What I’ve Learned This Week.

Morning all.  Happy Friday!  And …  a Very Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all.  🙂

St. Patrick has a great history, and makes a good read.  So if you’re in the mood for reading, then I supply a link here —>  A history of St. Patrick the patron saint of Ireland.  <— which will open in another window and sit waiting patiently for you, until you’ve finished having a read here.  🙂   The website is owned and written by an Irish lady who’s family history also makes a great read.  So the story (and all the pages on the site) all come direct from Ireland without any twists which shouldn’t be there.

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Anyhoo ….

The world continues my educationalamalisation,  and I’m now wondering if that’s why I keep forgetting things.  Names of people.  Road names.  Appointments.  What I went to the fridge for?  What it was I wanted from the shop, before I’ve even got my shoes on to leave the house!  How to get to places.  (don’t suggest  SatNavs, because I can’t use the darn thing.  ‘She’ really politely tells me what to do next, and I can’t remember what it was she just said!   Useless.  I’m totally useless.  Of no use to man nor beast.

But I’ve come up with a theory that the reason I’m forgetting things is because I’m learning allll the time, and all the new stuff is pushing some of the other stuff over the edges of my brain!  Where they’re going from that point is anyones guess,  I do have a theory at that too … but I’m not about to discuss it in polite company.  😉

What were we talking about again?  Ohh yes! … educationalamalisation …  I shall continue:

I learned this week ….

That Trees sleep at night.  (cor!  I heard you gasp from here!).  Well, when you think about it,  wouldn’t you need a bit of a snooze after a long a long day of photosynthesizing?

Here, straight from the horse’s mouth (or scientists mouth in this case) is the explanation ….

It depends on how you define “sleep,” but trees do relax their branches at night, which might be a sign of snoozing,  the scientists said.

In the only reported study to look at tree ‘siestas’:  researchers set up lasers that measured the movements of two silver birch trees at night.  One tree was in Finland and the other in Austria, and both were monitored from dusk until morning on a dry, windless night in September.  This was close to the solar equinox, when daylight and nighttime are about equal.

The laser scanners used infrared light to illuminate different parts of the tree,  each for fractions of a second. This provided enough detail to map each tree within minutes, the researchers said.

The silver birches’ branches and leaves sagged at night; they reached their lowest position a few hours before sunrise, and then perked up again during the wee hours of the morning, the researchers found.

“Our results show that the whole tree droops during night, which can be seen as position change in leaves and branches,” study lead author Eetu Puttonen, a researcher at the Finnish Geospatial Research Institute, said in a statement. “The changes are not too large, only up to 10 centimeters [4 inches] for trees with a height of about 5 meters [16 feet].”

It’s unclear if the sun “woke up” the trees or if they relied on their own internal circadian rhythm, the researchers said. But “the fact that some branches started returning to their daytime position already before sunrise would suggest this [internal circadian clock] hypothesis [is right],”.

The finding isn’t too surprising.  Most living organisms have day and night circadian rhythms, and any gardener will notice that some plants open their flowers in the morning and that some trees close their leaves at night.  The famed botanist Carl Linnaeus (1707-1778) found that flowers confined to a dark cellar still opened and closed, and naturalist Charles Darwin (1809-1882) noted that the nocturnal movement of leaves and stalks on plants looked like the plants went to sleep.

So … what else did I learn this week?

Well … from watching a TV programme on TV, I learned this mind-blowing (no not really.   Not in the least bit mind-blowing, but it is a bit of fun)  information which should change the world (no it seriously won’t) …  I learned:  That ‘Google’ reports that searches for  ‘How to put on a condom’  peak at 10.28pm.  Saying nothing.  Nope.  Not going to get into that one.  I’m only here to report on my ‘learnings’.  🙂

I also learned:  There is no word for  time  in any Aboriginal language.  Maybe I should move there?  Time wouldn’t exist, and therefore I wouldn’t get any older!  Sounds fine to me … oh …. hang on ….  if I don’t get any older then I’ll miss out on Birthdays and birthday presents ….  hmmm  …  as Fagin said:  I think I’d better think it out again!

I learned that  ‘Emoji’ –  these things:  🙂  😦  :/  😀  –  is the fastest growing language in historySee,  … now  this made me think that we’re all going backwards.    Cavemen and women used a similar sort of thing by drawing on cave walls in order to tell the story of their day.  “I saw a cow.  I threw a stick at the cow.” – only they drew pictures to tell that story.   …  maybe that’s where we’re heading?

And I also learned that apparently….  The name Donald means  ‘ruler of the world’.  His mother,  Mrs. Duck, must be SO proud.  (Mr. Disney will be chuffed to know that too!).

Finally ….  I learned that …  (and this made me feel a little bit sad, and think of Wall-E ...the last robot left on Earth . . .) …  On each anniversary of its landing on Mars, the Curiosity Rover hums  ‘Happy Birthday’  to itself.  😦  (imagine an ‘Emoji’ here of a crying face)

Crafters of the World – we need to unite and craft poor little Curiosity some birthday cards.  (We’ve got plenty of time, his birthday isn’t until August the 5th)

Shall we now move on to the part you’re waiting for?  Do you have your coffee ready?  Biscuits and cookies?  Ok … let’s go!

These are the JOKES folks!

I just ate a frozen apple.  . . .  Hardcore.

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.   …  I thought it was a nice jester.

I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. . . . When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.  . . .  Then it dawned on me.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. . . .  She seemed surprised.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory.  . . .  I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

So I applied for a job making sandwiches, . . . but the  roll  had been filled.

Then I got a job working in an origami shop, . . .  but it folded.

What do you get hanging off banana trees?  . . .  Sore arms.

and finally . . .

I’ve just been diagnosed as colour blind. . . . It came right out of the purple!

~  ❤  ~

So do you feel more intelligent?  Has reading all this new stuff, pushed some of your old stuff out of your brain,  and now it’s free-falling at rapid speed,  throughout your body, bouncing off your liver, kidneys and all those other squishy things inside you?  If so … then thank heavens for that!  At least I know I’m not alone  in this weirdness.  (lol)

Have a truly fabulous Friday, and perfect St. Patrick’s Day.  May your weekend bring love, smiles, joy, and a clear conscience.

Be good to each other, and …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve learned this Week

Act 1, scene 1:  Setting the scene:-

[The door is flung open.  She’s arrived, but not under her own steam.  She was blown through the door with the great force of a wind which took no prisoners.  And she arrived with as much grace as a cow in a china shop and making about the same amount of noise too!].

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WHOOO!!!  Flipping heck, its windy out there!  I don’t know about the weather where you are, but here in the UK (in various places dotted around Great Britain), Storm Doris has blown in and she’s making sure that her presence is felt.  Folks here have christened today (Thursday evening, as I’m writing this),  Doris Day.  HA!  Love it.  (actually giggle to myself every time I say it.  Doris Day.  Love that soooo much!).

The odd thing about the weather this week is that I went out two days before Doris Day wearing a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a lightweight jacket.  I ended up taking the jacket off and leaving it in the car because it was SO hot!

sunny-day

We have a saying here: …  ‘Come to the UK and experience Snow;   Wind;  Rain;  Hail;  Sleet;  Sunshine;  Warmth;  Heat;  and Hotter than hot.  In fact all of the weathers,   all in one day!’

This week has been a mixed week.  I seem to have done much but only have a little bit to show for it.  I made a card for a blogging friends mum, who had broken her ankle.  I have photos, and now that the card has been received the other end, I can share the piccies with you.  I’ll blog the pictures in the next couple of days.  After making the card, I decided it was about time I cleaned my craft room and moved a few things around which were now in the wrong place.  Oh.  My.  Goodness!  Nightmare In the Craft Room time!    I got about half way through and really wished I hadn’t started this task.

I’m still finishing off.  And I’ll be so glad when everything is put in its rightful place, and all the papers and trimmings have all been put back where they belong.  phew!

Anyhoo...  you haven’t come here to listen to my ramblings about cleaning up.  You’ve come to get some edumacation.  (Yes I know it’s ‘education’  … but I prefer my word. lol)

So …  shall we dive in and get educationamalised?  Strap yourself in.  Ready?  And we’re OFF!  . . .

This week …  I learned to leave a fresh from the oven pizza all alone for at least five minutes  and NOT to take a bite of a slice until 5 minutes have passed.  How did I learn this?  ….  picture the scene dear reader …

The smells from the oven were over-whelming.  A gorgeous, tummy rumbling, nose twitchy sensation, hunger pangs sort of way.  The whole house smelled of the fabulous roasted vegetables which topped the pizza, along with the two different cheeses, and the little circles of garlic butter (the size of a penny) which dotted the top of the pizza.  And the Garlic bread which was cooking at the same time.

The timer dinged, sounding out its permission to remove that pizza from the oven.  Pizza and garlic bread were removed, and salad was waiting for the finished dishes.  The pizza was cut, popped onto the plates and served up.  The smell was way too much.  I couldn’t wait …  I lifted that slice up to my lips and took a bite of that fabulous triangular bit which came from the centre of the pizza.

What happened next was something that should have been reported on the news! (Unfortunately the POTUS pushed me off the top spot so I never even got a mention!).

What I didn’t know about that Pizza was that the toppings and the cheese came from the depths of the core of a VolcanoSo hot.  SO SO SO  –  H.O.T.!!!  Not spicy hot.  Hot as in ‘let me put an iron straight out of the blacksmith’s fire into your mouth and you bite down on it for a moment or two’.  Yeah, that sort of HOT.

I burnt the roof of my mouth behind my two front teeth.  Not just a little burn.  No.  I don’t do things by halves.  When I do things I go full-out and do ’em good.  Ohhhh… the roof of my mouth was sore for days.  The ‘problem’ lasted 4/5 days before I could brush my teeth in the normal way.  In the:   “I’m thinking about sunshine and flowers.  What am I wearing today?.  Why do I have the entire cast of the four-legged members of this household all in this tiny bathroom with me, looking up at me, waiting for me to what?  Tickle them all maybe?” … way.

I had to concentrate very, v. e. r. y.  carefully as I brushed the backs of those two teeth.  None of that brushing the gums as well motion.  Noooooooo.  I had to be sure that I brushed the teeth and only the teeth.  I had experienced the pain which occurred when I brushed the normal way I do, and I didn’t want to experience that again.  Care needed to be taken.

So I learned that I shouldn’t be a pig with Pizza.  Wait ….  wait….  and wait some more  … until the pizza was cool enough before you take a bite.  Good lesson to learn.

I’ve also learned this week: That the Cadbury’s factory make 600,000 Creme eggs every 12 hours, and all those eggs, if weighed, weigh THREE TIMES HEAVIER than an elephantThe moral of this tale is …  don’t eat more than one Cadbury Creme egg a week – unless you want to become an elephant.

I also learned that the Cadbury Brothers released the first filled eggs in 1923, but the Creme Eggs we all know today were introduced to stores only in 1963.  They were initially named Fry’s Creme Eggs. But in 1971, they were rebranded as Cadbury’s Creme Eggs.

Each Creme Egg consists of 180 calories.

According to a survey done by Cadbury, there are different ways of eating the Creme Egg:  53 percent of people bite off the top, lick out the cream, then eat the chocolate;  20 percent just bite straight through; whereas six percent use their finger to scoop out the cream.

Which group do you fit into?

I also learned this week that I miss some of the funny people from our films and TV screens who have either parted company with us, or chosen to sit back and enjoy life, or just aren’t getting the jobs offered to them anymore.  People such as  Steve Martin.  Bill Murray.  John Candy.  Robin Williams (I will never stop missing him).  Leslie Nielson.  Chevy Chase.  Danny DeVito.  Peter Sellers.  Vince Vaughn.  Jane Lynch.  Dan Aykroyd.

We need to laugh more.  I’m starting a movement for more funny stuff on TV.  Lobby your TV stations and tell them that in these difficult times in which we live, we need more funny stuff on TV!

I learned this week or should that be realised?  No, we’ll stick to learned.  I learned this week that I’m totally dumbfounded at how my attitudes towards certain things have changed as I’ve got older.

Things which were, in my opinion, ‘set in stone’ when I was in my twenties are now just not important at all.  Stuff which was so crucial in my thirties, really aren’t anything I bother about now.  Things which were of great significance are now …  meh.  They can all just slide on by me now.

What is important to me now is knowing that I am loved, and that the people I love KNOW I love them.  Can see that I love them.

Our (Mr.Cobs and I) two children, who had their trying times and their ‘I’m going to pour her down the drain‘ moments …  I now look back and see that in actual fact all that worry about them when they were in their teens,  was just me being an over protective mum.  I could see where ‘the dangers’ were and so would try to head them off before daughters 1 and 2 got to them.  But … I shouldn’t have.  They needed to learn, just like we all did.  Only by learning the lesson ‘the hard way’, would they actually learn what the needed to – that being … how to deal with the problem!

So … young mums reading ... allow your children to learn about the things they’re going to need to know about in adulthood.  Even if it’s how to get the lid off the Tupperware container …  or how to sort their dirty clothes into piles of whites, darks and mixed colours!  And WHY they need to learn that.  It’s a valuable lesson – knowing not to put all the washing in the machine without sorting it out and only washing the right things with each other …. as we’ve all learned!   😀

But …  enough of my ramblings!    … I know what you’re waiting for …  the JOKES!

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Q: What never asks questions but receives a lot of answers?
A: The Telephone.

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.”

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the bank teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”   The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’”   The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”

and last but not least …. this little thing which I saw this week and it tickled the heck out of me  . . .

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Well that’s us done and dusted and all caught up for another Friday!  And not just any Friday either!  Today is the last Friday in this month.  Next Friday it will already be March.  We’re really racing through these months, aren’t we. Phew.  I can barely keep up.

I hope your Friday is a lovely one.  A day which passes without any problems, and no gremlins getting into the hours.

May your weekend be the weekend you’re hoping for.  May you sleep well and wake up feeling wonderful.

Sending you squidges, and hoping that life treats you well,  till we meet next time. 

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What I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello, and a very happy Friday to you.  This week … or is it this month in general?,  seems to be positively whizzing past!   There are only 9 days left (as of today 17/2/2017) of this month!   Y’know .. considering that February only has two or three days short of the other months, it seems (to me at least) to go twice as quick!

I’ve learned this week … that Little Cobs (my Grandson aged 5) still (apparently) believes that I can do ‘stuff’ with Lego.  I can’t.  To be honest, I’m unsure whether it’s misplaced faith, or out-and-out humour which keeps him asking.

He hands the big red storage box of Lego over to me (for that read: shoves the box into my hands) with the instruction:- “Build me something Grammy!”, he has this smile on his face teamed with a twinkle in his eye which tells me that this little chap is holding in hysterical laughter as he enjoys watching me squirm and groan as I roll my eyes and experience the pain of being a non-starter in the game of Lego Builder of the Year!  (at which I lose BIG TIME!).  But he allows me to struggle as he watches me take out a brick, peer at it through my glasses and just when I think it might ‘fit’ … he takes it off me with the words:  “Give it to me Grammy” … and he sighs a tired sigh which says:  ‘Give it to me and Grandad.  We know what we’re doing.’

This week I also learned:  That I LOVE those blow torches which you see professional chefs using!

They’re called a ‘Cooks Blow Torch’  –  and I’ve had mine for . . . .  (wait for this) . . .  about 6 years.  (I know, I know!)  It was bought as a gift for me, from daughter No.2,  and should have been taken from the packaging AND USED when I first received it.

To be honest:  I looked at it when I received it and was fully up for using it….  however … I read the instructions and they scared the living snot out of me.  Everything went back in the packaging and it’s stayed in there since.

But … I found a recipe for some cupcakes in a Sunday Supplement Magazine and SOOO wanted to make the cakes.  The recipe gave an option of putting the cupcakes under the grill, or using a Cooks Blow Torch to brown off the topping.  So … since Mr. Cobs was there, I told him to hang around the kitchen while I tried this new (old now! sheesh!) toy out as I was scared silly of burning the house down … or me!  But …  OH.  MY.  GOODNESS!!!  I have found out that I LOVE Cooks Blow Torches!  Aw my stars, these things are magical!  Although mind…  please, if you go out and buy one, do be careful with them because they can be dangerous – they are a blow torch after all,  … but ohhhh I LOVE mine!

(…And daughter No.2 is really very pleased that I’m now using it!  LOL)

Now this next ‘thing I learned’ is probably not news to folks from the USA, but cor, was it an eye opener to me!

I learned this week that …  In the U.S. you can buy bras with in-built gun holsters!  Now see, this both tickled me, and at the same time, my brain said:  “Well that would be totally useless to you kiddo!”.  You see …  I have a little too much .. erm … no.  Hang on.  Let me put this another way.  I, uhm  …  .  No. No.  Wait.  I’m sure I can get this worked out.   I’m afraid that there would be a problem with me having an in-built gun holster in my bra beeeecauuuuse ...  I don’t have enough spare room to begin with.  There.  That sorts that out.

I tuck my cell (mobile) phone down my bra, because one really can’t look lady-like and carry a cell phone – but I can only tuck it down the right side of my bra, for if I tuck it down the left side, I found out that it makes my heart race.  Yes.  Seriously.  I’m not joking.  I can feel my heart begin to quicken and pound hard in my chest after a short while of having my cell phone stored on the left. So I stopped carrying it around on that side of my body pretty darn quick once I realised that it only happened when my cell phone was on the same side as my heart.

Now a cell phone is very much slimmer than a gun – so I don’t think I would be able to hide one adequately.  I guess I could just hang one on a chain around my neck …. although trying to pull it up could cause an accident if it caught on the bra.  Mmm.. I think I’d better think it out again! (as the song from ‘Oliver’ goes)

Now I know that I’ve learned an awful lot of other things this week, but for the life of me I can’t remember what they are.  Had I been a sensible Cobs, I would have made a note of them like I normally try to do, as I learn things, so that I can share them with you.  However, apparently this week, sensible wasn’t managable.  Not even for a numbskull like me!  tsk tsk.

So  … shall we go straight into the jokes, because I know that’s all you’re here for?

Ok. …  get ready … here they come:

Q…  What is invisible and smells like carrots?    …. A:-Rabbit Farts.

Q…What do you do when you see a spaceman?  …A:-Park Your Car, Man

Q…What do you call a Bee who’s having a bad hair day?  …A:-Frisbee

Q…What do you call a pig that does karate?   A:-Pork Chop

Q…What’s the best way to carve wood?  …A:-Whittle by whittle

Q…How does a lion like his meat?   …A:-Roar

Q…What kind of horses go out after dark?  …A:-Nightmares

Q…How does the man in the moon cut his hair?  …A:-Eclipse it.

and I bring to you  . . .   a beautiful poem . . . .

My eyes are full of tears, 

and they can no longer see. 

I wish that you were here, 

to chop these onions for me.

Finally ….

For those of you who might be wondering what the Cup Cakes were which I made this week and used my Blow Torch on …. here’s the recipe, along with a photo of the finished cakes.

I’d invited Little Cobs round to Afternoon Tea, and told him to bring his Mummy of course!  His school was on its half term break this week so I thought it might break the week up for him, and give his mummy some brain chill time by inviting them both round to afternoon tea.

There were little sandwiches, tiny sausage rolls (cocktail sized), and cocktail sausages because he loves them, and one or two other things which I know can tempt him – which probably aren’t on the Queens Afternoon Tea list of fun food, but they’re firmly on Little Cobs list.  I wanted to make him some cakes.  I made Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes …  the recipe for which I’d found in the Sunday Supplement magazine which came with one of the weekend newspapers.  He LOVED them.  So much so that he asked if he could have another one.  So did his mummy!  (I have to admit … they are rather more’ish’.  You have been warned!)

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Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes

makes 12 cupcakes

cook time 20 minutes, plus cooling.

FOR THE SPONGES

  • 100g (4oz) baking spread (such as Flora)
  • 150g (5oz) self-raising flour
  • 150g (5oz) castor sugar
  • 3 tbsp milk
  • 2 eggs
  • finely grated zest of 1 lemon
  • 7g (¼ oz) freeze-dried strawberries.  If they don’t have the really tiny chopped up dried strawberry pieces, then do what I did,  —  using the back of a wide bladed knife, press and crush a little at a time of the dried strawberry pieces until they’re tiny enough.
  • ½ jar homemade or shop-bought lemon curd

FOR THE MERINGUE TOPPING

  • 2 egg whites
  • 100g (4oz) castor sugar
  1. You will need a 12-hole muffin tin lined with paper cases and a piping bag fitted with a plain 1cm (½ in) nozzle (optional). Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4.
  2. First make the sponges. Measure the baking spread, flour, sugar, milk and eggs into a large bowl and add the lemon zest. Use an electric hand whisk to beat until light and fluffy, then fold in three-quarters of the strawberries. Spoon the mixture into the paper cases (see tip), dividing it evenly among them. Bake in the oven for 18-20 minutes or until golden, risen and springy to the touch. Set aside to cool on a wire rack.
  3. When the cupcakes are cold, use a small sharp knife to cut a circle (about the diameter of a £2 coin) in the centre of each cake and scoop out a walnut-sized piece of sponge to leave a hole. Spoon 1 teaspoon of lemon curd into each hole, making sure the curd is level with the top of the cake.  (You can buy a little gizmo which will remove a ‘plug’ of cake in just the right size.  I found mine quite some time ago, on a cooks website.  But there must be lots of places you can get one, – if you think you’ll get use out of it).
  4. To make the meringue, whisk the egg whites until stiff in a large, spotlessly clean bowl using an electric hand whisk. Gradually add the sugar a little at a time and continue whisking on full speed until you have a stiff glossy mixture.
  5. Use a small palette knife to spread some of the meringue mixture on the top of each cupcake, or pipe the mixture on if using a piping bag, and place back in the moulds of the muffin tin. Use a blowtorch or heat briefly under a hot grill to lightly brown the tops of the cupcakes – watching carefully as it only takes a minute – and sprinkle over the remaining dried strawberries to serve. Allow to cool and enjoy!

If you don’t use the measurements shown above, but instead use ‘cups’ or something else – then Google will be your friend for the conversions.

If you use a different system of cooking heat, again, ask Google and it will give you the conversion to what you use in your country.

Close ups so that you can see them better ….  although I’m sorry about the blurry images … they were the best I had.

Well that’s another week done and dusted.  Have you learned anything this week?  Do share, as I’m sure I must bore the arms and legs off the proverbial donkey with my ramblings, and I’d love to do some of your learnings!

Have a fabulous Friday….  and a truly wonderful weekend.  Try not to get in a twist over stuff – and that includes Politics.  There are enough people to do that, give yourself the weekend off.

May your days be peaceful, may any visitors you have come bringing warm smiles and happy hearts, and may the Fairy of Fun sprinkle you with happy dust.

Sending weekend squidges and soft little kisses to your head!  Stay safe, stay warm, stay happy, be good to each other and … be good to yourself.  You’re worth it.

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What I’ve Learned this Week

Hello  🙂   Happy Friday!

Well what a lovely week it’s been.  I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it.  But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about.  Enjoying it.

The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold.  I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’.  Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig.  I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.

So …. What have I learned this week?  Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it ….  check this little list out:-

I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is:   “Good for you!”

I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

I also learned about  Honest Brand Slogans  and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:

Hallmark:   “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

Gillette:  “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”  (ain’t THAT one the truth!)

Hot Pockets:   “Every bite is a different temperature.”

I was reminded that I learned many years ago  when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old  that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:-  “
I told you so”.

I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about.    It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside.  Ha!

I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles,  when someone knocks on the door.  She get’s SO excited, and yet  . . .  it’s hardly ever for her!

I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was.  . . .   I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is popty ping.   So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true.  The very first result which came up said it was true.  So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun.  Popty Ping.  Say it out loud.  It’s kind of ticklish!

HOWEVER . . .  I didn’t quite trust the first answer  so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that  ‘popty ping’  is a made up word.  The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon(And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol).  Shame … I rather liked popty ping.  It was such a perfect description!

And finally …  I learned:  Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men.  Would you believe it?  When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle.  From this I deduce that we should cry more often.  Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!

Well, I know why some of you are here.  You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday.  Ok … gird your loinshere are the Jokes:-

Q.  What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  ….A.  Polaroids

Q.  Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?  …  A.  Because it’s a little meteor.

Q.  What did the ghost say to the bee?  …  A. BOO-BEE

Q.  Why didn’t the melons get married?  …  A.   Because they cantaloupe!

and finally ….

Q.  What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?  …  A.  DINO-MITE!

Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries.  Have you learned anything this week?  Been somewhere exciting?  Done something amazing?  Do share your story.  I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!

Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend.  May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.

Have a blessed weekend my beautiful friend,  ~

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Things I learned this Week.

Haaaapy Friday!

It’s February.  The month of  ❤  Lurve. ❤  (imagine I’m saying that with a French accent … it will sound so much better.)

Did you know:  That February is the third month of winter?  In the Southern Hemisphere February is a summer month the equivalent of August …  so  G’day down there.  Hows your summer?

  • Also …  In Old English, February was called Solmonath (Mud month) or Kale-monath (Kale or cabbage month).  So Kale and Cabbage is on the menu for the rest of the month!
  •  Americans (I’m informed) have trouble with the word February – last year, a press release from the White House consistently spelt it as Feburary.
  • ‘Much Ado About Nothing’ is the only Shakespeare play that mentions February.
  • The birthstone for February is amethyst.
  • The ancient Greeks believed that amethyst protected the wearer from drunkenness.

So … what have I learned this week?

Well …  I’ve learned that what I thought were just ‘quirks’, aren’t.   I really do seem to have some sort of OCD problems going on.    I’ve always thought I was just weird – or ‘pernickety‘, as my Grandma used to say.

Silly things can make me feel uncomfortable.  Sort of ‘wriggly’.  A picture hanging at an angle.  I’d have to straighten it up.  HAVE TO.  There is no choice about it.  If I walked out of a room and left it …  within about 3 minutes you’d find me back in that room straightening that picture. (even if it wasn’t even my house!)  But I just put that down to me being a tidy person.  Nothing wrong with that, eh?

If venetian blinds aren’t quite level … eventually they’d drive me nuts and I have to stand up and go over to sort them out.

Couldn’t bear it in my old doctors surgery when I saw that the bead chain thing on the bottom of the vertical blinds had come ‘un-hooked’ from one of the slats.  I waited until the seat by the blinds had become free, then moved over and fixed it.  (Daughter No. 1 wasn’t overly impressed mind).

But … this week there was an article which Mr.Cobs found in an on-line newspaper which he was reading and he told me about it, showing me some of the pictures.  Of course, I had to go to the website and have a better look!  Worst thing I did.  I should have closed my eyes.  Gone off and done something to take my attention away.  But I didn’t.  I looked!

The pictures I share with you here, are a selection from that article.  Let’s see how you get along with these.

I’ll start you off with a gentle one …

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1)  Does that ‘corner‘ upset you at all …  or is it just a clever bit of design?

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2)  You’ve sharpened your pencils.  You look at what a great job you did, … only…  you didn’t.  Is this going to upset you?  Do you feel like you want to reach into the computer screen and grab them so that you can do a better job?

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3)  Can you see the problem here?  Look at the bottom of the post, and where it finishes on the corner of the step.  Hmmm.  Could you live with that?  Or would it … DRIVE YOU NUTS EVERY SINGLE DAY?

 

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4)  Now I know that hole in the dashboard isn’t for your cups of coffee.  You probably know that hole isn’t for cups of coffee.  So – let’s pretend  …  You climb into the car.  How long could you live with that cup of coffee (or maybe it’s coke) living in that hole?  I’d last about 9 seconds.  Yes seriously.

Ok … let’s move the goal posts and take this one step further into madness  ….

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5)  Look at this photograph.  Don’t look away.  LOOK AT IT.  How long could you live with those handles not being level and those doors not fitting or level? 

Are you starting to feel your level of comfort shifting at all?

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6)   Imagine that you have to walk past this door every day, twice a day.  Once on going out, and once on coming home.  How fast would you have to walk past this door, with your face set to ‘stone’ and your eyes staring hard at the pavement, in an effort not to be drawn to even glancing in the direction of the door?

Are you beginning to get a sort of itchy feeling going on?  Feeling restless?

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7)   You use the restroom, and this is what you face when you go to wash your hands.  There are THREE sinks.  Why are there FIVE towel dispensers?  And why, if they felt the need to put FIVE paper towel dispensers over those three sinks, did they have to put them so …  ‘creatively’ on the wall??  OH … AND DO THEY KNOW THAT THE DARN BIN NEEDS EMPTYING???  [sigh.  grrrrrrrr!]

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8)   It was ‘right’ at some point.  When they first did the laying of the cobbles and the pavers, that manhole cover was done so that the pavers and the cobbles all matched.  However …. at some point, someone lifted that manhole cover to tend to something.  But when they put that cover back, they didn’t put it back correctly.  THIS would SERIOUSLY hiss me off SOOooo much that I’d be begging Mr. Cobs to lift it and put it right.    What about you?

 

Have we found your level of ‘un-acceptable’ yet?  What number of photograph got to you?

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9)   You had a new staircase put in…  but after the guys finished and left, you had an uncomfortable feeling about this first flight of stairs.  What the devil was wrong with it?  Something was wrong ….    Shall I give you a clue?   Ok … CLUE:  5 down.  Look at 5 down.

And finally …  I’ve left this photograph until last because …  well, for me at least,  this is the one which is probably THE most serious one of all.  This is the one which would get me using the word:  DIVORCE!  Either from himself or from either daughter.   Brace yourself …

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WHY???   Why would any sane person do this?  This isn’t normal behaviour.  Not for me.  Whoever did this …. I would have to have them committed. It’s not the behaviour of a person whose brain is functioning on any normal levels.  If they didn’t want the ‘crust’, then just cut a slice in a normal fashion, then cut off the crust and dispose of it into the bin – or put it on the bird table for the birds!

These photographs, although featured in an on-line Newspaper article, can be found on a website called   Bored Panda   …  but Bored Panda doesn’t just have these sorts of photos.  They have sections for practically everything.   Check out the  Little Polish Village  – where everything is covered in colourful flower paintings!   Oh … and while you’re there,  do take a peep at the  Two Disabled Rescue Cats  – which is not in the least bit sad.  Watch the video and you’ll smile for the rest of the day!

Anyhooo ...  Although I’ve learned a few things this week …  I wanted to share this OCD thing with you so that you could have a bit of fun with it too.

So I guess that the only thing left is ….  The Jokes!   Brace yourself ….

Bob left work one Friday evening.  But it was payday, so instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with his mates and spending his entire wages.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”

He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife.

Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results.

But on Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.

Q.What has a bottom at its top?   —  A. A leg.

Q.  What do you get when you cross a sheep and a bee?   – – –  AA bah-humbug

Q.   How do you fix a broken Tuba?  —  A.  With a Tuba Glue!

Q.  What game would you play with a Wombat?  —  A.  Wom.

Q.  How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas? —  A.  He felt his presents.

Q.  What do Cats eat for Breakfast?  —  A.  Mice Krispies

And those are the jokes folks!

I hope your week has been a good one, and that no gremlins got in there and spoilt anything.  However … if they did – you have to just remind yourself that sometimes we need a gremlin or two just to make our brains work out the way to deal with those little divils.  And ..  we learn by them.
I hope your weekend is relaxed and happy.  With a little love sprinkled around the place, and a few smiles to warm your heart.  Remember to share your own smile with someone else.  YOU might just change someone elses day, or even life.  We could all do with as many smiles as we can get.  So share yours!

Sending loving thoughts, happy wishes and loads of squidges ~

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Things I’ve learned this week

Hello!  Happy, happy Friday!  I can’t believe that we’re here again already.  It seems like I only took a nap since last week, and here we are, seven days later!

Shall I presume that since you’re here, you’ve already donned your crash helmet;   are wearing your galoshes;  and have slipped into your Flame Retardant Clothing?  Yes?  Good.  Jump into your seat, put on your seatbelt (do ask if you need an extension belt) and hold hands with the person next to you.  Let’s have no screaming now ….   OFF WE GO…

I learned this week that I’d forgotten exactly how much I loved Mary Tyler Moore, the wonderful, deeply funny but never mucky, American actress.  I grew up watching her on TV, and as I grew my enjoyment grew with me.  I appreciated her more and more as I became an adult.

She represented a time which I wanted to stay living in.  I could already see, as a young adult, that comedy was changing and how comics/comedians/actors and actresses were slowly breaking down or jumping over boundaries and barriers.  I didn’t want this new ‘thing’ which dipped its toes in bad taste.  I wanted what Mary offered, and women like her – on both sides of the pond.  Valerie Harper and her Rhoda Morgenstern

From the UK:  a wonderful programme called Are You Being Served? – all of the actors and actresses who were a part of the whole fabric of this wonderful comedy.  Felicity Kendal and Richard Briers in the fabulous ‘The Good Life’.  I could go on, but I’d bore you to tears.  But it is these types of programmes which had a magical quality which comedy shows just don’t seem to have today.

I learned/realised this week that I hadn’t really appreciated Mary Tyler Moore ENOUGH when I had the chance, and I so wish I had.  Ms.Tyler-Moore left us, two days ago, on the 25th of January.   When I heard the news on TV, I felt a lump come to my throat and a tiny piece of my heart broke.  I shall never forget her.  Thank you for the great joy and happiness you brought to my life Mary.  x

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

I learned this week that …. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS A ‘NORMAL’ PERSON.  Yes, you read that right.  No one is ‘normal’.  Each and every one of us is made up of a multitude of individual characteristics.  If you take an average of each of them (height, shoe size, length of fingers etc),  you won’t find any individual who is average in all respects. 

This is known as the ‘Jaggedness Principle’.

During the 1940s the Jaggedness Principle forced the US Air Force to re-fit fighter airplanes with adjustable seats and other ‘adjustable to fit’  fixtures.   You see: the cockpits were originally designed around the average range of just 10 body measurements taken from a population of 4,063 pilots.  But because no single pilot met all of those criteria, they ended up with a seat which actually didn’t fit anybody.

And if you need further proof:   In 2011 the Australian Bureau of Statistics used their national census to find the ‘average Australian’.  They announced that she is:  a 37-year-old woman with a son and a daughter aged six and nine. She is 162 cm (5’4”) tall, and weighs 71.1 kgs (11st). She lives in a three-bedroom house, has about $200,000 still to pay on her mortgage and her family originally came from the UK. However, when they checked this description against their census data they couldn’t find even a single person in the whole of the country who fitted that description!

See?  No such thing as a ‘normal person’.  So …   that must mean that we’re ALL abnormal!?!   LOL!!!

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

I also learned this week ….  that the Pope is paid no salary what-so-ever.  He is paid nothing and owns nothing.   A Vatican spokesman Joaquín Navarro-Valls ended speculation about the Pope’s personal wealth in 2001 by saying ‘The Pope does not and has never received a salary.’

As head of the Catholic Church and head of state of the Vatican, all the Pope’s worldly needs are looked after.  A recent estimate of the Vatican’s wealth by Time magazine put it at between $10 and $15 billion. In full, the Pope’s job titles are: Bishop of Rome, Vicar of Jesus Christ, Successor of the Prince of Apostles, Supreme Pontiff of the Universal Church, Primate of Italy, Archbishop and Metropolitan of the Roman Province, Sovereign of the State of Vatican City and Servant of Servants of God.

Before officially taking on the role, the Pope-elect’s private property is donated to the Church, transferred to another relative, used to endow a foundation or placed in trust. He can also choose to retain controlling ownership and use his Will to specify what should happen to everything when he dies.

When John Paul II died in 2005 he left no possessions and asked for his personal papers to be burned.  Three bags containing gold, silver and bronze coins were placed beside the body.  Each bag contained one coin for each year of his reign, the only monetary compensation he received for his service,  adding up to about £80.

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

 

And now … that thing you’ve been waiting for … THE JOKES!

Q: Why did the banana go to the Doctor?
A: Because it was not peeling well

Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
A: Toad.
Q: Did you hear about the  Italian  chef  that died?
A: He pasta way.
Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu,  you need tweetment.  If you have swine flu,  you need oink-ment.
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something!
Q: How many books can you put in an empty backpack?
A: One!  After that it’s not empty!
Q: What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?
A: A barbercue

Q: Did you hear about the astronaut who stepped on chewing gum?
A: He got stuck in Orbit.
Q: What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?
A: Shakespeare
Q: What does it mean if  life gives you melons?
A:  It means your dyslexic

and finally . . .
Q: What did one raindrop say to the other?
A: Two’s company, three’s a cloud
~  ~  ~
Well, that’s another weekly round-up of things I’ve learned this week, done and dusted.  Not only am I cleverer* than I was a week ago, but now you are too!  ~Aaaand …  I’m slowly turning your skeleton into funny bones.  I reckon I’m about up to your knees around this time … so we’re doing well!
*I know it’s not a proper word, but I likes it.  🙂

  ~ 

May today leave you filled with peace and with a smile in your heart, and may your weekend be restful, joyful and with a smattering of love surrounding the days.  And … if you don’t have someone who can share their love with you this weekend ….  then have some of mine. . .   ❤    ❤    ❤ 
~

Sending  buckets  of  love  ~  from me here in my corner, to you there in yours.  

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Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello, and a very happy Friday to you!  I trust your week has been good and that no gremlins have got into your days.

Let’s, for a few minutes, move away from what’s happened, and happening, in the world today and lose ourselves in a bit of blogging fun for a little while.  Shall I begin?  Ok . . .   you know the drill: seatbelts on; allow your oxygen masks to drop from their over-head storage facility;   place your tin foil hats on your heads and hold hands with the person next to you  . . . .  let’s GO!

I learned this week that . . .

  • When the game  ‘Twister’  was introduced in 1966, it was denounced by critics as “sex in a box.”
  • There are more lifeforms living on your skin than there are people on the planet.  (yes that freaked me out a little bit too).
  • A human will eat on average 70 assorted insects and 10 spiders while sleeping. (ok… now that REALLY freaked me out!)
  • Fifteen percent of the air you breathe in a metro station is human skin.  (ewww!)
  • A group of Pugs (dogs)  is called ‘a grumble’.  (isn’t that the cutest thing!  lol)
  • Coca-Cola would be green if colouring wasn’t added to it.  (I wonder if that would affect sales?)
  • The United States, Burma, and Liberia are the only countries in the world that have not officially adopted the metric system as the standard of measurement. (This really surprised me.  I would have guessed that most of the world outside Europe still used good old feet and inches).
  • Blue Whale fart bubbles are large enough to enclose a horse. (ok, this tickled me enough to make me laugh)
  • Since 1945 all British Tanks come with tea making equipment.  (Yes, it’s true. I double checked).   Technically the device is called a Boiling Vessel ( BV ), or ‘bivvy’ in the troops’ parlance, which also then gets used to mean a hot drink in general.  Hence “necking a bivvy” means “drinking a cup of tea” ( or coffee ) in UK army slang.  You can read a little more on Wiki:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boiling_vessel

Did you know that Almost’ is the longest word in the English language with all the letters in alphabetical order?

I learned this week  . . .  The BIGGER the navel on an Orange, the sweeter the Orange will be.  “Hmmm,”  I thought, “could that be true, or just a load of rubbish”  . . .  So …  me, being me,  I had to check this out using the Oranges in the fruit bowl in the fridge.  I chose carefully, one on Wednesday and one Orange on Thursday . . .   It’s TRUE!  However, if I get an Orange with a large navel which is sour, I’ll let you know!

I also learned this week . . .  That the last name of the creator of the Simpsons, Matt Groening, is pronounced “Graining”, not “Growning”.

Something else I found out this week is that a TITTLE isn’t something naughty or rude, it’s actually the dot above a letter  ‘i’.  It’s called a Tittle.

Ohhh…  and this bit of new knowledge tickled the heck out of me this week ….    Calvin Klein’s  “Obsession for Men” is often used by photographers to attract ‘big cats’ – jaguars, leopards, tigers, lion, etc.  According to the Wildlife Conservation Society, the cats go crazy for it!  One zoo (Brookfield Zoo) even uses it to keep their big cats in very visible areas of their cages during business hours.

I’m rather glad that my cats don’t have such expensive tastes.  Cat-nip works perfectly for them.  lol

But anyhoo . . .   I know that the main reason you’re here isn’t to find out about things which I’ve come across and learned this week,  but you’re really here just for my [rubbish] jokes….  so here goes.  Brace Yourself!

Q: What do you call a computer floating in the ocean?
A: A Dell Rolling in the Deep.
~  ❤  ~
Q: Did you hear about the shampoo shortage in Jamaica?
A: It’s dread-full.  (think about it for a moment and the penny will drop)
~  ❤  ~
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: It was framed.
~  ❤  ~
Q. What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck?
A. Milk and quackers!
~  ❤  ~
Q: How do you organize a space party?
A: You planet!
~  ❤  ~
Q: What washes up on very small beaches?
A: Microwaves!  ( . . . .  wait for the penny to drop)
~  ❤  ~
Q: What’s the difference between bird flu and swine flu?
A: If you have bird flu, you need tweetment. If you have swine flu, you need oink-ment.

and finally . . .
Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!  
(I love this joke, it’s up there with my favourites!)
~  ❤  ~
Well, that’s it for this Fridays lessons in life as we know it.  I hope that I’ve taken your mind off any troubles you have, made you wonder, made you smile and, if I’ve done my job properly …  I hope I made you laugh, even just a teeny tiny bit.

May your weekend be restful.  May smiles creep into your day and love show up in places too –  even if it’s your love for something that you love doing.

Think good wishes for the very next person you see on the street.  You might not know them, and, who knows, they too might read this blog post just like you do….  and if they do, they’ll be wishing good wishes for you – and you won’t ever know they did it.  But it might just make a difference, to you, and or to them themselves.  It doesn’t have to be something big or world-changing.  You could just wish that they have a great day.  That they find something to smile about today.  Wish them luck, love, peace, joy, contentment.  Anything.  Just make it a good wish.  You’ll be amazed at what a difference this small thing makes to you yourself too.

I wish you a truly blessed day.  HAPPY FRIDAY-ING!

Sending love,  from me here in my corner to you there in yours.

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