Cosies – The Art of Cobwebs

Happy Friday! These Fridays are still coming round far too fast for my liking. I swear that Fridays always seemed waaaay further apart when I was younger. What’s happened to make this change? No .. seriously … why are Fridays so close together now? I really don’t understand why.

I’ve learned some strange things this week and I’d like to share them with you so that your wisdom is improved in the same way mine has been! (improved? really??) [cough] Ready? Hold hands, and on the count of three we’ll all jump together. . . . . ONE ….. TWO …. THREE!

I learned this week: That one in 20 couples argue so much on their wedding night they fail to consummate their marriage. Aw this made me so sad. I don’t mind much about the ‘consummate’ bit – but it’s the falling out with each other which saddens me. Such a wondrous day and they end it with a row! What a rotten way to spoil the memories. 😦

I learned . . . That there are enough diamonds in existence to give everyone on the planet a cupful. Kindly form an orderly queue behind me, and hold onto your cup tightly. No mugs are allowed. Cups only.

I also learned. . .

. . . that thirty-seven people were injured so seriously by tea cosies in 1999 that they were admitted to hospital.

Can you believe it? Nope, me neither! Dog only knows what on earth they were doing with a tea-cosy which they injured themselves on!

67,000 people are injured each year trying to peel the cellophane off a packet of sandwiches, open a ready meal or open a ring-pull can.

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More than 150 people a day – have accidentally stabbed themselves when trying to prise the top off a jar or opening a ready meal with a knife.

The number of injuries perpetrated by trousers on their wearers in 2002 – (the last year for which such figures were collated by the Home Accident Surveillance System) – stood at 5310, while putting on socks, tights or stockings saw 11,788 people taken to hospital. Falls caused by getting stuck during an over-hasty attempt to get dressed were mainly responsible, with trips in messy bedrooms close behind.

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379,000 injuries are caused by trainers, high heels, sandals, platforms and countless other types of footwear.

An Exeter (in the UK) College student was making Italian bread in a bread maker, but when it clogged the machine he proceeded to pull out the dough with his hands, to free the mixing arm. However, he didn’t switch it off, and once the clog was unblocked the mixer arm swung into action – and broke his arm in four places. Nine weeks later, the student was asked how he had managed to break his arm while making bread. He felt obliged to demonstrate, so plunged his hand in – and snap went his arm, again!

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And… do you know what’s really embarrassing? …. All the above examples of injuries in the home were all …. in the UK!!! What the heck? Are we really all ‘eff-wits’ here? This must be going on world wide … and if so … shouldn’t there be more padded rooms where these daft people are put for their own safety?

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I also learned this week that, in the world, – only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful. When I gave this some thought, it didn’t surprise me in the way it did before I gave it some serious thinking. We girls always ‘see’ where we believe we could be improved. Iron out a few wrinkles. Lose the baby tummy. Be taller. Nose a little more turned up and cute. etc etc. But if you asked other women what could be improved about their friends or a random woman they were being shown a photo of, they’d more often than not say “Nothing!“. We girls really do need to be very much kinder to ourselves.

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*photo found on Google ~ if you know who to credit please let me know and I’ll add it. thanks!*

I learned from something I read that Reindeer are particularly partial to magic mushrooms. I thought about this one for a minute or two and it suddenly made total sense. This would explain how we humans had seen Santa on his sleigh, pulled by 8 dashing reindeer! The reindeer had eaten magic mushrooms! ha!

And finally, in my mode of edumacation this week, ….

I learned that when a shop or store says its got an item you want to buy “in stock” on its website, it actually isn’t what it probably has in stock. And even when the computers in the store say that there are 11 (ELEVEN) of the items you wish to buy … the staff say they’ve seen those items …and come with you to search the shelves that you’ve already searched 14 times …. those items are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!

HOMEBASE in Dorset UK, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME!!! Perhaps if you

Tidied the store now and again

Made it look less like a warehouse for empty boxes – and a dumping ground for products no member of staff knows what to do with so they leave boxes of stuff in the aisles for customers, to navigate and fall over.

Had more staff to deal with customers (there were 9 in a queue waiting to pay and only one member of staff on your tills)

And perhaps if you had a better system to your stocking of plants in your outdoor gardening centre …

Maybe the store would be a more pleasant and easier place to shop in. Just saying.

I think Homebase might ~~like to~~ hear from me via an email to their Customer Services (although … I do wonder if that’s a non entity too, like their 11 items in stock). Hmpfffft! ☹️

Soo …. I have shared with you all my newly learned edumacation which was lovingly (?) delivered to me this week. I’m unsure if I’m any wiser, but I do feel my brain complaining. What of I don’t know … but it will soon be fine again … once it’s dumped some old information out of my right ear while I’m sleeping tonight. (I hope it hangs onto my: name, address, telephone number and passwords. The rest of the stuff I’m sure I can muddle through. lol).

Now we come to the most important bit of the Friday ‘What I learned’ posts ….

❤ THE JOKES ❤

The Energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery

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❤

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Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A:I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

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❤

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Why did the chicken cross the playground?

To get to the other slide!

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❤

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Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.

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❤

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Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”
Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”

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❤

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and finally . . .

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❤

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Conjunctivitis.com . . . It’s a site for sore eyes.

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❤

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Well, that’s me done and dusted. I hope you’ve learned and little and gained a few smiles that you’ll be able to share with someone else today.

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I wish you a most excellent Friday, and a totally wonderful weekend. May the weather be good, may your days feel restful, and may you feel a sense of happiness and protection settle upon your world, like a covering of a gentle blanket of love.

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