Meanings – The Art of Cobwebs

Yesterday, Thursday, was the first day FOR WEEKS that it didn’t rain (or snow). Personally I think a celebration is in order!

We’ve had the most awful rain here in the South of England. Heavy, bucketing it down, soak you to the skin, horrid, horrible rain. I’ve had to remind myself, over and over, that God doesn’t tell me when to water my garden, so I don’t have the right to tell him when to water his. I’m pretty sure that there’s method in what I consider to be a ‘rain madness’ – and I’m sure that all will become clear(ish) eventually. But until then, I’ve agreed with Mr.Cobs that it’s probably better that he continue to build the Ark from the kit I bought him, which he began work on a few weeks ago:

Noahs Ark Kit

Not entirely convinced that it’s going to be big enough for all those 2×2 animals from around the world that are the requirement for a structure like this – but we’ll do our best, and if they have to be Lego sized, then so be it. I’ll pack a magician who might be able to turn them into the real deal when we get through the journey. 😀

Aaanyhoo . . . I thought we could do with a smidgen of fun on a Friday, since we are now officially in Spring (except for those of you on the other side of the planet – and I’m sure ‘fun’ is a requirement for Autumn going into Winter, down there!). So with FUN in mind, I share with you a Text Message received from daughter No.2 . . .

She sent me, in full, the following:

The Washington Post has published its yearly neologism contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meaning for common words … and the winners are:

Coffee (n), the person upon whom one coughs.
Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.
Abdicate (v) to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
Esplanade (v) to attempt an explanation while drunk.
Willy-nilly (adj), impotent.
Negligent (adj), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
Lymph (v), to walk with a lisp.
Gargoyle (n), gross olive-flavoured mouthwash.
Flatulence (n), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
Balderdash (n), a rapidly receding hairline.
Rectitude (n), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologists.
Circumvent (n), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
Frisbeetararianism (n), (back by popular demand): The belief that when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

Those tickled me in just the right place, and also brought back a memory of something I read a few years ago, about words which had a meaning of what they meant, and also the opposite of what they meant. Get these . . . .

Dust, along with the next two words, is a noun turned into a verb meaning either to add or to remove the thing in question. Only the context will tell you which it is. When you dust are you applying dust or removing it? It all depends whether you’re dusting the crops or the furniture.
Screen can mean ‘to show’ (a movie) or ‘to hide’ (an unsightly view).
Seed can also go either way. If you seed the lawn you add seeds, but if you seed a tomato you remove them.
Stone is another verb to use with caution. You can stone some peaches, but please don’t stone your neighbour (even if he says he likes to get stoned).
Trim as a verb predates the noun, but it can also mean either adding or taking away. Arising from an Old English word meaning ‘to make firm or strong; to settle, arrange,’ “trim” came to mean ‘to prepare, make ready.’ Depending on who or what was being readied, it could mean either of two contradictory things: ‘to decorate something with ribbons, laces, or the like to give it a finished appearance’ or ‘to cut off the outgrowths or irregularities of.’ And the context doesn’t always make it clear. If you’re trimming the tree are you using tinsel or a chain saw?
Resign works as a contronym in writing. This time we have homographs, but not homophones. “Resign,” meaning ‘to quit,’ is spelled the same as “resign,” meaning ‘to sign up again,’ but it’s pronounced differently.
Off means ‘deactivated,’ as in “to turn off,” but also ‘activated,’ as in “The alarm went off.”