The Friday Post ~ Classified Ads . . .

Happy Friday!   Again, yet another week has passed and I still haven’t found the secret to stopping the clocks so that I remain the child I am at heart.  One day I’m going to crack that secret and I’ll share it with you, so you can all stay young along with me.  I’m pretty sure the world would be able to handle it.  (although mind … there are a small handful of us who the world might just struggle with …  lol)

Well …  I hope you have your Chuckle Muscle in good shape, for this is the required item you’ll need for this weeks Friday Post.

It’s the Summer,  and people are looking to sort out their houses and get rid of things they’re no longer using,  by putting an advert in a newspaper in order to sell those things.  Or some folks have a business which they are looking to promote and add a few pennies to the holiday fund.

All this is leading me to sharing some of those folks adverts with you.  Are you ready with your chuckle muscle?  Sure?  Ok … let’s go . . .

CLASSIFIED ADS
Actual genuine excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers:

ILLITERATE?  WRITE  TODAY FOR FREE HELP.

AUTO REPAIR SERVICE.  FREE PICK-UP AND DELIVERY.   TRY US ONCE, YOU’LL NEVER GO ANYWHERE AGAIN.

OUR EXPERIENCED MOM WILL CARE FOR YOUR CHILD. FENCED YARD, MEALS, AND SMACKS INCLUDED.

DOG FOR SALE: EATS ANYTHING AND IS FOND OF CHILDREN.

STOCK UP AND SAVE.   LIMIT: ONE.

SEMI-ANNUAL AFTER-CHRISTMAS SALE.

3-YEAR-OLD TEACHER NEEDED FOR PRE-SCHOOL.  EXPERIENCE PREFERRED.

MIXING BOWL SET DESIGNED TO PLEASE A COOK WITH ROUND BOTTOM FOR EFFICIENT BEATING.

DINNER SPECIAL — TURKEY $2.35;  CHICKEN OR BEEF $2.25;  CHILDREN $2.00.

FOR SALE: ANTIQUE DESK SUITABLE FOR LADY WITH THICK LEGS AND LARGE DRAWERS.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO HAVE YOUR EARS PIERCED AND GET AN EXTRA PAIR TO TAKE HOME, TOO.

WE DO NOT TEAR YOUR CLOTHING WITH MACHINERY. WE DO IT CAREFULLY BY HAND.

HAVE SEVERAL VERY OLD DRESSES FROM GRANDMOTHER IN BEAUTIFUL CONDITION.

TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF?   LET ME DO IT.

VACATION SPECIAL: HAVE YOUR HOME EXTERMINATED.

MT. KILIMANJARO, THE BREATHTAKING BACKDROP FOR THE SERENA LODGE. SWIM IN THE LOVELY POOL WHILE YOU DRINK IT ALL IN.

THE HOTEL HAS BOWLING ALLEYS, TENNIS COURTS, COMFORTABLE BEDS, AND OTHER ATHLETIC FACILITIES.

TOASTER: A GIFT THAT EVERY MEMBER OF THE FAMILY APPRECIATES. AUTOMATICALLY BURNS TOAST.

MAN, HONEST. WILL TAKE ANYTHING.

USED CARS: WHY GO ELSEWHERE TO BE CHEATED? COME HERE FIRST.

CHRISTMAS TAG-SALE. HANDMADE GIFTS FOR THE HARD-TO-FIND PERSON.

WANTED: HAIR CUTTER. EXCELLENT GROWTH POTENTIAL.

WANTED. MAN TO TAKE CARE OF COW THAT DOES NOT SMOKE OR DRINK.

OUR BIKINIS ARE EXCITING. THEY ARE SIMPLY THE TOPS.

WANTED. WIDOWER WITH SCHOOL-AGE CHILDREN REQUIRED TO ASSUME GENERAL HOUSEKEEPING DUTIES. MUST BE CAPABLE OF CONTRIBUTING TO GROWTH OF FAMILY.

WE WILL OIL YOUR SEWING MACHINE AND ADJUST TENSION IN YOUR HOME FOR $1.00.

MAN WANTED TO WORK IN DYNAMITE FACTORY. MUST BE WILLING TO TRAVEL

And just in case you still have a little coffee in your cup and want a tad more entertainment, I share with you…  Signs, as found on You Tube:

Well that’s me done and dusted for another ‘Friday Post’.

All that’s left for me to say is …  have a truly blessed rest of your day, and I hope your weekend is peace filled and leaves you feeling contented.   And,  finally, …  remember to be a little kinder than you might think necessary.  Each one of us is fighting our own battle.  I may not see your battle, and you don’t know what mine is, but I’d like people to be kind to me in the same way I’m kind to them.  So … be a little kinder to all that you meet and interact with this weekend.  Who knows . . .  your kindness could just be the thing which enables someone to carry on carrying on.

Sending my love and a bucket full of squidges ~

sig-coffee-copy

 

Author: The Art of Cobwebs - aka:- thecobweboriumemporium

Hello. I'm 'Cobwebs'. I live in a wee little cottage in the South of England, aptly called Cobweb Cottage. This little dwelling really is a cobweb factory. Not inside (well, occasionally) - but outside - flipping heck! This information should give you a clue as to why my blog is called The Art of Cobwebs aka: The Cobweborium Emporium. I've been arty and crafty from a very young age, and although my crafts have sometimes turned a corner and taken me in another direction, I've always crafted in some way, shape or form. One day, in the blink of an eye, life changed somewhat for me and the consequences were many. I had to find a new way of being 'artistic'. Card making; scrap-booking; producing ATC's and ACEO's; needle felting; Polymer clay; painting- but in a more relaxed style than I had before, and sewing, - are all things which I visit, as and when life allows. I've fairy recently become a Textile Artist and am enjoying this new creative outlet very much as it offers me so much scope for letting my imagination run through a grassy field and feel the wind in my hair - (mentally, of course). I love to create. To make things. I truthfully believe that the best gifts in the world are those in which you've given your time, rather than your cash. Thank you so much for visiting. Please visit my blog (link below) and have a look around. I'm sure you'll find something to enjoy, even if it's only a handful of jokes! (yes, seriously - there really are jokes!) Wishing you a truly blessed rest of your day! ~ Cobs. <3

35 thoughts on “The Friday Post ~ Classified Ads . . .”

    1. Hello Beverly 😀
      Where do I find these? Well I have a TOP SECRET folder, which James Bond keeps in his bank vault, and I have the password to it.

      Can’t tell you anymore because if I did, I’d have to string you up by your ankles and tickle you
      LOL
      Sending love ~ Cobs. x

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            1. Beverly … it’s just that you’ve got busy fingers. AND … I’m guessing that you don’t realise it but … your thumb touches that mouse pad every now and then, and it moves your cursor to a different line than that which you were originally typing on.

              How do I know this?

              Because my bl**dy thumb does exactly the same thing. grrrrrr!

              But … tis a joy to laugh about, and … it’s a struggle which I, and you, are given so that we can overcome!

              Sending you oodles of love and an elastic band to keep that stray thumb in one place. lol. ~ Cobs. x ❤

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  5. I always love reading your Friday posts! I share them with Chicken Grandad and we both laugh our fannies off…..well maybe not our fannies as I still seem to have mine (all of it unfortunately). But, yes, I love the ads…..every single one of them. I kept thinking “oh…this one is the best” and then the next one was just as funny!
    You have a blessed weekend Cobs!

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  6. Oh how you made my AWFUL day SOOOO much better. You would not believe the day I have had! It all started last night when I went to bed at about 11:00 PM. I usually read for a little bit. Mr Jim, who goes to bed early because of “work” (golf) every morning was already in bed. Shortly after I got in bed, he got up to go to the bathroom. His bathroom is on the other side of the house, so he has to go down the hall, through the dining room, through the kitchen, through the dining room and into “his” bathroom. He was only gone a few minutes when I heard some awful noises coming from the dining room. Some banging noises and some glass hitting glass (not breaking, just banging). I heard it again, so I jumped out of bed to see what was going on. Mr Jim was in the bathroom when I got into the dining room. We have a half wall with a counter top where you can see into the kitchen and into the laundry room. I stood there waiting for him to return. I looked down and noticed a yard stick laying on the floor. I leaned down and picked it up wondering what it was doing out of the closet. Mr Jim came into the kitchen and I asked what was going on? What was that noise? He simply said “Nothing. Go on back to bed.” I asked again and got the same response. So, I went back to bed. I laid awake waiting for him to return. I kept waiting. Finally about 12:30, he comes down the hall. Instead of coming straight into the bedroom, he turns on my bathroom light. What was going on???? He comes into the bedroom and says “Honey. I need you to do something for me. I need a little help. I have a little problem.” Oh my, what was going on???? He then says “I need you to either hold the yard stick or use the shop vac. We have a snake in the dining room/” What?????? A SNAKE???? You want ME to help you??? Not this girl! No way! Nadda! Nope! He says his other choice is to call our neighbor. I tell him, call the neighbor! Of course, I can no longer try to go to sleep knowing we have that “thing” in the house! I lay there patiently waiting for the “all clear”. At about 1:30, yes, an hour later, he comes back down the hall and says that he couldn’t get ahold of the neighbor. He called his phone 50 times! No answer! He asks me if I think he should call the County Sheriff. I, of course, said YES!, but not the emergency number. He goes back out into the dining room and I hear him make the phone call. Then he waits. At about 2:15 AM the banging starts again! What is going on??? I’m not putting a foot out of that bed until I know that the “thing” is out of the house! My bladder is screaming at me, but no way am I leaving that bed until I know it is safe! Well, about 2:30, my husband comes back down the hall and tells me that the “thing” is gone. Whew! I immediately headed for the bathroom. Mr Jim tells me that the County Sheriff called the County Animal Control. They woke the guy up. He had to get dressed and drive the 25 minutes to our house. He said that he had to use the yard stick to poke at the snake as he was under the register (we have hot water heat with the registers sitting just above the floor). They had him cornered under there. Mr Jim poked at him and when he showed his head, the guy from the Animal Control used his long stick with a “grip” on the end to grab him. He took him out the front door and out to the far back yard and threw him into the woods. I don’t want to know what kind or size he was, only that he was gone! And that was just the start of the day! At work, we had computer issues again (which I am always called upon to try to get things working again). I spent most of my day going from computer to computer while my work stacked up. Ugh! When I got home, my “dear” postman had stuffed a package into my mailbox and damaged the item that I had ordered. And this is not the first time he has done that! Thank goodness it is almost Saturday. Tomorrow it is a hair cut and then to the post office with the package to complain to them. Sorry this is so long…but as you can see, your post was the one bright spot in my day! Thank you so much! I loved the ads and the video. I certainly got my chuckle for the day and you put a smile on a most forgettable day! Thank you! 🙂

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    1. OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!!!
      Ohh, Nancee, what a bl**dy awful experience! At first I thought you were going to tell me that there had been a burglar hiding in your home!

      I’m not sure which would have been worse … the snake or a burglar. … … No, I think the snake wins.

      Thank heavens for Animal Control!! But … I’d have rather he’d have put Mr.Snake into a bag and took him a mile or so away and let him go, rather than a short walk down the garden. What if . . . [shakes head] no .no.. that’s not a thought I want to have! EEEeeeeeek!

      Then you had to face a ton of computer problems at work . . . and the final insult to your day … the postman shoving your parcel into your mailbox!
      I can relate.
      I spoke to my postman about it – very nicely and not like I was telling him off. And since then, he’s brought ALL of my post to my door. LOL

      I’m so glad that I was able to give you a few smiles to help push the horribles further down the memory cells of your brain. We need a day of ‘happy’ to push them into places that they no longer give your skin goosebumps.

      OH… I have a wonderful idea. You should do a blog post about this!!! YES! Do a blog post about it all. Just like you’ve told me here. Then everyone will come either with warm, cleansing words which wash away the rawness of what happened,or they’ll come with stories of their own which will help you to stand back from THE snake and then the memory will be in soft focus.

      Do a blog post Nancee. The story is riveting, and a really great read.
      Sending oodles of love, and wishing for this to never happen again ~ Cobs. xxx ❤

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  11. Enjoyed this one immensely Cobs, we could all use a few laughs eh? I do love that sign video, I have seen it before, but gladly watched it again. 🙂 “Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it” LOL LOL that was it that tickled my funny bone.
    We are having your heat wave now. Boy the Boston terrier I have is not a happy camper. Being a flat faced boy with a bit of a nose, he gets quite hot. Cool water on his tummy helps. He used to love going into the dog pool I have but now that he can barely see, he won’t. Nearly deaf too, but that doesn’t seem to bother him. The Chihuahua’s don’t reeeally like it but once I gently put them in they like it okay.
    So glad to read this one and now I am going to see your rooster. Have a glorious weekend Cobs. I am sitting in front of fans and have my feet in cold water 🙂 LOVE IT.

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    1. Aw I’m so glad that you got a few laughs out of this post Soozy. I aim to please. 😀

      Ohh what a shame that your Boston Terrier isn’t having a great time with the weather. My Jack Russell isn’t enjoying the heat either. I’ve put a fan on the floor so that it cools the air at a low level, and I feed her frozen peas as a cooling treat. She’ll eat those … but won’t have anything to do with an ice cube or even broken bits of ice. Poor baby.

      Have a blessed rest of your day Soozy, and keep cool … feet in cold water with a fan on nearb sounds just the job! Lovely!
      Sending love ~ Cobs. x

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    1. 😀 Glad you got a laugh from these.

      Blimey! A tooth out and a new fireplace fitted? 😲
      I’m rather surprised that they got a fireplace in there – even taking into account that they removed a tooth first. I mean to say … a fireplace?!!! 😱
      I’ve heard of filling cavaties, but putting a fireplace in??? 😖

      Ermm … Does this mean that everything you say will be a load of hot air? 🤣

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  13. The last one made me crack up, but I was already laughing with tears. My cats came to see what all the fuss was about. Great post. Thank you.

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    1. LOL…. hello Barbara 😀
      Aw, I feel like I hear you giggling all the way from here!
      I can relate to the cats coming to see what was going on because my cats do the same … particularly Alf Capone. I’m not sure if he gets worried that I’m having some sort of fit, or just that I’m making too much noise doing that ‘thing’ (laughing out loud) AGAIN!!!

      Thrilled you got some laughs. That last one is a favourite of mine. It’s a real ticklish one when you consider that it’s so small. LOL
      Sending love ~ Cobs. x

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