phone – The Art of Cobwebs

Happy Friday!

Well we here and that means we made it through another week – despite all the doom sayers and awful news on the TV and reports in the papers. I guess, that when you think of all the things which could have happened to us, and didn’t . . . we truly are blessed and in a great position to have an equally good weekend!

So anyhoo … we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week and for me to educationamalise you with all my new-found intellamagence. So please put on your water wings. Batten down the hatches. Fix your safety belt in place. Press buttons 1 and 2 and . . . . We’re Off! . . .

I’ve learned this week that:- Man has advanced technologically in such a way that we can get signals back from a probe orbiting a great big gas giant a billion gazillion miles away, BUT my mobile phone can’t work if there are one or two big trees near where I’m trying to use it.

I recall my daughter and son-in-law going on a fishing trip a couple of years or so ago, and she told me that she tried to call me from the boat, out in the ocean, but she couldn’t get a signal. WHAT THE HECK? Why can’t a cell phone find a signal, out in the middle of the ocean, on a fishing boat, with no trees, no bad weather, no buildings…. nothing at all around them to block the signals …. and yet, the message came up saying no signal.

Why is that? Why can we fly a man to the moon, and back, and see him on TV jumping around his spaceship while he’s in space, and yet … these boffins can’t get mobile phones to work adequately. Nor can they get cable TV to work without a problem. Nor Satellite TV to work brilliantly if there’s a big rain or snow storm. COME ON YOU BOFFINS, SORT IT OUT!

I think we should start a movement to tell our governments that we, the people, refuse to allow them to spend even so much as a penny more on space exploration until they’ve sorted out modern life for us here on planet Earth!

I learned this week that: A Spanish company has created a hi-tech mattress intended to tell the buyer whether their partner is being unfaithful in the conjugal bed when left alone at home.

The “Smarttress” apparently looks like any other mattress, but the manufacturer says that its concealed sensors detect suspicious movements in the bed. If the pressure matches algorithms based on research carried out on sexual motions, the worried partner will receive a warning on his or her mobile phone.

“If your partner isn’t faithful, then at least your mattress will be” – is the slogan being used by the bed maker Durmet.

Now several things strike me about this and I simply have to share them with you:

I’d be a bit taken aback if Mr. Cobs suddenly had our mattress changed for no apparent reason. The man (bless him) has a short arm and a long pocket, so for him to pay rather a pretty price (and they are rather pricey) for a new mattress is totally out of his ‘comfort zone’, and I’m kind of guessing that other husbands/partners/wifes would be the same. People don’t buy something big like a mattress for a surprise gift, like they would buy a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates. So I’d already be a bit eyebrow knitted and questioning why he’d done it.
Durmet (the makers) say: “the technology is so advanced that the jealous app user will be able to see in real-time what parts of the bed are seeing the most activity, giving him or her a mental picture of exactly what their partner is up to”. Hmm, well they’re already talking themselves out of sales because if someone is found to be having an affair on that mattress, then, personally, I wouldn’t want to sleep on the mattress ever again, so it would be thrown out. What a waste of money!
It doesn’t tell you if your partner is having a wild love life on the stairs; in the garden shed; on the kitchen floor; in the car; in a Hotel; or at the home of their ‘lover’. So it’s not that brilliant as an idea.
And finally . . . . . I doubt very much that at my age and decrepit state of health, I’d get the moves required to send the signal, to any device other than my Doctors telling them I’d broken a hip whilst trying to do the ‘dance of lurve’ on a new mattress!

I’ve learned this week (from a television light entertainment programme) that devices such as the one you’re reading this blog post on right at this moment, give off something called Blue Light. Now this ‘blue light’ actually has a bad affect upon a person, particularly so if you’re exposed to it for 2 to 3 hours before going to bed.

I quote from the report:

Until the advent of artificial lighting, the sun was the major source of lighting, and people spent their evenings in (relative) darkness. Now, in much of the world, evenings are illuminated, and we take our easy access to all those lumens pretty much for granted.

But we may be paying a price for basking in all that light. At night, light throws the body’s biological clock—the circadian rhythm—out of whack. Sleep suffers. Worse, research shows that it may contribute to the causation of cancer, diabetes, heart disease, and obesity.

Blue wavelengths—which are beneficial during daylight hours because they boost attention, reaction times, and mood—seem to be the most disruptive at night.

Researchers have linked short sleep to increased risk for depression, as well as diabetes and cardiovascular problems.

So … if you find yourself suffering with problems sleeping, or even find yourself over-eating, here are some things you could do to try to cut out that blue light which just might be the thing which is causing your problem(s) . . .

Use dim red lights for night lights. Red light has the least power to shift circadian rhythm and suppress melatonin.
Avoid looking at bright screens beginning two to three hours before bed.
If you work a night shift or use a lot of electronic devices at night, consider wearing blue-blocking glasses or installing an app that filters the blue/green wavelength at night.
Expose yourself to lots of bright light during the day, which will boost your ability to sleep at night, as well as your mood and alertness during daylight.

I’ve also learned a lesson about myself this week.

I’ve learned that the older I’ve become, the more respect I need to be shown. This would come as a surprise to some of the folks who know me in real life (when they realise that this change has taken place). I’ve found that I don’t like this apparently newish’ idea of medical folks calling me by my Christian name. I expect and require them to treat me respectfully and call me by my title: Mrs. Cobs. I’m not their ‘friend’ and they’re not they mine – so Mrs. Cobs will do perfectly well, thank you.

Neither am I willing to allow people to be rude to me and then expect me to simply forget how badly they’ve behaved, without them even thinking that they owe me an apology, and/or and explanation.

This new ‘thing’ has surprised me, because I’ve always been someone who puts myself last. I’ve always been a stickler for making sure that (for example) Mr. Cobs is given the full respect he deserves, but have never pushed for that same respect to be shown to me. So finding myself this week facing a situation where this sudden realisation became clear to me, it’s kind of surprised me, and I’m still trying to get used to the feeling that, actually, I’m important, and the way I’m treated is important. And … that I’m not willing to ignore the things I would have always ignored before, because I believed that I wasn’t that important so *it* didn’t matter. *It* DOES matter . . . and so do I.

It’s an odd feeling … and I’m still getting used to it – but it seems to ‘fit’.

Well … you know what it’s time for now, don’t you?

You can take off your tin helmets. Remove your safety belts. Kick off your shoes. Take a deep breath, and … r.e.l.a.x.

These are the Jokes, Folks!

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: Did you hear about the female opera singer who had quite a range at the lower end of the scale. A: She was known as the deep C diva.

What did the buffalo say to his son when he dropped him off at school? …….Bison.

What do you call a midget psychic who just escaped from prison? A small medium at large

Whats orange and sounds like a parrot? – right-click, hold the click and roll cursor over here for the answer:—->A carrot<—-

Two cows are standing in a field and one cow says to the other: “What do you think about that mad cow disease?”, the other cow responds: “What do I care “I’m a helicopter”

What do you call a woman with a pint of beer on her head playing snooker?
Beatrix Potter

Why did Tigger have his head down the toilet?
He was looking for pooh

What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummy bear

What animal drops from the sky?
A rain deer

What did one volcano say to other?
I lava you

Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married? A: Feyoncé!!

And finally …. I learned this week …. That the shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me. I love this weekly thing we have going on. May today be easy. May you give and get smiles. And may you end the day with a smile, knowing that when you think of all the things that could have gone wrong today, today turned out to be not so bad a day after all.