Craft Living with Anne and Malcolm – 2

We first met Anne and Malcolm a few weeks ago (if you missed the first post you can find it HERE), and now they’re back again for another visit, to share with us all their unique observations on Life living with a Crafter via the use of photographs.

For those who haven’t ‘met’  Anne and Malcolm,  then  . . .  Crafters, Ladies and Gentlemen … May I introduce you to Malcolm and Anne. A glimpse into the exciting world of Crafters and their spouses.   

(Anne and Malcolm exist solely inside my imagination and for the purpose of…) . . . .

THE  COBWEB  CATALOGUE

of a Living  (in my imagination)  Crafter & Spouse

voodoo-dolly-1

Malcolm loved that Anne was so happy in the craft room he’d ‘built’ for her, but one thing didn’t go down well with him at all.  The Voodoo Dolly strapped to the big star.  He wished with all his heart that she’d part company with that, because it gave him the heebie-jeebies and he didn’t like to go into the craftroom to get any of his cooking spices which Anne insisted should be in her craft room.  It made him wonder exactly what sort of ‘craft’ Anne was practising!

~~~~~~~

the-sewing-room-2

Anne had dropped (very) heavy hints to Malcolm, and even left brochures around the house  in the hope he’d get the idea about what she dearly wanted as a Birthday gift this year.  But on her Birthday, all he’d bought her was a wall mounted thingy-ma-jiggy-me-bob on which to store all her cotton reels,  and he still hadn’t noticed the lack of a sewing machine in her Sewing Room!

~~~~~~~

naughty-basket-and-glass-jar-jails-3

Anne was far happier now that she’d finally got
a ‘Naughty Basket’ for the fabrics which were
misbehaving,  and two Glass Jail Jars for those really
BAD fabrics who were the real trouble makers in
the bunch!  She was determined to teach them
a lesson!

~~~~~~

hastily-packed-suitcases-4

Back from their shopping trip, Malcolm took Anne’s new blue basket, filled with all the ribbons she’d bought that morning, down to her basement craft room.  That’s when he noticed the hastily packed suitcases under her fabric cutting desk.   The neighbours could hear that trouble was brewing in  ‘Chez Malcanne’,   as Malcolm climbed the stairs from the basement, two at a time, shouting:  “Anne!  ANNE!!”    with a rather cross tone to his voice.

~~~~~~~~

clean-up-5

While Anne was away visiting her mother for a couple of days, Malcolm had planned to clean up her crafting room as a surprise for her upon her return.  He thought she’d love how clean and tidy it was now, and also thought she’d adore all the storage boxes with all their little drawers which he’d sorted her things into, and then spent four hours writing little sticky labels out for each drawer.  Sadly, we crafters among us know exactly what was going to happen the minute she stepped inside that door.  She would look around that room with horror mounting and registering on her face.  It was going to take her years to find all her lovely things – which despite what he might have thought,   were all in their correct places (for her) and she prided herself on knowing that she could put her hand on ANYTHING she required because she’d known exactly where it all was!  But not any longer!    Malcolm was going to be TOAST!

~~~~~~~~~

not-so-much-a-craft-room-as-a-breeding-programme-6

One corner of Anne’s Stitch, Knit and Sew Crafting Room was dedicated to what Anne affectionately called her ‘woolly life‘.  However,  Malcolm suspected that this corner had nothing to do with crafting, and instead believed it was a secret Breeding Programme.  The mound seemed to increase weekly, and yet Anne always laughed and denied it when he suggested to her that she’d been out buying more wool again.

~~~~~~~~

Well,  we’ve turned over few more pages of the ‘COBWEB CATALOGUE of life with a Crafter  & Spouse’,  for a bit of Wednesday afternoon fun.  I hope they’ve raised a few smiles, a smattering of gentle laughs,  or even modicum of cheer.

Have a truly blessed rest of your day.

sig-coffee-copy

The photos chosen for this post are randomly chosen and found on the internet, so publicly available.   I sadly don’t know who the photos belong to, so if you are the owner of any of them, please drop me a comment detailing which photo is yours, and giving me a link to the original posting of it, and  I’ll be thrilled to credit you to the photo.

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Author: The Art of Cobwebs - aka:- thecobweboriumemporium

Hello. I'm 'Cobwebs'. I live in a wee little cottage in the South of England, aptly called Cobweb Cottage. This little dwelling really is a cobweb factory. Not inside (well, occasionally) - but outside - flipping heck! This information should give you a clue as to why my blog is called The Art of Cobwebs aka: The Cobweborium Emporium. I've been arty and crafty from a very young age, and although my crafts have sometimes turned a corner and taken me in another direction, I've always crafted in some way, shape or form. One day, in the blink of an eye, life changed somewhat for me and the consequences were many. I had to find a new way of being 'artistic'. Card making; scrap-booking; producing ATC's and ACEO's; needle felting; Polymer clay; painting- but in a more relaxed style than I had before, and sewing, - are all things which I visit, as and when life allows. I've fairy recently become a Textile Artist and am enjoying this new creative outlet very much as it offers me so much scope for letting my imagination run through a grassy field and feel the wind in my hair - (mentally, of course). I love to create. To make things. I truthfully believe that the best gifts in the world are those in which you've given your time, rather than your cash. Thank you so much for visiting. Please visit my blog (link below) and have a look around. I'm sure you'll find something to enjoy, even if it's only a handful of jokes! (yes, seriously - there really are jokes!) Wishing you a truly blessed rest of your day! ~ Cobs. <3

64 thoughts on “Craft Living with Anne and Malcolm – 2”

  4. I do so love your Anne and Malcolm posts they remind me a crafting Janet & John ladybird type book …gawd tell me you remember Janet & John if not you will find me in my own Anne styled universe LOL

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                  1. The only other female in the household is NC so we have kinda got use to the men folk believing they know’ what is what’ …we KNOW different of course & are too polite to mention it LOL

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        1. I’ve put my order in: I want it to snow at 4pm ish, on Christmas Eve. It can snow soft, beautiful snow flakes all night. Then snow a little bit more on Christmas day – so that little ones can taste snowflakes. Then… on Boxing Day, I want it to begin melting. And by the time I wake up on the day following Boxing Day, I want all the snow to be gone, and the land look lovely and tidy again. I don’t want any of that dirty snow which normally piles up at the side of the road.

          So … what’s your snow order going to be Hannah?

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          1. Ooh, I think snow on Christmas Eve would be magical for the kids (and cat – he was a house cat before we got him in February. He was outside before I could stop him) and it needs to stay crisp and white for Christmas day and boxing day. Starting to thaw a little the day after boxing day so hubby can safely drive to work. A light sprinkle during the kids holiday would be lovely but cleared before I start back on my morning walk/dragging the kids to school 😄 Not too much to ask is it? Hxx

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  6. Oh this made me laugh! Reminds me of Howard and Hilda, I think they were called, from Ever Decreasing Circles? Also, I was trying to spot the points of interest ahead of reading your commentary. I am looking on a small screen, but do I see a pelvis on a shelf in photo 4?!!

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    1. LOLOLOL…. Y’know … even though I’m writing these little vignettes to accompany the photographs, like you, I still look for what I think others will look for before they read the ‘story’ for that picture.

      And yes … I spotted the pelvis – I think a display model for underpants for guys – and I did try to work that one to my advantage, but sadly everything I came up with began a gentle tip toe into smut, so I had to leave it on the shelf.

      There are times though, when I could make up a whole chapter from one photo. There are so SO many things which tickle that little part of me and my mind instantly goes into story mode and things come flying out of my brain like a scene from Star Trek, when the ship runs into a meteorite shower! LOL

      Glad you were tickled by them. It cheers up a dull, midweek day. ~ Cobs. x

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      1. Yes, I agree, a wander into an alternate craft universe is pretty cool. The ‘pelv’ on the shelf is not just for Christmas…

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        1. Ah, I’m certain that any crafter worth her or his salt, could turn that into a Christmas adornment within a couple of hours or so.

          Failing that … I’m pretty sure that you and I working as a team could turn it into something or other.
          {cough}

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    1. Who? Malcolm?
      If so … both Anne and Malcolm are fictitious characters, sprung from the mind of crafter, come writer, come stand up comedian, come crazy mother, come funny grammy, come thoroughly decent human being.
      (What you see here is what’s left of a once intelligent woman after what my children turned me into once they reached their teenage years! lol)

      “Unauthorised removals of crazy items”??? How very dare they! Cheeky monkeys. lol

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  8. Like looking a other craft spaces. Some are way out there and then there are the “What?.Voodoo doll man? Surely not. My son went on a youth mission trip to Haiti years ago and they listened to voodoo drums every night in the distance. Spooky.
    Snow? yes I”l order some too. There is a story here that goes along with the Chick-a-dee story but I’ll save that for a real post. Stay tuned.

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    1. Voodoo drums??? Oh. My. Goodness!!! I thought that sort of thing was something made up in films on TV!!! I’d have high tailed it out of there the minute they told me what they were!

      Ohhhh… I shall stay watching and alert for the Snow/Chick-a-dee story! Can’t wait.
      Sending squidges ~ Cobs. x

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        2. I FOUND IT!!! It had gone into the junk folder (didn’t recognise the address, I guess) – I haven’t clicked on it yet as I’m just off to bed. So I’ll click tomorrow after I get back from visiting the local DIY outlet (called B&Q here – I think you call these big DIY places ‘Sheds’ in the US – but I might have got that wrong. lol)

          Oh you little rascal!
          I can’t wait to open it … but I want to make sure I’m fully functioning, and I’m only functioning on 25% at the moment. lol.

          Will speak to you tomorrow. Love you oodles. ~ Cobs. x

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          1. Oh good. You will have to play catch up but it is fun and since you live close to the water I thought you and little Cob would have fun. I love their work…I am just just amazed at how they do this.

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  9. So so glad to see Anne and Malcolm are back. Looking at the photos and trying for some inspiration for setting mine up. I now have my second hand cupboards and need to clean, paint and put them in the room . When I get it set up (some time in the future) I will get photos to you for perusal by Anne and Malcolm….I value their opinion.
    I started laughing at the stack of yarn before I even read about it.
    I was wondering about the saw to the left of the window in photo 5……….

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    1. Yes ….’Malcolm’ had wondered about that too. Apparently Anne doesn’t need a saw for anything, but she said she MIGHT need it one day, so she’s kept it in arms reach.

      Personally … I wondered about the man stood in the window, on one leg. Why was he there? Who Was he?
      I also thought that it was very thoughtful of Malcolm, to put those stars and round lights, hanging over her desk from a fixed up tree branch. A crafter needs pretty things. 🙂
      ~ Cobs xxx

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      1. I wondered about the man doing a flamingo impersonation as well. Do you think the saw had something to do with the pelvis in the other photo? Took him off at the legs and waist? One never knows these days…….
        Yes a crafter needs pretty things- that is why we craft.

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        1. I reckon that man in the window has designs on being a ballerina. He just doesn’t have a tutu. I could solve that problem for him … and would have done by now. lol.

          That pelvis … I’d christian it Elvis and add a ton of bling and glitter, then hang it from the ceiling, like a glitter ball in a ballroom. Aww see … that really would work for Christmas.
          🙂
          Although you might have a more sensible use for it. Do tell!
          love and squidges ~ Cobs. x

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          1. I love the ballerina thought for the window man.
            The pelvis…..I like your glitter ball idea. I don’t think I should have it around here. Having three sons I think the conversation would get out of hand and head south if they saw it standing hanging or laying anywhere around here. I will not even try to imagine the conversation…..well….maybe I did for just a bit and I must admit I snickered. Then I figured I should just turn back and not journey down that particular road.
            a sensible idea???? I am at a loss. A blingy speedo? No Faye No!!! turn back…..

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            1. LOL!!! Ah, Chicken by name and Chicken …. [thinks to self: “now how does that saying go again?]
              LOL.

              By the time we’d finished embellishing it, it wouldn’t look anything like a pelvis. No one would ever know ….. except you and I [manic laughter heard disappearing down the hallway, as she trails gold glitter and sparkly things behind her like a snail trail]

              LOL.
              Love you Chicken. xxx

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  10. Pingback: New Years Resolutions – The Chicken Grandma

  12. Dear Cobs:
    I am writing to provide further speculative commentary on what cannot be seen just outside of the photo frame.
    Exhibit 1 – A dark cloud of swirling dust is forming just behind Malcolm’s shoulder. He had inadvertently stepped across an elaborate filigree design protective spell form at the threshold of the doorway. In his eagerness to uncover any mystical mysteries that Anne was conjuring in the “Craft Room” he has hastened his own fate. Too late to react, Malcolm soon found himself miniaturized and sitting on the shelf next to the voodoo doll that he suddenly recognized was the nosy neighbor that had been reported as a missing person just a few days prior.
    Exhibit 2 – Had Anne turned slightly to the left and looked out of the window she would have seen Malcolm in the throes of battle with the neighbors naughty goat which had eaten half of the shiny Singer Sewing machine that the post had delivered just that day. Malcolm ended up recovering half of the chewed on machine but his attempts to repair it were hindered by the amount of goat drool that was gumming up the gears.
    Exhibit 3 – To the right of this fabric penitentiary is a closet that rumor has it the sounds of tearing cloth and silken screams can be heard on very dark nights when there is no moon or salvation for the convicted cottons that have been waiting their turn on death row.
    Exhibit 4 – As Malcolm hastily dashes up the stairs to confront Anne he finds her in labor on the kitchen floor! What he did not see was the hand crocheted layette that was poking out of the suitcase. Malcolm scratched his head, he thought that Anne had been snacking on bonbons and petit fours too often of late and it did not occur to him that she was pregnant! Anne shrieks at him insisting they had several conversations over the past 9 months but he never listens to her! Anne and Malcolm welcomed a bouncing baby boy right there in the kitchen that they fondly named Liam which was short for Linoleum.
    Exhibit 5 – Anne nearly went mad when she saw that her carefully contrived chaos had been disturbed. As Malcolm was proudly taking snapshots of his cleverness to submit to “Organized Living Monthly” magazine, Anne clutched the sticky label maker menacingly in her hands. Upon exiting the room to quickly upload his photos to the online magazine Malcolm stepped into the trap that Anne had constructed out of cardboard. Anne taped up the box with lightening speed and stuck the label “Meddlesome Husband” in the center of the flap.
    Exhibit 6 – Just outside of the window behind the pile of ‘wool’ was a very large spider sitting at a spinning wheel. Apparently what Malcolm thought was wool was in fact magical spider silk thread!

    Have a wonderful glorious day dear Cobs! I will wait patiently for the next installment of “Fun with Anne & Malcolm”
    ~ Tami

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    1. LOL… you certainly have a great imagination going there Tami.
      Y’know … I reckon you should try your hand at writing books. I really think you could write them. Seriously.
      Thank you for the lovely read!
      ~ Cobs. 🙂

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      1. Oh my! Now there’s a thought. I would likely be one of those eccentric author’s that requires some bizarre items and such so that I could commune with my imaginary muse. All the while mumbling things that sound like nonsense until they are recorded and played, not backwards, but sideways on a machine that has not been invented yet – here’s the twist – those sideways mumblings are in fact very detailed instructions for how to build a machine that plays recordings frontwards, backwards AND sidewards!! No, I’m sorry Cobbs, I think you are mistaken, I really don’t have that much of an imagination at all. I’m a rather dull and plain middle-aged woman with a little crochet blog! …or am I??? (insert dramatic mystery music here) 😀

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  13. Pingback: Craft Living, with Anne and Malcolm ~ part 3 | The Cobweborium Emporium

  14. 😀 The Naughty Basket and Jail Jars got me this time, Cobs, as did the hastily packed bags. I can’t help but wonder if the bags were packed as a result of the rearrangement in the next photo… 😉

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    1. LOLOL… You could be right,Tom. But … they’re still together today, so it looks like they over-came their differences. (which probably involved either a costly voucher for Hobbycraft – or – an online shopping trip to buy all the things her heart desires so that Malcolm could say how dreadfully sorry he was. (because we all know it was his fault, whatever it was). lol. 😀

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        1. Put the item on a ‘WANT’ list ….and if you really, really DO want it, you’ll buy it when you have enough money. But .. if your interest slowly drains away, then you can congratulate yourself on saving your crafty pocket money!

          I’ve found, with Create and Craft (and Hochanda – but I don’t watch that very much as I can only get that on the ‘puter as it’s not on any of the Virgin TV channels) that because of the way they’re trained to sell, sell, sell, it instils an urgency in viewer and we then impulse buy something that we perhaps wouldn’t buy normally if we were shopping in a store.

          So I found a solution and its saving me lots of money (and guilt) – . . . I barely watch those channels any more.
          They can’t tempt me into spending money that way.

          But … if you find, after a week or so, that you really do want that product, then you can buy it when you have the cash available. Just make sure you use Google first to shop around so that you make sure you’re getting a good price for the item. I’ve found many times that I can buy things cheaper direct from the makers (including the postage – because sometimes that’s free over a spend of a certain amount) – and even some of the Craft shops have cheaper prices than what’s being charged for the same item on the TV. So please shop around. You could save yourself a few pounds!

          Have a blessed day RainbowFingered Crafter.~ Cobs. x

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          1. Thanks Cobs. I have to say I’ve only once bought something of C and C and never from Hochanda. I love watching Let Leonie Loose on catch up though and that is the show I’m most likely to want to buy stuff off. You are right though I do try and wait a bit and I always bargain hunt 🙂 I still get a thrill when something new comes through the ppos though!

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        1. I bought a shadow box, four stamps, some brads, a couple of boxes to decorate and …. a couple of other things which my brain won’t give me a clue about (lol) – it should have all come to just over £34 … but with the discount I only paid £17.
          Thank you SOOoo much for sharing with me RFC. Absolute bargains to be had, and I’m thrilled to bits with mine.

          Heaps of love and squidges ~ Cobs. xxx

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