The Friday Post ~ 15th September 2017

Well a very happy Friday to you!  Another week has gone by,  and, here in my area of the UK (South), someone flicked the switch off for Summer, and switched on Autumn instead.  The result of this is the heating here in Cobweb Towers has been on several times this week, and the snuggly warm duvet has returned to the bed.

I can clearly remember that this time last year I was walking around in shorts and a T.Shirt and saying how wonderful it was.  Not too warm, but not at all cold.  The sun was out, my garden was loving the warmth and we were experiencing a wonderful Indian Summer.  This year, right now  …  even my cats and dog are snuggling into their beds.  Mr. Alf Capone, even with his fabulous thick, thick, thick fur coat is burying himself under the dogs blankets, along with the dog.

Maisie Dotes, (neurotic crazy cat who thinks the world is going to get her at any minute), on the other hand feels her place should be the sofa, where she likes us to plump up a cushion for her so that she can snuggle herself up the side of it to cut out any drafts.  Woe betide us if we don’t pick up the clear message she’s sending to us that she requires servament service.  She stands on the sofa in an odd slightly arched back sort of way, and stares at the cushion so that we are certain of which cushion she requires to be plumped and moved into position.  If we miss the message, accidentally (or on purpose), or if we get the message and put the cushion in the wrong place or at the wrong angle, she will show her clear disgust of us by turning and delicately but quickly jumping off the sofa and take herself into the conservatory where she will jump up onto the lovely desk, where I’ve laid a thick fluffy blanket on top of it, and she will curl up in the sunshine streaming through the window.  Telling everyone that we need to think about what we’ve done wrong and ensure that we don’t do it again!

Hmpffft.  Very well.

Aaaanyhoo…  you’ve come for some edumacation time, and I’m already stood at the blackboard, so find a seat, sit down, get your pens and note pads out and we’ll begin…  shall we?

On this Day in History

1830 – George Stephenson’s Manchester and Liverpool railway opened. During the ceremony, William Huskisson, MP, became the first person to be killed by a train when he crossed the track to shake hands with the Duke of Wellington.
1831 – The locomotive John Bull operates for the first time in New Jersey on the Camden and Amboy Railroad.

1835 – The HMS Beagle, with Charles Darwin aboard, reaches the Galapagos Islands.

1871 – The first British-based international mail order business was begun by the Army and Navy Co-operative. They published their first catalogue in February 1872.

1916 – World War I: Tanks are used for the first time in battle, at the Battle of the Somme.  Military tanks, designed by Britain’s Ernest Swinton, were first used by the British Army, in the Somme offensive.

1928 – Scottish bacteriologist Alexander Fleming discovered, by accident, a bacteria killing mould growing in his laboratory, that later became known as penicillin.

1935 – Nazi Germany adopts a new national flag with the swastika. The swastika is an equilateral cross with its arms bent at right angles, in either right-facing form or its mirrored left-facing form.  The swastika can also be drawn as a traditional swastika, but with a second 90 degree bend in each arm.

Archaeological evidence of swastika-shaped ornaments dates from the Neolithic period. An ancient symbol, it occurs mainly in the cultures that are in modern-day India and the surrounding area, sometimes as a geometrical motif (as in the Roman Republic and Empire) and sometimes as a religious symbol. It was long widely used in major world religions such as Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism.

The swastika was used as an official emblem of the Nazi Party, a use sometimes continued by modern: Neo-Nazis.

Though once commonly used all over much of the world without stigma, because of its iconic usage in Nazi Germany, the symbol has become controversial in the Western world.

There was quite a stink kicked up, a few years ago, about a naval building, in the U.S. that had been designed and built in the shape of the swastika. (built in the 1960’s). No one had realised this, it seems, until Google Earth showed the building up on one of its maps.   You can read about it in a Daily Mail report from that time.

1940 – World War II: The climax of the Battle of Britain, when the Royal Air Force shoot down large numbers of Luftwaffe. The tide turned in the Battle of Britain as the German air force sustained heavy losses inflicted by the Royal Air Force. The defeat was serious enough to convince Nazi leader Adolf Hitler to abandon his plans for an invasion of Britain. The day was chosen as “Battle of Britain Day”.
BBC News complete with Audio & watch, and timeline of events

1945 – A hurricane in southern Florida and the Bahamas destroys 366 planes and 25 blimps at NAS Richmond.
1947 – The U.S. Air Force is separated from the US Army to become a separate branch.

1947 – RCA releases the 12AX7 vacuum tube. RCA Corporation, founded as Radio Corporation of America, was an electronics company in existence from 1919 to 1986. Today, the RCA trademark is owned by Thomson SA through RCA Trademark Management S.A., a company owned by Thomson.  The trademark is used by two companies, namely Sony BMG Music Entertainment and Thomson SA, which licences the name to other companies like Audiovox and TCL Corporation for products descended from that common ancestor.  More can be read, along with photographs,  HERE.

1950 – UN stages daring assault on Inchon. The United Nations landed up to 50,000 troops behind enemy lines at Inchon, on the west coast of Korea. The first major counter-strike of the war by the US.   BBC News complete with a timeline of events

1958 – A Central Railroad of New Jersey commuter train runs through an open drawbridge at the Newark Bay, killing 58.

1959 – Nikita Khrushchev becomes the first Soviet leader to visit the United States.

Nikita Sergeyevich Khrushchev served as First Secretary of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1953 to 1964, following the death of Joseph Stalin, and Chairman of the Council of Ministers from 1958 to 1964. Khrushchev was responsible for the de-Stalinization of the USSR, as well as several liberal reforms ranging from agriculture to foreign policy. Khrushchev’s party colleagues removed him from power in 1964, replacing him with Leonid Brezhnev.

1960 – London introduced Traffic Wardens onto the streets of the capital.
1961 – Hurricane Carla strikes Texas with winds of 175 miles per hour.

1962 – The Soviet ship Poltava heads toward Cuba, one of the events that sets into motion the Cuban Missile Crisis.

The Cuban Missile Crisis was a confrontation between the United States, the Soviet Union, and Cuba during the Cold War. In Russia, it is termed the “Caribbean Crisis,” while in Cuba it is called the “October Crisis.” The crisis ranks with the Berlin Blockade as one of the major confrontations of the Cold War, and is often regarded as the moment in which the Cold War came closest to a nuclear war.

The climax period of the crisis began on October 8, 1962. Later on October 14 United States reconnaissance photographs taken by an American U-2 spy plane revealed missile bases being built in Cuba, the crisis ended two weeks later on October 28, 1962, when President of the United States John F. Kennedy and United Nations Secretary-General U Thant reached an agreement with the Soviets to dismantle the missiles in Cuba in exchange for a no invasion agreement and a secret removal of the Jupiter and Thor missiles in Turkey

1963 – The 16th Street Baptist Church bombing kills four children at an African-American church in Birmingham, Alabama, United States.

The 16th Street Baptist Church bombing was a racially motivated terrorist attack on September 15, 1963 by members of a Ku Klux Klan group in Birmingham, Alabama in the United States. The bombing of the African-American church resulted in the deaths of four girls.

Although city leaders had reached a settlement in May with demonstrators and started to integrate public places, not everyone agreed with ending segregation. Other acts of violence followed the settlement. The bombing increased support for people working for civil rights. It marked a turning point in the U.S. civil-rights movement of the mid-20th century and contributed to support for passage of civil rights legislation in 1964.

According to news accounts, the Sixteenth Street Church had been a center for many civil rights rallies and meetings, and after the tragedy, it became a focal point drawing many moderate whites into the civil rights movement.

Investigations into this case spanned four decades. Most recently, Thomas Blanton and Bobby Frank Cherry surrendered after an Alabama grand jury indicted them on first-degree murder charges and four counts of “universal malice” on May 17, 2000. Two others prosecuted in the case were Robert Edward Chambliss, sentenced in 1977, and Gary A. Tucker, both of whom died in the 1980s.
External Link:   The New York Times front page story.

1966 – HMS Resolution, Britain’s first nuclear submarine, was launched at Barrow.

1966 – U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson, responding to a sniper attack at the University of Texas at Austin, writes a letter to the United States Congress urging the enactment of gun control legislation. Gun politics is a set of legal issues surrounding the ownership, use, and regulation of firearms as well as safety issues related to firearms both through their direct use and through legal and criminal use.

In the United Kingdom
The UK and the United States share a common origin as to the right to bear arms, which is the 1689 Bill of Rights. However, over the course of the 20th century, the UK gradually implemented tighter regulation of the civilian ownership of firearms through the enactment of the 1968, 1988, 1994 and 1997 Firearms(Amendment) Acts leading to the current outright ban on the ownership of all automatic, and most self-loading, firearms in the UK. The ownership of breach-loading handguns is, in particular, also very tightly controlled and effectively limited (other than in Northern Ireland) to those persons who may require such a handgun for the non routine humane killing of injured or dangerous animals. Each firearm owned must be registered on a Firearms Certificate (FAC) which is issued by the local police authority who will require the prospective owner to demonstrate a “good reason” for each firearm held (e.g. pest control or target shooting) and may place restrictions on the FAC relating to the type and amount of ammunition that is held and the places and the uses the firearms are put to. Self defence is not considered an acceptable “good reason” for firearm ownership. The police may amend, or revoke, a FAC at any time and refuse a FAC for any reason.

United States
The issue of firearms takes a high-profile position in United States culture and politics. Michael Bouchard, Assistant Director/Field Operations of ATF, estimates that 5,000 gun shows take place each year in the United States. Incidents of gun violence in ‘gun-free’ school zones, such as the Virginia Tech massacre of 2007 have ignited debate involving gun politics in the United States.

The American public strongly opposes bans on gun ownership, while strongly supporting limits on handguns and military-type semi-automatic weapons.

There is a sharp divide between gun-rights proponents and gun-control proponents. This leads to intense political debate over the effectiveness of firearm regulation.
On the whole, Republicans are far less likely to support gun control than are Democrats. According to a 2004 Harris Interactive survey:

    Republicans and Democrats hold very different views on gun control. A 71% to 11% majority of Democrats favors stricter gun control, whereas Republicans are split 35% to 35%.

The division of beliefs may be attributable to the fact that Republicans are more likely to own guns, according to General Social Surveys conducted during the last 35 years. Research seems to show that gun ownership has generally declined; however, Republicans – especially men – are far more likely to own “guns or revolvers.”

Incidents of gun violence and self-defense have routinely ignited bitter debate. About 10,000 murders are committed using firearms annually, while an estimated 2.5 million crimes may be thwarted through civilian use of firearms annually. The American Journal of Public Health conducted a study that concluded “the United States has higher rates of firearm ownership than do other developed nations, and higher rates of homicide. Of the 233,251 people who were homicide victims in the United States between 1988 and 1997, 68% were killed with guns, of which the large majority were handguns.” The ATF estimated in 1995 that the number of firearms available in the US was 223 million.

Fully automatic firearms are legal in most states, but have requirements for registration and restriction under federal law. The National Firearms Act of 1934 required approval of the local police chief and the payment of a $200 tax for initial registration and for each transfer. The Gun Control Act of 1968 prohibited imports of all non-sporting firearms and created several new categories of restricted firearms. The act also prohibited further registry of most automatic firearms. The Firearm Owners Protection Act of 1986 imposed restrictions on some semiautomatic weapons and banned private ownership of machine guns manufactured after it took effect.

1968 – The Soviet Zond 5 spaceship is launched, becoming the first spacecraft to fly around the Moon and re-enter the Earth’s atmosphere.

1972 – A magnitude 4.5 earthquake shakes Northern Illinois.

1981 – The United States Senate Judiciary Committee unanimously approves Sandra Day O’Connor to become the first female justice on the United States Supreme Court.

1985 – Tony Jacklin’s team of golfers beat the United States in the Ryder Cup for the first time in 28 years

1987 – U.S. Secretary of State George Shultz and Soviet Foreign Minister Eduard Shevardnadze sign a treaty to establish centers to reduce the risk of nuclear war.

2000 – In Great Britain, Home Secretary Jack Straw decided that parents would not be allowed access to the sex offenders’ register.
2001 – President George W. Bush identified Osama bin Laden as the prime suspect in the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks, and told Americans to prepare for a long, difficult war against terrorism.

Born on this Day

1254 – Marco Polo, Italian explorer (d. 1324)

1857 – William Howard Taft – 27th president of the United States and 10th chief justice of the U.S. Supreme Court

1881 – Ettore Bugatti  (d 1947}, Italian builder of racing and luxury automobiles

1890 – Agatha Christie, English writer (d. 1976)

1901 – Sir Donald Bailey, British engineer (d. 1985 in Bournemouth, Dorset) was an English civil engineer who invented the Bailey bridge.

1916 – Margaret Lockwood, English actress (d. 1990)

1946 – Tommy Lee Jones, American actor.

1972 – Jimmy Carr, English comedian

1977 – Sophie Dahl, English model

1984 – Prince Henry of Wales. Prince Henry of Wales (Henry Charles Albert David; born 15 September 1984), commonly known as Prince Harry, is the younger son of Charles, Prince of Wales, and his first wife, Diana, Princess of Wales (Diana Spencer).

Died on this Day and Remembered here

1794 – Abraham Clark, American signer of the Declaration of Independence (b. 1725)

1859 – Isambard Kingdom Brunel, British engineer (b. 1806) He was involved in dock design, railway engineering and marine engineering, building the Great Western (1837), Great Britain (1843), and Great Eastern (1858), each the largest in the world at launch date.

1885 – Jumbo, P. T. Barnum’s circus elephant (hit by a train) a very large African bush elephant, born 1861 in French Sudan, imported to a Paris zoo, transferred to the London Zoo in 1865, and sold in 1882 to P. T. Barnum, for the circus.

Thought for the Day

There is an indian belief that everyone is a house of four rooms:  A Physical Room;  A Mental Room;  An Emotional Room;  and a Spiritual Room.  Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but … unless we go into every room, every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not complete.

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This week has been a funny old week.  Way too much going on, and too little time to do the things I enjoy the most.  I know that crafting wise, the blog has been rather quiet and I offer my apologies for that.  I seem to be doing stuff, but some of them I’m unable to blog about until they’ve been sent or received as I don’t want to risk spoiling the surprise.

Before I go and leave the class room, and before you all yell Hurrah and mess up the classroom by throwing screwed up pieces of paper at each other…  I have, as usual, a bit of playtime fun.

With Halloween just around the corner, I offer you a fun little website where you can carve a virtual jack-0-lantern.  You can send it as an e-card, or if you can capture the screen and use it as your desktop on your computer;  or you can save the pic and use it as an avatar or graphic! You can even change the background and light a candle in it.

It’s good fun and I promise you there are no bugs or hidden nasties in this.  (I and a few friends have been playing with this website for about 9 or ten years).  Nothing will suddenly jump out and scare you half to death.  It does have Halloween sounds – music with a dog howling and birds … but it’s not scary.

If you have children or grandchildren then they’d have a bundle of fun carving pumpkins on this!

http://www.theoworlds.com/halloween/   …   the page will open in a new tab for you.

I wish you a very happy Friday.  May your day be sweet and all the people you come into contact with have either a smile on their face or one playing around their eyes.

See the humour in each moment today.  Even in those moments where you don’t think there’s anything vaguely resembling humour, there will be.  It’s there.  You just have to look at whatever it is from a slightly different angle.  See the humour.  Go on.  You know you want to.  😉

Wishing you a wonderful weekend.

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The Friday Post: Education of the more entertaining type.

Arms folded, backs straight.  Are you ready for your Friday educationamalisation?

Gynotikolobomassophile:  Is a real word and it means:  Someone who likes to nibble on a woman’s earlobe.

Netting is used for more than just catching fish.

There is a place in Peru where they have strung up netting to capture the mist as it rolls in from the sea, which in turn gives them water to use for their crops and plants.

Honest Injun! It’s the truth. They really do use nets to capture mist.

Read more about it here:-   news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/8297276.stm
God supplies you with what you need … you just have to sometimes make a bit of an effort in order to help yourself to get it.

All the planets in the solar system rotate anticlockwise, except Venus. It is the only planet that rotates clockwise.

Peel a banana from the bottom and you won’t have to pick the little “stringy things” off of it.  That’s how the primates do it.

The waste produced by one chicken in its lifetime could power a 100W bulb for 5 hours

You know how sometimes, as you fall asleep, you will feel your legs jerk powerfully. This is usually accompanied by a dream about falling.  Have you ever wondered why this happens?
Well….

This is called a Hypnic Jerk. When you go to sleep at night your brain paralyses your body to stop you acting out all your dreams. It would be dangerous to act out everything that happens in your dreams, especially if you were running or fighting, not just for whoever shares your bed, but also for yourself. It’s thought that this ‘sleep paralysis’ evolved when we slept in trees, as acting out your dreams whilst sleeping high up in the branches would be even more dangerous than doing so while tucked up in bed!

As this system kicks in, you can sometimes have these hypnic jerks, where all the muscles contract suddenly and violently. For some reason, these are often associated with dreams of falling.

According to Wikipedia, pareidolia is “a psychological phenomenon involving a vague and random stimulus (usually an image) being mistakenly perceived as recognizable.”

One common form of pareidolia is seeing faces in objects (like the flying spaghetti monster on a tortilla, or the face of a cookie monster on a pizza).

There actually, is an excellent book filled with pictures of faces on objects, called Faces.  However.. I’ve found a Flickr gallery, belonging to someone called Jim Leftwich, who has been taking his own pictures of faces for a while.  The photos are all whimsical and surprising!   www.flickr.com/photos/jimwich/sets/796304/

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.

The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley’s gum.

The King of Hearts is the only king WITHOUT A MOUSTACHE

Most dust particles in your house are made from DEAD SKIN!

The first owner of the Marlboro Company died of lung cancer.
So did the first ‘ Marlboro Man.’

Pearls melt in Vinegar

and finally ….. 

Thing that I learned this week  …
….. if you get toothpaste on the tip of your nose;   if you don’t get it off quickly enough, the tip of your nose goes numb.

coffee cupI am contractually obliged to make you laugh, so here’s the best joke I could come up with at this moment in time…

This is silly, but funny!

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.

“Miss Whack, I’d like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday.”

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she’ll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral.”

She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what in the world is this?”

(you’re going to love this)

(it’s a real treat)

(a masterpiece)

(wait for it) . . .

The bank manager looks back at her and says…

“It’s a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone.”

(You’re singing it, aren’t you?  Yeah, I know you are…)…

Wishing you a truly fabulous Friday, and a wonderful Weekend.  Be kind to each other …. and to yourself,  and …  don’t take life too seriously.

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Right … It’s Friday and it’s time to  … PIN BACK YOUR LUGHOLES (ears) …. for you are going to be Educationamalised!

Factoid for you Friday  Fun

A raisin dropped in a glass of fresh champagne will bounce up and down continuously from the bottom of the glass to the top.

 

It is impossible to out-swim a shark .

The slowest fish is the Sea Horse, which moves along at about 0.016 km/h (0.01 mph).

The tongue of a blue whale is as long as an elephant

A snail has two pairs of tentacles on its head. One pair is longer than the other and houses the eyes. The shorter pair is used for smelling and feeling its way around.

In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.  Technically though, the driest place on earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

A house fly lives only 14 days. (but not if Mr.Cobs and his fly swat is near!)

Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country.  Ninety percent of the world’s ice covers Antarctica.  This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world.  As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches.  Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it) Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Istanbul, Turkey is the only city in the world located on two continents.

In the United States:  The Eisenhower interstate system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

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An Anagram of:
“To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune”
Is:
“In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten”

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Fake trees were invented by a company who made toilet bowl brushes, the Addis Brush Company.  Regardless of how far the technology has come, it’s still interesting to know the first fake Christmas trees were really just big green toilet bowl brushes.

And  ….

Did you know…  The can opener was invented  48 years after  cans were introduced!

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My Contract states that I HAVE to leave you with a smile or a chuckle if it tickles you in the right place.  So ….  here goes:

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked out seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

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Happy Friday my lovely blogging friends.  If you’ve got this far and are still alive  reading then I’m so proud of you for getting through the whole course and your certificate is in the post.  You are now far more Educationamalised than you were a little while ago.

I’m wishing you a truly fabulous Friday, and a truly terrific weekend.

Enjoy every moment of it.  Don’t wait for another day.  Don’t put off doing something until you’ve lost 10lbs.  Don’t bother about the spot on your chin.  Don’t worry that you don’t feel you have the right outfit.  Who cares if you’ll be by yourself doing ‘it’ – walking in the park;  Taking photo’s of the ducks on the lake;  Shopping for something or other.  Just do it.  Don’t put it off.  Do it today.  Now.  Or … this weekend.

Take care of yourself … and each other.  And … whatever you decide to do with your weekend or where-ever you decided to go …  may your God go with you.

Sending huge squidges ~

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The Friday Post!

21st July.

On this Day in History:

1865   –   In the market square of Springfield, Missouri, Wild Bill Hickok shoots Dave Tutt dead in what is regarded as the first true western showdown.

Wild Bill Hickok, was a legendary figure in the American Old West. His skills as a gunfighter and scout, along with his reputation as a lawman, provided the basis for his fame, although some of his exploits are fictionalized.  Hickok’s horse was called Black Nell, and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers.

Hickok arrived in the West as a stagecoach driver, then became a lawman in the frontier territories of Kansas and Nebraska.  He fought in the Union Army during the American Civil War, and gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, and professional gambler. Between his law-enforcement duties and gambling, which easily overlapped, Hickok was involved in several notable shootouts, and was ultimately killed while playing poker in a Dakota Territory saloon.

1897  –  London’s Tate Gallery, built on the site of the Millbank Prison, was opened, with 67 paintings

1925  –  Scopes Trial:  In Dayton, Tennessee, high school biology teacher John T. Scopes is found guilty of teaching evolution in class and fined $100.

1960  –  English yachtsman Francis Chichester docked in New York in his boat Gypsy Moth II – setting a new record of 40 days for a solo crossing of the Atlantic.

1962  –  British group The Rolling Stones made their first public appearance at the Marquee Club in London.

1969    Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.

1972  –  Bloody Friday bombing by the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PIRA) around Belfast, Northern Ireland – 22 bomb explosions, 9 people killed and 130 people seriously injured.

Bloody Friday is the name given to the bombings by the Provisional Irish Republican Army’s (IRA) Belfast Brigade in and around Belfast, Northern Ireland on July 21, 1972, which killed nine people including two soldiers, and injured 130 civilians.

The bombings were part of a concerted bombing campaign carried out by the IRA against economic, military and political targets in Northern Ireland. The group carried out a total of 1,300 bombings in 1972. Following the failure of secret talks in London between the British government and the IRA in 1972, Gerry Adams allegedly played a central role in planning the Bloody Friday bomb blitz

1974  –  The Police National Computer (PNC) began operating, in the UK.

1983  –  The world’s lowest temperature is recorded at Vostok Station, Antarctica at −89.2°C (−129°F).

1994  –  Tony Blair is declared the winner of the leadership election of the British Labour Party, paving the way to him becoming Prime Minister in 1997.

1997  –  The fully restored USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”) celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.

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USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”)

USS Constitution, known as “Old Ironsides,” is a wooden-hulled, three-masted heavy frigate of the United States Navy. Named after the United States Constitution, she is the oldest commissioned ship afloat in the world. The Constitution was one of the six original frigates authorized for construction by the Naval Act of 1794 and was launched in 1797. Joshua Humphreys designed them to be the Navy’s capital ships and so Constitution and her sisters were larger and more heavily armed than the standard frigates of the period. 

The modern-day role of “Old Ironsides” is that of “ship of state”. The crew of 55 sailors participates in ceremonies, educational programs and special events (including sail drill) while keeping the ship open to visitors year-round and providing free tours. The crew are all active-duty sailors in the Navy and the assignment is considered a special duty. Traditionally, the duty of captain of the vessel is assigned to an active duty Navy commander.

2004  –  The United Kingdom government publishes Delivering Security in a Changing World, a paper detailing wide-ranging reform of the country’s armed forces. The 2003 Defence White Paper, entitled Delivering Security in a Changing World sets out the future of the British military, and builds on the 1998 Strategic Defence Review (SDR) and the 2002 SDR New Chapter which responded to the challenges raised by the War on Terror.

2005  –  London’s underground network was plunged into chaos after explosions on two trains and a bus – exactly a fortnight after four suicide bomb blasted the capital.   BBC news report & video film of a section of that days happenings

Born on this Day
1899  –  Ernest Hemingway, American writer, Nobel laureate (d. 1961)
1946  –  Barry Whitwam, British musician (Herman’s Hermits)
1948  –  Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, English singer
1951  –  Robin Williams, American comedian/actor

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And now …. for something completely different:  (as Monty Python would say) . . .

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” or   “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”  A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.

below …  are a selection from Lexophiles, some of which should cause you to smile:

…. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

…. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

…. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles UCLA.

…. The batteries were given out free of charge.

…. A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.

…. A will is a dead giveaway.

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

…. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

…. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.

…. Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

…. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

…. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

…. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

…. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

…. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

…. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

…. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Well … that’s me done and dusted.  🙂

I hope you found something to smile about here, and maybe something to share in order to spread the smiles around.

Wishing you a truly fabulous Friday, and a truly great Weekend.

Have some fun.  Smile a little.  Enjoy life.  For that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.  Enjoy life.

Sending buckets of love and bowls filled with squidges ~

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What I’ve Learned this Week

Hello  🙂   Happy Friday!

Well what a lovely week it’s been.  I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it.  But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about.  Enjoying it.

The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold.  I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’.  Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig.  I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.

So …. What have I learned this week?  Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it ….  check this little list out:-

I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is:   “Good for you!”

I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

I also learned about  Honest Brand Slogans  and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:

Hallmark:   “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

Gillette:  “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”  (ain’t THAT one the truth!)

Hot Pockets:   “Every bite is a different temperature.”

I was reminded that I learned many years ago  when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old  that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:-  “
I told you so”.

I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about.    It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside.  Ha!

I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles,  when someone knocks on the door.  She get’s SO excited, and yet  . . .  it’s hardly ever for her!

I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was.  . . .   I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is popty ping.   So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true.  The very first result which came up said it was true.  So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun.  Popty Ping.  Say it out loud.  It’s kind of ticklish!

HOWEVER . . .  I didn’t quite trust the first answer  so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that  ‘popty ping’  is a made up word.  The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon(And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol).  Shame … I rather liked popty ping.  It was such a perfect description!

And finally …  I learned:  Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men.  Would you believe it?  When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle.  From this I deduce that we should cry more often.  Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!

Well, I know why some of you are here.  You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday.  Ok … gird your loinshere are the Jokes:-

Q.  What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  ….A.  Polaroids

Q.  Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?  …  A.  Because it’s a little meteor.

Q.  What did the ghost say to the bee?  …  A. BOO-BEE

Q.  Why didn’t the melons get married?  …  A.   Because they cantaloupe!

and finally ….

Q.  What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?  …  A.  DINO-MITE!

Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries.  Have you learned anything this week?  Been somewhere exciting?  Done something amazing?  Do share your story.  I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!

Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend.  May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.

Have a blessed weekend my beautiful friend,  ~

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Things I learned this Week.

Haaaapy Friday!

It’s February.  The month of  ❤  Lurve. ❤  (imagine I’m saying that with a French accent … it will sound so much better.)

Did you know:  That February is the third month of winter?  In the Southern Hemisphere February is a summer month the equivalent of August …  so  G’day down there.  Hows your summer?

  • Also …  In Old English, February was called Solmonath (Mud month) or Kale-monath (Kale or cabbage month).  So Kale and Cabbage is on the menu for the rest of the month!
  •  Americans (I’m informed) have trouble with the word February – last year, a press release from the White House consistently spelt it as Feburary.
  • ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is the only Shakespeare play that mentions February.
  • The birthstone for February is amethyst.
  • The ancient Greeks believed that amethyst protected the wearer from drunkenness.

So … what have I learned this week?

Well …  I’ve learned that what I thought were just ‘quirks’, aren’t.   I really do seem to have some sort of OCD problems going on.    I’ve always thought I was just weird – or ‘pernickety‘, as my Grandma used to say.

Silly things can make me feel uncomfortable.  Sort of ‘wriggly’.  A picture hanging at an angle.  I’d have to straighten it up.  HAVE TO.  There is no choice about it.  If I walked out of a room and left it …  within about 3 minutes you’d find me back in that room straightening that picture. (even if it wasn’t even my house!)  But I just put that down to me being a tidy person.  Nothing wrong with that, eh?

If venetian blinds aren’t quite level … eventually they’d drive me nuts and I have to stand up and go over to sort them out.

Couldn’t bear it in my old doctors surgery when I saw that the bead chain thing on the bottom of the vertical blinds had come ‘un-hooked’ from one of the slats.  I waited until the seat by the blinds had become free, then moved over and fixed it.  (Daughter No. 1 wasn’t overly impressed mind).

But … this week there was an article which Mr.Cobs found in an on-line newspaper which he was reading and he told me about it, showing me some of the pictures.  Of course, I had to go to the website and have a better look!  Worst thing I did.  I should have closed my eyes.  Gone off and done something to take my attention away.  But I didn’t.  I looked!

The pictures I share with you here, are a selection from that article.  Let’s see how you get along with these.

I’ll start you off with a gentle one …

ocd-1

1)  Does that ‘corner‘ upset you at all …  or is it just a clever bit of design?

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2)  You’ve sharpened your pencils.  You look at what a great job you did, … only…  you didn’t.  Is this going to upset you?  Do you feel like you want to reach into the computer screen and grab them so that you can do a better job?

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3)  Can you see the problem here?  Look at the bottom of the post, and where it finishes on the corner of the step.  Hmmm.  Could you live with that?  Or would it … DRIVE YOU NUTS EVERY SINGLE DAY?

 

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4)  Now I know that hole in the dashboard isn’t for your cups of coffee.  You probably know that hole isn’t for cups of coffee.  So – let’s pretend  …  You climb into the car.  How long could you live with that cup of coffee (or maybe it’s coke) living in that hole?  I’d last about 9 seconds.  Yes seriously.

Ok … let’s move the goal posts and take this one step further into madness  ….

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5)  Look at this photograph.  Don’t look away.  LOOK AT IT.  How long could you live with those handles not being level and those doors not fitting or level? 

Are you starting to feel your level of comfort shifting at all?

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6)   Imagine that you have to walk past this door every day, twice a day.  Once on going out, and once on coming home.  How fast would you have to walk past this door, with your face set to ‘stone’ and your eyes staring hard at the pavement, in an effort not to be drawn to even glancing in the direction of the door?

Are you beginning to get a sort of itchy feeling going on?  Feeling restless?

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7)   You use the restroom, and this is what you face when you go to wash your hands.  There are THREE sinks.  Why are there FIVE towel dispensers?  And why, if they felt the need to put FIVE paper towel dispensers over those three sinks, did they have to put them so …  ‘creatively’ on the wall??  OH … AND DO THEY KNOW THAT THE DARN BIN NEEDS EMPTYING???  [sigh.  grrrrrrrr!]

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8)   It was ‘right’ at some point.  When they first did the laying of the cobbles and the pavers, that manhole cover was done so that the pavers and the cobbles all matched.  However …. at some point, someone lifted that manhole cover to tend to something.  But when they put that cover back, they didn’t put it back correctly.  THIS would SERIOUSLY hiss me off SOOooo much that I’d be begging Mr. Cobs to lift it and put it right.    What about you?

 

Have we found your level of ‘un-acceptable’ yet?  What number of photograph got to you?

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9)   You had a new staircase put in…  but after the guys finished and left, you had an uncomfortable feeling about this first flight of stairs.  What the devil was wrong with it?  Something was wrong ….    Shall I give you a clue?   Ok … CLUE:  5 down.  Look at 5 down.

And finally …  I’ve left this photograph until last because …  well, for me at least,  this is the one which is probably THE most serious one of all.  This is the one which would get me using the word:  DIVORCE!  Either from himself or from either daughter.   Brace yourself …

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WHY???   Why would any sane person do this?  This isn’t normal behaviour.  Not for me.  Whoever did this …. I would have to have them committed. It’s not the behaviour of a person whose brain is functioning on any normal levels.  If they didn’t want the ‘crust’, then just cut a slice in a normal fashion, then cut off the crust and dispose of it into the bin – or put it on the bird table for the birds!

These photographs, although featured in an on-line Newspaper article, can be found on a website called   Bored Panda   …  but Bored Panda doesn’t just have these sorts of photos.  They have sections for practically everything.   Check out the  Little Polish Village  – where everything is covered in colourful flower paintings!   Oh … and while you’re there,  do take a peep at the  Two Disabled Rescue Cats  – which is not in the least bit sad.  Watch the video and you’ll smile for the rest of the day!

Anyhooo ...  Although I’ve learned a few things this week …  I wanted to share this OCD thing with you so that you could have a bit of fun with it too.

So I guess that the only thing left is ….  The Jokes!   Brace yourself ….

Bob left work one Friday evening.  But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Q.What has a bottom at its top?   —  A. A leg.

Q.  What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?   – – –  AA bah-humbug

Q.   How do you fix a broken Tuba?  —  A.  With a Tuba Glue!

Q.  What game would you play with a Wombat?  —  A.  Wom.

Q.  How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? —  A.  He felt his presents.

Q.  What do Cats eat for Breakfast?  —  A.  Mice Krispies

And those are the jokes folks!

I hope your week has been a good one, and that no gremlins got in there and spoilt anything.  However … if they did – you have to just remind yourself that sometimes we need a gremlin or two just to make our brains work out the way to deal with those little divils.  And ..  we learn by them.
I hope your weekend is relaxed and happy.  With a little love sprinkled around the place, and a few smiles to warm your heart.  Remember to share your own smile with someone else.  YOU might just change someone elses day, or even life.  We could all do with as many smiles as we can get.  So share yours!

Sending loving thoughts, happy wishes and loads of squidges ~

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What I learned in 2016


Instead of a ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ post (which I normally share on a Friday),   I felt it would be appropriate to make a post about some of the things I’ve learned this last year which we’ve just said goodbye to.

Some of the things life taught me during 2016 are fabulous, and some aren’t.

I’m a believer in a particular ‘thing’, which life taught me when I was in my early teens, which I call:  If something happens,  it happens For A Reason.

It might be a truly wonderful, amazing, biggest wish and want of your heart and soul.  Or it could be something not so wanted or desired.  However, what ever this ‘thing’ is, it will have been placed on your pathway for a reason, and you are meant to learn something from it.

So let’s begin the journey of discovery about what I Learned during 2016, shall we?  Are you strapped in securely?  Do you have your crash helmet secured?  Clean underwear on?  Okey Dokey, hold on tightly to the person sat next to you, because that way it’s less likely that you’ll fly off half way round the ride!

I learned last year ….  that when I finally find some moccasin slippers which fit beautifully, with good soles, and are lined with cotton inside them (because of my stupidly sensitive feet) …  I should buy two or even three pairs, because when the pair I originally chose, and have been wearing till they fell apart, I won’t be able to find any more, anywhere near as comfortable or lovely as them, and the place I bought them from changed the design and put non-cotton linings in their new design.  I’ve been looking since February of 2016 for a new pair, and so far I’ve found nothing which comes anywhere near.  I’ve bought new slippersin fact I’ve bought four pairs of different slippers since then, but none of them are anywhere near as comfortable and, to be truthful, I hate them all.

The older I’ve got, the more I’ve grown to appreciate bits of my body, in particular my feet.  Look after your feet people, because they have to last you for the rest of your life.  Buy shoes which fit.  Don’t wear heels every day – swap things around – to give your feet chance to work properly.  And don’t wear anything which is tight around the toes. It’s not brain surgery, and it’s simple to understand.  Look after your feet.

I also learned that I need to Plan Ahead.  Not for the emergency things, like a power cut and we had no electricity – because I plan for all emergencies like that.

(In fact, I plan so ‘beautifully’ (?) for that sort of emergency that if there were an actual power cut here where we live, I could give every neighbour candles and still have enough for us).

I need to stop waiting till the last moment to do some of the regular things – like make an appointment for the doctor (I wait until I’m ready to be admitted to hospital before I’ll give in and make an appointment),  – and instead of putting things off,  I need to do things there and then(!) so that they’re already done and ready for when they need to be ready.  Case in point:  This Post!

I knew I was going to do this post and I knew when I needed it done for.  And yet, here I am, on the last day of 2016, tapping away on my keyboard knowing that this post HAS to be ready to ‘go live’ in the early hours of 2017.  Why on earth didn’t I begin building this post when I sat having a rest or a coffee, or even last week?!  The answer is:  Because I’m a dimwit!  That’s why!

PLAN AHEAD WOMAN ... and stop leaving ‘it’ till the final moment!

Next!:

I learned during 2016  that Crafting is an obsession to me.  And not only is crafting itself the obsession, but crafty shopping is also an obsession.  I will go to a store with a list of (say) three or four items that I need.  However, when I hit that shop with all those lovely crafty goodies, I go batship crazy and am like a child who’s on a sugar high and been given permission to have as many things as they can stuff into a trolley within two hours.  Yes seriously.  I will sometimes catch the bored stiff eyes of ‘Cobs The Bogeyman’ (aka Mr.Cobs) as he wanders around after me (following me like a little lost puppy) asking …  “can we go now?”. 

The man should be awarded a Knighthood in the New Year Honours List (which we have here in the UK), for Services to Retail;  Excelling in the Art of Husbandry; and generally being Mr. Wonderful.  (although that last one can sometimes come into question).

“Arise Sir Cobs.” she says. [as the Queen finishes dobbing him on each shoulder with her trusty sword].

NEXT!

I’ve learned this year that …  New Years Eve is the only acceptable time to wear glitter without being mistaken for a stripper.
As a crafter this is the saddest bit of stuff I’ve ever learned in my whole life.  I’m always twinkling with glitter, even if I haven’t used any for a week.  A spell in my craft room seems to cover me in glitter, which I leave trails of behind me, wherever I roam, or go.  (Including into the loo – which tickles Mr.C – but I won’t tell you what he says about it.  Suffice to say it has something to do with storage of the twinkly stuff and my knickers)

NEXT!:

I won’t make up stories about my parents being the most amazing parents in the world.  My parents weren’t the best parents in the world,  but they were the best ‘THEY‘ could be.  They taught me many lessons.  Life Lessons about:

  • appreciating every thing I had.  From the toys that were given to me as a child, to the teachers I had at school and the lessons I learned from them.
  • How to make friends and be a friend.  ( I still have problems making friends because I’m SO painfully shy).
  • Ensuring that I knew the importance of keeping Sunday as a family day and Christmas and Easter,  and Birthdays, as special days and honour the family by spending time with them – all of them – from my parents to my Grandma & Grandad, Uncles, Aunties, Cousins etc.
  • To look at both sides of any choices which were placed in front of me.  Good-v-Bad.  To make sure that I had looked at things from every angle in order to make sure I made the right choice for me.
  • To have an opinion.  Aw heckaroonie,  I could count on my Mom to have an opinion, and to feel free to voice it –  even if I or anyone else disagreed with her, she had her opinion and would stick to it too.
  • To be willing to help.  From the age of around 12, I used to do the family weekly shopping all by myself.  My mother would be working and my father wasn’t the shopping sort of chap, so I was left a list next the kitchen sink, every Saturday morning, along with money, and I had to go all by myself to the local shopping centre, and visit the big Supermarket;  greengrocer;  butchers;  newsagent;  and possibly the pharmacy too, in order to get all the things on the list, within the money that I’d been left to buy it with.  Then bring all those groceries home – walking all the way home carrying four bags full of groceries.  This taught me a huge lesson as a child:  How to be an important part of the family.  How to manage money;  How to Budget;  How to Shop for a whole family with all their various likes and dislikes;  and …  Spend money on the right things when that was the only option open.  As an adult, when I married, I was so grateful for those shopping and money management lessons.

I learned many more lessons from my parents and I’m grateful for them.  However, a lesson they never got the chance to teach me (and I so wish they had)  was how to deal with someone, a family member in this case, who not just wounded me but broke my heart with their words,  all within about 90 seconds,  and without me getting chance to ask why?  What?  How?  When?  Who?  Why?  WHY??

My parents aren’t around now for me to talk to and ask advice from on how to deal with what happened and to share with them how it’s affected me, and over the last year I’ve wished daily that I had someone older and wiser to advise me, and to just listen.  Before now, I’ve had my mother in law to chat with, and she’s been brilliant.  But she’s getting on in age and is showing some signs of a dementia type of illness so of course I simply won’t give her a problem like this for her to listen to.

So it’s been left to me to ‘grow up’ and get to a place where I have come to a decision about what I have to do.

This whole thing happened because I’d offered this particular family member help to clean their house.  I’d offered before and they seemed to welcome the idea of this help –  things were getting on top of them and all sorts of stuff had become very difficult for them as they were suffering with depression.

Offering to help with the cleaning was the only thing I knew how to do which I thought might help in some way.  But I’d been waiting for them to tell me when they’d like me to come over – for it’s how we’d left it.  I offered, they brightened up and said yes, and said they’d let me know when.  I’d waited weeks and weeks, and wondered if perhaps they didn’t like to ask, so I offered again, and it tipped this person over the edge of reason and they simply exploded.  They shouted an awful lot of hurtful things at me, and told me that they didn’t love me, or like me, and that they didn’t want anything more to do with me. It was such a total shock because we’d always got on really well.

So … I finally learned in the last week of 2016,  that for my own sake, I have to leave this deep wound alone and move on.  Mr.Cobs has helped me see that after 15 months, if nothing has put things right after this length of time, then I HAVE to let it go and move on from it.  For the sake of my heart, and my health, I have to leave this behind me and allow my heart time to heal.

It’s difficult because I hate to see how depression is keeping this person fixed, almost like a prisoner, in one place and no longer enjoying life.  But, as Mr.Cobs has said over and over – I have to let it go.  I cannot continue to fret over this.

I’ve learned that I’m grateful for my parents being the best parents they could be, teaching me, showing me and making me aware of the things that are important.  And … I think they would have told me I realised,  probably about eight months ago,  that I HAD to just let go of this ‘thing’,  stop turning it over and over inside my heart and mind,  and instead move on.

So that’s what I’m doing.   I’m moving on Mom. ❤

Y’know …  I felt as if I just heard her say, over my left shoulder,  ‘Good girl.’

*I tell you none of this for sympathy …  and I want none.   I’m simply sharing what I’ve learned last year, and this was a really BIG learn for me.

OK… moving on:  NEXT!

I learned, during 2016, that it takes me two months to learn to write the new year numbers down on anything that I need to write it down on.  So I’m going to try harder with 2017!

NEXT!

I learned all over again in 2016, how much I enjoy writing posts for this blog.  I’ve ‘met’ so many wonderful people via the blog and I cannot begin to tell you how enriching it is to know you all.  YOU reading this now.  YOU enrich my life by being in it.  So I take this opportunity to thank you for being who you are.  You’re truly amazing.  (And boy oh boy, you’re such a blessing!)

NEXT:

I’ve learned how much I adore the simple jokes in life.  Complicated jokes are great … but sometimes they can be a bit too clever and they make my brain hurt trying to keep up with them.  But the simple, almost childlike jokes … aw, they are the jaw achers which I adore.  I shall attempt to remember to add a small handful at the end of this ‘ream of internet paper’.

NEXT!

I’ve learned the importance of an afternoon snack. 4pm (ish) seems to be the point at which my sugar levels drop to a low and I will either fall asleep in my chair or take myself off to bed for a nap.  However … if I have something snackwise, at around 4pm, then I’m good to go for the rest of the day.  Have a snack!

And finally….

I’ve learned the importance of not hitting your knee on a substantial coffee table, made of 2″thick pine and made in such a way that a family of four could live in it in an emergency.  Actually … I learnt this lesson on the closing moments of 2016 … so only just, and the swear words are still bouncing off the walls of my brain!  Grrrrr!  Gosh, that knee hurts now, and it’s really, really hot to touch and swollen too!

OK…  I know you’ve been waiting for this part ….  here come the jokes:

On New Year’s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living. Well, it was kind of embarrassing. Because,  as the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.
~~~~~~~
What’s the difference between a ‘hippo’ and a ‘Zippo’?
 . . . . . .  One is really heavy, the other is a little lighter
~~~~~~~
Two Clowns divorce.  A Custardy battle follows.
~~~~~~~
Question for you …  Why is the winner of the Miss Universe contest always from earth?
~~~~~~~

An annoying person told me “People have 2 Ears and 1 mouth, so they should listen more than they speak.”

I replied “People also have 1 mouth and 2 legs, so maybe you should shut up and go away.”

~~~~~~~

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. After that, everything else was ‘Made in China’.

~~~~~~~

WomenA species that loathes you for asking their age,but will torture you forever if you forget their birthday.

What is red and bad for your teeth?  . . .   A brick!

Isn’t it scary that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Love means nothing to a tennis player.

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Who.
Who who?
What are you? An owl?

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Smell map
Smell map who?
If you’re not giggling by now,  say it out loud.  If you’re still not giggling after that then click and hold the click over this —>“Smell map who?”  sounds like  ‘Smell my poo’ when said out loud<—

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked that’s why I’m knocking.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Hatch
Hatch who?
Bless you and cover your mouth next time.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Spell.
Spell who?
OK, W. H. O.

Knock, Knock
Who’s there?
Mikey.
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole

Knock Knock
Who’s there?
I eat map.
I eat map who?
Oh yuk!   That’s disgusting!  (you might have to say it out loud if you haven’t got it yet).

And finally …..

Wife texts husband: Where are you? Why aren’t you home yet?

Husband texts back: Love, do you remember the jewellery shop on Regent Street where you saw a diamond necklace and fell in love with it and I couldn’t afford it then, but I said ‘I will get it one day for you’?

Wife replies (all excited): Yes I do, I do.

Husband texts back to her: I am in the pub just next door to that.

fnar fnar!

Well I guess that there’s only one thing left for me to do now and that’s this (It’s only 34 seconds long):-

 

Remember you can reset your resolutions on January 14th (Orthodox New Year) and February 8th (Chinese New Year). After that, even I can’t help you.
I personally have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have.
May love, peace and harmony be yours in 2017, and my greatest wish for you is for contentment to be yours.  For when you have contentment, you then have everything you could possibly want.  Happy New Year to you!

With love ~

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