Things I’ve learned this Week

Act 1, scene 1:  Setting the scene:-

[The door is flung open.  She’s arrived, but not under her own steam.  She was blown through the door with the great force of a wind which took no prisoners.  And she arrived with as much grace as a cow in a china shop and making about the same amount of noise too!].

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WHOOO!!!  Flipping heck, its windy out there!  I don’t know about the weather where you are, but here in the UK (in various places dotted around Great Britain), Storm Doris has blown in and she’s making sure that her presence is felt.  Folks here have christened today (Thursday evening, as I’m writing this),  Doris Day.  HA!  Love it.  (actually giggle to myself every time I say it.  Doris Day.  Love that soooo much!).

The odd thing about the weather this week is that I went out two days before Doris Day wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a lightweight jacket.  I ended up taking the jacket off and leaving it in the car because it was SO hot!

sunny-day

We have a saying here: …  ‘Come to the UK and experience Snow;   Wind;  Rain;  Hail;  Sleet;  Sunshine;  Warmth;  Heat;  and Hotter than hot.  In fact all of the weathers,   all in one day!’

This week has been a mixed week.  I seem to have done much but only have a little bit to show for it.  I made a card for a blogging friends mum, who had broken her ankle.  I have photos, and now that the card has been received the other end, I can share the piccies with you.  I’ll blog the pictures in the next couple of days.  After making the card, I decided it was about time I cleaned my craft room and moved a few things around which were now in the wrong place.  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  Nightmare In the Craft Room time!    I got about half way through and really wished I hadn’t started this task.

I’m still finishing off.  And I’ll be so glad when everything is put in its rightful place, and all the papers and trimmings have all been put back where they belong.  phew!

Anyhoo...  you haven’t come here to listen to my ramblings about cleaning up.  You’ve come to get some edumacation.  (Yes I know it’s ‘education’  … but I prefer my word. lol)

So …  shall we dive in and get educationamalised?  Strap yourself in.  Ready?  And we’re OFF!  . . .

This week …  I learned to leave a fresh from the oven pizza all alone for at least five minutes  and NOT to take a bite of a slice until 5 minutes have passed.  How did I learn this?  ….  picture the scene dear reader …

The smells from the oven were over-whelming.  A gorgeous, tummy rumbling, nose twitchy sensation, hunger pangs sort of way.  The whole house smelled of the fabulous roasted vegetables which topped the pizza, along with the two different cheeses, and the little circles of garlic butter (the size of a penny) which dotted the top of the pizza.  And the Garlic bread which was cooking at the same time.

The timer dinged, sounding out its permission to remove that pizza from the oven.  Pizza and garlic bread were removed, and salad was waiting for the finished dishes.  The pizza was cut, popped onto the plates and served up.  The smell was way too much.  I couldn’t wait …  I lifted that slice up to my lips and took a bite of that fabulous triangular bit which came from the centre of the pizza.

What happened next was something that should have been reported on the news! (Unfortunately the POTUS pushed me off the top spot so I never even got a mention!).

What I didn’t know about that Pizza was that the toppings and the cheese came from the depths of the core of a VolcanoSo hot.  SO SO SO  –  H.O.T.!!!  Not spicy hot.  Hot as in ‘let me put an iron straight out of the blacksmith’s fire into your mouth and you bite down on it for a moment or two’.  Yeah, that sort of HOT.

I burnt the roof of my mouth behind my two front teeth.  Not just a little burn.  No.  I don’t do things by halves.  When I do things I go full-out and do ’em good.  Ohhhh… the roof of my mouth was sore for days.  The ‘problem’ lasted 4/5 days before I could brush my teeth in the normal way.  In the:   “I’m thinking about sunshine and flowers.  What am I wearing today?.  Why do I have the entire cast of the four-legged members of this household all in this tiny bathroom with me, looking up at me, waiting for me to what?  Tickle them all maybe?” … way.

I had to concentrate very, v. e. r. y.  carefully as I brushed the backs of those two teeth.  None of that brushing the gums as well motion.  Noooooooo.  I had to be sure that I brushed the teeth and only the teeth.  I had experienced the pain which occurred when I brushed the normal way I do, and I didn’t want to experience that again.  Care needed to be taken.

So I learned that I shouldn’t be a pig with Pizza.  Wait ….  wait….  and wait some more  … until the pizza was cool enough before you take a bite.  Good lesson to learn.

I’ve also learned this week: That the Cadbury’s factory make 600,000 Creme eggs every 12 hours, and all those eggs, if weighed, weigh THREE TIMES HEAVIER than an elephantThe moral of this tale is …  don’t eat more than one Cadbury Creme egg a week – unless you want to become an elephant.

I also learned that the Cadbury Brothers released the first filled eggs in 1923, but the Creme Eggs we all know today were introduced to stores only in 1963.  They were initially named Fry’s Creme Eggs. But in 1971, they were rebranded as Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.

Each Creme Egg consists of 180 calories.

According to a survey done by Cadbury, there are different ways of eating the Creme Egg:  53 percent of people bite off the top, lick out the cream, then eat the chocolate;  20 percent just bite straight through; whereas six percent use their finger to scoop out the cream.

Which group do you fit into?

I also learned this week that I miss some of the funny people from our films and TV screens who have either parted company with us, or chosen to sit back and enjoy life, or just aren’t getting the jobs offered to them anymore.  People such as  Steve Martin.  Bill Murray.  John Candy.  Robin Williams (I will never stop missing him).  Leslie Nielson.  Chevy Chase.  Danny DeVito.  Peter Sellers.  Vince Vaughn.  Jane Lynch.  Dan Aykroyd.

We need to laugh more.  I’m starting a movement for more funny stuff on TV.  Lobby your TV stations and tell them that in these difficult times in which we live, we need more funny stuff on TV!

I learned this week or should that be realised?  No, we’ll stick to learned.  I learned this week that I’m totally dumbfounded at how my attitudes towards certain things have changed as I’ve got older.

Things which were, in my opinion, ‘set in stone’ when I was in my twenties are now just not important at all.  Stuff which was so crucial in my thirties, really aren’t anything I bother about now.  Things which were of great significance are now …  meh.  They can all just slide on by me now.

What is important to me now is knowing that I am loved, and that the people I love KNOW I love them.  Can see that I love them.

Our (Mr.Cobs and I) two children, who had their trying times and their ‘I’m going to pour her down the drain‘ moments …  I now look back and see that in actual fact all that worry about them when they were in their teens,  was just me being an over protective mum.  I could see where ‘the dangers’ were and so would try to head them off before daughters 1 and 2 got to them.  But … I shouldn’t have.  They needed to learn, just like we all did.  Only by learning the lesson ‘the hard way’, would they actually learn what the needed to – that being … how to deal with the problem!

So … young mums reading ... allow your children to learn about the things they’re going to need to know about in adulthood.  Even if it’s how to get the lid off the Tupperware container …  or how to sort their dirty clothes into piles of whites, darks and mixed colours!  And WHY they need to learn that.  It’s a valuable lesson – knowing not to put all the washing in the machine without sorting it out and only washing the right things with each other …. as we’ve all learned!   😀

But …  enough of my ramblings!    … I know what you’re waiting for …  the JOKES!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
A: The Telephone.

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the bank teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”   The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’”   The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

and last but not least …. this little thing which I saw this week and it tickled the heck out of me  . . .

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Well that’s us done and dusted and all caught up for another Friday!  And not just any Friday either!  Today is the last Friday in this month.  Next Friday it will already be March.  We’re really racing through these months, aren’t we. Phew.  I can barely keep up.

I hope your Friday is a lovely one.  A day which passes without any problems, and no gremlins getting into the hours.

May your weekend be the weekend you’re hoping for.  May you sleep well and wake up feeling wonderful.

Sending you squidges, and hoping that life treats you well,  till we meet next time. 

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Things I learned this Week.

Haaaapy Friday!

It’s February.  The month of  ❤  Lurve. ❤  (imagine I’m saying that with a French accent … it will sound so much better.)

Did you know:  That February is the third month of winter?  In the Southern Hemisphere February is a summer month the equivalent of August …  so  G’day down there.  Hows your summer?

  • Also …  In Old English, February was called Solmonath (Mud month) or Kale-monath (Kale or cabbage month).  So Kale and Cabbage is on the menu for the rest of the month!
  •  Americans (I’m informed) have trouble with the word February – last year, a press release from the White House consistently spelt it as Feburary.
  • ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is the only Shakespeare play that mentions February.
  • The birthstone for February is amethyst.
  • The ancient Greeks believed that amethyst protected the wearer from drunkenness.

So … what have I learned this week?

Well …  I’ve learned that what I thought were just ‘quirks’, aren’t.   I really do seem to have some sort of OCD problems going on.    I’ve always thought I was just weird – or ‘pernickety‘, as my Grandma used to say.

Silly things can make me feel uncomfortable.  Sort of ‘wriggly’.  A picture hanging at an angle.  I’d have to straighten it up.  HAVE TO.  There is no choice about it.  If I walked out of a room and left it …  within about 3 minutes you’d find me back in that room straightening that picture. (even if it wasn’t even my house!)  But I just put that down to me being a tidy person.  Nothing wrong with that, eh?

If venetian blinds aren’t quite level … eventually they’d drive me nuts and I have to stand up and go over to sort them out.

Couldn’t bear it in my old doctors surgery when I saw that the bead chain thing on the bottom of the vertical blinds had come ‘un-hooked’ from one of the slats.  I waited until the seat by the blinds had become free, then moved over and fixed it.  (Daughter No. 1 wasn’t overly impressed mind).

But … this week there was an article which Mr.Cobs found in an on-line newspaper which he was reading and he told me about it, showing me some of the pictures.  Of course, I had to go to the website and have a better look!  Worst thing I did.  I should have closed my eyes.  Gone off and done something to take my attention away.  But I didn’t.  I looked!

The pictures I share with you here, are a selection from that article.  Let’s see how you get along with these.

I’ll start you off with a gentle one …

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1)  Does that ‘corner‘ upset you at all …  or is it just a clever bit of design?

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2)  You’ve sharpened your pencils.  You look at what a great job you did, … only…  you didn’t.  Is this going to upset you?  Do you feel like you want to reach into the computer screen and grab them so that you can do a better job?

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3)  Can you see the problem here?  Look at the bottom of the post, and where it finishes on the corner of the step.  Hmmm.  Could you live with that?  Or would it … DRIVE YOU NUTS EVERY SINGLE DAY?

 

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4)  Now I know that hole in the dashboard isn’t for your cups of coffee.  You probably know that hole isn’t for cups of coffee.  So – let’s pretend  …  You climb into the car.  How long could you live with that cup of coffee (or maybe it’s coke) living in that hole?  I’d last about 9 seconds.  Yes seriously.

Ok … let’s move the goal posts and take this one step further into madness  ….

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5)  Look at this photograph.  Don’t look away.  LOOK AT IT.  How long could you live with those handles not being level and those doors not fitting or level? 

Are you starting to feel your level of comfort shifting at all?

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6)   Imagine that you have to walk past this door every day, twice a day.  Once on going out, and once on coming home.  How fast would you have to walk past this door, with your face set to ‘stone’ and your eyes staring hard at the pavement, in an effort not to be drawn to even glancing in the direction of the door?

Are you beginning to get a sort of itchy feeling going on?  Feeling restless?

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7)   You use the restroom, and this is what you face when you go to wash your hands.  There are THREE sinks.  Why are there FIVE towel dispensers?  And why, if they felt the need to put FIVE paper towel dispensers over those three sinks, did they have to put them so …  ‘creatively’ on the wall??  OH … AND DO THEY KNOW THAT THE DARN BIN NEEDS EMPTYING???  [sigh.  grrrrrrrr!]

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8)   It was ‘right’ at some point.  When they first did the laying of the cobbles and the pavers, that manhole cover was done so that the pavers and the cobbles all matched.  However …. at some point, someone lifted that manhole cover to tend to something.  But when they put that cover back, they didn’t put it back correctly.  THIS would SERIOUSLY hiss me off SOOooo much that I’d be begging Mr. Cobs to lift it and put it right.    What about you?

 

Have we found your level of ‘un-acceptable’ yet?  What number of photograph got to you?

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9)   You had a new staircase put in…  but after the guys finished and left, you had an uncomfortable feeling about this first flight of stairs.  What the devil was wrong with it?  Something was wrong ….    Shall I give you a clue?   Ok … CLUE:  5 down.  Look at 5 down.

And finally …  I’ve left this photograph until last because …  well, for me at least,  this is the one which is probably THE most serious one of all.  This is the one which would get me using the word:  DIVORCE!  Either from himself or from either daughter.   Brace yourself …

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WHY???   Why would any sane person do this?  This isn’t normal behaviour.  Not for me.  Whoever did this …. I would have to have them committed. It’s not the behaviour of a person whose brain is functioning on any normal levels.  If they didn’t want the ‘crust’, then just cut a slice in a normal fashion, then cut off the crust and dispose of it into the bin – or put it on the bird table for the birds!

These photographs, although featured in an on-line Newspaper article, can be found on a website called   Bored Panda   …  but Bored Panda doesn’t just have these sorts of photos.  They have sections for practically everything.   Check out the  Little Polish Village  – where everything is covered in colourful flower paintings!   Oh … and while you’re there,  do take a peep at the  Two Disabled Rescue Cats  – which is not in the least bit sad.  Watch the video and you’ll smile for the rest of the day!

Anyhooo ...  Although I’ve learned a few things this week …  I wanted to share this OCD thing with you so that you could have a bit of fun with it too.

So I guess that the only thing left is ….  The Jokes!   Brace yourself ….

Bob left work one Friday evening.  But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Q.What has a bottom at its top?   —  A. A leg.

Q.  What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?   – – –  AA bah-humbug

Q.   How do you fix a broken Tuba?  —  A.  With a Tuba Glue!

Q.  What game would you play with a Wombat?  —  A.  Wom.

Q.  How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? —  A.  He felt his presents.

Q.  What do Cats eat for Breakfast?  —  A.  Mice Krispies

And those are the jokes folks!

I hope your week has been a good one, and that no gremlins got in there and spoilt anything.  However … if they did – you have to just remind yourself that sometimes we need a gremlin or two just to make our brains work out the way to deal with those little divils.  And ..  we learn by them.
I hope your weekend is relaxed and happy.  With a little love sprinkled around the place, and a few smiles to warm your heart.  Remember to share your own smile with someone else.  YOU might just change someone elses day, or even life.  We could all do with as many smiles as we can get.  So share yours!

Sending loving thoughts, happy wishes and loads of squidges ~

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday! 

Well we here and that means we made it through another week despite all the doom sayers and awful news on the TV and reports in the papers.  I guess, that when you think of all the things which could have happened to us,  and didn’t  . . .  we truly are blessed and in a great position to have an equally good weekend!

So anyhoo … we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week and for me to educationamalise you with all my new-found intellamagence.  So please put on your water wings.  Batten down the hatches.  Fix your safety belt in place.  Press buttons 1 and 2 and . . . .   We’re Off! . . .

I’ve learned this week that:-  Man has advanced technologically in such a way that we can get signals back from a probe orbiting a great big gas giant a billion gazillion miles away, BUT  my mobile phone can’t work if there are one or two big trees near where I’m trying to use it.

I recall my daughter and son-in-law going on a fishing trip a couple of years or so ago, and she told me that she tried to call me from the boat, out in the ocean, but she couldn’t get a signal.  WHAT THE HECK?  Why can’t a cell phone find a signal, out in the middle of the ocean, on a fishing boat, with no trees, no bad weather, no buildings…. nothing at all around them to block the signals …. and yet, the message came up saying no signal.

Why is that?  Why can we fly a man to the moon, and back, and see him on TV jumping around his spaceship while he’s in space, and yet …  these boffins can’t get mobile phones to work adequately.  Nor can they get cable TV to work without a problem.  Nor Satellite TV to work brilliantly if there’s a big rain or snow storm.  COME ON YOU BOFFINS,  SORT IT OUT!

I think we should start a movement to tell our governments that we, the people, refuse to allow them to spend even so much as a penny more on space exploration until they’ve sorted out modern life for us here on planet Earth!

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I learned this week that A Spanish company has created a hi-tech mattress intended to tell the buyer whether their partner is being unfaithful in the conjugal bed when left alone at home.

The “Smarttress” apparently looks like any other mattress, but the manufacturer says that its concealed sensors detect suspicious movements in the bed.  If the pressure matches algorithms based on research carried out on sexual motions, the worried partner will receive a warning on his or her mobile phone.

If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be” – is the slogan being used by the bed maker Durmet.

Now several things strike me about this and I simply have to share them with you:

  1. I’d be a bit taken aback if Mr. Cobs suddenly had our mattress changed for no apparent reason.  The man (bless him) has a short arm and a long pocket, so for him to pay rather a pretty price (and they are rather pricey) for a new mattress is totally out of his ‘comfort zone’,  and I’m kind of guessing that other husbands/partners/wifes would be the same.  People don’t buy something big like a mattress for a surprise gift, like they would buy a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates.  So I’d already be a bit eyebrow knitted and questioning why he’d done it.
  2. Durmet (the makers) say:  “the technology is so advanced that the jealous app user will be able to see in real-time what parts of the bed are seeing the most activity, giving him or her a mental picture of exactly what their partner is up to”.  Hmm, well they’re already talking themselves out of sales because if someone is found to be having an affair on that mattress, then, personally, I wouldn’t want to sleep on the mattress ever again, so it would be thrown out.  What a waste of money!
  3. It doesn’t tell you if your partner is having a wild love life on the stairs;  in the garden shed;  on the kitchen floor;  in the car;  in a Hotel; or at the home of their ‘lover’.  So it’s not that brilliant as an idea.
  4. And finally . . . . .  I doubt very much that at my age and decrepit state of health,  I’d get the moves required to send the signal, to any device other than my Doctors telling them I’d broken a hip whilst trying to do the ‘dance of lurve’ on a new mattress!

I’ve learned this week (from a television light entertainment programme)  that devices such as the one you’re reading this blog post on right at this moment, give off something called Blue Light.  Now this ‘blue light’ actually has a bad affect upon a person,  particularly so if you’re exposed to it for 2 to 3 hours before going to bed. 

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I quote from the report:

Until the advent of artificial lighting, the sun was the major source of lighting, and people spent their evenings in (relative) darkness.  Now, in much of the world, evenings are illuminated, and we take our easy access to all those lumens pretty much for granted.

But we may be paying a price for basking in all that light.  At night, light throws the body’s biological clock—the circadian rhythm—out of whack.  Sleep suffers.  Worse, research shows that it may contribute to the causation of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity.

Blue wavelengths—which are beneficial during daylight hours because they boost attention, reaction times, and mood—seem to be the most disruptive at night.

Researchers have linked short sleep to increased risk for depression, as well as diabetes and cardiovascular problems.

So … if you find yourself suffering with problems sleeping, or even find yourself over-eating,  here are some things you could do to try to cut out that blue light which just might be the thing which is causing your problem(s) . . .

  • Use dim red lights for night lights. Red light has the least power to shift circadian rhythm and suppress melatonin.
  • Avoid looking at bright screens beginning two to three hours before bed.
  • If you work a night shift or use a lot of electronic devices at night, consider wearing blue-blocking glasses or installing an app that filters the blue/green wavelength at night.
  • Expose yourself to lots of bright light during the day, which will boost your ability to sleep at night, as well as your mood and alertness during daylight.

I’ve also learned a lesson about myself this week

I’ve learned that the older I’ve become, the more respect I need to be shown.  This would come as a surprise to some of the folks who know me in real life (when they realise that this change has taken place).  I’ve found that I don’t like this apparently newish’ idea of medical folks calling me by my Christian name.  I expect and require them to treat me respectfully and call me by my title:  Mrs. Cobs.  I’m not their ‘friend’ and they’re not they mine – so Mrs. Cobs will do perfectly well, thank you.

Neither am I willing to allow people to be rude to me and then expect me to simply forget how badly they’ve behaved, without them even thinking that they owe me an apology, and/or and explanation.

This new ‘thing’ has surprised me, because I’ve always been someone who puts myself last.  I’ve always been a stickler for making sure that (for example) Mr. Cobs is given the full respect he deserves, but have never pushed for that same respect to be shown to me.  So finding myself this week facing a situation where this sudden realisation became clear to me, it’s kind of surprised me, and I’m still trying to get used to the feeling that, actuallyI’m important, and the way I’m treated is important.  And …  that I’m not willing to ignore the things I would have always ignored before, because I believed that I wasn’t that important so *it* didn’t matter.  *It*  DOES matter . . .   and so do I.

It’s an odd feeling … and I’m still getting used to it – but it seems to ‘fit’.

Well … you know what it’s time for now, don’t you?

You can take off your tin helmets.  Remove your safety belts.  Kick off your shoes.  Take a deep breath, and … r.e.l.a.x.

These are the Jokes, Folks!

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. A: She was known as the deep C diva.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? …….Bison.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison?  A small medium at large

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?   –  right-click, hold the click and roll cursor over here for the answer:—->A carrot<—-

Two cows are standing in a field and one cow says to the other: “What do you think about that mad cow disease?”, the other cow responds: “What do I care “I’m a helicopter”

What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
Beatrix Potter

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?
He was looking for pooh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy bear

What animal drops from the sky?
A rain deer

What did one volcano say to other?
I lava you

Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?   A:   Feyoncé!!

And finally ….  I learned this week …. That the shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me.  I love this weekly thing we have going on.  May today be easy.  May you give and get smiles.  And may you end the day with a smile, knowing that when you think of all the things that could have gone wrong today, today turned out to be not so bad a day after all.

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Have a truly blessed day my friends.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday!  . . .  Apparently it’s now officially winter – as far as ‘weather reports’ are concerned.  I don’t know why this happens or the reasons for this.  I only heard it on the weather report this morning but I was so busy taking in this information and trying to work out if I’d heard it correctly that I didn’t hear the reasoning behind it.  But there you have it.  It’s winter.

They are reporting that the UK set for the heaviest snowfall for years, and the Long-range forecast warns that the Winter of 2016 is going to be THE BIG FREEZE!   Saying that Britain is facing the heaviest snowfalls in years this winter, as the country’s first icy blast arrives soon, and it will unleash (apparently)  four months –  (FOUR MONTHS!?) –  of heavy snow and sub-zero temperatures.  I read that forecasters have announced this,  and they added:  “expect a very ‘exciting’ December with the possibility of a White Christmas this year“.  OK….  so  NOW I’M GETTING EXCITED! 

The last white Christmas I remember was in the 1980’s …  so this would be such a huge event and I’m already feeling the excitement of it.  In fact … so much so that I’ve even bought a woolly bobble hat!   (If you read one of my posts a few weeks ago, you’ll already know that I look like an extraordinarily comical, female, over-sized unwanted 8th Dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves  when wearing ANY hat.  So this new bobble hat is a BIG thing for me to have bought!).

It’s a chilly, cold wind which is already blowing around outside.  This morning, here where we live in the South of Great Britain,  it was minus 6.  Mr. Cobs informed me of this when he came back in the house from letting the chickens out to play.  I believed entirely that it was minus 6, for I could feel that minus 6 blow right through our little cottage when he opened the door to come back in!  It made me want to hibernate!  Brrrr!

Oh anyhoo…  we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week so let’s get on with it, shall we?

This weeks Lessons in the Key of Life seem to have been (in a lot of circumstances)  about things which start with the letter H!  I have no idea why, but I thought I’d go with it and share this Letter H stuff with you.  Hats on?  Had your shots?  Here we go …

Henge Stonehenge to be precise.  I learned that Stonehenge was in private ownership until 1916, when it was bought,  on the spur of the moment by Sir Cecil Chubb, who was the owner of a local lunatic asylum,  as a present for his wife. Three years later she gave the site to the nation. 

Now this posed a question for me.  Why would a chap buy his wife some big stones which weren’t of the diamond variety?  Did he think this would earn him brownie points?  Well … the fact that she gave this gift away just three years later, must surely have told him something.

So, in the interests of happy Christmas days to come, may I make a suggestion to all the fabulous chaps who read this Friday post (and I know there are a few of you because I have the class register with your names clearly shown on it) ….  Here’s my tip for Christmas Gifts for the fabulous women in your life.   If you’re struggling to find something she’ll be happy to receive,  I truthfully think that if you go by this one rule, you’ll probably strike the right chord:  Buy:-  Something with a Hallmark on it.

You can thank me later.

Hypnotism.  Did you know that:  English writer – Charles Dickens’ marriage broke down partly because of his obsession with Hypnotism Now this surprised me, because if you read a little bit of information about Mr. Dickens you’d find a whole lot more stuff which would and could have broken down his marriage way before this obsession!

I learned this week that:  Apparently Chickens can be hypnotised.   From what I learned:  The record period for a chicken remaining in a hypnotic state is 3 hours 47 minutes.  

Holidays.  Let’s start with a Holiday inspired joke, just to lighten the mood, shall we?

The girl at the Ryanair check-in desk said,   –   “Window or aisle?”
I replied,  –  “Window or you’ll what?”

fnar fnar!

 I have to explain –  here in Great Britain (at least), a ‘Holiday’ is what people of the USA call a ‘Vacation’.  Where-as Christmas is NOT a holiday to the folk of the UK. Christmas is exactly as it says.  It’s CHRISTMAS – and we don’t call it anything but that.

So now we know that  ….

I learned this week that popular Holiday island Hawaii was discovered by Captain Cook in 1778 and named the Sandwich Islands in memory of his patron, the Earl of Sandwich. On landing, he and every man on his crew became completely constipated: one man suffered for 44 days in a row. The men became the first Westerners to witness the traditional Hawaiian sport of surfing.  Cook was murdered in Hawaii in 1779.

The Hawaiian State flag is the only US flag to feature a Union Jack.  It also has eight red white and blue stripes representing the eight main Hawaiian islands.

The ‘wiki’ in Wikipedia is Hawaiian for ‘fast’.

Here’s a question for you: 

I want those of you who have had Haemorrhoids to put your hand up.  Go on.  No one is going to see you, you’re all alone!

Those of you who didn’t put your hands up . . .  are fibbers!

Haemorrhoids : everyone has them!  I learned this week, from watching a TV programme at about 2am in the morning, (sleep escaped me), that EVERYONE has haemorrhoids (UK spelling).  They’re apparently like little cushions in the walls of your B.T.M. and live there quite happily.  However … something happens to upset them, and that’s when they become a problem.  It could be childbirth, carrying a little extra weight, ‘straining’, or even, apparently, a sneeze can cause them to inflame.  However – that old wives tale that sitting on a radiator gives you piles or haemorrhoids, is exactly that.  An old wives tale.  There’s nothing to prove that this causes the problem.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the final H of our ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ list…..  Happiness.  Or Happiness in the form of Jokes, to be precise.  Are you ready for a chuckle?

Q)  What’s green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? 

A)  A pool table.

Q)  What did the Pirate say when he turned 80?

A)  Aye Matey.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.    Mist.

Q)  Why does a Chicken Coop have two doors?   A)  If it had four, it’d be a chicken sedan.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”. . . . 
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”  . . . . .
Doctor: “Nine.”

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

A male friend met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. He rang her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie into it.

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?  To the baaa baaa shop!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?  Because it has a silent pee.

And finally ….  I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee with me.  I love seeing you here.
Have a wonderful day, doing whatever it is that you’ll be doing.  Remember … you have a choice of what sort of day you have.  Choose a Good one!
Oh …   and have a fabulous weekend.  May you find peace and rest, and maybe a few smiles along the way.

Sending squidges to you in your corner,  from me in mine.  ~

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