The Friday Post!

21st July.

On this Day in History:

1865   –   In the market square of Springfield, Missouri, Wild Bill Hickok shoots Dave Tutt dead in what is regarded as the first true western showdown.

Wild Bill Hickok, was a legendary figure in the American Old West. His skills as a gunfighter and scout, along with his reputation as a lawman, provided the basis for his fame, although some of his exploits are fictionalized.  Hickok’s horse was called Black Nell, and he owned two Colt 1851 Navy Revolvers.

Hickok arrived in the West as a stagecoach driver, then became a lawman in the frontier territories of Kansas and Nebraska.  He fought in the Union Army during the American Civil War, and gained publicity after the war as a scout, marksman, and professional gambler. Between his law-enforcement duties and gambling, which easily overlapped, Hickok was involved in several notable shootouts, and was ultimately killed while playing poker in a Dakota Territory saloon.

1897  –  London’s Tate Gallery, built on the site of the Millbank Prison, was opened, with 67 paintings

1925  –  Scopes Trial:  In Dayton, Tennessee, high school biology teacher John T. Scopes is found guilty of teaching evolution in class and fined $100.

1960  –  English yachtsman Francis Chichester docked in New York in his boat Gypsy Moth II – setting a new record of 40 days for a solo crossing of the Atlantic.

1962  –  British group The Rolling Stones made their first public appearance at the Marquee Club in London.

1969  –  Neil A. Armstrong and Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin become the first men to walk on the Moon, during the Apollo 11 mission.

1972  –  Bloody Friday bombing by the Provisional Irish Republican Army (PIRA) around Belfast, Northern Ireland – 22 bomb explosions, 9 people killed and 130 people seriously injured.

Bloody Friday is the name given to the bombings by the Provisional Irish Republican Army’s (IRA) Belfast Brigade in and around Belfast, Northern Ireland on July 21, 1972, which killed nine people including two soldiers, and injured 130 civilians.

The bombings were part of a concerted bombing campaign carried out by the IRA against economic, military and political targets in Northern Ireland. The group carried out a total of 1,300 bombings in 1972. Following the failure of secret talks in London between the British government and the IRA in 1972, Gerry Adams allegedly played a central role in planning the Bloody Friday bomb blitz

1974  –  The Police National Computer (PNC) began operating, in the UK.

1983  –  The world’s lowest temperature is recorded at Vostok Station, Antarctica at −89.2°C (−129°F).

1994  –  Tony Blair is declared the winner of the leadership election of the British Labour Party, paving the way to him becoming Prime Minister in 1997.

1997  –  The fully restored USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”) celebrates her 200th birthday by setting sail for the first time in 116 years.

USS Constitution (aka “Old Ironsides”)

USS Constitution, known as “Old Ironsides,” is a wooden-hulled, three-masted heavy frigate of the United States Navy. Named after the United States Constitution, she is the oldest commissioned ship afloat in the world. The Constitution was one of the six original frigates authorized for construction by the Naval Act of 1794 and was launched in 1797. Joshua Humphreys designed them to be the Navy’s capital ships and so Constitution and her sisters were larger and more heavily armed than the standard frigates of the period. 

The modern-day role of “Old Ironsides” is that of “ship of state”. The crew of 55 sailors participates in ceremonies, educational programs and special events (including sail drill) while keeping the ship open to visitors year-round and providing free tours. The crew are all active-duty sailors in the Navy and the assignment is considered a special duty. Traditionally, the duty of captain of the vessel is assigned to an active duty Navy commander.

2004  –  The United Kingdom government publishes Delivering Security in a Changing World, a paper detailing wide-ranging reform of the country’s armed forces. The 2003 Defence White Paper, entitled Delivering Security in a Changing World sets out the future of the British military, and builds on the 1998 Strategic Defence Review (SDR) and the 2002 SDR New Chapter which responded to the challenges raised by the War on Terror.

2005  –  London’s underground network was plunged into chaos after explosions on two trains and a bus – exactly a fortnight after four suicide bomb blasted the capital.   BBC news report & video film of a section of that days happenings

Born on this Day
1899  –  Ernest Hemingway, American writer, Nobel laureate (d. 1961)
1946  –  Barry Whitwam, British musician (Herman’s Hermits)
1948  –  Yusuf Islam, formerly Cat Stevens, English singer
1951  –  Robin Williams, American comedian/actor

And now …. for something completely different:  (as Monty Python would say) . . .

“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as “you can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish” or   “to write with a broken pencil is pointless.”  A competition to see who can come up with the best lexophiles is held every year in an undisclosed location.

below …  are a selection from Lexophiles, some of which should cause you to smile:

…. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

…. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

…. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles UCLA.

…. The batteries were given out free of charge.

…. A dentist and a manicurist married.  They fought tooth and nail.

…. A will is a dead giveaway.

… With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

…. A boiled egg is hard to beat.

…. When you’ve seen one shopping centre you’ve seen a mall.

…. Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was
resisting a rest.

…. Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off?  He’s all right now.

…. A bicycle can’t stand alone; it is two tired.

…. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

…. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

…. He had a photographic memory which was never developed.

… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.

…. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.

And the cream of the wretched crop:

…. Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.

Well … that’s me done and dusted.  🙂

I hope you found something to smile about here, and maybe something to share in order to spread the smiles around.

Wishing you a truly fabulous Friday, and a truly great Weekend.

Have some fun.  Smile a little.  Enjoy life.  For that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.  Enjoy life.

Sending buckets of love and bowls filled with squidges ~

 

 

 

 

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What I’ve Learned this Week

Hello  🙂   Happy Friday!

Well what a lovely week it’s been.  I seem to have done a lot and achieved very little to show for it.  But I’ve really enjoyed it, and that, after all, is what life is supposed to be about.  Enjoying it.

The weather, here in the south of England, has been a bit chilly, and night-time get’s really rather cold.  I’ve been getting Mr.Cobs to turn the heating up by around 9pm of a night-time, just to keep the temperature at ‘toasty’.  Mr. Cobs has to control the heating because I cannot understand our heating control box thingy-ma-jig.  I always end up pressing the wrong button, or combination of buttons.

So …. What have I learned this week?  Well I thought I hadn’t really learned anything at all until I got thinking about it ….  check this little list out:-

I learned that probably the worst thing a woman can hear when she’s wearing a bikini is:   “Good for you!”

I learned that Bifocals are God’s way of saying, “Keep your chin up.”

I also learned about  Honest Brand Slogans  and how these should become ‘Law’ – such as:

Hallmark:   “When you care enough to give a card mass-produced by 
a corporation.”

Ritz crackers: “Tiny, edible plates.”

Gillette:  “We’re just going to keep adding blades.”

ChapStick:  “You’ll misplace it before the tube’s empty.”  (ain’t THAT one the truth!)

Hot Pockets:   “Every bite is a different temperature.”

I was reminded that I learned many years ago  when Daughter No.1 was 15/16 years old  that the four most beautiful words in our common language are:-  “
I told you so”.

I finally found out what Instagram is actually all about.    It’s ‘Twitter’ for people who go outside.  Ha!

I still haven’t learned why my dog always barks like crazy and races to the door, all the time she’s running round in circles,  when someone knocks on the door.  She get’s SO excited, and yet  . . .  it’s hardly ever for her!

I learned that I’m more gullible than even I thought I was.  . . .   I heard, via a TV programme, that the Welsh word for microwave is ‘popty ping‘.   So … before I added it to the list of things I’d learned this week I asked Mr.Google if this was true.  The very first result which came up said it was true.  So I shared the information with Mr.Cobs because I thought this was such fun.  Popty Ping.  Say it out loud.  It’s kind of ticklish!

HOWEVER . . .  I didn’t quite trust the first answer  so did a little more digging around on Google and discovered that  ‘popty ping’  is a made up word.  The Welsh word for microwave is actually:- meicrodon.  (And no, it doesn’t mean ‘tiny gangster’. lol).  Shame … I rather liked popty ping.  It was such a perfect description!

And finally …  I learned:  Women’s tears contain pheromones that lower the testosterone of nearby men.  Would you believe it?  When us gals shed a few tears, it makes the men nearest to us go all soft and gentle.  From this I deduce that we should cry more often.  Especially so when we want to buy ourselves a new pair of expensive shoes or maybe a handbag!

Well, I know why some of you are here.  You just want some Jokes to spread happiness around the world this beautiful Friday.  Ok … gird your loins … here are the Jokes:-

Q.  What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?  ….A.  Polaroids

Q.  Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock?  …  A.  Because it’s a little meteor.

Q.  What did the ghost say to the bee?  …  A. BOO-BEE

Q.  Why didn’t the melons get married?  …  A.   Because they cantaloupe!

and finally ….

Q.  What do you get when you cross a tyrannosaurus rex with fireworks?  …  A.  DINO-MITE!

Well that’s another week which we’ve put to bed and noted it in our diaries.  Have you learned anything this week?  Been somewhere exciting?  Done something amazing?  Do share your story.  I love to read about what’s going on in your corner!

Anyhoo ... all that’s left for me to do is wish for you a truly lovely weekend.  May the weather be kind, may your heart be happy, and, where ever you are or where ever you go this weekend, may your God go with you.

Have a blessed weekend my beautiful friend,  ~

On-line Dating ~ for cats – The Reply

For humans reading this:-

This blog post  ‘On-line Dating ~ for cats – ‘The Reply’  is a response to a feline ‘approach’ from an admirer called Neurotic Cat, (who is the owner of Mrs.P & Beloved).  Who wrote a letter of love to one of my cats : Alfie  ‘Two Toes’  Capone.  If you haven’t read the loving advances of Neurotic Cat,  you can find them on Mrs. P’s blog: Craft Odyssey .  You might want to read Neurotic Cats blog post before you read my own cats reply so that it all makes sense to you.

I hope that this is as much fun for you to read, as it was for me to type.

Of course,  all that you are about to read was dictated to me directly by Mr. Capone himself.  I am merely his personal assistant,  or, as he calls me:  ‘his servament’ ~ . . .  ~ C ❤ bs.

I now hand you over to Mr. Capone – all HIS own words.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

 

Alf Capone’s reply to Neurotic Cat.

Neurotic Cat,  Princess,  …

Your profile has piqued my interest, as has the photograph of you flashing your tummy!

I feel I should let you know somethings about the real ‘me’.  The REAL Alf Capone.  So find yourself a comfy spot and I shall begin;

I was born at an early stage in my life and have now attained the grand age of 4 in human years.  However in cat years I’m now in my prime and aged 35.**

I’m built along the lines of a small Puma,  and stand approximately 38cm (15″) from floor to top of shoulder.

Can you see my snowy  white shirt peeping out of my Tux?

I have a luxurious black fur coat and wear a tuxedo which reveals a hint of white shirt on my muscley chest.

My nickname, ‘Two Toes’,  relates to me having two white toes on my (left) back foot, and was given to me by my human family of ‘servaments’ (servants) when I moved in at 8 weeks old.

See my two white toes?

As I matured I developed kleptomaniac tendencies, often returning home with purloined goods from the neighbourhood, including cat toys, socks, bread rolls, meat from barbeques, long strips of silicon sealant – which I resolutely refuse to divulge where I obtain it from,  and leaving them all as surprise gifts at Mrs. Cobs feet.

I am also a trained Assassin.  Bringing home various dead bodies . . .  of shrews, mice, rats, and even a large, stupid bird, which I later found out was called a pigeon, whose corpse I stashed under Mrs. Cobs chair for her to find.  I’m not sure if the noises she made when she found it were happy ones.  But I was content and that’s all that matters.

Peeping Tom?  No, I’m the Neighbour Watch Chief Officer!

I’m part of the Neighbourhood Watch and like nothing more than keeping an eye on the neighbours through their windows.  “Peeping Tom” is another phrase which has also been used to describe my activities, but I have no understanding of this term.

I like to ambush Mr. Cobs and ‘Bellie’ the K9, as they return from their morning strolls, by laying in wait and leaping out of various driveways as they pass.  I then escort them to the front door to make sure they’re safely home.

It’s a quiet road where I live and the residents know that when I’m lying in the road, then they’d better drive around me – or suffer the consequences.

Look into my eyes.  Not around the eyes, not above the eyes, no, look into my eyes.  You WILL do what I request!.  You are my servament!

I enjoy food, particularly if I go out and come back in again – even if it’s only for two minutes.  I believe I am telepathic, and try to convince Mr. Cobs to feed me by staring into his eyes from a distance of two inches.  If this doesn’t work, I walk onto his tummy with all four feet and stand in front of his face so he can’t watch the TV.  This works every time!

I am partial to cream, ice cream and yoghurt – which I only seem to get in very small amounts from Mrs. Cobs, and only if I lick it off her finger.

The K9 unit.

I lurve the K9 unit, Bellie, but she doesn’t seem to reciprocate it.  I show her my lurve by scent marking her, or as she calls it ‘head butting’,  sucking and padding her blankets and climbing onto her bed with her.  There’s not enough room for us both, so I lay on top of her, keeping her warm, padding,  and digging  my sharp little nails into her, showing how much I appreciate her little, roly poly, warm, soft body.  For some reason she takes umbrage at all of this and grasses me up to Mrs. Cobs as if I’m doing something wrong!  What a nark.

Mrs. Cobs read a poem to me a little while back, and I  liked it so much that I remembered it because I agreed with it whole heartedly,  so I’m going to share it with you:-

Cats Sleep Anywhere

Cats sleep anywhere, any table, any chair.
Top of piano, window-ledge, in the middle, on the edge.
Open drawer, empty shoe, anybody’s lap will do.
Fitted in a cardboard box, in the cupboard with your frocks.
Anywhere!  They don’t care!  Cats sleep anywhere

Author: Eleanor Farjeon (1881 – 1965)

I’m quite a laid back and can sleep anywhere, and apparently, from photographic evidence which has been submitted to me, in absolutely any position.

Fast asleep

Too big to fit that circular bed on the top of the cat scratching/climbing/sleeping/hiding combination ..  my tail, back legs and bottom are hanging over the edge of the circle bed and from just over half way along my body .. those parts are hanging over the other edge of the circle bed and I’m fitting myself onto what’s available .  Both of the Cobs were heard to say … “THAT cannot be comfortable” … and yet, as you see,  I obviously am!

I  like to put myself to bed.  A trick I learned from the K9 unit.

See?  Like the poem said …  cat’s sleep anywhere!

We have an ‘elder’ in our family.  She’s a black and white feline, who is now 22 in human years, which means she’s attained the great age of  105 years old  in Cat years.  I look out for her.  I am . . .   THE BODYGUARD!

The elder is a good sport and lets me have three-quarters of this bed, while she squidges up in any space left.

I spend a lot of time with her, especially when she’s in the front garden asleep under the Hydrangea bush.

I protect her from any other cats.

If The Elder is out there, I’m there too, guarding and protecting her.  No one DARES to come near her when I’m there.  Not even that  Ginger [expletive deleted]  from over the road!

She’s half my size but … if she wants my food then I let her have it.  She is The Elder.  I know my place.  P.S….  she’s the one who taught me to ask for food every time I go out and come back in the house again.  It works for her and so far, it’s (almost) working for me.

I exercise by chasing my considerably smaller sister round the house, usually around 10.30pm, but also if my food is two minutes late!  I call this: ‘Playing Cowboys and Indians‘.  Mrs. Cobs calls it:  PANDEMONIUM!  I have been known during this game to clear the width of the sofa – from end to end – in just one leap.  Impressive eh?

My sister  –  a.k.a.  Princess Tippy Toes.

This is how Princess Tippy Toes asks for her dinner.  She lays around the kitchen looking pretty.  pffft!

I am aware when Mr. C is about to play on his  X-Box, and five minutes before he goes to play …  I re-locate to his gaming chair. 

Mr. Cobs Gaming Chair. fnar, fnar, fnar.  More like MY Comfy Chair!

I pretend to be asleep and Mr. C doesn’t remove me, so spends his time playing his game, sitting on the floor to play.  He appears to have great difficulty getting up from this position after he’s finished playing.  Watching him and listening to the noises he makes and the muttered imprecations concerning feline behaviour, is absolutely bally hilarious!  But the fun doesn’t end there … for  . . .  as he turns off his game  . . .  I vacate the game chair and go instead to sit with Mrs. Cobs in the living room.  Mr. Cobs appears not to find this aspect of my behaviour endearing.  (He has no sense of humour!)

I’ve got a healthy pink tongue, and, Mrs. C. says, big chubby cheeks which help me to give the bestest cheek rubs ever!

 I’m single, in good health, glossy coat, rippling muscles, eat well and healthily (most of the time) and I’m adventurous.  I’m caring, protective, loving but maintain a real macho facade.  I have great eyes, teeth and claws, and like to help around the house by checking that the carpets are firmly attached to the floor, and that the rugs are in the correct positions.  (Having good claws comes in handy for this job!).  I like to  ‘chill’  in Mrs. C’s craft room, on a big comfy cushion which she’s put on the floor under one of her desks.  It’s a great room.  It’s cool, airy and quiet – apart from Mrs. Cobs continually talking to herself and asking me my opinion on ribbons, bits and bobs and ‘stuff’ – of which I have no interest, unless they fall on the floor.  THEN I’ll have an interest in them.

… an all action shot of me with my Crack Coke  Cat Nip Banana

I have only one vice …. I very much like Cat-Nip.  It gives me a warm, fuzzy, psychedelic feeling and I have been known to seek out my Cat Nip Banana and steal it, even though Mrs. Cobs has hidden it from me!  (How very dare she!)  Mr. Cobs calls it  “Crack Coke for Cats”,  but I don’t know why because I don’t  drink it.

Mrs C asked me to ‘pose’ for a moment so she could photograph my paws.  Apparently they’re big.  Can you see my ‘thumb’ … sticking out from the side?

So Neruo Cat …  if you’re looking for an all action, caring, sharing Hero …  I’m your Cat.

Cheek rubs  ~  Alf.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

And there ends The Reply to Neurotic Cat.  I do hope I have typed his every word exactly as he spoke it to me.  🙂

This wonderful, fabulous, loving, quirky, characterful, amazing, magical, gorgeous, friendly (to everyone) , truly beautiful hearted Cat, walked into my life and continually renews the foot prints which he leaves all over my heart.  He’s such fun and so adorable.  Yes, I admit, he does have his moments, but it’s all part of the great stuff which makes him ‘him’!

What he fails to mention in his reply to Neurotic Cat is that he has the ability to see Fairies.  Yes, he really does.  He plays with them when they come out to play in the evening.  He will scoot up and down the hallway, stopping every now and again to sit upright, taking all his considerable weight onto his bottom and back legs, and will reach up for something which cannot be seen with a human eye, but is quite obviously definitely there, and he’ll tap and play in what appears to be empty air, using soft paws (no claws), and everyone looking on can see that there is no fly or midge ..  so what the divil is he playing with?  What is it which is keeping this stunning creature amused in the way he is?  After perusing all the options,there is only one answer to this question.  He’s playing with Fairies.  Fairies which only he can see.   They must come into the cottage through the Fairy door we have to the side of our own front door. Yes, we really do have a fairy door there.   You don’t believe me?  … take a look …

Can you see it?

Now can you see it?

Have a wonderful Thursday my fabulous blogging friends. –

**To convert cat age to an equivalent human age, an accepted method is to add 15 years for the first year of life. Then add 10 years for the second year of life. After that, add 4 years for every cat year. This means that by year two, a cat has matured to about the same as a 25-year-old human.  There is a website which will work it out for you: www.CalculatorCat.com .

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