Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday!  These Fridays are still coming round far too fast for my liking.  I swear that Fridays always seemed waaaay  further apart when I was younger.  What’s happened to make this change?  No .. seriously … why are Fridays so close together now?  I really don’t understand why.

I’ve learned some strange things this week and I’d like to share them with you so that your wisdom is improved in the same way mine has been!  (improved?  really??) [cough]  Ready?  Hold hands, and on the count of three we’ll all jump together. . . . .   ONE …..  TWO ….  THREE!

I learned this week:  That one in 20 couples argue so much on their wedding night they fail to consummate their marriage.  Aw this made me so sad.  I don’t mind much about the ‘consummate’ bit – but it’s the falling out with each other which saddens me.  Such a wondrous day and they end it with a row!  What a rotten way to spoil the memories. 😦

I learned . . .  That there are enough diamonds in existence to give everyone on the planet a cupful.  Kindly form an orderly queue behind me, and hold onto your cup tightly.  No mugs are allowed.  Cups only.

I also learned. . .

. . . that thirty-seven people were injured so seriously by tea cosies in 1999 that they were admitted to hospital.

Can you believe it?  Nope, me neither!  Dog only knows what on earth they were doing with a tea-cosy which they injured themselves on!

67,000 people are injured each year trying to peel the cellophane off a packet of sandwiches, open a ready meal or open a ring-pull can.
. . .

More than 150 people a day – have accidentally stabbed themselves when trying to prise the top off a jar or opening a ready meal with a knife.

The number of injuries perpetrated by trousers on their wearers in 2002 – (the last year for which such figures were collated by the Home Accident Surveillance System) – stood at 5310, while putting on socks, tights or stockings saw 11,788 people taken to hospital.  Falls caused by getting stuck during an over-hasty attempt to get dressed were mainly responsible, with trips in messy bedrooms close behind.
. . .

379,000 injuries are caused by trainers, high heels, sandals, platforms and countless other types of footwear.

An Exeter (in the UK)  College student was making Italian bread in a bread maker, but when it clogged the machine he proceeded to pull out the dough with his hands, to free the mixing arm.  However, he didn’t switch it off, and once the clog was unblocked the mixer arm swung into action – and broke his arm in four places.  Nine weeks later, the student was asked how he had managed to break his arm while making bread.  He felt obliged to demonstrate, so plunged his hand in – and  snap  went his arm, again!
 . . .
And…  do you know what’s really embarrassing?  ….  All the above examples of injuries in the home were all ….  in the UK!!!  What the heck?  Are we really all  ‘eff-wits’  here?  This must be going on world wide … and if so … shouldn’t there be more padded rooms where these daft people are put for their own safety?
 . . .
I also learned this week that, in the world, – only 2% of women describe themselves as beautiful.  When I gave this some thought, it didn’t surprise me in the way it did before I gave it some serious thinking.  We girls always ‘see’ where we believe we could be improved.  Iron out a few wrinkles.  Lose the baby tummy.  Be taller.  Nose a little more turned up and cute.  etc etc.  But if you asked other women what could be improved about their friends or a random woman they were being shown a photo of,  they’d more often than not say “Nothing!“.  We girls really do need to be very much kinder to ourselves.
 . . .
photo found on Google ~ if you know who to credit please let me know and I’ll add it.  thanks!

I learned from something I read that Reindeer are particularly partial to magic mushrooms.  I thought about this one for a minute or two and it suddenly made total sense.  This would explain how we humans had seen Santa on his sleigh, pulled by 8 dashing reindeer!  The reindeer had eaten magic mushrooms!  ha!

And finally, in my mode of edumacation this week,  ….

I learned that when a shop or store says its got an item you want to buy “in stock” on its website, it actually isn’t what it probably has in stock.  And even when the computers in the store say that there are 11 (ELEVEN) of the items you wish to buy …  the staff say they’ve seen those items …and come with you to search the shelves that you’ve already searched 14 times ….  those items are NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!

HOMEBASE in Dorset UK,  HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME!!!   Perhaps if you

Tidied the store now and again

Made it look less like a warehouse for empty boxes – and a dumping ground for products no member of staff knows what to do with so they leave boxes of stuff in the aisles for customers, to navigate and fall over.

Had more staff to deal with customers (there were 9 in a queue waiting to pay and only one member of staff on your tills)

And perhaps if you had a better system to your stocking of plants in your outdoor gardening centre …

Maybe the store would be a more pleasant and easier place to shop in.  Just saying.

I think Homebase might  like to  hear from me via an email to their Customer Services (although I do wonder if that’s a non entity too, like their 11 items in stock).  Hmpfffft!  ☹️

Soo ….  I have shared with you all my newly learned edumacation which was lovingly (?) delivered to me this week.  I’m unsure if I’m any wiser, but I do feel my brain complaining.  What of I don’t know … but it will soon be fine again … once it’s dumped some old information out of my right ear while I’m sleeping tonight.  (I hope it hangs onto my:  name, address, telephone number and passwords.  The rest of the stuff I’m sure I can muddle through. lol).

Now we come to the most important bit of the Friday ‘What I learned’  posts …. 


❤   THE JOKES   ❤

The Energizer bunny was arrested on a charge of battery
 . . .
  . . . 
Q: What’s the best thing about Switzerland?
A:I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.
 . . .  
  . . . 
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide!
  . . . 
  . . . 
Q: Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma?
A: There’s no menu; you get what you deserve.
  . . . 
  . . . 
Son: “Dad, when will I be old enough so I don’t have to ask mom for her permission to go out?”
Dad: “Son, even I haven’t grown old enough to go out without her permission!”
  . . . 
. . .
and finally . . .
  . . . 
 . . .   . . .   It’s a site for sore eyes.
 . . .  
 . . .
Well, that’s me done and dusted.  I hope you’ve learned and little and gained a few smiles that you’ll be able to share with someone else today.
 . . .
I wish you a most excellent Friday, and a totally wonderful weekend.  May the weather be good,  may your days feel restful,  and may you feel a sense of happiness and protection settle upon your world, like a covering of a gentle blanket of love.
  . . . 

Until we meet again, be good to each other and …  may your God go with you.









Author: The Art of Cobwebs - aka:- thecobweboriumemporium

Hello. I'm 'Cobwebs'. I live in a wee little cottage in the South of England, aptly called Cobweb Cottage. This little dwelling really is a cobweb factory. Not inside (well, occasionally) - but outside - flipping heck! This information should give you a clue as to why my blog is called The Art of Cobwebs aka: The Cobweborium Emporium. I've been arty and crafty from a very young age, and although my crafts have sometimes turned a corner and taken me in another direction, I've always crafted in some way, shape or form. One day, in the blink of an eye, life changed somewhat for me and the consequences were many. I had to find a new way of being 'artistic'. Card making; scrap-booking; producing ATC's and ACEO's; needle felting; Polymer clay; painting- but in a more relaxed style than I had before, and sewing, - are all things which I visit, as and when life allows. I've fairy recently become a Textile Artist and am enjoying this new creative outlet very much as it offers me so much scope for letting my imagination run through a grassy field and feel the wind in my hair - (mentally, of course). I love to create. To make things. I truthfully believe that the best gifts in the world are those in which you've given your time, rather than your cash. Thank you so much for visiting. Please visit my blog (link below) and have a look around. I'm sure you'll find something to enjoy, even if it's only a handful of jokes! (yes, seriously - there really are jokes!) Wishing you a truly blessed rest of your day! ~ Cobs. <3

42 thoughts on “Things I’ve Learned This Week”

  1. Oh, I have a few more hours until Friday, but this will start my day with a chuckle! I will go to bed with some fun thoughts in my head and hopefully wake up with a happy thought for the day. And, I so totally agree, Fridays seem to come faster and faster every week. Did we lose may a Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday? And Saturday and Sunday seem to run together anymore…Satunday? I vote we lose Monday and extend Saturday and Sunday by 12 hours each? A thought! Have a good weekend! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Nancee 🙂
      Y’know … I think that’s not a bad idea!
      I’d also like to add: No one person is to work any more than 6 hours per day. They can do less than that (obviously!), but the law should be that 6 hours working is the maximum and it should be the LAW. If any employer is found to be making or encouraging anyone to work longer hours than that, then the company will be fined.

      This will have a double whammy:
      It will give humans some much needed time to be with their families; and it will enable more jobs to be created so that that fewer people are unemployed and claiming moneytary help with that. This, of course, will save Governments rather a lot of money too!

      6 hour, at the most, working days for everyone.

      Y’know .. I think you and I should be in charge of things. We have some excellent ideas! 🙂
      Sending squidges your way. Have a blessed day ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Can you hurry up and change the work hours for everyone? Make sure you extend the weekends….mine is coming to a close pretty quickly and I didn’t get done half of what I wanted to get done! I need more weekend! LOL! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Your sense of humor always makes me smile lol. It never fails. Love the jokes as well as the information. You are right though. Us women do need to be kinder to ourselves. ::whispers I was feeling alittle greyyyy until I went and had my had done today. I feel loads better.. Especially after reading your blog! =) =) =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw good for you Tam! You are a magnificent, talented woman. You deserve to feel great about yourself. Look what you’ve achieved in your life. You’re BRILLIANT! AMAZING! And .. you’re a truly beautiful woman.
      Beauty has a little bit to do with what’s on the outside, but a whole lot more to do with what’s on the inside.

      So you go and stand in front of the mirror and give yourself a smile which shines out of your eyes, and while you’re doing your very best, amazing smile, out loud tell yourself how truly beautiful you are. Not for the image you see, but for the woman you ARE.

      Thrilled you like the posts and that you get some smiles from them.

      Have a truly blessed, and beautiful, rest of your day Tam!
      Squidges ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

        1. Hello Crafty Boutique!
          Aw thrilled to bits that you enjoyed the blog post.
          Thank you so much for coming and sharing a coffee with me. Love seeing you!

          Me? Awesome? uhm …. have you had your meds today? lol 😀
          Sending squidges ~ Cobs. x ❤

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Gosh, you’ve been busy researching! I’ll be glad when this week is over, it’s been exhausting. The injuries don’t surprise me, I’m so clumsy I managed to snap the plastic clip off my rear view mirror with my elbow so now I only have wing mirrors until a new rear view one arrives! Superglue worked well on my fingers though. I did discover that no more nails does not reattach broken rear view mirrors. (I guess the clue is in the name as I wouldn’t nail the mirror to the windscreen either!) Needless to say I was late for work… Have a lovely weekend x x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Do you know . . . although I will check somethings via the net, just to be sure that I’ve got things right… the things I’ve learned aren’t researched. They’re things that either have begun as a general bit of conversation, which took a left turn and ended up with things like this coming from that conversation; or they come from reading something, or from some sort of ‘experience’ which have happened. Although .. goodness knows what I’ll do when my eye-sight goes and my hearing gives up. lol

      The injuries began as something I read but it sounded outrageous, so I looked on the net to see if it was true and in doing so it offered up more and more information – which I just had to include! (well … It would have been rude not to! lol)

      Aw . .. the rear view mirror! I can imagine how cra**y that is when driving. I mean .. what are you going to use to put on your mascara while driving the car? (jk. lol)
      Sending big squidges and love.~ Cobs. x


  4. Good morning!
    Yes…this Friday came around surprisingly quickly…oh dear…dentist today!
    I’ve never been injured by a tea cosy -lol- but I have been grievously hurt by a teabag. I dropped a red hot tea bag on my foot once and was left with a perfectly round burn…
    Great jokes – I think today’s favourite has to be the Swiss flag one!
    Have a good day,
    Lots of love xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OH. MY. STARS!! .. O.U.C.H!
      I can imagine how painful that HOT tea bag was.
      The perfectly round burn … I hope you made up something interesting as the cause – like: you were attacked by an octopus, and survived!

      Or .. you were abducted by an alien space ship and this was the result.

      Or … You used to weigh 245lbs, but you trialled a new weigh loss system where a secret, government machine sucked all the unwanted fat from your body, out through your foot. Then saying that the ‘scar’ will heal over time, *they* told you.

      Anything.. as long as you keep a straight face. lol.

      I like the SwissFlag joke too. LOL.
      Thanks for coming Samantha. Great having a giggle with you. 😀
      Sending squidges ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I missed replying this as I had to leave for the dentist on Friday…
        No! I totally missed a trick, saying that I’d been abducted/experimented on…but thanks to you, when summer is here and I’m brave enough to break out the sandals, I have a wonderful, convincing explanation for the scar that sounds so much better than ” Oh I dropped a teabag on my foot..!”

        Liked by 1 person

        1. LOL .. that scar has built itself up and now has proportions unknown to man. The last idea I had was that you got it while working on the latest block-buster Hollywood film, while you were working with your hero on screen. LOL.

          Awww, you could dine out for the rest of your life with entertainig stories about that scar! LOL 😀

          Liked by 1 person

  5. Dear Cobs,
    My initial reaction to those startling figures regarding injuries was to suggest that people stop wearing clothing for their own safety! Then it occurred to me that doing such a thing would likely increase the number of injuries to include eye and neck strains from either excessive gawking or trying to quickly avert one’s eyes. Perhaps a clever person could design bubble wrap clothing that is easier to put on – like a large sleeve that is just slipped over one’s head.
    Then I started wondering how many of those food/clothing related injuries occurred on wedding nights? There may be a correlation between newlywed bickering and tea cosies being flung about. Perhaps one of the newlyweds learns on the wedding night that their spouse does not know how to cook a decent meal and/or is not a fan of someone criticizing their lack of cooking skills – which could account for all manners of canned and prepackaged food items being catapulted across the proverbial threshold that a blushing bride had only moments before been carried over.
    I think a broader study may be necessary – I will be researching where I can find a grant or other monies to throw myself into this honeymoon hazard investigation!
    Have a wonderful weekend filled with the brightest of blessings!!
    ~ Tami

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dearest Tami….
      Well, it’s taken me ages to stop laughing long enough to stop and say hello without beginning to fall into hysterics again. LOLOLOL

      A ‘Tea Cosy’ accident on a wedding night? Aww … the images this conjures up is just too too funny.

      A newlywed finds out on the wedding night that their spouse doesn’t know how to cook so this would result in all manner of canned and prepacked food being catapulted across the the threshold …. aw heckaroonie Tami … you shoul d be a sketch writer! Your talents are wasted. And YES you really should get a grant from the government so that you could investigate the ‘Hazards of Life’ so that you can blog a report about it in order for us all to be educated in these things and so avoid them.

      I reckon that you could double up on that grant application, telling them that you wish to develop an ‘end product’ – that being a HAZARD SUIT which could be made available (for a fee) to all human beings. Made to Measure Hazard Suits by Tami.

      Yes… it has a ring about it. GO FOR IT TAMI! You get going girl. Just remember to come and tell us all how you get on. (And don’t forget us when you’re rich and famous and live in a very posh house in Beverly Hills, with a cleaner, a cook and a hellicopter.

      Have a fantastical weekend miss Tami.
      Sending loving squidges your way …. Cobs. x


  6. OH….It is Friday isn’t it? When I first saw your post I thought “She is kinda early ” but then a second later I made the connection…it is Friday. The ‘simple’ accidents I can almost understand. Why is it so hard to open anything these days. I refuse to believe it is just my age. And childproof …only means I can’t get to it. LOL
    Ready for this week to be over. My sale has gone well but very time consuming and I have almost finished painting the bathroom. Why I did them both in the same week is a big ?xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL… I forget the days too Beverly … so don’t you fret. It’s all the stuff we have buzzing round our brains.

      As for not being able to open things now … I too have had that problem since I was around 25. I don’t think I’m a weakling, I reckon it’s the glue they use on these products. (Cobs the Bogeyman says no … he says I’m a weakling. LOL. Cheeky monkey).

      Great to hear the sale has gone well. And I know exactly why you painted the bathroom at the same time as the sale…. it’s because you still think you’re 20 years old.

      How do I know this? It’s because I do the very same thing. I think I’m still 20 years old too. 🙂
      Sending squidges and love ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I read your diamond statement twice. If there are enough for everyone to have a cup of them, where are they right now? If I put all my diamonds and all the things that purport to look like diamonds in one place, I might have a teaspoonful. I don’t need any more, having only two fingers and two ears to adorn.

    The most mind-stretching fact was that anyone could be injured by a tea cozy. I injured mine, not vice versa. Surely no one would leave a tea cozy on the bed room floor to trip on.

    Hope you have a marvelous weekend, too.

    xxx smiles and hugs xxx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The diamonds … I don’t know where they keep them Anne. I’m trying to find out so that I can claim my cupful. I don’t want them mounted in jewellery. I have enough jewellery. But what I would love to do is have someone pour them into my hands and feel how wonderful it would be to allow them to cascade over my cupped hands, and onto some black velvet (to catch them all and collect them all up again. Don’t want to loose those babies!)

      The Tea Cosy Injuries … Do you know that really puzzled me and I honestly thought that it HAD to be a joke … so I went onto the internet to find out the truth …. and to my surprise … IT’S TRUE! You just couldn’t make up stuff like that could you?

      Apparently some of the injuries were because people put their hands on the tea cosy to pick the tea pot up, and the weight of the tea pot was too much, it slipped out of the tea cosy and spilled HOT tea all over them. Hence the injury. There were other injuries but I felt happier to be told how the majority came about. It made sense then.

      I hope you too have a truly wonderful weekend Anne.
      Sending love and squidges to you in your corner, from me in mine ~ Cobs. x


  8. Those accidents are not a surprise to me. It is truly astonishing how daft people can be. I have a VERY brainy friend who has no common sense whatsoever. I once just managed to stop her from licking a cheese wire!! Mind you she also drove away from a petrol pump having forgotten to close the car door. It was ripped clean off. Apparently there are a lot of accidents caused when people try to remove the stone from an avocado too. They hold it in the palm of their hand, then go at it with a big cleaver…waaaaaaah!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OH. MY. STARS!!!
      The avocado and cleaver … I felt myself cringe and I felt all the skin on my body recoil, and I swear my face registered my whole gamut of inner EEEEEEEEEEK!! so that anyone looking on would have known something awful was being read or seen.

      I cannot believe how ‘un-thinking’ (read: without even one brain cell) people are!

      As for your friend…. May I suggest a minder? (read: carer). lol. Bless her heart. She has the same problem as Cobs the Bogeyman … she doesn’t ‘live in the present’. Always thinking about what the next thing is, while still doing the thing which is the job at the moment.
      Bless their little hearts. [sigh] Gotta love ’em. 😉
      Squidges ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I had to ponder the magic mushroom thing for a bit. I do kind of wonder if we humans ate the magic mushrooms and then saw Santa and his flying reindeer? Just a different spin in it???
    Let me know when we need to start lining up for our cuppa diamonds. I be over in a flash.
    Not sure about the injuries but I do remember my dad driving away from the pump at the gas station without removing the hose from his pickup. I think perhaps, he was trying to multi-task and didn’t realize that is a woman thing and not for guys?
    Also. of course, I love the chicken/playground joke! I will need to try that out on the grandson. And I actually understand the father/son joke about asking permission! That one has a lot of truth in it!
    I am so thankful you are our fearless leader in the educationamalising department. We are getting so smart and learning so many things we can use to befuddle someone!
    Have a great weekend Cobs!


  10. How on Earth can there be so many injuries from tea cosies? Now I know that we can be a clumsy lot, some more so than others (ahem), but these statistics show that there are hidden dangers everywhere, Cobs. I always learn something new when I call by here! Unfortunately, or fortunately, I don’t use a tea cosy, but must bear in mind to use the oven gloves with greater care! 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Your family will be so proud of you at your Graduation. Oh, did I not tell you about the Graduation? Ok… well there will be a test, then if you pass, you put on your gown and … GRADUATE! You can have photographs of yourself in your gown, so you can make your folks burst with pride. (ok… I’ve given myself an idea for a post here! LOL)


  11. That was so funny Cobs, I smiled the whole time I read about the accidents…..think I’ve seen a few of them I must admit… and most of them in Essex! Great blog! 🙂 x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. OOooooo OUCH!
      Reading? Good grief! It must have been a heavy book… either that or you’re a delicate little flower with wrists like petals.. 🥀
      It’s the latter. I know it’s the latter.
      Sending squidges – gentle ones of course. 😊 ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

  12. UM…I having a hard finding the Que/line for the diamonds to fill my cup. I even broke out my nice china so I would have the proper “cup”. I sure as heck hope it closed down due to the bread machine guy, I think he should be kept away from such objects. He would probably try to cut his own glasses while he was wearing them. I always enjoy my educational “Friday” visits to your site…..even though it is Sunday. Thanks for the laughs!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Morning Scrapper.
      The line for the diamonds … it’s there, but it goes around the building so many times that it now looks like a gathering on a large scale, and there apparently a very long walk to the end. lol

      The bread machine chap … what is mis-firing inside his brain??? To do that once is truly breath-taking, but to do it twice … in SUCH A SHORT TIME???!!! The man is a walking accident waiting for an opportunity!

      Thrilled you enjoy the Friday posts .. on any day! 🙂
      Squidges ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

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