Things I’ve Learned This Week

Hello, and a very Happy Friday to you.  If you’re still on Thursday wherever you live in this world, then take that greeting as an early one for tomorrow.

I’ve learned a few things this week which were real eye openers.  The types of things that make your eyes increase to the size of saucers, and then your brain says …..  “Really?  REALLY??  Are you sure?.  So, I went on a seek and find the truth mission and I list here a few of the things which I found out this week – which might make your eyes widen to the size of saucers too.

Britons eat 97% of the world’s baked beans.  I was really surprised about this.  I thought that it would be the USA who would have eaten the most baked beans …  Cowboys and all that.  But no.  Us British are the Baked Bean Babies.  We must have some Cowboys here and I don’t know about them!  Yeeee Hawww!

There are more stars in the universe than words which have been spoken by all of the humans who have ever lived.  I don’t know about you, but there’s something so romantic about that fabulous information.  Something which made me stand at the window and look up to the night sky and quietly whisper a long, slow  . . .   w.o.w!

I also learned:

The Romans used powdered mouse brains as toothpaste.  I’m not going anywhere with that one.  I’m just putting it out there and saying nurthing.  (I’m not judgemental).

And this gave me a moment of eye-popping when I heard about it  . . .

France was still executing people by guillotine when the first Star Wars film came out.  Yes, I didn’t believe it either. So I went on a seek and find mission to find out the facts just to make sure . . .

Yes … it’s true.  France really was still using the guillotine for executions when the first Stars Wars Film came out.

The first Star Wars film was released on May 25th, 1977.

The last person to be executed in France was put to death in September 1977.  The death penalty was abolished in French law in 1981.  It is now also forbidden by the French constitution, and by several human rights treaties to which France is a party.

I’ve been chatting with Chicken Grandma this week about slugs (and their ability to nosh down on all my Hostas!  grrr)….  and I learned this about the gardeners monster:  Slugs …. have 4 noses.  This is obviously how they found all my Hostas and ate them all.  So…  I motion that when we get a cold, we should all begin to sneeze over slugs so that they catch a cold and can’t sniff out their favourite treats in our gardens!

Well, I think we’ve reached that moment when we all sit back and enjoy ….

THE JOKES

What’s brown and runs around the garden? . . .  A fence

What do you call a snail on a ship? . . .  A snailor

… and this is one you might have to say out loud . . .

How do you catch a unique cat?  . . .  Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame cat? . . .   Tame way, unique up on it.

one for the British folks….

How do you get two whales in a car?   Start in England and drive west.

and finally …

my last words . . .

Life would be infinitely happier if we could be born at the age of 80 and gradually approach 18!

Y’know …  I think that might be something I would give a try!  What about you?

coffee cup

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee with me.  I so appreciate your company. 

Sadly, this is the last of the regular weeklyThings I’ve Learned This Week posts for a while.  It’s going on a summer holiday.  It will be touring the country, in a VW Campa van, soaking up the atmosphere and enjoying a coffee at each stop on the way.  (I hope it sends postcards!)

Just to be clear:   ‘Things I’ve Learned This Week’  is taking a summer holiday.  Not me.  I’m sticking around.  You don’t get rid of me that easily!  😀 

Until we meet next time, may life treat you kindly, may love find you, and …  may you find something to smile about at various moments throughout your days.

With love ~

 

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Things I’ve learned This Week.

Happy Friday!  I don’t know about you, but here in the UK, it’s been a hot week.  It cooled down a little  … but not enough to ditch the shorts and T.shirts.  It feels like Summer!

Well my goodness, what a week this has been.  Mr.Cobs has been working on the garden at the back of our cottage.  It’s taken us a while but we finally found a vision for it.  There are lots of new plants, evergreens, ferns and a selection of flowers.  He’s sown some seeds and they’re growing madly, and things are beginning to look so lush and green.  At last!

When we bought this cottage the majority of the back garden was paved over in decorative paving.  All very smart and very easy to tend to, but there was nothing inspiring.  Nothing that made you want to sit out and just be at one with nature.   That had to change – but we had to live with it for a year before we began to make any rash moves, so that we could see what was growing, and how the sun behaved  in our garden as we are surrounded by protected tallllll pine trees, so they make a high up canopy over the garden which filters some of the sunshine – but we had to work out when, how, where and how much sun each part of the garden got.

Then came the moving of some of the paving, re-laying in some places where it needed to be.  Then we had to do something with the soil.  It had paving on it for who knows how long – so we had to get something into the soil to make it more acceptable to plants.  It’s been what feels like a long journey, but it will all be worth it – we kept telling ourselves.  (Although, there have been times when we’ve said:  “it would have been easier to leave the paving right where it was!”)

And now … just about three weeks after Mr.C began making planting changes this year,  it’s begun to be such an incredible pleasure to sit out there listening to the birds, rather than just walk through it.  It’s all looking so green and lush.  So alive.  Even birds have now started to visit the garden and pop along to watch whats going on!  Sitting on the decking is the most amazing joy now.  Truly a fabulous new blessing.

Anyhoo…   you’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week, not for gardening news!   … so here goes:

I learned this week that … If you were to spell out the numbers in their sequence (1, 2, 3 = one, two, three, etc), you would not find the letter  ‘A’  until you reach One Thousand.

You’re now thinking about this and some of you will even now pick up and pen and see if I’m right.  🙂

I also learned that on Good Friday in 1930, the BBC announced:  “There is no news”.  Yes, honestly.  Here is where I learned about this:  BBC UK, News/No News 1930  –  it will open in a new tab for you.

I learned this week:  That one particular species of jellyfish, Turritopsis nutricula, is considered biologically immortal as it can—and does—revert to its immature state even after reaching sexual maturity.

When it encounters unfavorable environmental conditions, the adult Turritopsis jellyfish normally overflowing with tentacles that evoke the image of the head of Medusa  –  simply sinks to the ocean floor and reverts to its juvenile polyp phase which resembles nothing more than a tiny clump of cells.  Even more fascinating is that the jellyfish can repeat this process of regression and re-growth endlessly.  To date, there have been no reported observations of its death due to aging.

Maybe we should be rubbing ourselves with oils, lotions and potions made from jellyfish,  and eating jellyfish instead of calamari (octopus/squid)?  (umm ….  I don’t think I want to do either of those things to be honest.  ewww).

  • Did you know (and I learned this, this week) 99% of all people get scared when asked this question:  “Can I ask you something?”.  Now, I can actually see how that would work.  Can you?

If you type “Atari Breakout into a Google page search bar and click for Google to do its search, then once the page loads choose to view  “images”  you’ll get a nostalgic blast from the past.  NB… you have to wait a moment for the page to change – just wait  … only a few seconds…  it will change.  Get ready to move your mouse!  🙂  (when you’ve won one game, a new game will load for you).  You’re welcome.  😀

Since I became aware of them, I’ve been very suspicious of these voice activated bits of equipment which you can have in your home as a ‘helper’ … and I learned this week what I suspected …

Whenever you speak into Apple’s voice activated personal digital assistant, it ships it off to Apple’s data farm for analysis. Apple generates a random numbers to represent the user and it associates the voice files with that number. This number — not your Apple user ID or email address — represents you as far as Siri’s back-end voice analysis system is concerned.

Apple say  . . . Once the voice recording is six months old, Apple “disassociates” your user number from the clip, deleting the number from the voice file.  But it keeps these disassociated files for up to 18 more months for testing and product improvement purposes.  (allegedly).

And finally …  if you take your age, multiply it by 7, then multiply it by 1443,  the answer you get will be your age, repeated 3 times.  Go on … try it.  It’s true.

But … we all know why you’re really here.  You’re wanting a little Friday Fix of Fun.  Ok… here are ….

The Jokes!

Doctor:“I’m not 100% certain of the cause. It could be related to alcohol.”  —  Patient:“It’s cool. I’ll come back later when you’re sober.”

~~~

Q:  What is Heck?  —  A:  It’s where you go when you don’t believe in Gosh.

~~~

Q: What did the Teddy Bear say when he was offered dessert?  —  A:  No thanks, I’m stuffed.

~~~

A Penguin was arrested when at check-in at the Airport yesterday.  After two hours they released him saying “He’s not a flight risk.”  (penguin?)

~~~

I bought the world’s worst thesaurus yesterday.  Not only is it terrible,  it’s terrible.

~~~

My friend asked me to help him round up his 37 sheep.  I said “40”

~~~

What’s the difference between a good joke and a bad joke timing.

~~~

and finally . . .

My friend says to me: “what rhymes with orange”  …  I said: “no it doesn’t”

And those are the jokes folks!

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee moment with me.  I love seeing you, it makes the place such a fabulously friendly place to be.

I’m sorry that my blog has been rather quiet this week.  Heat, Summer sunshine, high temperatures have a rather upsetting affect upon me and make some medical problems flair up all at once, leaving me feeling less than amazing.  So my apologies for being a little Missing In Action.  But I bring a note from my mother  husband. [hands note over]

May I say a warm welcome to some new followers.  I won’t name names, but wanted to say hello and to say not to be shy about making a comment.  You’ll soon become part of the great gang we have here and people will begin to recognise your name and even come and visit your own blog (if you have one).

Thank you all (again) so much for coming, it very much means the world to see you here and to chat.

Wishing you all a really fabulous Friday, and an even better weekend.  Don’t put unwrapped boiled sweeties in your pockets.  Don’t cheek your mothers.  Don’t run with scissors.  And … DON’T put peas up your nose!!

May today be fun for you, and … whatever you’re doing, or wherever you’re going,  may your God go with you.

With love ~

 

Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday, 26th May.  It’s the last Friday of May. Time, as we’ve already agreed, passes fast now.

It’s  ‘been a week’  this week. There’s been some fun.  But then there have been some very low spots.

For those of you who don’t know …  I live in the United Kingdom, and I’m pretty sure you’ll all know about the savage brutality which happened in my country on Monday, the 22nd of May.

The first thing my brain said was:  ‘Why?  Why in the name of God would someone believe that it’s OK to kill someone?  Anyone?  Children, teens, through to Grandma’s and grown ups.  Why?’

And … that’s the thing.  Exactly what is it which happens inside someone’s brain, which convinces them to kill,  maim,  injure,  mutilate,  lacerate,  disfigure,  and mangle innocent people in order to ‘please’  their  God?

Who’s God tells them that this is OK? 

NO God is going to tell ANYONE that it’s OK to kill any other person.  In fact it’s the exact opposite of that which ANY God would say.

Someone is brain-washing these people, because that’s the only way that someone is going to have their normal thinking brain, turned into a willing slave in order to carry out someone elses instructions.

I’ve cried many hot tears over this vile act of evil savagery and even now, 4 days later, I know I’m still not all cried out.    However, something a dear blogging friend, Chicken Grandma,  said on her blog a couple of days ago, as a reply to a comment I posted:  “May we be light, may we be strong, may we be courageous, and may we as people of the world stand united in the process of bringing sanity back.”. 

And she’s right.  We must be strong, courageous, and we must stand united in bringing back the sanity to our World.  We must also try to love those who wish to do us harm.  For two wrongs don’t make a right.  An eye for an eye simply ends up making the whole world blind.

If we are to overcome, we must all stand together as one, and, using love,  save this world.

Shall we move onto something more entertaining?

Mr. Cobs shared this with me this week …

He was reading the papers, on-line, and came across a story about a product being sold on Amazon which tickled the heck out of him.  (He does have a very ‘off centre’ sort of sense of humour – but then, look who he’s married to! :/ lol)

The details of the product read like this:  (if you have trouble reading or looking at any photos, right-click on the photo and click to ‘view image’ – and it will open up in a larger size.)

Loo Brush 1

Now that seems pretty straight forward, doesn’t it?  A toilet brush … gives you the idea that you’ll know what to use it for…  however …  someone decided they’d have a little fun with some feedback for this  . . .  (ladies … do you have on your Depends?) . . .

Loo Brush feedback1

Well dear ol’ Mr.C was laughing his head off – but at the same time trying to keep it together, and he was going red in the face and sounded more like Muttley than Cobs the Bogeyman!

Once I’d seen it …  I sounded like that too.  lol.  Apparently it’s quite a trend, I understand, to outdo anyone else with the funny feedback on things.  I found out that reviews for Sugar Free Gummie Bears are among the funniest things to read on Amazon.  lol

What else have I learned this week?

That Indian Curries are now off the menu.   I came late to Indian food.  I was pregnant with daughter number 2 when all of a sudden I announced that the neighbour must have been making a curry, and it smelled DELICIOUS!

Before this I hated curry.  The smell could make me heave.  But suddenly, at six months pregnant with second child, all I wanted was an Indian curry.  Mr. Cobs thought he’d died and gone to heaven!   The very next day he bought everything required for making one, and made it, and I’ve eaten curries Indian food ever since.  Until now.  Now that I’ve reached over the age of  ___  it would seem that my body is now saying NO MORE to Indian food.  Actually … it’s begun saying no more to a fair few different bits of food.  It’s making me quite cross.  How very dare it move me into a boring diet of denial.

Deny me this.  Deny me that.  Deny me everything I might find enjoyable.  It’s even now stopped me from eating ….  CUCUMBER!  Cucumber is basically water with a green skin.  So what’s the problem?  [sigh]

I also learned this week …  yet again .…  that I HATE the hot hot heat of summer.  I live in the south of the country (England) by the sea,  and it get’s quite ‘hot’ here in the summer.  I don’t like the summer much because it causes me to get grumpy and makes some medical ‘issues’ I have so much worse that it’s tiresome and annoying.

Note to other drivers on the road:   Drive NICELY.  Don’t cut me up nor follow so closely behind me that it’s obscene, during the heat of the summer.  Because I become something other than the sweet thing you might think I am to look at me.  Trust me.  Mightier men than you have tried to show me, ‘the little woman’, that their driving is wonderful …  and I’ve left them crying and sucking their thumbs.  DRIVE NICELY in the summer, around where I live,  or else!  You have been warned.

Well … this last week it’s been hot.  Very hot.  Too hot.  VERY MUCH too hot.  We have ceiling fans …  but even those aren’t helping.  They seem to just be moving hot air around.  And now … I’m feeling like a grumpy moo.  I’m hot.  I’m sticky.  And I’m not in a great mood.

Note to self:  When I win the lottery (big time), I’m going to pay someone to fan me.  I shall lay on a bed of hand-made cotton mattresses – 8 deep. (Think Princess and the Pea), wearing nothing but a muslin ‘gown’ (designed by a tent maker), and be fanned by my personal fanner.  Ahhh… just the thought is putting my mood right.  😀

Kind of on the same subject ...  I also learned this week that my Grandsons (Little Cobs) school has been forced to employ a parking attendant for when mummies and daddies collect their darlings from school at the end of the day.  (3pm)

I learned that this parking attendant (a tall man of somewhere between 30 to 40) has let the job title, and the yellow High Vis jacket (much like the motorway police wear) go to his head, and he’s become a bossy so and so.

I watched him, as I was sat roasting at the equivalent to Gas Mark 6, in my car, in the full sun.  He arrived on site and without even leaving his car, he wound down the window and instantly told a woman to move her car out of the reserved parking space. (Which she did.  A rookie mistake)  He then parked his car in that space, got out of his car, put on his yellow High Visibility jacket and then walked over to her where she’d now parked her car on the corner of a bend on the school grounds, and directed her to go and park on the road outside the school.

It was at this point that Mr.Cobs was to hear me say, low and in a rather wishful thinking voice:  “Ohhhh….  I DO hope he comes here and tells me where to park my car”.

Because Little Cobs has a disability (Cerebral Palsy) his mummy and daddy are allowed to park on the school grounds to collect their son.  However, we are sometimes called into action to collect him.  And the problem is that although the school know when we will be coming (instead of Mommy or Daddy), we don’t have the special parking permit which one is supposed to display in order to park on the premises.  So, strictly speaking, he should have noticed that I was parked without a permit.

I was hot.  Roasting in the direct sunshine, and I saw him being a little officious and pumped up at wearing his High Vis. jacket.  I SO wanted him to come to my car and attempt to ‘talk to the little lady’ (me) about parking else where.  I so wanted to explain to him that the only place I would be parking my car other than right where it was,  would require him to bend over.

He went to another car and told the driver off for parking where they were parked.  Yet…. they weren’t in anyone’s way, and they had just loaded a disabled grandchild into the car.  (More grandparents in the same situation as us).  The gentleman behind the wheel obviously told him in a polite way that he wasn’t moving the car because there was another child to collect ….  but he would move the car once said child was collected.

Again…  I voicedGo on…  come and tell me to move my car“.  He didn’t.  Maybe he recognised a woman who was suffering the heat of being baked in a tin box, waiting for a ‘challenging situation’ to happen.  Whatever it was, he gave my car a miss.  Maybe …  next time.  🙂

Well … I’m pretty certain that there are more things which I’ve learned this week, however, my head’s a colander and things drain out of those holes, even when I try to stop them from falling out.

However … we now are in requirement of a few jokes, so without further ado, I give you . . .

THE JOKES

A woman called the airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,”  said customer services, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”   They further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

❤  ❤  ❤

Q:  What do Pandas have that no other animal in the world has?

A: click and drag–>  Baby Pandas<—

❤  ❤  ❤

Q: I travel all over the world, but always stay in my corner. What am I?

A: click and drag–> A stamp.<—

❤  ❤  ❤

Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

A: click and drag-> 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.<—

❤  ❤  ❤

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

❤  ❤  ❤

And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

❤  ❤  ❤

and finally . . .

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me.  I so enjoy our Friday get togethers.

I hope for you a fabulous Friday.  May the day be peace filled and enjoyable.  And may your weekend be one which leaves you feeling like you’ve actually done something with your time.  That’s always a great feeling!

Sending love, from me in my corner, to you in yours.  Be good to each other, and …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve learned this week.

Happy 19th of May and … HAPPY FRIDAY!  Aw it’s great to see you.  I’m kind of getting rather fond of these Friday Get Togethers.  It’s a bit like Bingo Night, don’t y’think?  lol.

I’ve been through a week of learning some odd and strange things this week.  I’ve come across things, seen things, experienced things and found out some weird things.  All of which I’ve had to use the good ol’ interwebby to discover more.

For instance ….  I learnt a new way of saying:  Avocados.  Yes, there really is.  😀

Imagine, if you will, being the 7-year-old child you used to be, then add a sprinkle of ‘cheeky monkey’,  and a pinch of ‘smiley rascal’,  and just for good measure add a large soup ladle of ‘twinkly smiles’.  Stir the mixture and then continue to read as I educationamalise you.

Say this sentence three times:  Have a CAD dooze.  Say it again… and again.  Have a CAD dooze.

Now you’re going to say it in that way in which we all talk… we miss some letters out of the pronunciation:  So you’re going to miss that letter H and the letter D on CAD.   It now becomes Av a CAdooze.   Make sure that you make that ‘CA’  into a hard sounding KA,  (not soft sounding, like you’d hear in the word: car.  Hard sounding like in the word CAt).   Av a  CAdooze.  Practise it … Av a  CAdooze.  Av a  CAdooze.   Say it out loud:  Av a  CAdooze.

You can now switch your brain back on and listen to the way you are now saying Av a   CAdooze.   Av a  CAdooze.  Av a  CAdooze.  It’s three separate words.  Av | a | Cadooze.

So now I’m going to ask you   . . .  do you  Av a  cadooze?

This week I’ve also learnt about an incredible, unique flower whose petals turn clear as glass when it’s splattered by raindrops.

No, I’m not making it up and its not April the 1st.  The little flowers of this wonderful plant turn from white, to clear when raindrops hit it’s petals.  Take a look ….

Diphylleia Grayi

And this (below) is what it looks like normally, before the rain . . .

Diphylleia Grayi white

It’s called Diphylleia Grayi …  or commonly known as the Skeleton Flower.  It comes from the mountainsides in the colder regions of China and Japan. The flowers come out in late spring, with large, fuzzy green, umbrella-like foliage topped with small clusters of pretty white petals.

Isn’t that just jaw dropping amazing?  I’d never heard of these flowers before.  Have you?

Next!  …  I learned this week that every night, the U.S. Constitution, the Bill of Rights, and the Declaration of Independence are lowered into a bomb-proof safe.  Again … something else I never knew.  It’s the little things like this which make me open my eyes wide and ask myself why I never knew *that*  (whatever *that* might be).

We’ve all, no doubt, been struck by an ice cream headache at least once in our lives. Well …. I found out this week that there is a proper name for it!  The technical name for an ice-cream headache is sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia.  Heckaroonie … I can’t even say it!  LOL.  But I know exactly what it feels like. tsk tsk.

Oh … and I learned this, this week, and it tickled the heck out of me . . .

Marco Polo described them as:-  “scarcely smaller than elephants.  They have the hair of a buffalo and feet like an elephant’s. They have a single large black horn in the middle of the forehead…  They have a head like a wild boar’s…  They spend their time by preference wallowing in mud and slime.  They are very ugly brutes to look at.  They are not at all such as we describe them when we relate that they let themselves be captured by virgins, but clean contrary to our notions.”  What do you think he might have thought he’d found and was describing for us there?

He thought he’d found  . . .   [drumroll] ….  Unicorns.   But it’s believed that what he was actually describing was the one horn rhinoceros.   Bless his deluded little heart.  lol

And finally ….  I learned a few things about chickens …  but the one thing I learned tickled me so I thought it might interest you too:

Apparently, according to those in the know,

  • Danish chickens go gok-gok
  • German chickens gak gak
  • Thai chickens go gook gook;
  • Dutch chickens tok tok
  • Finnish and Hungarian chickens say kot kot.
  • The French hen goes cotcotcodet

Where-as my chickens go:  SHREEeaky BLEEEAKKK FOUR FOUR FOUR cluck cluck! VERY shouty, especially when just about to lay an eggBut the littlest one says:  Paw, paw paw beek beek bok.  Paw paw paw beek beek bok.  She’s a pathetic sounding little thing, but so sweet and so very tiny.  (A Bantam – who has feathered feet.  It makes her look like she’s wearing slippers.  Bless!  lol).

And now ladies and gentlemen, we arrive at the part we’ve all been waiting for ….

THE JOKES

Two sailors are at sea. One says:  “That sure is a lot of water out there!”.   The other replies: “Yeah! And that’s just the top of it!”

Q:  What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?  …  A:  Aye Matey.

A puzzle for you:

  • Michael J Fox has a short one.
  • Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one.
  • Madonna doesn’t have one.
  • The Pope doesn’t use his.

What is it?   click, hold the click and drag here for the answer:—> … a last name. 😀

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a hyena?  A stern rebuke from the ethics committee and an immediate cessation of grant funding.

Q: Why don’t anteaters ever get sick?  ….  A: Cause they’re full of anty bodies.

Q:  What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?  A:  Milk and quackers

and finally …

Knock knock. Who’s there?   Salad.   Salad who?   Oh, just lettuce in!

And that’s me done and dusted!

Another week over, and I’m wiser and more educated than I was last week.  So now it’s over to you.  Have you learned anything this week?  If so …  tell me what.  I’d love to hear about something you’ve learned this week.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me.  I love seeing you and spending some time together having a laugh.

May your weekend be thoroughly enjoyable.  And may next week bring you smiles and joy from the moment it begins!  Be good to each other,  and …  may your God go with you.

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What I learned this week.

Haaaappy Friday!  Here I am, again, ready to educationalmalise you.  I hope you’re ready.  Do you have a coffee?  Have you been to the loo?  Washed your hands?  Have you got everything you might need for the next few minutes, because you’re going to be stuck to that chair … so if there’s anything you need, we’ll all wait while you go and fetch it.

[waits. . .   waits some more. . .  wonders if we ‘waiters’ should play a game of Eye Spy . . .   Ohh… you’re back!  wait over!]

OK… let’s get into this, shall we?  Ready?  Steady …….  GO!

This week I’ve learned that paper cuts are painful little bug*ers – especially when you’ve managed to get one in that very soft, squishy bit of skin where your two fingers join together.  Yes… right there!   Ohhhh,  OUCH!

I felt the paper slice through that ‘V bit of soft skin’  like it was ‘un-zipping’ my skin as only a surgeon could do with a scalpel.  It made me wince, but now, 30 hours later it’s sore and has a slight throb going on,  especially so when I open my fingers to do something.  Ewwwwwey! Ouch! Ugh!  [shudder]

I also learned this week …

That the Palace of Versailles is worth:  $50.7 BILLION dollars.  Now I needed to find out what that was in British Pounds (obviously because I’m British), and I found out that $50,700,000,000 USD is equal to 39,175,890,000 GBP.  If you want to know how to actually say that in words:  Thirty nine billion, one hundred and seventy-five million, eight hundred and ninety thousand pounds.

Now you may be wondering why I wanted to know this about the Palace of Versailles (just in case you haven’t met this Palace before, you say Versailles:  ‘Ver-sigh’).  Well, I’ve been watching a rather decadent, period costume drama series about King Louis XIV of France, and the Palace of Versailles (it’s now in its second series) and find the whole thing fascinating, educating and enjoyable.  (You have to be able to ignore some of the more … erm …  ‘naughty’ moments which are included, because that’s the way it was at the time. Awful lot of mistresses etc.)

Palace of Versailles

Aerial view of The Palace of Versailles

The Palace of Versailles is the world’s largest royal domain comprising over eight million square metres of grounds.  Versailles was transformed from a regal hunting lodge into a spectacular palace by ‘Sun King’ Louis XIV during the late 17th century.

Hall of Mirror in Versailles 2

The Hall of Mirrors

Hall of Mirror in Versailles

The ceiling in The Hall of Mirrors

The palace features 700 rooms, including the stunning Hall of Mirrors, housing 5,000 pieces of antique furniture and 6,000 [notable] paintings, while the grounds boast 400 sculptures and 1,400 fountains.  (Is it any wonder that Versailles has been declared a UNESCO World Heritage Site?).

As I’ve been watching the series of programmes about King Louis XIV of France, and Versailles, I kept wondering how much the place must be worth now.  King Louis spent a HUGE amount of money on the building and making of the Palace, so I began to wonder about it’s worth now, and if he actually got his monies worth.  Hence the reason I found out how much Versailles is worth now.

There’s a lot more to be found out about the Palace,  and the King himself.  Wikipedia might be a great place to begin:  Louis XIV of France

This week I’ve also been looking into Time.  Not the magazine …  time as on the clock.  I’ve had a pre-occupation with Time and how quickly it passes, and so I kind of took a leisurely stroll through the library and have learned a handful of things relating to time.

William Willett, the inventor of Daylight Saving Time,  is the great-great grandfather of Coldplay’s Chris Martin.  I’d like to go back in TIME to have a word with Mr. Willett and tell him that it’s a waste of time moving those clocks around, and that it will turn out to be a real pain in the ar …  erm…  rear end, for people of the future.

I found out . . . .  The word ‘time’ is the most commonly used noun in English.

Where did the word come from originally? The oldest root we have is  – a Proto-Indo European prefix meaning ‘to cut or divide.’   That makes sense – in all its various guises,  time is a measure of the space between things.  The Greeks went even further than we did in stretching this meaning.  In Ancient Greek, dā mo became the distance between different types of people, as in demos or ‘ordinary citizens’ and even between the Gods and humans: dai-mon meant ‘divider’ and gave us our words daimon or demon.

Is there any other word small enough to describe something as mundane as a railway timetable and yet suggestive enough to encompass the deepest mysteries of the universe?  Only time will tell . . .

Telling Time in the Ancient World

Ancient Greeks used a device called a clepsydra (water-thief) as a timer for places and times when sundials couldn’t be used. This also consisted of a jar with a hole in the bottom, but worked in the opposite way to the bowl timers. As long as the jar was kept topped up, the water flowed out the bottom at a steady rate and could be used to measure time. clepsydra were used in courts to define how long speeches could last.

Most casinos have no windows and no clocks in order that their patrons will lose their sense of time.

The Incas based their measurement of time on how long it took to boil a potato.

Watch adverts nearly always show the time as 10:10. This is so that the hands of the watch neatly frame the brand name.

An octodesexcentenary is 592 years long.  (I wonder when/what it was/is used for?  I have absolutely no idea.  I’m just sharing what I learned).

And finally … 

I learned that:-  Male goats stink when they’re in the mood for sex. Male sheep don’t.  …  And I think that’s enough about that one, thank you very much!

But …. before I toddle off,  I need to share some jokes with you …

THE JOKES

Q:  What did the ocean say to the boat? . . . A: Nothing it just waved.

Q:  Did you hear about how eating clocks was very time consuming?  A:  But it was so good, people go back for seconds.

I sometimes eat clocks just to pass the time.

I have an EpiPen.  My friend gave it to me when he was dying,  it seemed very important to him that I have it.

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?  Because the “P” is silent!

What did the green grape say to the purple grape?  OMG!!!!!!! BREATHE!! BREATHEEE!!!

and finally . . .

What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?  Same middle name.

~~  ❤  ~~

Those are the jokes folks!

Well, I have a visit to the hospital today …  so that’s a load of fun I’m looking forward to (not).  But later … I do believe that Mr.Cobs is taking me somewhere to cheer me up.  (I hope it involves spending money because that’s my most favourite hobby and I’m REALLY good at it).

What about you?  What’s going on in your world, this fabulous Friday?  Do tell.  Let me hear about you for a change.

Whatever you have planned, or whatever happens, I hope that today is a good day for you.  I wish you a tremendous weekend too.  Filled with love, peace and harmony, but most of all I wish you contentment.  For when you have contentment, everything else just falls into place.

Sending you love and squidges from me, here in my corner, to you there, in yours.

Be good to yourself, and each other.  And …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday!  These Fridays are still coming round far too fast for my liking.  I swear that Fridays always seemed waaaay  further apart when I was younger.  What’s happened to make this change?  No .. seriously … why are Fridays so close together now?  I really don’t understand why.

I’ve learned some strange things this week and I’d like to share them with you so that your wisdom is improved in the same way mine has been!  (improved?  really??) [cough]  Ready?  Hold hands, and on the count of three we’ll all jump together. . . . .   ONE …..  TWO ….  THREE!

I learned this week:  That one in 20 couples argue so much on their wedding night they fail to consummate their marriage.  Aw this made me so sad.  I don’t mind much about the ‘consummate’ bit – but it’s the falling out with each other which saddens me.  Such a wondrous day and they end it with a row!  What a rotten way to spoil the memories. 😦

I learned . . .  That there are enough diamonds in existence to give everyone on the planet a cupful.  Kindly form an orderly queue behind me, and hold onto your cup tightly.  No mugs are allowed.  Cups only.

I also learned. . .

. . . that thirty-seven people were injured so seriously by tea cosies in 1999 that they were admitted to hospital.

Can you believe it?  Nope, me neither!  Dog only knows what on earth they were doing with a tea-cosy which they injured themselves on!

67,000 people are injured each year trying to peel the cellophane off a packet of sandwiches, open a ready meal or open a ring-pull can.
. . .

More than 150 people a day – have accidentally stabbed themselves when trying to prise the top off a jar or opening a ready meal with a knife.

The number of injuries perpetrated by trousers on their wearers in 2002 – (the last year for which such figures were collated by the Home Accident Surveillance System) – stood at 5310, while putting on socks, tights or stockings saw 11,788 people taken to hospital.  Falls caused by getting stuck during an over-hasty attempt to get dressed were mainly responsible, with trips in messy bedrooms close behind.
. . .

379,000 injuries are caused by trainers, high heels, sandals, platforms and countless other types of footwear.

An Exeter (in the UK)  College student was making Italian bread in a bread maker, but when it clogged the machine he proceeded to pull out the dough with his hands, to free the mixing arm.  However, he didn’t switch it off, and once the clog was unblocked the mixer arm swung into action – and broke his arm in four places.  Nine weeks later, the student was asked how he had managed to break his arm while making bread.  He felt obliged to demonstrate, so plunged his hand in – and  snap  went his arm, again!
 . . .
And…  do you know what’s really embarrassing?  ….  All the above examples of injuries in the home were all ….  in the UK!!!  What the heck?  Are we really all  ‘eff-wits’  here?  This must be going on world wide … and if so … shouldn’t there be more padded rooms where these daft people are put for their own safety?
 . . .
I also learned this week that, in the world, – only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful.  When I gave this some thought, it didn’t surprise me in the way it did before I gave it some serious thinking.  We girls always ‘see’ where we believe we could be improved.  Iron out a few wrinkles.  Lose the baby tummy.  Be taller.  Nose a little more turned up and cute.  etc etc.  But if you asked other women what could be improved about their friends or a random woman they were being shown a photo of,  they’d more often than not say “Nothing!“.  We girls really do need to be very much kinder to ourselves.
 . . .

photo found on Google ~ if you know who to credit please let me know and I’ll add it.  thanks!

I learned from something I read that Reindeer are particularly partial to magic mushrooms.  I thought about this one for a minute or two and it suddenly made total sense.  This would explain how we humans had seen Santa on his sleigh, pulled by 8 dashing reindeer!  The reindeer had eaten magic mushrooms!  ha!

And finally, in my mode of edumacation this week,  ….

I learned that when a shop or store says its got an item you want to buy “in stock” on its website, it actually isn’t what it probably has in stock.  And even when the computers in the store say that there are 11 (ELEVEN) of the items you wish to buy …  the staff say they’ve seen those items …and come with you to search the shelves that you’ve already searched 14 times ….  those items are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!

HOMEBASE in Dorset UK,  HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME!!!   Perhaps if you

Tidied the store now and again

Made it look less like a warehouse for empty boxes – and a dumping ground for products no member of staff knows what to do with so they leave boxes of stuff in the aisles for customers, to navigate and fall over.

Had more staff to deal with customers (there were 9 in a queue waiting to pay and only one member of staff on your tills)

And perhaps if you had a better system to your stocking of plants in your outdoor gardening centre …

Maybe the store would be a more pleasant and easier place to shop in.  Just saying.

I think Homebase might  like to  hear from me via an email to their Customer Services (although I do wonder if that’s a non entity too, like their 11 items in stock).  Hmpfffft!  ☹️

Soo ….  I have shared with you all my newly learned edumacation which was lovingly (?) delivered to me this week.  I’m unsure if I’m any wiser, but I do feel my brain complaining.  What of I don’t know … but it will soon be fine again … once it’s dumped some old information out of my right ear while I’m sleeping tonight.  (I hope it hangs onto my:  name, address, telephone number and passwords.  The rest of the stuff I’m sure I can muddle through. lol).

Now we come to the most important bit of the Friday ‘What I learned’  posts …. 

 

❤   THE JOKES   ❤

The Energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery
 . . .
  . . . 
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A:I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
 . . .  
  . . . 
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
  . . . 
  . . . 
Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
  . . . 
  . . . 
Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”
Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”
  . . . 
. . .
and finally . . .
  . . . 
 . . .  
Conjunctivitis.com   . . .   It’s a site for sore eyes.
 . . .  
 . . .
Well, that’s me done and dusted.  I hope you’ve learned and little and gained a few smiles that you’ll be able to share with someone else today.
 . . .
I wish you a most excellent Friday, and a totally wonderful weekend.  May the weather be good,  may your days feel restful,  and may you feel a sense of happiness and protection settle upon your world, like a covering of a gentle blanket of love.
  . . . 

Until we meet again, be good to each other and …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello and HAPPY FRIDAY!  Doesn’t seem like a week since you were here, does it?  Or maybe that’s just me.

This week, weather wise, has been a fabulous week.  The sun has shone every day – although we did have a couple of days which were a little cooler,  but on the whole it’s been really lovely.

Mr.Cobs and I took a trip to the Garden Centre to buy some plants for our back garden this week.  I wanted some ferns but they only had Tree Ferns, which wasn’t the thing I’d set my heart on, –  but we did manage to find some other plants which were on the list, so our journey was a productive one.   🙂

I have a handful of newly learned ‘lessons of life’ to share with you, fresh out of the box, and I hope that at least one of these things will perhaps make you smile.  Shall we get going?

I’ve learned this week that I honestly think that the major craft channel here in the UK  (Create and Craft) really should do away with charging people postage charges on their items.  They have just celebrated their Birthday (I forget which one) and as a gift to customers, they went postage and packing FREE (my very most favourite price) on anything and everything they sold.

Because of this I ordered waaay more than I normally would have, simply to take advantage of this great ‘bonus’.

Create and Craft, I’m thinking, should look at how much of an increase in sales they got for the short time they offered free p&p, and either drop the charges altogether, or reduce them by at least half of the current cost,  in order to encourage more sales.  C’mon Create and Craft… you know it makes sense!

This week I learned more about Electricity than I knew previously  … and some of it blew my socks off!  (well it would have had I been wearing any)…

Did you know that …

10% of Electricity in the US is made from dismantled Soviet atomic bombs. [nods…]…  surprised me too!

La Paz, Bolivia, was the first South American city to get an electricity supply.  It was powered by . . .   llama dung.  😀

I learned …  A typical microwave oven uses more electricity keeping its digital clock on standby than it does heating food.  Ha!  I never knew that, but it’s something to think about ….  because the microwave isn’t the only thing in Cobweb Towers which is left on standby …  which made me wonder if I could perhaps find a way of working out exactly how much money I was wasting by doing this … so that it would shock Cobs the Bogeyman into actually turning off and unplugging those things.  (Him, to save money.  Me, to stop me worrying about the fire concerns from leaving things switched on and ‘waiting … waiting …. waiting’  in the standby mode like that.)

I also learned…  That  ALL  the batteries on Earth store just ten minutes of the world’s electricity needs.  Let’s all hope that we don’t ever run out of electricity because Christmas Dinners just won’t feel the same when they’re just honey with a spoon.

I also learned this week some rather interesting stuff about BRAINS!

Crossing your arms can reduce pain by confusing your brain.  (my brain is already confused so not sure if that would work for me)

And …  People generally read from paper 25% faster than from a computer monitor.

Also …  Once we reach the age of 35, we will start losing approximately 7,000 brain cells each day—cells that will never be replaced.  (I’m already down to 75 brain cells left, so I have no idea how this is going to go for me!  eeeek!).

Ohhh… and get this one:  Your brain is about 2% of your total body weight but uses 20% of your all your body’s oxygen and calories.  So those biscuits you ate with your coffee … don’t worry about them.  You’re brain will have eaten those so you don’t have to count them in your diet.  🙂

And apparently:  The average human dream lasts only two to three seconds and the average person has at least seven dreams a night.  People with a higher IQ have more dreams.  That CANNOT be right.  I dream lots ….  but am like Winnie the Pooh  …  …  I’m a bear of very little brain …. so something in that ‘higher IQ’  doesn’t add up.  Perhaps I’m  the exception which proves the rule?

“When you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside you is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.”   A.A. Milne,   Winnie-the-Pooh

Moving on from the brain …  but on another medical slant …   After seeing photographs of Kim Kardashians bottom in the newspapers this week,  I kind of got to wondering what Botox actually was.  Now I’m not saying that Miss Kim has had Botox – in her bottom or any other place – but, well … it’s plumped up size did look rather strange to me and it just sent my ‘wonderings’  down a pathway which made me ask about what Botox was made of….  so I investigated.

I learned . . .   Botox was discovered in the fat of spoiled pork and was called botulism by the doctor who figured out a medicinal use for it.  In the 1960’s it was used to correct cross-eyed syndrome.

As someone who has issues with pork (it makes me violently sick) I can 100% confirm that I will NEVER, EVER, EVER have any Botox injected, pushed, pumped syphoned or any other way put into my body.

Finally …  I learned this week that it will soon be World Naked Gardening Day.  Next week in fact.  Saturday the 6th of May to be precise.

So don’t be alarmed if you see your neighbour mowing the lawn in the buff a week on Saturday,  they’re probably just celebrating World Naked Gardening Day.  🙂

It’s true … I’m not making it up.  When I heard about it I thought it HAD to be a joke, so went in search of some proof, and found it!

It’s apparently been celebrated around the world since 2005.  The group behind the ‘festivities’ were inspired by the World Naked Bike Ride event.
 More information can be found here:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/World_Naked_Gardening_Day
 ❤
Well,  it’s nearly the end of the ‘Things I Learned’ post,  but there’s just one more thing I have to do ….
THE JOKES!
Wife: “How would you describe me?”
Husband:  …   “ABCDEFGHIJK.”
Wife:   “What does that mean?”
Husband: …  “Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot.”
Wife:“Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?”
Husband: . . . “I’m just kidding!”
Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?
A: . .  Envelope.
Q:   Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn?
A:   Because Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
Q:  What do you call a pig that does karate?
A:   A pork chop
Don’t break anybody’s heart; they only have 1.
Break their bones; they have 206!
Q:  If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
A:  Big hands
~~~
and finally ….
~~~
Q: What happens once in a minute and twice in a moment but never in a decade?
A:  . . . The letter “m.”
~~~
~~~
Well, that’s me done and dusted for another ‘Coffee with Cobs on a Friday’ post.  Thank you so much for coming and spending some time with me.  I love seeing you and enjoy spending time with you.  I hope that your weekend will be bright, warm and filled to the rafters with happiness.  May trouble stay away, and may love find a way to your door and heart.  And, until we get together again, may your God go with you.

Have a truly blessed rest of your day   ~ 

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