you none of this for sympathy … and I want none. I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned last year, and this was a really BIG learn for me.
OK… moving on: NEXT!
I learned,during 2016, that it takes me two months to learn to write the new year numbers down on anything that I need to write it down on. So I’m going to try harder with 2017!
NEXT!
I learned all over again in 2016, how much I enjoy writing posts for this blog. I’ve ‘met’ so many wonderful people via the blog and I cannot begin to tell you how enriching it is to know you all. YOU reading this now. YOU enrich my life by being in it. So I take this opportunity to thank you for being who you are. You’re truly amazing. (And boy oh boy, you’re such a blessing!)
NEXT:
I’ve learned how much I adore the simple jokes in life. Complicated jokes are great … but sometimes they can be a bit too clever and they make my brain hurt trying to keep up with them. But the simple, almost childlike jokes … aw, they are the jaw achers which I adore. I shall attempt to remember to add a small handful at the end of this ‘ream of internet paper’.
NEXT!
I’ve learned the importance of an afternoon snack. 4pm (ish) seems to be the point at which my sugar levels drop to a low and I will either fall asleep in my chair or take myself off to bed for a nap. However … if I have something snackwise, at around 4pm, then I’m good to go for the rest of the day. Have a snack!
And finally….
I’ve learned the importance of not hitting your knee on a substantial coffee table, made of 2″thick pine and made in such a way that a family of four could live in it in an emergency. Actually … I learnt this lesson on the closing moments of 2016 … so only just, and the swear words are still bouncing off the walls of my brain! Grrrrr! Gosh, that knee hurts now, and it’s really, really hot to touch and swollen too!
OK… I know you’ve been waiting for this part …. here come the jokes:
On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. Because, as the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
~~~~~~~
What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’?
. . . . . . One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
~~~~~~~
Two Clowns divorce. A Custardy battle follows.
~~~~~~~
Question for you … Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from earth?
~~~~~~~
An annoying person told me “People have 2 Ears and 1 mouth, so they should listen more than they speak.”
I replied “People also have 1 mouth and 2 legs, so maybe you should shut up and go away.”
~~~~~~~
In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. After that, everything else was ‘Made in China’.
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Women: A species that loathes you for asking their age,but will torture you forever if you forget their birthday.
What is red and bad for your teeth? . . . A brick!
Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?
Love means nothing to a tennis player.
Knock Knock Who’s there?
Who. Who who?
What are you? An owl?
Knock Knock Who’s there?
Smell map Smell map who?
If you’re not giggling by now, say it out loud. If you’re still not giggling after that then click and hold the click over this —>“Smell map who?” sounds like ‘Smell my poo’ when said out loud<—
Knock, Knock Who’s there?
Hatch Hatch who?
Bless you and cover your mouth next time.
Knock, Knock Who’s there?
Spell. Spell who?
OK, W. H. O.
Knock, Knock Who’s there?
Mikey. Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole
Knock Knock
Who’s there? I eat map.
I eat map who? Oh yuk! That’s disgusting! (you might have to say it out loud if you haven’t got it yet).
And finally …..
Wife texts husband:Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?
Husband texts back: Love, do you remember the jewellery shop on Regent Street where you saw a diamond necklace and fell in love with it and I couldn’t afford it then, but I said ‘I will get it one day for you’?
Wife replies (all excited): Yes I do, I do.
Husband texts back to her: I am in the pub just next door to that.
fnar fnar!
Well I guess that there’s only one thing left for me to do now and that’s this (It’s only 34 seconds long):-
Rememberyou can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.
❤
I personally have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have.
❤
May love, peace and harmony be yours in 2017, and my greatest wish for you is for contentment to be yours. For when you have contentment, you then have everything you could possibly want. Happy New Year to you!
Aw, hello! I’m so happy to see you! Sit yourself down and I’ll pour you a coffee. I’ve got some things to tell you about which I’ve learned this week, and which I think will blow your mind! There is a ‘theme’ to this weeks learned things; they’re all based around time.
I’m going to get started straight away because I’m desperate to tell you this first thing, which I learned earlier this week as it really surprised me . . . until I began to think about it, then I could see how obvious it was! …. So … Seat belts on? Packed Lunch? Drink at your elbow? Please extinguish all cigarettes – ’cause they make me cough. Take a deep breath, pinch your nose and lets all jump in together… Ready? 1, 2, GO!
Did you know . . . that Cleopatra lived closer – in time – to the first Moon landing, than to the building of the Great Pyramid? No, me neither!
Cleopatra was born 2,500 years after the Great Pyramid a Giza was built, but only 2,000 years before the first lunar landing was achieved.
I also learned this week …. that of all the people in history that have reached 65 years of age, halfofthem are living rightnow. (think about that one for a second. Let it sink in. It blew me away)
USHI OKUSHIMA (pictured above) was the oldest resident of Ogimi, the most elderly community in Japan. Born on August 7, 1901, and when last interviewed she still dabbed perfume behind her ears before she took to the floor for traditional Japanese dances. Afterwards she sipped the local firewater. Ushi was born when Japan had only recently seen off the Shogun warlords.
This fabulous lady had been filmed by every major news organization in the world, from the Discovery Channel, CNN, and the good old BBC. She was like the Dalai Lama of longevity.
So many people fear getting old, but perhaps if they could have seen this lady, they’d look forward to it.
Ushi would wake at 6 a.m., make a breakfast of vegetable miso soup, and then went out for a stroll. Every afternoon she’d eat lunch with her daughter, and her grand children and friends came over to visit. In the evenings she’d eat a dinner of mostly vegetables, drink a cup of mugwort sake, and went to bed. What was her longevity secret? “Work hard, drink mugwort sake before bed, and get a good night’s sleep,” Ushi said.
Actually, asking an old person how she got to be so old is like asking a tall person how she got so tall. They don’t really know. But her life did offer a few clues. For example, Ushi’s day was full of social interaction. A Harvard study showed that the seniors with the most social ties were three times less likely to die during the study period than those who had the least social connections. So make time for your family and friends, and you just might add a few years to your life.
I’ve searched for up-to-date information regarding this lady and could only find that it’s believed that Ushi Okushima, passed away sometime in 2010/11 at the age of 109 years. I found this information only in one place, so can’t say for sure that it’s correct, but I found no recent mention of her other than this.
If you’d like to read a little more about Ushi, you can find a fascinating written piece here —> National Geographic Magazine <— the link will open in a new tab – when it loads, if you don’t want to read the initial ‘stuff’ (which is actually rather a good read), just scroll down to about half way down the page, and you’ll find the piece about Ushi Okushima.
Japan, the land of the rising sun, has become the land of the setting sun with staggering speed. As recently as 1984, Japan had the youngest population in the developed world, but by 2005 it had become the world’s most elderly country. Soon it will become the first country where most of the people are over 50 years old.
This is partly because Japanese people live longest: men can expect to reach 79 and women 86. It is also partly because the Japanese have almost given up having babies: the fertility rate is just 1.2 children per woman, far lower than the 2.1 needed to maintain a steady population. The rest of the world is following Japan’s example. In 19 countries, from Singapore to Iceland, people have a life expectancy of about 80 years. Of all the people in human history who ever reached the age of 65, half are alive now. Meanwhile, women around the world have half as many children as their mothers. And if Japan is the model, their daughters may have half as many as they do.
I learned this week that if the history of the Earth were compressed to a single year, modern human beings would appear on December the 31st at around 11.00pm.
Y’know .. time is something which bugs me. Everything revolves around it and it kind of makes me cross that we give it such importance. We do everything by the clock. We get up, by the clock. Go to work, by the clock. Be somewhere, by the clock. Eat by the clock. We’re always racing time. Chasing time. Looking for more time. Needing more time. Begging for more time. Lose track of time. Wanting to stop time. Pause time. Time is like this monster. Like a living dinosaur of our age. It’s fearful and down right annoying.
So … this led me to thinking about how I could perhaps make time something less than it is. Maybe have a little gentle fun with it …. and here’s what I came up with:
If time is money . . . are ATM’s time machines?
If time waits for no man, . . . is time is perhaps a woman?
When you think about it… We are all time travellers – moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour.
To all the people who write “u” instead of “you”. . . What do you do with all the time you save?
Retirement is the time in your lifewhen time is no longer money.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The sun is going to go out in 4 billion years, and you sit there and act like everything is fine!
When your kids are little you’re a superhero. When they’re teens you’re a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility. We are the REAL Harry Potter Wizards – for we don’t need a Cloak of Invisibility!
If every day is a gift, I’d like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday.
By the time a man realises that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.
Stephen Hawking says we’ve got about 1,000 years to find a new place to live. That isn’t even enough time for me to pack!
In 20 years time, I bet there’s going to be a college course called eye contact.
Apparently, people over the age of 55 are becoming antisocial-psychics. They can see ahead of time that they won’t want to talk to you.
Consciousness:That annoying time between naps.
I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.
And . . . a few regular jokes …
A man went down the local supermarket, and said, “I want to make a complaint, this vinegar’s got lumps in it”, the lady behind the desk said, “Those are pickled onions”.
Four fonts walk into a bar – the barman says “Oi – get out! We don’t want your type in here”
The other day I sent my friend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, and said “Did you get my drift?”
Again, Monday arrived and became Friday the next day, and I realised someone stolen the days in between. I used to laugh at my Mum when she used to complain about how time passed so quickly the older she got… and yet, here I am and I now totally understand what she meant.
I don’t understand HOW time is passing so quickly. Years ago I could get up in the morning, plait (braid) hair, make packed lunches, make breakfasts, sing songs to entertain, read the book which the littlest one should have read the night before, got two wriggly, giggly girls washed and dressed and looking fabulous, and off to school in perfect time with all the kit they needed for the day, and then come home and set about cleaning the house, doing the washing and hanging the washing on the line, ironing, and preparing things for the evening meal. After this I’d busy myself painting (upcycling) furniture, or crafting in some way or another. Then I’d pack things away, change my clothes and go and collect little ones from two different schools, bring them home, feed them their snacks, read their books, help with homework, sing songs, entertain, play with dolls and dolls houses, ‘eat’ plastic food which daughter No.2 had cooked and served up, have ‘tea’ (water) out of her teapot and generally just have a great time being a mum. And whilst doing that I’d be cooking our evening meal without accidentally putting a child into the oven instead of the joint of meat!
If you asked me to do these things now I’d ask you how many days I’d got to do them all in. I have no idea how I managed to do the things I did in a day, and still have time to take my mum on rides out in the car, visit her, go with her to the doctors or take her to the hospital. Bake their favourite things for when they came home. Make curtains. Clothes. Visit friends, arrange play dates, and keep up with the out of school classes that my little girls attended without ever forgetting them or leaving them waiting for me!
Now-a-days – my memory is shot to pieces. I think I wore it out keeping track of our two little girls and all the things they did. saxophone (Saxomaphone as we called it) lessons; Violin (Vile din) lessons; Trampoline class; Youth Group at the local Theatre; Gym Club; Keyboard Lessons; Red Cross Volunteer Training; oh, on and on … and I could remember everything, in my head! Now though, everything has to be written down, and Dog Forbid that I might lose the piece of paper with a note of something written on it!
On paper, it says I’m getting older.In my heart I’m still 27 years old and can multitask as a World Champion Sport!
Aw, anyhoo! . . . Thank you so much for coming to visit and sharing some TIME with me (see!! there it is again… ‘time’!). But tell me … how does time affect you? The lack of it? Too much of it? Time passing too fast? Too slow? Tell me how you deal with that divil Time which seems to wrap its fingers around our days and dictate how we are to go about leading out lives.
Have a truly wonderful weekend.Oh … and before I go … if you have time off work over the next few of days, remind yourself every now and again that . . . . Time doesn’t exist. Clocks exists.
Do what I do. I leave my wristwatch (and my mobile phone) at home sometimes, just so that I can’t keep looking at them. Instead, I just go with the flow. If I’m hungry I eat. If I’m ready to go home, I go. But if I want to stay where I am and enjoy myself, then that’s what I do. I say ‘stuff time!’, and I do it my way. You do it YOUR way. Don’t be a slave to ‘time’.
We first met Anne and Malcolm a few weeks ago (if you missed the first post you can find it HERE), and now they’re back again for another visit, to share with us all their unique observations on Life living with a Crafter via the use of photographs.
For those who haven’t ‘met’ Anne and Malcolm, then . . . Crafters, Ladies and Gentlemen …May I introduce you to Malcolm and Anne. A glimpse into the exciting world of Crafters and their spouses.
(Anne and Malcolm exist solely inside my imagination and for the purpose of…) . . . .
THE COBWEB CATALOGUE
of a Living (in my imagination) Crafter & Spouse
Malcolm loved that Anne was so happy in the craft room he’d ‘built’ for her, but one thing didn’t go down well with him at all. The Voodoo Dolly strapped to the big star. He wished with all his heart that she’d part company with that, because it gave him the heebie-jeebies and he didn’t like to go into the craftroom to get any of his cooking spices which Anne insisted should be in her craft room. It made him wonder exactly what sort of ‘craft’ Anne was practising!
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Anne had dropped (very) heavy hints to Malcolm, and even left brochures around the house in the hope he’d get the idea about what she dearly wanted as a Birthday gift this year. But on her Birthday, all he’d bought her was a wall mounted thingy-ma-jiggy-me-bob on which to store all her cotton reels, and he still hadn’t noticed the lack of a sewing machine in her Sewing Room!
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Anne was far happier now that she’d finally got a ‘Naughty Basket’ for the fabrics which were misbehaving, and two Glass Jail Jars for those really BAD fabrics who were the real trouble makers in the bunch! She was determined to teach them a lesson!
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Back from their shopping trip, Malcolm took Anne’s new blue basket, filled with all the ribbons she’d bought that morning, down to her basement craft room. That’s when he noticed the hastily packed suitcases under her fabric cutting desk. The neighbours could hear that trouble was brewing in ‘Chez Malcanne’, as Malcolm climbed the stairs from the basement, two at a time, shouting: “Anne! ANNE!!”with a rather cross tone to his voice.
~~~~~~~~
While Anne was away visiting her mother for a couple of days, Malcolm had planned to clean up her crafting room as a surprise for her upon her return. He thought she’d love how clean and tidy it was now, and also thought she’d adore all the storage boxes with all their little drawers which he’d sorted her things into, and then spent four hours writing little sticky labels out for each drawer. Sadly, we crafters among us know exactly what was going to happen the minute she stepped inside that door. She would look around that room with horror mounting and registering on her face. It was going to take her years to find all her lovely things – which despite what he might have thought, were all in their correct places (for her) and she prided herself on knowing that she could put her hand on ANYTHINGshe required because she’d known exactly where it all was! But not any longer! Malcolm was going to be TOAST!
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One corner of Anne’s Stitch, Knit and Sew Crafting Room was dedicated to what Anne affectionately called her ‘woolly life‘. However, Malcolm suspected that this corner had nothing to do with crafting, and instead believed it was a secret Breeding Programme. The mound seemed to increase weekly, and yet Anne always laughed and denied it when he suggested to her that she’d been out buying more wool again.
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Well, we’ve turned over few more pages of the ‘COBWEB CATALOGUEof life with a Crafter & Spouse’, for a bit of Wednesday afternoon fun. I hope they’ve raised a few smiles, a smattering of gentle laughs, or even modicum of cheer.
Have a truly blessed rest of your day.
The photos chosen for this post are randomly chosen and found on the internet, so publicly available. I sadly don’t know who the photos belong to, so if you are the owner of any of them, please drop me a comment detailing which photo is yours, and giving me a link to the original posting of it, and I’ll be thrilled to credit you to the photo.
But .. I seemed to wake on Monday morning and by the time I’d showered, got dressed and done my hair, it was Friday! Someone is stealing time and I’m going on a mission to find the beastly boy who’s doing this! (It’s a boy. I know it’s a boy. Don’t ask me how, I just feel it, and I know it’s a boy).
Shall we dive into my diary and find out what I’ve learned and am wiser because of, this week? Seat belts on, I’m unlocking the fancy lock on the cover of my diary ...ready? …. in we go . . .
I learned this week . . . that I have too many clothes and I don’t wear half of them. Now just stop and think about what I’ve just said. Chaps … this is a gal talking and she’s just said she’s got too many clothes. Yup, you read it right. Girls … I’ve just told all your men that a girl can have too many clothes. When your man points this out to you remember to say: “Yes but that’s Cobs, and her husband is a millionaire.” I’m only giving you that ‘get out clause’ so that you don’t hate me for telling the chaps that I have too many clothes. (N.B. Mr.Cobs isn’t a millionaire. I have access to his wallet, his pockets, our bank account is joint, and … I’ve had up every floorboard in this place and found nothing. Definitely NOT a millionaire.)
I’ve learned this weekthat there is only one particular Christmas Advertising Video this year which makes me cry.
Here in the UK (from mid November’ish’) various different (big) companies release their Christmas videos and it’s become a bit of a thing to try to out-do the other companies for the best video. Normally, it’s John Lewis who win hands down. They make some really magical Christmas videos which melt my (and an awful lot of others) hearts. However this year, their video just makes me howl with laughter and joy.
BUT … there is one video which seems to (at the moment) have passed by unnoticed by some folks here, but for me, it’s the one which turns me into a big girly wreck, crying, sniffing, dabbing with a tissue and wanting to watch it again – even though I know it will make me cry all over again. (I’ve so far watched it six times, and after each one, I’ve cried like a baby). I have to share this one with you. Guys might not ‘get it’ … but I’m pretty certain that most ladies will…. – it’s only just over a minute long (and totally child safe in case you have one of those in the room with you) …
So… are you crying? Did it make you cry? …. Almost cry? … Not cry at all???
I’ve also learned this week .… that some Craft Companies expect their customer to be clairvoyant when they don’t send you an item which is clearly shown on a delivery note, which they’ve enclosed in the parcel along with all the other items you ordered at the same time.
Customers are apparently expected to automatically know that because these companies haven’t included *that* item in the parcel, it’s not that they’ve forgotten to pack it in with the rest of the order, but that they’re waiting for it to come back into stock.And when you phone them up to tell them who you are, what the order number was, and which item it is which is missing, their attitude is as if you should have known in the first place and you’re wasting their time by phoning.
This forces me to ask… EXACTLY HOW DIFFICULT IS IT – to simply write on the delivery note: “To Follow” or words to that effect?
CRAFT COMPANIEStake note: … I’m going to begin naming and praising very soon, the companies which I’ve shopped at, or with, which have given me good or excellent service.
BUT I’m also going to begin naming and shaming those companies who need to pull their socks up; buck up their act; or generally GET WITH THE PROGRAMME!
Give good service, get more custom. Give poor service, customers will shop elsewhere. It’s as simple as that.
Crafters chat to other crafters, face to face, social media or on their Blogs, and they share their experiences with and of particular companies. Don’t lose out on free advertising by giving crafters bad service.
I’ve also learned this week … That a crafter shouldn’t ever think that they’re great at something just because they’ve been doing it for a while. Even crafters who have been crafting for longer than they care to admit to being alive, can still be the complete opposite of a genius and burn her fingers on the bally heat gun; cover herself in ink which won’t wash off and makes her hands and nails look like she’s a potato farmer with no shovel; and moves things around in her craft room to make it easier for herself, then can’t find the blasted things she’s moved when she needs them a day after she moved the blasted things in the first &£%*>^ place!!!
And that same Crafter can suddenly remember at 10pm one night that she needs a particular type of card for the following day, then frantically goes through everything she has in her craft room trying to find inspiration and at 11.20pm finally gives up, telling herself she’ll look in the morning, knowing all the time that she may as well just go to the shop and buy whatever they have becauseshe’s obviously a simpleton with a noodle for a brain and she’ll never be able to make anything ever again so she might as well sell all her equipment in her craft room right now damn it and be done with it!
…… clunk. screeeeeech. clunk. [sound soapbox being put away]
I’ve also learned that people are some of the nicest things God invented.
When you give people a reason to be lovely, they will (more often than not), be lovely. When you give them a reason to care, they will (more often than not) care. When you show them a need which you have to get them involved in praying for someone they maybe have never met before, don’t know and haven’t even heard of that particular persons blog before … These people will see that their own prayer or ‘wish’ or hope, could be the one that makes the difference and will pray, or wish, or hope and push that feeling out into the ether. And they’ll show their support by leaving a few words for that person to read so that they see that they’re not alone. People care. People care enough to make an effort for a person they don’t even know. People care enough to try. People are hoping. Wishing. Praying, for a positive outcome.
I hope it’s ok for me to let you know, and I don’t think that she’ll mind me sharing with you …. I had a very short email chat with Michelle today and she said: … “the outpouring of love and support meant so much, and came at perhaps my lowest point”.
Thank you to those wonderful people who left her a message of support, who prayed, who wished, and/or hoped. Each and every one of you made a difference. Sometimes, just knowing that people are rooting for you, praying for you, wishing you well … or are just on your side, is all it takes to give someone the strength to keep on keeping on. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and doing what you did. (If you left a message for her on her blog and it hasn’t appeared yet, it isn’t that you’ve been forgotten, things are getting done as and when they can be, as you would expect).
But from me, many, many thanks xxx Bless you all. How brilliant you are. I love you.
And … finally…
Since I always try to leave you with something funny to smile about ….
I mentioned a few paragraphs ago about the John Lewis Christmas Video for this year which makes me laugh …. I share it with you here (don’t fret, it’s only a little over two minutes long – and again, totally child safe)
….. and in case that wasn’t quite enough . . .
And a few silly but funnies … ….
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she will . . . Let it go. Let it go.
Q: Who earns a living driving their customers away?
A: A taxi driver
Q: Where do bees go to the bathroom?
A: At the BP station!
Q: What do you call security guards working outside Samsung shops?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
A: Spoiled milk.
Q: What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A: A complete waist of time
Well, that’s me done and dusted. I’ve fessed up, taught you what life and taught me, and given you some jokes to make you smile. Yes, the oldies are the besties.
Have a truly wonderful Friday, whatever you’re doing. May the wind blow a little softly, if it has to blow at all. May the rain be gentle, if it has to rain. And may your day be filled with happiness and smiles, dotted throughout the hours. Be kind to someone today. Say something nice. Admire their shoes. Like their hair. Tell them they’ve lost weight (even if they haven’t – insist that you think they have, just a little). Let’s do it to them before they do it to us. (be kind that is).
See you next time. In the meantime, I’m sending squidges, to you there in your corner, from me here in mine.
