Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday, 26th May.  It’s the last Friday of May. Time, as we’ve already agreed, passes fast now.

It’s  ‘been a week’  this week. There’s been some fun.  But then there have been some very low spots.

For those of you who don’t know …  I live in the United Kingdom, and I’m pretty sure you’ll all know about the savage brutality which happened in my country on Monday, the 22nd of May.

The first thing my brain said was:  ‘Why?  Why in the name of God would someone believe that it’s OK to kill someone?  Anyone?  Children, teens, through to Grandma’s and grown ups.  Why?’

And … that’s the thing.  Exactly what is it which happens inside someone’s brain, which convinces them to kill,  maim,  injure,  mutilate,  lacerate,  disfigure,  and mangle innocent people in order to ‘please’  their  God?

Who’s God tells them that this is OK? 

NO God is going to tell ANYONE that it’s OK to kill any other person.  In fact it’s the exact opposite of that which ANY God would say.

Someone is brain-washing these people, because that’s the only way that someone is going to have their normal thinking brain, turned into a willing slave in order to carry out someone elses instructions.

I’ve cried many hot tears over this vile act of evil savagery and even now, 4 days later, I know I’m still not all cried out.    However, something a dear blogging friend, Chicken Grandma,  said on her blog a couple of days ago, as a reply to a comment I posted:  “May we be light, may we be strong, may we be courageous, and may we as people of the world stand united in the process of bringing sanity back.”. 

And she’s right.  We must be strong, courageous, and we must stand united in bringing back the sanity to our World.  We must also try to love those who wish to do us harm.  For two wrongs don’t make a right.  An eye for an eye simply ends up making the whole world blind.

If we are to overcome, we must all stand together as one, and, using love,  save this world.

Shall we move onto something more entertaining?

Mr. Cobs shared this with me this week …

He was reading the papers, on-line, and came across a story about a product being sold on Amazon which tickled the heck out of him.  (He does have a very ‘off centre’ sort of sense of humour – but then, look who he’s married to! :/ lol)

The details of the product read like this:  (if you have trouble reading or looking at any photos, right-click on the photo and click to ‘view image’ – and it will open up in a larger size.)

Loo Brush 1

Now that seems pretty straight forward, doesn’t it?  A toilet brush … gives you the idea that you’ll know what to use it for…  however …  someone decided they’d have a little fun with some feedback for this  . . .  (ladies … do you have on your Depends?) . . .

Loo Brush feedback1

Well dear ol’ Mr.C was laughing his head off – but at the same time trying to keep it together, and he was going red in the face and sounded more like Muttley than Cobs the Bogeyman!

Once I’d seen it …  I sounded like that too.  lol.  Apparently it’s quite a trend, I understand, to outdo anyone else with the funny feedback on things.  I found out that reviews for Sugar Free Gummie Bears are among the funniest things to read on Amazon.  lol

What else have I learned this week?

That Indian Curries are now off the menu.   I came late to Indian food.  I was pregnant with daughter number 2 when all of a sudden I announced that the neighbour must have been making a curry, and it smelled DELICIOUS!

Before this I hated curry.  The smell could make me heave.  But suddenly, at six months pregnant with second child, all I wanted was an Indian curry.  Mr. Cobs thought he’d died and gone to heaven!   The very next day he bought everything required for making one, and made it, and I’ve eaten curries Indian food ever since.  Until now.  Now that I’ve reached over the age of  ___  it would seem that my body is now saying NO MORE to Indian food.  Actually … it’s begun saying no more to a fair few different bits of food.  It’s making me quite cross.  How very dare it move me into a boring diet of denial.

Deny me this.  Deny me that.  Deny me everything I might find enjoyable.  It’s even now stopped me from eating ….  CUCUMBER!  Cucumber is basically water with a green skin.  So what’s the problem?  [sigh]

I also learned this week …  yet again .…  that I HATE the hot hot heat of summer.  I live in the south of the country (England) by the sea,  and it get’s quite ‘hot’ here in the summer.  I don’t like the summer much because it causes me to get grumpy and makes some medical ‘issues’ I have so much worse that it’s tiresome and annoying.

Note to other drivers on the road:   Drive NICELY.  Don’t cut me up nor follow so closely behind me that it’s obscene, during the heat of the summer.  Because I become something other than the sweet thing you might think I am to look at me.  Trust me.  Mightier men than you have tried to show me, ‘the little woman’, that their driving is wonderful …  and I’ve left them crying and sucking their thumbs.  DRIVE NICELY in the summer, around where I live,  or else!  You have been warned.

Well … this last week it’s been hot.  Very hot.  Too hot.  VERY MUCH too hot.  We have ceiling fans …  but even those aren’t helping.  They seem to just be moving hot air around.  And now … I’m feeling like a grumpy moo.  I’m hot.  I’m sticky.  And I’m not in a great mood.

Note to self:  When I win the lottery (big time), I’m going to pay someone to fan me.  I shall lay on a bed of hand-made cotton mattresses – 8 deep. (Think Princess and the Pea), wearing nothing but a muslin ‘gown’ (designed by a tent maker), and be fanned by my personal fanner.  Ahhh… just the thought is putting my mood right.  😀

Kind of on the same subject ...  I also learned this week that my Grandsons (Little Cobs) school has been forced to employ a parking attendant for when mummies and daddies collect their darlings from school at the end of the day.  (3pm)

I learned that this parking attendant (a tall man of somewhere between 30 to 40) has let the job title, and the yellow High Vis jacket (much like the motorway police wear) go to his head, and he’s become a bossy so and so.

I watched him, as I was sat roasting at the equivalent to Gas Mark 6, in my car, in the full sun.  He arrived on site and without even leaving his car, he wound down the window and instantly told a woman to move her car out of the reserved parking space. (Which she did.  A rookie mistake)  He then parked his car in that space, got out of his car, put on his yellow High Visibility jacket and then walked over to her where she’d now parked her car on the corner of a bend on the school grounds, and directed her to go and park on the road outside the school.

It was at this point that Mr.Cobs was to hear me say, low and in a rather wishful thinking voice:  “Ohhhh….  I DO hope he comes here and tells me where to park my car”.

Because Little Cobs has a disability (Cerebral Palsy) his mummy and daddy are allowed to park on the school grounds to collect their son.  However, we are sometimes called into action to collect him.  And the problem is that although the school know when we will be coming (instead of Mommy or Daddy), we don’t have the special parking permit which one is supposed to display in order to park on the premises.  So, strictly speaking, he should have noticed that I was parked without a permit.

I was hot.  Roasting in the direct sunshine, and I saw him being a little officious and pumped up at wearing his High Vis. jacket.  I SO wanted him to come to my car and attempt to ‘talk to the little lady’ (me) about parking else where.  I so wanted to explain to him that the only place I would be parking my car other than right where it was,  would require him to bend over.

He went to another car and told the driver off for parking where they were parked.  Yet…. they weren’t in anyone’s way, and they had just loaded a disabled grandchild into the car.  (More grandparents in the same situation as us).  The gentleman behind the wheel obviously told him in a polite way that he wasn’t moving the car because there was another child to collect ….  but he would move the car once said child was collected.

Again…  I voicedGo on…  come and tell me to move my car“.  He didn’t.  Maybe he recognised a woman who was suffering the heat of being baked in a tin box, waiting for a ‘challenging situation’ to happen.  Whatever it was, he gave my car a miss.  Maybe …  next time.  🙂

Well … I’m pretty certain that there are more things which I’ve learned this week, however, my head’s a colander and things drain out of those holes, even when I try to stop them from falling out.

However … we now are in requirement of a few jokes, so without further ado, I give you . . .

THE JOKES

A woman called the airline 
customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,”  said customer services, “as long as you provide your own kennel.”   They further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: 
“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

❤  ❤  ❤

Q:  What do Pandas have that no other animal in the world has?

A: click and drag–>  Baby Pandas<—

❤  ❤  ❤

Q: I travel all over the world, but always stay in my corner. What am I?

A: click and drag–> A stamp.<—

❤  ❤  ❤

Q: How many seconds are there in one year?

A: click and drag-> 12 of them: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, April 2nd, May 2nd, June 2nd, July 2nd, August 2nd, September 2nd, October 2nd, November 2nd, December 2nd.<—

❤  ❤  ❤

A recent scientific study showed that out of 2,293,618,367 people, 94% are too lazy to actually read that number.

❤  ❤  ❤

And God said to John, come forth and you shall be granted eternal life.

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

❤  ❤  ❤

and finally . . .

What do you call a dog that does magic tricks?

A labracadabrador.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me.  I so enjoy our Friday get togethers.

I hope for you a fabulous Friday.  May the day be peace filled and enjoyable.  And may your weekend be one which leaves you feeling like you’ve actually done something with your time.  That’s always a great feeling!

Sending love, from me in my corner, to you in yours.  Be good to each other, and …  may your God go with you.

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Things I’ve Learned This Week.

Happy Friday!  Yes, it’s THAT time of the week again.  And, as usual, it’s come around waaay too quickly.

It’s been a ‘difficult’ week this week.  I was of the impression during the Easter weekend, that I had been turned into Super Woman …. and consequently did a little more than my body is currently designed for.  Me body went on strike!  How very dare it!  It’s partially still on strike, but I’m hoping that me pretending to be fine and groovy will kick it into action again and we’ll be rocking and rolling as per usual very soon.

Well, as well as learning that I’m not Super Woman – which was a great .. no … HUGE disappointment to me,  I’ve also learned one or two other things, and I’m here to share them with you, so that you can be as educationamalised as what I is.  As what I am.  As what I woz?  As what I’m now?  As what…  erm….  As what you should be?

As you will be after reading this post.  (phew … that was touch and go there for a minute!) lol  😊

Ok .. let’s get going, shall we?

I learned this week, after watching a TV special, that there is rather a swish hotel in Marrakech which I’d really LOVE to visit.  It’s the most beautiful, (if not the best) hotel in the whole world.  It’s called:  The Royal Mansour,  and I know that I couldn’t do it anywhere near justice in describing it here, but boy oh boy I wish I could share the programme with you.

It was commissioned by King Mohammed VI, who often hosts his guests in its 53 private riads, which are situated in almost four hectares of fragrant Moorish gardens.

It has 53 two-storey villas which are set in beautiful, manicured gardens which have lily ponds and fountains dotted around them.  Privacy is at a premium there and even staff scurry between salon, pool and private patio via a network of subterranean passages, silently and almost unnoticed.  Each of the staff is so well-trained, and follow the ‘rules’ and guidelines of the hotel to the letter.  Service is impeccable and hyper-discreet.

Above ground, opulence is the name of the game.  Rooms are strewn with suede and silk carpets, velvet brocade sofas and crystal do-dads and chandeliers from Lalique, Baccarat and Venice.  breathtakingly beautiful, and if there, you’d have to throw yourself into its opulence or you’d feel out-of-place and possibly even alienated.

When there, the Villa you’ll rent is assigned 10 staff, to serve you with everything you could possibly need.  Silver Service meal?  You got it.    One, two and three bedroom villas are available, all with roof terraces shaded by a Bedouin tent and private patio plunge pools.  In addition to lavishly decorated bedrooms finished in the most exquisite detail, each villa has a salon with an open fireplace and a dining room.  You wouldn’t need to leave the hotel … in fact, you probably won’t want to.  They have everything you need right there.  Even a large library!

I’ve worked out that from where I live, I could take a flight to Marrakech and be there in just under four hours, and I’d pay roughly £190 for flight for a two day break.  Ok ..  this seems do-able … so far.    From my research, I’ve learned that the best time to visit is between March and May when the roses are in bloom and the days fresh and sunny.  So, right now would be a great time!  Things are looking hopeful!

I’ve been on the website ... and ‘pretended’ to book just a two night stay, from Sunday (23rd April) to Tuesday (25th April) and …. THEY HAVE A VILLA AVAILABLE!!!   Ohhhh this is looking so hopeful now!  (I just have to talk Mr. Cobs around to this idea … but I could ‘sell’ it to him because our 36th Wedding Anniversary is coming up in a few short weeks ….  ok … now I’ll go and check out how much this would cost (I have to protect the moths in his wallet from shock!)…  ok… it’s telling me that it will cost 27,198.00 but that’s in Moroccan Dirham, so now I have to work out what that means in British Pounds … hang on right there while I get that sorted out.

Now see, here’s the problem.  Cobs the Bogeyman doesn’t like anything costing over the amount of loose change he has in his pockets, so talking him into a two night stay at this lovely place, with just breakfast included (the man LOVES his stomach so breakfast alone won’t keep him going), is going to send his blood pressure up the scale and probably burst the blood pressure machine  …  for this will cost £2,119.45 for just two nights, plus the travel costs.  And what’s more … that’s the cheapest quote.  If I go for the luxury package for two … it would cost:  £10,920.55 for a two night stay, again with only breakfast included in that price.  In US dollars, that equates to: $13982.67.

I don’t think that two night stay is ever going to happen!

It’s a truly magnificent place.  If you’d like to check it out, I give you the link to their website.  Have a good look around and check out all of the various different Riads.  There are five of them altogether.  The Royal Mansour Hotel

I also have a link to the programme … but I don’t think it will work for those of you outside the UK, as it’s a BBC programme … but you could give it a try and see, just in case!  http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b08n8xhb

I also learned this week more about Pandora’s Box than I knew before.

Pandora’s box is an origin myth – which basically means the attempt to explain the beginning of something.

People have always wanted to know why things happen in the world the way they do. Before there was ‘science’, they didn’t have much understanding of how the world works, but they still wanted to know,  just as much as we do.  Human curiosity always asks why .. and then human creativity finds ways of giving an answer.

The story of Pandora and her box comes from Ancient Greece and is very old. Because of this, there are several versions of the myth.

Pandoras Box

Pandora trying to close the lid on the box that she had opened out of curiosity. On the left are the evils of the world who are taunting her as they escape. The engraving is based on a painting by F. S. Church

In Greek mythology, Pandora (meaning ‘all-giving’) was the first woman on earth.  Before humans there were the immortals (the Gods and Titans). The brothers, Prometheus and Epimetheus were Titans (Giant people) who had fought on the Gods’ side in a war. Some say they were cousins of Zeus, King of the Gods; he asked Prometheus to create man out of clay and water (in many versions Hephaestus helps in this).  Epimetheus had to create the animals and give them their gifts of courage, swiftness etc.  He gave out all the gifts and had none left for Man.  So Prometheus decides to make man stand upright, like the gods, and give them fire (which Zeus did not want them to have – some say he had removed it as a punishment).  So Prometheus stole fire – some say from Zeus’ lightning, others from the sun and yet others from Hephaestus’ forge.

In classical Greek mythology, Pandora was the first woman on Earth. Zeus ordered Hephaestus to create her.  So he did, using water and earth.  The gods endowed her with many gifts: Athena clothed her,  Aphrodite gave her beauty,  Apollo gave her musical ability, and Hermes gave her speech.

According to Hesiod, when Prometheus stole fire from heaven, Zeus took vengeance by presenting Pandora to Prometheus’ brother Epimetheus.  Pandora opens the box containing death and many other evils,  which were then released into the world.  She hastens to close the container, but the whole contents had escaped except for one thing that lay at the bottom – Elpis  (translated as ‘Hope’,  though it could also mean ‘Expectation’).

In the original Greek stories it was a jar and did not become a box until the Sixteenth century AD.

A scholar called Erasmus, who lived in Rotterdam in Holland, translated a story of Pandora from Hesiod’s work. Hesiod was a Greek poet who lived about 700BC. Erasmus was translating the Greek into Latin (which scholars did all their writing in, in those days) and translated the Greek word ‘pithos’ meaning jar into the Latin word ‘pyxis’ meaning box. And a box it has stayed to this day!

Waterhouse's, Pandora, 1896)

Pandora, 1896, by John William Waterhouse

The myth arose as a way of explaining why dreadful things happened, such as people getting sick and dying.

As in many origin myths,  man had lived in a world without worry – until this jar/box was opened, which contained ills for mankind.  Zeus knew that Pandora’s curiosity would mean that she could not stop herself from opening it, especially when he had told her that she must not do so!

You can read more herehttps://www.greekmyths-greekmythology.com/pandoras-box-myth/

I also learned this week:  that the iconic ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ posters were never used in wartime.

And ….  That Gorillas can be put on the pill.  (But why would they want to be?)

That the longest palindrome in the Oxford English Dictionary is ‘tattarrattat’.  James Joyce used it in Ulysses: ‘I knew his tattarrattat at the door.’

The second man to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel, Bobby Leach, survived the fall but later died as a result of slipping on a piece, of orange peel.  (forgive me … but I did have a little chuckle at the irony . . .  until I gave myself a stern talking to.)

I also learned ….  that at the end of August this year, it will be 20 years since the death of Princess Diana.  This shocked the heck out of me, for it really doesn’t seem like 20 years ago.

So … has your brain exploded with all this new information?  I certainly hope not.  The only reason mine is still going is because I learnt all this over a period of 7 days … where-as you are learning it over a coffee, and that’s a lot of new information to deal with all at once.

Well  … you’re here not only for the edumacation … I know you’re also here for a handful of jokes … so pin back your lugholes … we’re going in!!

The Jokes!

How do you throw a party in outer space?  . . . . You planet

Why is the letters  ‘P’  a pirates’ favourite letter of the alphabet?  . . . .  Because without it they are irate.

Two peanuts are walking down a dark street.  One of them is assaulted.

What did the bra say to the hat? . . .   You go on ahead. I’ll give these two a lift.

Q: Did you hear about the Mexican magician who told the audience he was going to disappear on the count of three?  . . .  A: He said, “Uno…dos…” then vanished without a tres.

Q: You know why you shouldn’t go to the bathroom next to a Pokemon? . . .  A: Because he might Pikachu.

Q: If you’re American outside the bathroom, what are you inside the bathroom?  . . .  A: European.

and finally …  a little helping of Grandad jokes, for you to share with your Grandad, or, if you’re a Grandad yourself … to make you smile.  (or… if you’re a Grandma – pass them on!)…

Grandad is always complaining about how much things cost.  “£3.50 for a cup of tea!”,  “£1.50 for two custard cream biscuits!” ….  so I told him:  “Look Grandad, you just popped round.  I didn’t invite you!”

(give that one chance to sink in before you move on). lol

Grandad was remembering the days when “everyone could leave their back doors open …  which is probably why his submarine sank.

Grandad died, and we didn’t get chance to say goodbye Which was all the more poignant because he drowned in a bowl of Cheerios.

Tell your friends!  I’m here all week.  😀  [drums heard in the distance]  badabum!!

All that’s left for me to do now is wish you a fabulous Friday, and a truly wonderful weekend.

May the weather be mild and may each hour of each day bring you something to be thankful for.

Have a blessed day my friends.  Be good to each other.

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What I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello you!  Aw I’m so thrilled to see you here, thank you so much for coming.  I could do with a cheery friend with a smiling face.  Fancy a coffee?  Tea?  You sit down at the table and I’ll pour us a drink.  Help yourself to biscuits!

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So … you’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week aren’t you?  Well… I’d better make a start then!

This week I seem to have spent ages crying over one thing or another.  Things I’ve seen on the news.  A programme about a footballer whose wife had passed on (from Cancer), leaving him and three children.  (wept several times during that programme).  I cried hot tears for the Liberian children in West Africa, and all of the children living in poverty around the world, when I watched one of our annual big fund-raisers – Comic Relief – on TV.  (I donated.  Like I wouldn’t?).   Oh … and other things had me in tears … some of them piffling little things and then others which weren’t in the least bit piffling,  but I’m not going to list and share them because if I feel like I’ve been on a roller coaster, I don’t want to put you on one as well!  eek!

I’ve learnt that just as I sit down to visit ‘my reader’  (a wonderful device on WordPress,  where all the blogs a person follows, with all the latest blog posts, are all listed out for them on one continuous page!) …  and have a look at all the blogs I follow and leave comments or likes etc….  it’s right at that VERY moment that the phone rings; or the door knocks; or it’s time for lunch/dinner/something/or other.  And I think I’m now so far behind on all the fabulous people’s blogs I follow, that I’ll never catch up ever again!  But … I’m trying.  I really am.  So bear with me if I haven’t been to your blog yet…  I’ll be getting there very soon.

I’ve learned this week ….  rather a lot about Octopuses.  (… not Octopi.  Octopuses is the preferred plural).

People of the world who watch the news (and especially those who love football)  for sure will remember that eight-tentacled seer – Paul the Octopus – who was used to predict football scores during the World Cup in 2010.  Yes?  Well for those who don’t know or would like a reminder … here’s a very short video of Paul, choosing the final ‘winner’ (in his opinion) …

During the 2010 World Cup, the cephalopod pundit, living in a German  Sea-life centre was SO accurate in his forecasting that he became an international headline.  He got nine out of ten matches in that tournament SPOT ON!  When it came to predicting a football winner, this little chap was amazing.

Now before I go any further …  I’m not a football fan.  Not even a teeny bit.  In fact I dislike it so much that I can’t be in the same room as a television which is broadcasting it.  The noise, the roar of the crowd, the wails and ‘woo hoos’,  I can’t bear it.  (Now you see why I have a craft room   🙂   lol).

Anyhoo …back to Paul..  There were, of course, people who said when Paul fished a tasty mussel out of a box which was ‘wearing’ the flag of one of the football teams who were in a forthcoming match, it was just coincidence that he picked the winner.

However they couldn’t have been more wrong.  An Australian philosopher, Peter Godfrey-Smith had detailed his own opinion of the Octopus, and upon reading it, it soon becomes clear that Paul was no ‘one-off’.   Godfrey-Smith told of one captive octopus that lived in a laboratory tank.  He said that they are very particular about their diet.  They like crab, eased fresh from the shell.

In this experiment, a researcher had been feeding captives chunks of frozen squid.  One day, as she made her way down the row of tanks, the scientist’s noticed one of the Octopuses in the tanks.

“It had not eaten its squid, but was holding it up conspicuously,” Godfrey-Smith writes.  “As she stood there, the octopus made its way slowly across the tank to the outflow pipe, watching her all the way.  Then, still watching her, it dumped the bit of squid down the drain”.

She wasn’t impressed with the food in that restaurant, that’s for sure!

Getty Images Credit

credit:  Getty Images

An octopus has no bones,  its bone-free body can be ‘re-made’ to fit the space available, and its skin –  (and this might surprise you)can see!  An octopus’ skin is rippling with little receptors that react to light and allow it to navigate its way around the depths of the ocean, changing colour as it goes.

Sadly, these fascinating, cunning, clever creatures don’t live much past the age of two.  And this is why no one ever saw Paul back on the footballers seats, prophesising who was going to win the next match.  Paul passed away shortly after the end of the football tournament in 2010 which made him famous world-wide.  A fabulous one season wonder.

More about Professor Godfrey Smith and Octopuses, along with a photograph of the man himself, can be found on the following link,  which will open in another window for you:-   Harvard Gazette – Thinking like an octopus

So .. what else did I learn? . . .

Ohhh… I learned this, about the Prime Minister’s Residence, at number 10 Downing Street,  here in the United Kingdom…

It is only since Arthur Balfour became Prime Minister in 1902 that the Prime Minister has been expected to live at No. 10.  Only one former Prime Minister has ever died there:  Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman, who resigned as Prime Minister on the 3rd April 1908 but was too ill to move and died 19 days later.  His last words were: ‘This is not the end of me.’

10 Downing Street is one of the most heavily guarded buildings in Britain. The front door cannot be opened from the outside because it has no handle, and no one can enter the building without passing through an airport-style scanner and a set of security gates manned by armed guards.  However, in the first five years after Tony Blair became Prime Minister,  37 computers,  four mobile phones,  two cameras,  a mini-disc player,  a video recorder,  four printers,  two projectors  and a  bicycle  were stolen from the building.  (Not sure what that says about who  …  Tony Blair or his staff.  [gulp])  lol

Ohh, and you’ll never guess what I learned about…. Potatoes!

Genetic testing has proved a single origin for potatoes,  – in the area of southern Peru and extreme northwestern Bolivia where they were domesticated between 7,000 and 10,000 years ago.

Potatoes were taken outside the Andes region about four centuries ago and now they are the world’s fourth-largest food crop, after maize, wheat and rice

Following centuries of selective breeding there are now about 5,000 different varieties of potatoes.

Now let’s see…  there was something else I know I learned, and really wanted to share with you … what the divil was it? .. OH …  TIME TRAVEL!  Now pay attention you lot at the back.  This is good stuff!

According to General Relativity, everything in the Universe is played out on a stage that has three dimensions of space and one of time.  This space-time is warped by the mass and energy of the Universe’s contents.  Theoretically a large enough concentration of mass or energy can distort time so much that it folds back on itself like a crumpled sheet. 

These folds were described by Kurt Gödel in 1949 and are known as ‘closed time-like curves’.  They ought, at least in theory, to allow us to revisit past moments in history by using an idea developed in 1988 by Kip Thorne and colleagues at the California Institute of Technology, who showed that tunnels through space-time (wormholes), would allow time travel by taking a shortcut from one fold to the next.

There are still plenty of obstacles to time-travelling through wormholes. Not least is the fact that the only wormholes we can possibly make with present-day technology are tiny: only subatomic particles would be small enough to travel through them. 

I learned more about Time Travel …. but I’ll save it until next week.  I don’t want to explode your brain!  (ohhh the very thought!).

So …  this is how much more educationamalised I am this week.  You know … I’m seriously beginning to wonder where I’m storing all this stuff, and how much of the other stuff is being shifted out.  What if something really important is being thrown over-board, like …  my address, or my name?  How will I know what to tell the Police if I get lost?  “What’s your name?”  I dunno!  “Where do you live?”  Don’t know that either …. but I can tell you something about potatoes which might thrill you!   Don’t laugh … it could happen!

But anyhoo …  we have now come to that time where you sit back,  get comfortable … and I slay you with some jokes.  Well … perhaps not slay you exactly …  perhaps ‘tickle your chuckle muscle’.  …  Are you ready??  Ok, lets go!

The Jokes

I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn’t play any 70’s music…
at first I was afraid,  I was petrified!

My doctor thinks I’m taking hallucinogenic drugs… how do I know?  … let’s just say a little bird told me.

My dad has a weird hobby; he collects empty bottles…  which sounds so much better than “alcoholic.”

My husband and I decided we don’t want children;  . . .  so if someone wants them, we’ll drop them off tomorrow.

What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? . . .   A barberque!

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?  . . .   A chew chew train.

What’s round and bad tempered?  . . .  A vicious circle.

and finally . . .

I don’t think I got the job at Microsoft  . . .    they didn’t respond to my telegram.  😀

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee moment with me.

I hope you have a beautiful Friday, and that tomorrow doesn’t catch you by surprise  …..  (in case you hadn’t noticed … tomorrow is April Fools Day!).  May you find some more smiles to add to those you’ve just found, and I hope both today, and your whole weekend, are truly blessed.

May the winds be soft, the rain be somewhere else, and may your heart and mind work together as one.

Be good to each other and  . . .  may your God go with you.

Squidges ~

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Things I’ve Learned This Week

Hap Pee Fry Day!  (say it out loud if it didn’t make sense just reading it) 🙂

My education has grown in height and in width this week –   and funnily enough, my figure has grown in width too –  there’s a strange thing!  Wouldn’t know why it’s happened.  It’s not like I’ve eaten chocolate every da……  ah.  no.  Ahem ….  Actually, I might know why that’s happened.  (suck it in Cobs.  Suck it in).  😀

So anyhoo … You’re waiting to find out what lessons Life has taught me this week, aren’t you?  So  I guess I’d better dive in and drag you under with me.  Put your Snorkel on Madge, and buckle down your Scuba diving equipment Albert …  we’re going in!

My Edumacationamilisation began last Saturday morning whilst in the shower.  DON’T WALK OUT!  OY!!!  This is not a mucky story, so sit back down and pin back your lug ‘oles!

I’d done all the body shower bit, and washed my hair,  and was doing a final rinse of my face.  I cupped my hands under the water as it rained down, and getting a little handful, I raised my hands to SPLASH the water all over my face when the accident happened.

I misjudged the distance to my face and in doing so, I scrapped my thumb nail up my chin.  Ooooo!  That stung.  “Cooo”, I thought, “I bet that will leave a red mark!”  I said to myself (and yes, I admit there was a bit of swear word in there somewhere … ‘dash’ and darn’.  That sort of thing because it did rather hurt).  After all the splashing I got out of the shower and looked into the mirror on the door of the bathroom cabinet.

Hells Bells Woman!  You’ve done a grand job there!”  I said, looking at the red mark on my chin.  I stepped closer to the mirror.  “Ohh heck!“.  I looked in the mirror and could see that this wasn’t just a mark.  This was several layers of skin which I’d taken off, and it was bleeding  –  rather a lot.

Summing up … the outing I’d planned for that Saturday had to go ‘by the bye’ –  because Life taught me to: Be More Careful When Washing  my face, because my hands (and finger nails) are the most magnificent weapons of destruction.

A week later and I’m still sporting a nasty wound to my face.  It’s healing – but not as fast as I’d like.

I learned this week:-   that Florida has more bear hunters than it has bears.  Which led me to wondering why there were ANY bears in Florida at all in that case!   Just that.  Nothing moreBut I thought it was an interesting thought.

I also learned this week …  that  Nostalgia was classified as a disease by the Royal College of Physicians until 1899.  Yes, seriously.  It was considered to be a ‘Crippling Mental Illness’.

Emigrants and soldiers would often fall victim to nostalgia, and it was thought that if it wasn’t stopped fairly quickly, it would end in victims wasting away and losing their ability to adjust and cope with daily life.

However,  more recently, studies have been conducted on nostalgia and have discovered that there are actually some benefits to it—a far cry from the ideas that contracting nostalgia would make a person give up on life and simply waste away. Researchers at the University of Southampton have found that indulging in a bit of nostalgic reminiscing might make a person sad for a short period, but in the long run, it serves as a comfort.

I also learned that . . .  When you blush so does the lining of your stomach Yes, I thought it was an early April Fools Joke too, so I went in search of more details to make sure that I wasn’t believing in the ‘Money Tree’  . . . .   and this is what I found…

Blushing is a response that is the result of the sympathetic nervous system causing increased blood flow throughout the body. During periods of embarrassment, the body releases adrenaline, a hormone that prepares the body for stressful situations. Adrenaline also makes the blood vessels dilate in order to improve blood flow and oxygen delivery in case the body has to suddenly flee a dangerous situation. The veins in the face, as well as in the stomach lining and throughout the rest of the body, then have more blood than normal flowing through them, and they appear red.

Now this next bit of edumacationamilisation totally floored me.  BUT …. Before I share it with you I need to tell you about a place called Cornwall.  Cornwall is a fabulous holiday destination here in the UK. For those of you who have seen and watched the programme  Doc Martin – Cornwall is where Doc Martin is filmed.  It’s a truly lovely place and I have fond childhood memories of holidaying there.  It’s in the South of England.

A map to help you visualise where Cornwall is….

Map showing Cornwall

Cornwall is down in the south, at the far point on the left.  Next to it is Devon, another beautiful place, where, if you meet a local who’s been there for all their life, they’ll pronounce it:  Debun  (but it actually comes out as: Debn).  Next to Devon, along the coast line,  is Dorset – or ‘Darsit’, if you’ve lived there all your life.  Dorset is where you’ll find  Mr.Cobs and myself, and Little Cobs (and his Mummy and Daddy).  Mr.Cobs and I are generally trying to find as much fun and as many giggles as possible, all without the aid of alcohol.  (mostly)

But back to the plot:-

The world’s only Cornish pasty museum is in Mexico.  Those of you from the United Kingdom will perhaps now have eyes as wide as saucers and you’ll be scoffing at me saying this.  Yup … that’s how I felt when I learned about this.  So… me being me … I double checked …  and guess what … it’s  t.r.u.e. 

The world’s first museum dedicated to the “delicacy” is in the mining municipality of Real del Monte,  more than 4,500 miles away from Cornwall,  in Mexico.

The pasty has been in Mexico for generations,  having been taken to the country  along with football  and technology by Cornish miners in 1824,  as they helped build up the local mining industry.

For those who might not know what a Cornish Pasty looks like…..

 

Genuine Cornish Pasty

A Genuine Cornish Pasty.

Genuine Cornish Pasties have their crimping around the side, as you see in the above photo.  However … when I make my own Cornish Pasties, I always put my crimping over the top, like the ones in the picture below.

top crimped cornish pasty

Top Crimped Cornish Pasties, being made.

You can imagine how both funny and weird I found it when I learned that here is Cornwall, nestled in the UK.  A place of beauty  and wonder, Cornish Pixies, incredible people, great places to visit, AND … famous for it’s fabulous Pasties … and yet …  the only Cornish Pasty Museum is four and a half thousand miles away in Mexico!  There is something very strange about this.  Something has gone badly wrong.  The World has surely gone mad!!!

Nope .. still can’t make head nor tail of that one.

I also learned this week …

  • That a group of Unicorns is called a blessing.
  • A group of Shrews is called  A Whisker
  • A group of Ladybirds is called A Loveliness
  • A group of Snails is called an Escargatoire
  • A group of Hippopotamuses is called A Bloat
  • A group of Ponies is called A String
  • A group of Hyenas is called A Cackle
  • A group of Pekingese is called A Pomp
  • A group of Owls is called A Parliament
  • A group of Ravens is called A Storytelling  – or – An Unkindness
  • A group of Husbands is called A Couch or A Bench
  • A group of Wives is called …. A Nag  (the cheek of it!)
  • A group of Guinea Pigs is called A Muddle
  • A group of Caterpillars is called An Army
  • A group of Parrots is called A Pandemonium.
  • A group of Porcupines is called A Prickle.

I also learned this week …..

That even the wonderful Twillweld, that most brilliant of wire netting used on Aviaries, chicken runs, guinea pig and rabbit hutches,  is no match for a bloody minded mouse with food on its mind!

Rabbit Hutch

Not ‘our’ rabbit hutch, but ours is similar in design.  Ours has two doors and a central non-opening section, downstairs, and a larger bedding section on the upstairs section.

You can see in the photo above how tiny the holes are in the Twillweld wire on the hutch.  We’ve had the hutch since my rabbit was born and never had a problem with it.  However … read on dear reader,  read on!

We found a mouse had managed to get into my rabbits cage, and had set up home in there, happily munching away on all the lovely rabbit food my bunny has, and made itself very snuggly in all the hay she has to eat, and straw she has for her bedding.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! (and some swear words thrown in there because I’m so cross).

THEN … when Mr. Cobs had found the little blighter  –  it ran out of the hutch and passed Mr.C at a gazillion miles an hour, so that it couldn’t be caught. Now how this happened is a total mystery to Mr.C and myself … because not only was Mr.C on the case, wanting to catch said mouse and take it far away, into the woods, to leave it there – as per my instructions.   But our two cats were on guard duty – one at the rear of the hutch, one at the side, waiting, waiting, waitingone of which was Alf Capone (Used Furniture Dealer) – who IS a killer of mice (and pigeons, garden birds, – and also a thief, as I’ve previously discussed), AND ALSO, bringing up the rear and checking for any escapees, was Madam Jack Russell, (aka: my little fat bitch – because she is.  Fat, and a bitch)  who finds mice and rats and the killing of, a pastime.  So how that cheeky mouse got past my army, I have absolutely no idea!  I know it went under the hutch, because I saw it go…  and so did my cats (Alf Capone was at this stage going crazy to get it.  He knew it was under the hutch) – but when Mr.C came back from his trip to his shed, bringing with him a long piece of wood which he ‘swept’ under the hutch, back and forth – absolutely nothing came out.  We had no idea where it went.  Nor did the cats.

So Miss fluffy bunny rabbit was totally cleaned out and everything was either thrown away or washed and put back into the rabbit hutch.

Two days later . . .  Mr.C found that mouse b*gger had only got back in there again and been busy stashing food into a corner behind the rabbits litter tray for itself.  Mr.C found it because he saw the mouse droppings around the insides of the hutch.  But upon searching, there was no mouse to be found.  So another clean up followed and some changes were made.

Dearest Mr.C has sealed off the lower floor of the hutch from the upper floor,  and he’s taken away the ladder, as my rabbit is quite old now and no longer used the upstairs part of her hutch as she didn’t find it easy to clamber up it any longer.  So by doing what he’s done he’s made sure that the blasted thing can’t get to my rabbit again,

So … she’s moved upstairs and only she is there.  Mr.C has then paid some attention to the lower part of the hutch and sealed off the Twillweld  (metal wire netting) in the lower part of the hutch so that mouse will have to go and look elsewhere for his meals.

Let all mice be warned … I’ve given Alf Capone complete control over the matter, and if there happens to be a mouse wandering through our garden, anywhere near that hutch, he’s been given permission to do with them what-ever he sees fit.  Bl**dy mice!

Ok…  we’ve finally reach that point which we’ve all been hanging around the back of the class room, waiting patiently for….  THE JOKES!

Ready?  Let’s dive in to a pool of chuckles …

The Jokes

My Czech mate is surprisingly bad at chess.

Last night I went to a comedy and philosophy convention.  Laughed more than I thought.

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?    Ba-na-na-na.

My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.

Jokes about opticians just get cornea and cornea.

When my husband told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo, I decided to put my foot down.

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?  Because they were two deer.

If you want a job in the moisturiser industry, the best advice I can give is to apply daily.

A woman told me she recognised me from the vegetarian club,  but I’d never met herbivore.

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?  They had a weigh in a manger.

I hate perforated lines, they’re tearable.

❤  ~  and finally …  ~  ❤

How much did it cost the pirate to get his ears pierced?   A buccaneer!  😀

Aaaaand,  those are the jokes folks!

Happy Friday, wherever you are,  and wherever you are, make it a good one.

You have two choices … you can either decide to have a good day … or you can decide to have a bad one.  Then you have two more choices …  fix to your memory one of your favourite jokes from the ones above, and then share it with someone today and make them smile.  Or, you can keep the jokes to yourself and not share the smiles around.

Each day is filled, from the moment you wake up to the moment you go to sleep, of a series of two choices.  This or That.  Yes or No.  Stay or Go.  Here or There.  This outfit or That one.  Bath or Shower. Smile or Grizzle.  All the time, two choices.  Look out for them today and become aware of them as the choices appear.  Make sure you make the right choice.  Then once you’ve made your choice, don’t complain when you don’t like what you chose.

Have a truly fabulous Friday.  May the day be kind.  May all the people you come across today be even kinder.  May you not have too many choices to make where you don’t like either choice.  But … where you do make your choice, may you be able to find the joy.

Have a truly blessed day my friend.  I’ll be thinking about you.  Be safe and …  may your God go with you.

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What I’ve Learned This Week.

Morning all.  Happy Friday!  And …  a Very Happy St. Patrick’s Day to you all.  🙂

St. Patrick has a great history, and makes a good read.  So if you’re in the mood for reading, then I supply a link here —>  A history of St. Patrick the patron saint of Ireland.  <— which will open in another window and sit waiting patiently for you, until you’ve finished having a read here.  🙂   The website is owned and written by an Irish lady who’s family history also makes a great read.  So the story (and all the pages on the site) all come direct from Ireland without any twists which shouldn’t be there.

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Anyhoo ….

The world continues my educationalamalisation,  and I’m now wondering if that’s why I keep forgetting things.  Names of people.  Road names.  Appointments.  What I went to the fridge for?  What it was I wanted from the shop, before I’ve even got my shoes on to leave the house!  How to get to places.  (don’t suggest  SatNavs, because I can’t use the darn thing.  ‘She’ really politely tells me what to do next, and I can’t remember what it was she just said!   Useless.  I’m totally useless.  Of no use to man nor beast.

But I’ve come up with a theory that the reason I’m forgetting things is because I’m learning allll the time, and all the new stuff is pushing some of the other stuff over the edges of my brain!  Where they’re going from that point is anyones guess,  I do have a theory at that too … but I’m not about to discuss it in polite company.  😉

What were we talking about again?  Ohh yes! … educationalamalisation …  I shall continue:

I learned this week ….

That Trees sleep at night.  (cor!  I heard you gasp from here!).  Well, when you think about it,  wouldn’t you need a bit of a snooze after a long a long day of photosynthesizing?

Here, straight from the horse’s mouth (or scientists mouth in this case) is the explanation ….

It depends on how you define “sleep,” but trees do relax their branches at night, which might be a sign of snoozing,  the scientists said.

In the only reported study to look at tree ‘siestas’:  researchers set up lasers that measured the movements of two silver birch trees at night.  One tree was in Finland and the other in Austria, and both were monitored from dusk until morning on a dry, windless night in September.  This was close to the solar equinox, when daylight and nighttime are about equal.

The laser scanners used infrared light to illuminate different parts of the tree,  each for fractions of a second. This provided enough detail to map each tree within minutes, the researchers said.

The silver birches’ branches and leaves sagged at night; they reached their lowest position a few hours before sunrise, and then perked up again during the wee hours of the morning, the researchers found.

“Our results show that the whole tree droops during night, which can be seen as position change in leaves and branches,” study lead author Eetu Puttonen, a researcher at the Finnish Geospatial Research Institute, said in a statement. “The changes are not too large, only up to 10 centimeters [4 inches] for trees with a height of about 5 meters [16 feet].”

It’s unclear if the sun “woke up” the trees or if they relied on their own internal circadian rhythm, the researchers said. But “the fact that some branches started returning to their daytime position already before sunrise would suggest this [internal circadian clock] hypothesis [is right],”.

The finding isn’t too surprising.  Most living organisms have day and night circadian rhythms, and any gardener will notice that some plants open their flowers in the morning and that some trees close their leaves at night.  The famed botanist Carl Linnaeus (1707-1778) found that flowers confined to a dark cellar still opened and closed, and naturalist Charles Darwin (1809-1882) noted that the nocturnal movement of leaves and stalks on plants looked like the plants went to sleep.

So … what else did I learn this week?

Well … from watching a TV programme on TV, I learned this mind-blowing (no not really.   Not in the least bit mind-blowing, but it is a bit of fun)  information which should change the world (no it seriously won’t) …  I learned:  That ‘Google’ reports that searches for  ‘How to put on a condom’  peak at 10.28pm.  Saying nothing.  Nope.  Not going to get into that one.  I’m only here to report on my ‘learnings’.  🙂

I also learned:  There is no word for  time  in any Aboriginal language.  Maybe I should move there?  Time wouldn’t exist, and therefore I wouldn’t get any older!  Sounds fine to me … oh …. hang on ….  if I don’t get any older then I’ll miss out on Birthdays and birthday presents ….  hmmm  …  as Fagin said:  I think I’d better think it out again!

I learned that  ‘Emoji’ –  these things:  🙂  😦  :/  😀  –  is the fastest growing language in historySee,  … now  this made me think that we’re all going backwards.    Cavemen and women used a similar sort of thing by drawing on cave walls in order to tell the story of their day.  “I saw a cow.  I threw a stick at the cow.” – only they drew pictures to tell that story.   …  maybe that’s where we’re heading?

And I also learned that apparently….  The name Donald means  ‘ruler of the world’.  His mother,  Mrs. Duck, must be SO proud.  (Mr. Disney will be chuffed to know that too!).

Finally ….  I learned that …  (and this made me feel a little bit sad, and think of Wall-E ...the last robot left on Earth . . .) …  On each anniversary of its landing on Mars, the Curiosity Rover hums  ‘Happy Birthday’  to itself.  😦  (imagine an ‘Emoji’ here of a crying face)

Crafters of the World – we need to unite and craft poor little Curiosity some birthday cards.  (We’ve got plenty of time, his birthday isn’t until August the 5th)

Shall we now move on to the part you’re waiting for?  Do you have your coffee ready?  Biscuits and cookies?  Ok … let’s go!

These are the JOKES folks!

I just ate a frozen apple.  . . .  Hardcore.

Yesterday a clown held a door open for me.   …  I thought it was a nice jester.

I bought a dog from my local blacksmith. . . . When I got it home it made a bolt for the door.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went.  . . .  Then it dawned on me.

I told my friend she drew her eyebrows too high. . . .  She seemed surprised.

I used to have a job at a calendar factory.  . . .  I got the sack because I took a couple of days off.

So I applied for a job making sandwiches, . . . but the  roll  had been filled.

Then I got a job working in an origami shop, . . .  but it folded.

What do you get hanging off banana trees?  . . .  Sore arms.

and finally . . .

I’ve just been diagnosed as colour blind. . . . It came right out of the purple!

~  ❤  ~

So do you feel more intelligent?  Has reading all this new stuff, pushed some of your old stuff out of your brain,  and now it’s free-falling at rapid speed,  throughout your body, bouncing off your liver, kidneys and all those other squishy things inside you?  If so … then thank heavens for that!  At least I know I’m not alone  in this weirdness.  (lol)

Have a truly fabulous Friday, and perfect St. Patrick’s Day.  May your weekend bring love, smiles, joy, and a clear conscience.

Be good to each other, and …  may your God go with you.

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What I’ve Learned This Week.

Hello, and a very happy Friday to you.  This week … or is it this month in general?,  seems to be positively whizzing past!   There are only 9 days left (as of today 17/2/2017) of this month!   Y’know .. considering that February only has two or three days short of the other months, it seems (to me at least) to go twice as quick!

I’ve learned this week … that Little Cobs (my Grandson aged 5) still (apparently) believes that I can do ‘stuff’ with Lego.  I can’t.  To be honest, I’m unsure whether it’s misplaced faith, or out-and-out humour which keeps him asking.

He hands the big red storage box of Lego over to me (for that read: shoves the box into my hands) with the instruction:- “Build me something Grammy!”, he has this smile on his face teamed with a twinkle in his eye which tells me that this little chap is holding in hysterical laughter as he enjoys watching me squirm and groan as I roll my eyes and experience the pain of being a non-starter in the game of Lego Builder of the Year!  (at which I lose BIG TIME!).  But he allows me to struggle as he watches me take out a brick, peer at it through my glasses and just when I think it might ‘fit’ … he takes it off me with the words:  “Give it to me Grammy” … and he sighs a tired sigh which says:  ‘Give it to me and Grandad.  We know what we’re doing.’

This week I also learned:  That I LOVE those blow torches which you see professional chefs using!

They’re called a ‘Cooks Blow Torch’  –  and I’ve had mine for . . . .  (wait for this) . . .  about 6 years.  (I know, I know!)  It was bought as a gift for me, from daughter No.2,  and should have been taken from the packaging AND USED when I first received it.

To be honest:  I looked at it when I received it and was fully up for using it….  however … I read the instructions and they scared the living snot out of me.  Everything went back in the packaging and it’s stayed in there since.

But … I found a recipe for some cupcakes in a Sunday Supplement Magazine and SOOO wanted to make the cakes.  The recipe gave an option of putting the cupcakes under the grill, or using a Cooks Blow Torch to brown off the topping.  So … since Mr. Cobs was there, I told him to hang around the kitchen while I tried this new (old now! sheesh!) toy out as I was scared silly of burning the house down … or me!  But …  OH.  MY.  GOODNESS!!!  I have found out that I LOVE Cooks Blow Torches!  Aw my stars, these things are magical!  Although mind…  please, if you go out and buy one, do be careful with them because they can be dangerous – they are a blow torch after all,  … but ohhhh I LOVE mine!

(…And daughter No.2 is really very pleased that I’m now using it!  LOL)

Now this next ‘thing I learned’ is probably not news to folks from the USA, but cor, was it an eye opener to me!

I learned this week that …  In the U.S. you can buy bras with in-built gun holsters!  Now see, this both tickled me, and at the same time, my brain said:  “Well that would be totally useless to you kiddo!”.  You see …  I have a little too much .. erm … no.  Hang on.  Let me put this another way.  I, uhm  …  .  No. No.  Wait.  I’m sure I can get this worked out.   I’m afraid that there would be a problem with me having an in-built gun holster in my bra beeeecauuuuse ...  I don’t have enough spare room to begin with.  There.  That sorts that out.

I tuck my cell (mobile) phone down my bra, because one really can’t look lady-like and carry a cell phone – but I can only tuck it down the right side of my bra, for if I tuck it down the left side, I found out that it makes my heart race.  Yes.  Seriously.  I’m not joking.  I can feel my heart begin to quicken and pound hard in my chest after a short while of having my cell phone stored on the left. So I stopped carrying it around on that side of my body pretty darn quick once I realised that it only happened when my cell phone was on the same side as my heart.

Now a cell phone is very much slimmer than a gun – so I don’t think I would be able to hide one adequately.  I guess I could just hang one on a chain around my neck …. although trying to pull it up could cause an accident if it caught on the bra.  Mmm.. I think I’d better think it out again! (as the song from ‘Oliver’ goes)

Now I know that I’ve learned an awful lot of other things this week, but for the life of me I can’t remember what they are.  Had I been a sensible Cobs, I would have made a note of them like I normally try to do, as I learn things, so that I can share them with you.  However, apparently this week, sensible wasn’t managable.  Not even for a numbskull like me!  tsk tsk.

So  … shall we go straight into the jokes, because I know that’s all you’re here for?

Ok. …  get ready … here they come:

Q…  What is invisible and smells like carrots?    …. A:-Rabbit Farts.

Q…What do you do when you see a spaceman?  …A:-Park Your Car, Man

Q…What do you call a Bee who’s having a bad hair day?  …A:-Frisbee

Q…What do you call a pig that does karate?   A:-Pork Chop

Q…What’s the best way to carve wood?  …A:-Whittle by whittle

Q…How does a lion like his meat?   …A:-Roar

Q…What kind of horses go out after dark?  …A:-Nightmares

Q…How does the man in the moon cut his hair?  …A:-Eclipse it.

and I bring to you  . . .   a beautiful poem . . . .

My eyes are full of tears, 

and they can no longer see. 

I wish that you were here, 

to chop these onions for me.

Finally ….

For those of you who might be wondering what the Cup Cakes were which I made this week and used my Blow Torch on …. here’s the recipe, along with a photo of the finished cakes.

I’d invited Little Cobs round to Afternoon Tea, and told him to bring his Mummy of course!  His school was on its half term break this week so I thought it might break the week up for him, and give his mummy some brain chill time by inviting them both round to afternoon tea.

There were little sandwiches, tiny sausage rolls (cocktail sized), and cocktail sausages because he loves them, and one or two other things which I know can tempt him – which probably aren’t on the Queens Afternoon Tea list of fun food, but they’re firmly on Little Cobs list.  I wanted to make him some cakes.  I made Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes …  the recipe for which I’d found in the Sunday Supplement magazine which came with one of the weekend newspapers.  He LOVED them.  So much so that he asked if he could have another one.  So did his mummy!  (I have to admit … they are rather more’ish’.  You have been warned!)

lemonmeringue-and-strawberry-cupcakes

Lemon Meringue and Strawberry Cupcakes

makes 12 cupcakes

cook time 20 minutes, plus cooling.

FOR THE SPONGES

  • 100g (4oz) baking spread (such as Flora)
  • 150g (5oz) self-raising flour
  • 150g (5oz) castor sugar
  • 3 tbsp milk
  • 2 eggs
  • finely grated zest of 1 lemon
  • 7g (¼ oz) freeze-dried strawberries.  If they don’t have the really tiny chopped up dried strawberry pieces, then do what I did,  —  using the back of a wide bladed knife, press and crush a little at a time of the dried strawberry pieces until they’re tiny enough.
  • ½ jar homemade or shop-bought lemon curd

FOR THE MERINGUE TOPPING

  • 2 egg whites
  • 100g (4oz) castor sugar
  1. You will need a 12-hole muffin tin lined with paper cases and a piping bag fitted with a plain 1cm (½ in) nozzle (optional). Preheat the oven to 180C/160C fan/gas 4.
  2. First make the sponges. Measure the baking spread, flour, sugar, milk and eggs into a large bowl and add the lemon zest. Use an electric hand whisk to beat until light and fluffy, then fold in three-quarters of the strawberries. Spoon the mixture into the paper cases (see tip), dividing it evenly among them. Bake in the oven for 18-20 minutes or until golden, risen and springy to the touch. Set aside to cool on a wire rack.
  3. When the cupcakes are cold, use a small sharp knife to cut a circle (about the diameter of a £2 coin) in the centre of each cake and scoop out a walnut-sized piece of sponge to leave a hole. Spoon 1 teaspoon of lemon curd into each hole, making sure the curd is level with the top of the cake.  (You can buy a little gizmo which will remove a ‘plug’ of cake in just the right size.  I found mine quite some time ago, on a cooks website.  But there must be lots of places you can get one, – if you think you’ll get use out of it).
  4. To make the meringue, whisk the egg whites until stiff in a large, spotlessly clean bowl using an electric hand whisk. Gradually add the sugar a little at a time and continue whisking on full speed until you have a stiff glossy mixture.
  5. Use a small palette knife to spread some of the meringue mixture on the top of each cupcake, or pipe the mixture on if using a piping bag, and place back in the moulds of the muffin tin. Use a blowtorch or heat briefly under a hot grill to lightly brown the tops of the cupcakes – watching carefully as it only takes a minute – and sprinkle over the remaining dried strawberries to serve. Allow to cool and enjoy!

If you don’t use the measurements shown above, but instead use ‘cups’ or something else – then Google will be your friend for the conversions.

If you use a different system of cooking heat, again, ask Google and it will give you the conversion to what you use in your country.

Close ups so that you can see them better ….  although I’m sorry about the blurry images … they were the best I had.

Well that’s another week done and dusted.  Have you learned anything this week?  Do share, as I’m sure I must bore the arms and legs off the proverbial donkey with my ramblings, and I’d love to do some of your learnings!

Have a fabulous Friday….  and a truly wonderful weekend.  Try not to get in a twist over stuff – and that includes Politics.  There are enough people to do that, give yourself the weekend off.

May your days be peaceful, may any visitors you have come bringing warm smiles and happy hearts, and may the Fairy of Fun sprinkle you with happy dust.

Sending weekend squidges and soft little kisses to your head!  Stay safe, stay warm, stay happy, be good to each other and … be good to yourself.  You’re worth it.

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What I’ve Learned this Week

Hello  🙂   Happy Friday!

Well what a lovely week it’s been.  I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it.  But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about.  Enjoying it.

The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold.  I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’.  Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig.  I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.

So …. What have I learned this week?  Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it ….  check this little list out:-

I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is:   “Good for you!”

I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

I also learned about  Honest Brand Slogans  and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:

Hallmark:   “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

Gillette:  “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”  (ain’t THAT one the truth!)

Hot Pockets:   “Every bite is a different temperature.”

I was reminded that I learned many years ago  when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old  that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:-  “
I told you so”.

I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about.    It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside.  Ha!

I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles,  when someone knocks on the door.  She get’s SO excited, and yet  . . .  it’s hardly ever for her!

I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was.  . . .   I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is popty ping.   So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true.  The very first result which came up said it was true.  So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun.  Popty Ping.  Say it out loud.  It’s kind of ticklish!

HOWEVER . . .  I didn’t quite trust the first answer  so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that  ‘popty ping’  is a made up word.  The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon(And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol).  Shame … I rather liked popty ping.  It was such a perfect description!

And finally …  I learned:  Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men.  Would you believe it?  When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle.  From this I deduce that we should cry more often.  Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!

Well, I know why some of you are here.  You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday.  Ok … gird your loinshere are the Jokes:-

Q.  What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  ….A.  Polaroids

Q.  Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?  …  A.  Because it’s a little meteor.

Q.  What did the ghost say to the bee?  …  A. BOO-BEE

Q.  Why didn’t the melons get married?  …  A.   Because they cantaloupe!

and finally ….

Q.  What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?  …  A.  DINO-MITE!

Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries.  Have you learned anything this week?  Been somewhere exciting?  Done something amazing?  Do share your story.  I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!

Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend.  May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.

Have a blessed weekend my beautiful friend,  ~

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