Things I’ve Learned This Week

Happy Friday!  . . .  Apparently it’s now officially winter – as far as ‘weather reports’ are concerned.  I don’t know why this happens or the reasons for this.  I only heard it on the weather report this morning but I was so busy taking in this information and trying to work out if I’d heard it correctly that I didn’t hear the reasoning behind it.  But there you have it.  It’s winter.

They are reporting that the UK set for the heaviest snowfall for years, and the Long-range forecast warns that the Winter of 2016 is going to be THE BIG FREEZE!   Saying that Britain is facing the heaviest snowfalls in years this winter, as the country’s first icy blast arrives soon, and it will unleash (apparently)  four months –  (FOUR MONTHS!?) –  of heavy snow and sub-zero temperatures.  I read that forecasters have announced this,  and they added:  “expect a very ‘exciting’ December with the possibility of a White Christmas this year“.  OK….  so  NOW I’M GETTING EXCITED! 

The last white Christmas I remember was in the 1980’s …  so this would be such a huge event and I’m already feeling the excitement of it.  In fact … so much so that I’ve even bought a woolly bobble hat!   (If you read one of my posts a few weeks ago, you’ll already know that I look like an extraordinarily comical, female, over-sized unwanted 8th Dwarf from Snow White and the Seven Dwarves  when wearing ANY hat.  So this new bobble hat is a BIG thing for me to have bought!).

It’s a chilly, cold wind which is already blowing around outside.  This morning, here where we live in the South of Great Britain,  it was minus 6.  Mr. Cobs informed me of this when he came back in the house from letting the chickens out to play.  I believed entirely that it was minus 6, for I could feel that minus 6 blow right through our little cottage when he opened the door to come back in!  It made me want to hibernate!  Brrrr!

Oh anyhoo…  we’re here to find out what I’ve learned this week so let’s get on with it, shall we?

This weeks Lessons in the Key of Life seem to have been (in a lot of circumstances)  about things which start with the letter H!  I have no idea why, but I thought I’d go with it and share this Letter H stuff with you.  Hats on?  Had your shots?  Here we go …

Henge Stonehenge to be precise.  I learned that Stonehenge was in private ownership until 1916, when it was bought,  on the spur of the moment by Sir Cecil Chubb, who was the owner of a local lunatic asylum,  as a present for his wife. Three years later she gave the site to the nation. 

Now this posed a question for me.  Why would a chap buy his wife some big stones which weren’t of the diamond variety?  Did he think this would earn him brownie points?  Well … the fact that she gave this gift away just three years later, must surely have told him something.

So, in the interests of happy Christmas days to come, may I make a suggestion to all the fabulous chaps who read this Friday post (and I know there are a few of you because I have the class register with your names clearly shown on it) ….  Here’s my tip for Christmas Gifts for the fabulous women in your life.   If you’re struggling to find something she’ll be happy to receive,  I truthfully think that if you go by this one rule, you’ll probably strike the right chord:  Buy:-  Something with a Hallmark on it.

You can thank me later.

Hypnotism.  Did you know that:  English writer – Charles Dickens’ marriage broke down partly because of his obsession with Hypnotism Now this surprised me, because if you read a little bit of information about Mr. Dickens you’d find a whole lot more stuff which would and could have broken down his marriage way before this obsession!

I learned this week that:  Apparently Chickens can be hypnotised.   From what I learned:  The record period for a chicken remaining in a hypnotic state is 3 hours 47 minutes.  

Holidays.  Let’s start with a Holiday inspired joke, just to lighten the mood, shall we?

The girl at the Ryanair check-in desk said,   –   “Window or aisle?”
I replied,  –  “Window or you’ll what?”

fnar fnar!

 I have to explain –  here in Great Britain (at least), a ‘Holiday’ is what people of the USA call a ‘Vacation’.  Where-as Christmas is NOT a holiday to the folk of the UK. Christmas is exactly as it says.  It’s CHRISTMAS – and we don’t call it anything but that.

So now we know that  ….

I learned this week that popular Holiday island Hawaii was discovered by Captain Cook in 1778 and named the Sandwich Islands in memory of his patron, the Earl of Sandwich. On landing, he and every man on his crew became completely constipated: one man suffered for 44 days in a row. The men became the first Westerners to witness the traditional Hawaiian sport of surfing.  Cook was murdered in Hawaii in 1779.

The Hawaiian State flag is the only US flag to feature a Union Jack.  It also has eight red white and blue stripes representing the eight main Hawaiian islands.

The ‘wiki’ in Wikipedia is Hawaiian for ‘fast’.

Here’s a question for you: 

I want those of you who have had Haemorrhoids to put your hand up.  Go on.  No one is going to see you, you’re all alone!

Those of you who didn’t put your hands up . . .  are fibbers!

Haemorrhoids : everyone has them!  I learned this week, from watching a TV programme at about 2am in the morning, (sleep escaped me), that EVERYONE has haemorrhoids (UK spelling).  They’re apparently like little cushions in the walls of your B.T.M. and live there quite happily.  However … something happens to upset them, and that’s when they become a problem.  It could be childbirth, carrying a little extra weight, ‘straining’, or even, apparently, a sneeze can cause them to inflame.  However – that old wives tale that sitting on a radiator gives you piles or haemorrhoids, is exactly that.  An old wives tale.  There’s nothing to prove that this causes the problem.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, we come to the final H of our ‘What I’ve Learned This Week’ list…..  Happiness.  Or Happiness in the form of Jokes, to be precise.  Are you ready for a chuckle?

Q)  What’s green and fuzzy and would kill you if it fell out of a tree? 

A)  A pool table.

Q)  What did the Pirate say when he turned 80?

A)  Aye Matey.

I tried to catch fog yesterday.    Mist.

Q)  Why does a Chicken Coop have two doors?   A)  If it had four, it’d be a chicken sedan.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.”. . . . 
Patient: “What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!”  . . . . .
Doctor: “Nine.”

I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.

A male friend met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week. He rang her up to arrange a date, but unfortunately she’d popped her clogs.

How do you make a tissue dance?  You put a little boogie into it.

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?  To the baaa baaa shop!

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?  Because it has a silent pee.

And finally ….  I’ve decided to sell my Hoover… well, it was just collecting dust.

Thank you so much for coming and having a coffee with me.  I love seeing you here.
Have a wonderful day, doing whatever it is that you’ll be doing.  Remember … you have a choice of what sort of day you have.  Choose a Good one!
Oh …   and have a fabulous weekend.  May you find peace and rest, and maybe a few smiles along the way.

Sending squidges to you in your corner,  from me in mine.  ~



Author: The Art of Cobwebs - aka:- thecobweboriumemporium

Hello. I'm 'Cobwebs'. I live in a wee little cottage in the South of England, aptly called Cobweb Cottage. This little dwelling really is a cobweb factory. Not inside (well, occasionally) - but outside - flipping heck! This information should give you a clue as to why my blog is called The Art of Cobwebs aka: The Cobweborium Emporium. I've been arty and crafty from a very young age, and although my crafts have sometimes turned a corner and taken me in another direction, I've always crafted in some way, shape or form. One day, in the blink of an eye, life changed somewhat for me and the consequences were many. I had to find a new way of being 'artistic'. Card making; scrap-booking; producing ATC's and ACEO's; needle felting; Polymer clay; painting- but in a more relaxed style than I had before, and sewing, - are all things which I visit, as and when life allows. I've fairy recently become a Textile Artist and am enjoying this new creative outlet very much as it offers me so much scope for letting my imagination run through a grassy field and feel the wind in my hair - (mentally, of course). I love to create. To make things. I truthfully believe that the best gifts in the world are those in which you've given your time, rather than your cash. Thank you so much for visiting. Please visit my blog (link below) and have a look around. I'm sure you'll find something to enjoy, even if it's only a handful of jokes! (yes, seriously - there really are jokes!) Wishing you a truly blessed rest of your day! ~ Cobs. <3

26 thoughts on “Things I’ve Learned This Week”

  1. For a second I actually thought you were selling the hoover, a bit like the time my friend told me sports cars don’t have indicators! You totally got me with the pterodactyl. This week I learned that everything happens for a reason, and something happened that strengthened my faith after I asked for guidance. The world works in mysterious ways! I’m sure you look wonderful in your bobble hat. Have a lovely weekend. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tickled pink about the hoover! LOL Also tickled that I got you with the pterodactyl. 🙂

      I’m so happy to hear that your faith received the boost and strengthened after you asked for guidance.
      Ask and it shall be given to you.
      As for me looking wonderful in my new bobble hat … I can promise you that I look the absolute opposite of wonderful. But… at least my noggin will be warm! lol
      Wishing you a truly peace filled, love-up, lots of smiles, weekend.
      Sending love ~ Cobs. x

      As for me looking wonderful in my bobble hat ..I look entirely the opposite of wonderful. But at least my noggin will be warm!.
      Wishing you a truly peace filled, loved-up, filled with smiles and warmth weekend.
      Sending love ~ Cobs. x


  2. Happy Friday 🙂
    Must the week for hat buying ~both Beloved & I have new head ornaments,
    Please don’t let it be true about tons of snow, driving on un- gritted back roads (which have a ditch at either side) in the dark is bad enough but then add ice & snow into the equation and my heart begins to race, if you could arrange with Mr Weatherman for it to snow everywhere except on the roads I’d appreciate it LOL
    How are you feeling today ?? antibiotics kicked in yet ??
    Take care x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well I hope you look even 5% better in your new head furniture than I do in mine!
      (I look just downright silly in hats, and it really hacks me off because I LOVE hats and so want to wear them!)
      Oh … and like you… I don’t want bad weather either. (But I would rather like snow on Christmas eve, round about 4pm, and it be a white Christmas, but all the snow needs to clear up during the night and be gone before Boxing Day. (I got it worked out! lol)

      Feeling today … in pain in the back still. Waiting for Doctor to call me back.
      Don’t think these antibiotics are going to do the job I hoped. [imagine disappointed, misery face here]
      Sending squidges your way ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Always wear a hat when taking K9 out .. I look a plank but don’t care.
        Keeps us up to date on the health front, super huge healthy hug coming your way

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Happy Friday Cobs. Another fun post. Fascinating about Stonehenge. I just want to add to any of the guys reading your post. Us girls don’t really like garden blowers for Christmas either! Will be back for a catch up later have the kettle on 🙂
    Hugs Flo x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Happy Friday to you to Flo.

      Hmmm… I agree…. NO GARDEN BLOWERS as Christmas presents for us girls, you chaps! (Not unless we’ve specifically put a request in for one, of course).
      (please tell me, Florence, that you weren’t bought one, for a Christmas present or past . . . but if you were… is the body still hidden under the patio?)

      giggling to myself here.
      Sending oodles of love and squidges ~ Cobs. x


  4. Happy Friday Cobs. Hope you are feeling a little better. Love the notion that I can choose the day I have – it has started out a little ropey but I shall take your advise and try to pull it round.

    Another great selection of facts. I really had to go back to re-read the hoover a joke. I thought it was a little random to put a fact about your hoover in amongst the jokes lol. Hx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello beautiful Hannah!
      LOL about the Hoover joke. I did it on purpose. I just had to sneak that one in before the official ‘known’ place for my jokes to be, just to see if it caught anyone still asleep! LOL

      Sending squidges ~ Cobs. x

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I hope this post means you are getting over your infection? Now, I can’t help but wonder if Captain Cook ‘s constipated crew had tried out surfing for themselves…well maybe a cure for their condition may have come about….

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well…..cold with snow is far better than cold and no snow. to my way of thinking,but then I’ve been with the grands all day and might not be thinking. This Bebe playing football ( American style)is a sight to see and playing with the new pets…well we will talk about that another time. My DnL may not be thinking either. LoL Cob…I’m very concerned about you. Hang in there. Prayers going your way.


  7. Chickens and Dickens, Cobs! Who’d have thought that they both like hypnotism, hey? Perhaps when hypnotised, Dickens’ chicken was Mrs Dickens’ final straw… Fun post once again!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Tom!
      You could well be right, y’know. Perhaps Mr. Dickens did get involved in hynotising chickens, and perhaps that was one peck too far for the poor woman.
      tee hee!
      Glad you enjoyed this weeks walk through my life. 🙂
      Have a happy weekend, and fabulous next week! ~ Cobs. x


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